Need Advice - BIG problem

ggpmamma wrote: My ex and I have been divorced for three years now. We have 3 children ages 12,9, and 6. The trouble/problem has always been with the youngest and last night was the final straw.

It began when we went to the store and he wanted Pokemon cards. I told him "Not today" to which he began throwing a fit that lasted 3 hours. He told me he hated me, his brothers and this house and that he wanted to live with his father.

Now this is where I am not sure I made the right decision. I gave in and took him over there, after three hours of him screaming and kicking and throwing things at all of us. Basically I wanted his father to witness the "prince and his behavior."

Well he tells his father that he wants to live with him, and so I figured it would be over today as he has a girlfriend and she well is not too keen on the three of the boys and is currently expecting his child.

Has anybody out there been through this situation before???? Can you offer advice??

thank you!!!!! I need the help as I feel really really really low right now and like I have committed a sin by letting him go. My family tells me that what I did was wrong and that I should have busted his behind and made him stay home.

devinsmommy replied: No you did the right thing.. He wants to be with his dad let him be with his dad. I am a child of a divorce... and I wish my mom would have let us be where we wanted to be. I think you did the best thing...


~*~Hugs to you ~*~

ggpmamma replied: Thanks, it is hard because I know that honestly the only reasonhe wanted to go at 6 years old was he gets whatever he wants and whenever he wants. That is waht hurts. I just feel like I made a BAD decision.

Thank you. I too am a child of divorce and I wish as you do that my mom would have let me go see my father more.

devinsmommy replied: Dont let him run over you.. he is the child and you are the mom. He will one day realize what he did wrong. Yea he is only 9 but its not always a walk in the park.

I will say this.. as a kid I wanted everything and my dad could get that, not my mom. But she gave us love and that was enough Now I know since I have a baby now.

mommyangie replied: I would have let him go to his dad's if he really wanted to, but not before sitting him down and disciplining him for his bad behavior first. You need to take care of any issues you have going on before just handing him over to a neutral source. His dad didn't know what was going on and since he didn't witness it then chances are he isn't going to care about disciplining him and he may go and buy the cards for him.

Josie83 replied: I would maybe havea talk with him, with his dad there too saying he has to make up his mind wher ehe wants to go and that he can't keep changing his mind whenever he's not getting what he wants. or else whenever he's chucking a fit he might think that he can go over to his dads/yours and instantly get what he wants?

I don't personally have any experience of this, but it was just a thought. Welome to the boards by the way xx

ian'smommy replied:
I agree with this... Good luck and welcome

b&bsmom replied: I agree I might have talked to him first because the fits will only get worse. I have no experience with divorce but from a different stand point I know if I let my kids get away with something once it takes me a week of fits before they understand that is not going to happen again. Again just my opionion.

Hugs for you I am sure it was a tough night and worse listening to everyone telling you that you were wrong. When it comes down to it you know your child and what is best for him and if you think taking him to his dad was best then that was the right thing to do.

Good luck and welcome

c0mplexual replied: He'll be back! Once your son has been there for a little bit, and rules start to set in and things like that, hes gonna wanna be back with mommy. Not only that things cant stay "perfect" forever. So i bet you when he has a fight with his dad, he'll want to come back to you.

In which case you'll need to sit him down and have a talk with him.

I dont think you were wrong for letting him go.

mizraim replied:
and dont be convinced easily..good luck!

kimberley replied: i deal with similar issues with my 7yo but my situation is a little different because my ex rents my basement apartment, so it's not like he is far. my son ALWAYS runs to daddy when i discipline him or he doesn't get his way because daddy feels guilty for not spending the quality time he should with the boys and lets them away with murder when he does have them . i let him go... the same thing ends up happening each time... when he gets hungry and daddy won't get up to make him something or take him somewhere fun.. then he comes back to me. THAT is when i sit down and talk to him. there is no point in arguing with an irrational 7yo in the midst of a fit, kwim? as the years go on, James (7yo son) is starting to see that Daddy might be fun, but mommy is the one who meets all of his needs and teaches him things. mommy doesn't make vacant promises or "ditch" him for the latest gf or party. it is a hard reality, but he is going to learn it whether i like it or not.

i am also a child of divorce, and my mom sheltered me from the errors of my dad's ways... i hated her for it. it was my right to know him, and if she only let me do that... i would have seen all the things she did and probably drawn the same conclusions. but because she didn't... we still don't have a relationship to this day.

i hope things get better for you. you can PM me anytime to talk.

mckayleesmom replied: I think 1 thing both you and your ex husband need to do is sit down and get on the same page as far as dicipline goes....It would probably help if his dicipline was consistant no matter which parents house he is at.