Need help with a problem:(

mummy2girls wrote: Jenna has been lately screaming when she cant get her way. and if someone is touching her toys( dayhome kids) she screams! I am tryign to teach her to use her words... it the most awful glass breaking scream! i have no idea how to nip this in the bud. I know a big thing is she is having problems with the dayhome. But its only her toys she loves... her dolly and diapers for them. anything else she doesnt care about. i keep putting the dolls and such in her room but they always find thier way back down because jenna brings it down. if she should get up and go to the washroom one of the kids will touch it and man i swear she cracked a couple windows:( she is ok with the kids playing with all the other toys though... now that she started the 2 year old boy decided to join in now not only do i have one child that screams out of frustration but now i have 2. and the 4 year old doesnt help when he eggs them on on purpose!

HELP!

Nina J replied: You could try taking her dolls away when she screams?? Or put them in your closet so Jenna can't take them down when the dayhome kids are there.

Personally, I'd go with the first option and try to eliminate the screaming all together. The second option is just a way to avoid the screaming.

Goodluck

redchief replied: If she insists on leaving her toys where the other kids in the dayhome can get to them then she has to be prepared to share them. As for the ear piercing screams? That sounds like a temper tantrum to me. Time out would be my answer to that; every time. She knows how to use her words, how to put her toys away and that she has to share with the kids in the dayhome.

Jolyn replied: Personally i don't see a problem in letting your child have a couple toys that are only hers that she does not have to share with the other daycare children. Perhaps find a cupboard where she can stash her dolly when she is not playing with it so the other kids can't get it. I mean she shares all of her other stuff. She should be able to have something special that is ONLY hers.

As far as the screaming. My son tends to whine and when he does so i tell him that "Mommy can not understand his words and if he doesn't speak in a big boy voice he will need to go to his room." You can tell your daughter that her screaming hurts your ears and that you cannot hear or understand what she needs/wants if she continues.

mummy2girls replied:
I have tried time out today and so far it isnt working BUT its only been one day.. I know it takes persistance and not backign down for her to realize i mean business.. Its just such an annoying sound

mummy2girls replied:
Thats why i put her fav toys upstairs and her dolls as well. she is the one who chooses to bring them down to the dayhome... so its not that im not letting her have her own toys its just when she decides to bring them with the other kids is when the screaming begins:(

mummy2girls replied:
oh i have tried that many many times.. but it doesnt clue in.. but i think i neef to be persistant and make her understand...

luvmykids replied:
I think what she needs to understand is that she is, in a round about way, asking for it when she brings the toys down, kwim? She has two choices, leave them upstairs while the kids are there, or share, period. I know it might sound harsh but it's the bottom line. Having said that, maybe in the morning before the others get there you can tell her that if she chooses to bring them out and then has a fit she will be put in time out. Or, just put them away somewhere she can't get to them on her own and tell her you'll get them out for her when the other kids are gone.

paradisemommy replied: can you buy another set of toys (doll, etc.) that is the "dayhome toys" and not jens?

My3LilMonkeys replied:
ITA!

mom2my2cuties replied: Shelly - I sympathize with you I have a screamer too. Not when she is mad, but she just squeals all the time - and it is frustrating, mind boggling and it gives you a headache.

I don't think the issue is her toy so much, as it is the screaming about the toy I would follow Ed's lead and use time out if you want to cut the screaming tantrums out.

However, about the doll - I would tell her - If she brings it out of her room, she must share it - And make her take turns with it if she brings it out.

luvbug00 replied: ITA with Ed . hope things get better quicker

mummy2girls replied:
i do have 10 other dolls that jenna lets the kids at the dayhome play with... but jenna bring the doll down that is her fav one and thats when the screaming starts.. thats why im trying to have her keep them upstairs to play with there but she doesnt want to.. then the screaming begins.and there are other toys that she doesnt care iof the kids play with.

mckayleesmom replied: Well....I would put the doll up where even she can't get them. If she is going to keep bringing them down and screaming when the kids touch it...then she shouldn't have access to it. Maybe you can make it a doll she gets after the daycare kids go home. Eventually, maybe she will realize she can't have it if she screams.

mummy2girls replied:
I may have to

Boys r us replied: I agree with Ed and Luvmykids! It's just one of those life lessons she's gonna have to learn! I know the screaming can be ear piercing, but it usually benefits kids more to let them try to work things out among themselves before adult intervention happens..next time one of the kids gets her doll, let jenna handle it and see what happens! It will be good for her!

mummy2girls replied:
Oh i have tried that:( and all that happened was this other kids trying to pull the toy away from her and jenna sat there pulling back and whil;e screaming at the same time. And i dont know where collects the air because that scream will last a brutal 2 minutes!!!!!!

mom2my2cuties replied: Thier scream capcity is amazing. Especially if they are mad. I wonder that too when Andrea gets into a full blown tantrum.

mckayleesmom replied: I sympathize Shelly......I have 2 screamers myself.

holley79 replied: Good grief. I am so sorry you are having to deal with that. I don't ahve any advice but just wanted to offer up some

CantWait replied: It's quite simple really. Either you put it up where she can't get it, or you have to start disaplining her when she has a temper tantrum. One day isn't enough to make an impact , however you do have to be consistent.

If you decide not to put it up higher, then Jenna either has to leave it whereever you decide to put it, or she has to learn to share it. If she takes it down and doesn't share then she has to be put in time out or whatever form of disipline you choose to use. If she screams, cover her mouth gently, look her in the eye at her level and explain that it's unacceptable and put her in time out.

