My mother-ijn law is stressing me out ! - stress during pregnancy

smullin wrote: Sorry but I need to vent about some issues that our stressing me out. My mother and father-in law gave my dh and I a puppy in July. A little Jack Russell puppy that we now callRusty. About a month after received this dog we were watching a football game at their house. Rusty was playing with his mom and dad. While he was playing he was also drinking water. Now at this time my in-laws were not at the house. Rusty continued to play and wouldn't stop drinking the water. We stopped him from drinking so much because he was still not having any control of his bladder because of his age and was afraid he would pee in there house. As soon as we took the water from him the in-laws came home to meet us. Till then we had been there with my dh brother and sister only. The in-laws say that Rusty was running around (not dehydrated at all) and put the water down and let him drink two full bowls of water. Right after drinking all that water because he didn't need it and he drank it so fast Rusy threw the water up. We asked my father in law (who was the one to give him the water) to please not give him anymore water and explained he had drank tons right before they came home and he was fine. About a couple of minutes later dh mom started telling my dh that he is abusing the dog by not letting him have as much water as possible. My dh told her the dog was fine and tried to explain that we had just talked the water away from him. She started to swear at him and call him worthless and tons of things completely out of line. So my dh told me that we were leaving and we left with Rusty. Now this incident happened in early September when we had only had the dog for a month of so.

When we got home that night there was nasty messages on the our voicemail saying that we were rude to her and that we would never treat my family this way. The next night it was voice mail after voicemail saying that we should no not to mess with her and name calling and so on. Then about a week later when dh father was out of town hunting she called and said she was bringing us to court to take the dog because we didn't follow her "rules" of having the dog. So you know there were no rules with this dog. With other dogs she had given away she had asked that they keep her updated but they weren't family so that was different. She called about six or seven times each day saying she was coming to get the dog and she had new owners for the dog. One day she showed up for the dog but we had left our house that day so we didn't have to deal with her. Our neighbor said he asked what she was doing here and all she did was drive off. When my dh father came home he talked to her and she emailed and said she wasn't bringing us to court because he won't let her but she wanted to let us know she is never going to talk to us again. Now there is plenty of things she did by email or phone that I haven't mentioned but obviously everyone gets the point that she is crazy by now. We didn't hear anything from her until yesterday. This all ended in the middle of September before we found out about the baby.

Now yesterday dh sister called. Asked a couple of questions of my husband and hung up. Then dh mom called and hung up when the voice mail picked up because she is acting so nutz we don't answer the phone to her. Then dh father called saying obviously things that he had been told. Said he had heard we were invited to Thanksgiving and never came which is incorrect and that we obviously don't want to be part of the family anymore. A couple of hours later the mother-in law called telling us we have 48 hours to hand over the dog or she is going to bring us to court and get the dog by Christmas. Now the whole family knows I am pregnant and not until they found out from dh sister that I was pretty much ten weeks already did they start calling and harassing again. The mother-in law emailed me today a nasty message threatening to take the dog again. I am so stressed by this. My dh and I love animals like we do children and would never hurt a animal or deprive an animal of something. Our vet has told us the dog is fine and we are doing everything right. I am so stressed though. She keeps calling and emailing. I am so stressed and I know my stress is not helping my body. Please some advice or something ladies.

Sarah

FroggyJK replied: Man! What a nut ball!!!!!!!!

I know it is probably easier said than done, but I would try to just let your husband handle it. Don't read her emails and let hubby check the voice mail.

Sorry, I don't have anything else that could help. Try not to let her get to you (I know that's not always so easy).

smullin replied: I blocked her emails from getting to my email address so that helps. It is hard for me to have my husband only deal with it because it is so disappointing for his mom to be acting this way. I feel bad for him.

Sarah

Tamatha replied: Here's my 2 cents, but you might want to give me back change when you're done reading, I dunno... lol

I think you and your hubby need to sit down and discuss how you want to handle it. She obviously is harrassing you, and it needs to stop. The question is, how far do you want to go to get her to stop? How far is hubby willing to go, seeing as this is his mother? One option is to sit down in the same room with her, to outline your requirements to continue a relationship with her, and if she isn't willing to meet the requirements, you will disassociate yourselves from her completely. (This does not mean you can't have anything to do with the rest of the family, but just her.) Another option is to have her number blocked from your phone, her e-mail blocked, and to just ignore the behavior. This seems to be what you've been trying, and it may or may not work. Another option is to have harrassment charges filed against her and look into getting an order of protection or something along those lines put in place to keep her from contacting you or threatening you.

Whatever you do, you need to start documenting EVERYTHING! Every call, every e-mail, every comment passed along through others. You will want and need this documentation if she does take you to court over the dog, which I find very unlikely.

I don't know about you, but I always feel better when I have a plan of action. So I would first say, sit down with hubby, map out a gameplan, and STICK TO IT! No caving. With people like this, you have to draw the line in the sand and stick to your guns. If she thinks she can run over you, she'll run over you again and again. If you stand up to her, maybe she'll back down. If not, is this really someone you want to expose your children to?? (I know that's harsh, but if it were anyone besides hubby's mother, would you put up with this?)

Ok... so there it is... is that change I see coming my way?!

MommyToAshley replied: OMG... she sounds like such a nutcase. I have to say, I would let your DH deal with it and try not to think about her. You have more important things to deal with... taking care of yourself and the baby. You don't need this stress, so try not to let her get to you. Unless you think she is capable of actually doing physical harm to you or your family, I would just completely ignore her.

smullin replied: Thanks for the advice ladies. We have documented everything she has said through email or calls. We kept the recorded messages. So that is a good thing cause for some reason we knew she was going to get out of hand. The sad part is that she is not the kind of person that you can sit down with and talk. All she does as long as my husband can remember is yell. She is always right so only way she will fix this problem is for us to give her the dog and that is not going to happen. I will have a sit down talk with my husband on what we plan to do abotu this. So far he does not want out child near her.

Sarah

FroggyJK replied:
From what you have said, I think that is a good idea.

If she is acting this way because of a dog, how is she going to act when she doesn't agree with something you do with your child????

smullin replied: Well found out what she thinks about our child being I even have it. She emailed my husband yesterday to tell him that along with the dog she will be bringing us to court when the baby is born to see it because she has rights as a grandparent. I think she wants me to loose this baby over stress. She is crazy !
Sarah

FroggyJK replied: I really don't think she has a leg to stand on in court in either case, the dog or the baby. I think she is just blowing a lot of steam right now and causing problems.

Just try to remember she is just being a little psycho and try to ignore her. I know that's not an easy thing to do, but try.

smullin replied: Thanks for the support and advice. I will try to just ignore her. It just is totally ridiculous! My husband got a email from his dad saying talk to her or else you don't have a family. My husband is choosing to not have a family because obviously his father doesn't care either.

Sarah

A&A'smommy replied: hmm I thought I replied to this.... I have a crazy mil too. It sounds to me like ya'll just need to stay away from her! Also let dh deal with her, you REALLY don't need this stress! ((((HUGS)))) I hope things smoothe over soon!

Mommy2BAK replied: Oh my goodness Sara!
She is a nutcase!!!
Don't let her get to you (I know that its easier said then done). She obviously has some serious issues of her own.
You need to just relax, your baby will be fine. Don't pay attention to the BS she is feeding you!!!