MommyToAshley replied:
I completely agree with Ed.

Suddenly having a bunch of kids thrown into your home... sharing your toys and your Mommy's attention... can be a big change for them at this age. But, this can be a good thing for Jenna. It will be good for her to learn to share. Ashley had to learn to share her toys when we started having play dates, and that's not an easy transition for an only child who is not used to sharing. But, she has learned that she can put a few "special" toys away before her friends come over, but whatever is left out is for everyone to share. Being consistent is the key... it only took a few playdates for Ashley to catch on. Jenna will just have to learn that if her dolly comes out of her room, then she will have to share it. I am guessing that after a few times of having to share it, Jenna will keep it and play iwth it in her room... it sounds like a pretty special dolly to her.

mom2my2cuties replied:
I totally agree with this - That is how I stopped Andy's tantrum screaming.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Sorry if I repeat anything, but here is my advice, take it for what it's worth. I have our daycare toys and Tanner's toys seperated. I do not allow the daycare kids to play in his room (all his own toys are on his room). However, if he brings a toy of his down to the daycare area he knows he has to share it. Same goes if one of the kids brings in an approved toy from home...they have to share. If Tanner doesn't want to share it I tell him them he has to put it in his room or he can play with it alone in his room. So, Tanner is given a choice and that seems to really help. Because it is on his terms he shares pretty well. I would highly suggest doing this if you haven't already. Just tell her that "this is what will happen" if you bring it to the daycare area. It's pretty cut and dry.

She is also at an age where sharing her home is going to be difficult for her. Tanner went through this the entire time he was 3.

If she starts throwing a tantrum, pick her up (if she's not willing to walk), put her in her room and don't let her out until she has stopped. She's trying to get your attention with negativity. It's not as fun when others are not there to watch, know what I mean? Also, role play with her when those situations come about. Tell her what words to use when someone touches something she doesn't want touched instead of screaming.

Just keep up the consistancy. It will take awhile for her to get use to the fact she has to share her house and mommy. Just make sure you give her lots of one on one when you can to schmooze her over.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: My kids have their own "special" toys they get ticked off if someone touches them. They need to leave them on their beds... and if they want to bring them down, then it's fair game. When someone else takes that particular toy, then I get the whining or screaming or crying or whatever, my answer is always:

"too bad, so sad... I told you to leave it on your bed if you don't want anyone else to touch it. You need to wait until XYZ is finished playing with it, then you can go put it on your bed if you don't want to share it. Next time, will you leave it on your bed like I asked you to?"

They understand now.

mom2my2cuties replied: Great response Rocky!!

mummy2girls replied:
I know one day isnt enough.. im still being consistent and its working the second day... so i know i have to be consistent

mummy2girls replied:
I dont want to use her room as time out because I dont want her to think her room is a bad place and i go there when im bad... I use a bean bag chair and she sits on that for 3 minutes when she screams... its working today and she had only a few scream attacks and is keeping her dolly in her room!

Jolyn replied:
How old is Jenna? Is she two?

I guess i'm a softy. I still don't see why she shouldn't be able to have one dolly that is all hers and that she can say no one can play with it regardless of where it is. I too do daycare and have assisted in daycares. The kids whose parents do daycare lose so much of their homes and moms time that one little toy that no one else can play with when all the others are being shared is worth it in my eyes. I don't see why all her special toys have to stay in her room. JMO though. I'm not a softy about alot of things but again when you do daycare in your home your kids get the short end of the stick sometimes.

redchief replied: I know this is hard, but especially with the screaming, I suggest you tier your reactions.

First scream, to time out and say, "You may not scream when you want me to listen to you."

#2, to time out, "Mommy said, 'No screaming.'"

#3, don't say a word, just put her in timeout. When timeout is over remind her why she is there.

A lot of times we found they screamed because that was the most certain way to get our attention. We found that punishing the behavior without acknowledging worked after warnings. Finally, when she speaks appropriately, even if she's unhappy and there isn't much you can do to help, let her know you're glad she came to you about her problem "like a big girl." If you can't solve her problem (ex. she wants a toy another is playing with at the moment), ask her if there's something she would like to do while she's waiting for her desired toy to become unused. This will engage her in thinking about alternatives, and give you some personal time in an otherwise busy day. Good luck!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I know to each is own, but if it makes you feel better, Tanner does not and has never thought of his room as a bad place. He sits on his bed when he's in trouble and it has never affected him negetively one bit, sleeping, playing, or otherwise. Just in case the bean bag doesn't work after awhile, do not feel bad if you have to send her to her room. I remember being sent to my room when I was naughty and I never had any negative feelings towards it either. Sometimes we just have to revert back to the old ways of doing things, within reason of course. I'm just old fashioned.

I hope she'll get better for you. It will just take time, especially since she has to share her home. It's tough for them to understand that this is how mommy makes her living. It will just take some getting use to on her part.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Thanks... that's the same response they get when I tell them to get off the couch arm or they will fall and hurt themselves, and then they actually fall and hurt themselves... "ah, too bad... I told you to get off or you'd fall and hurt yourself."

They don't even dare cry.

Actually, if they do cry, then they actually hurt themselves and aren't just insulted that they fell... so if my kids cry, I know they're really actually hurt.

mom2my2cuties replied: I am usually that way with Andrea - and have gotten several moms upset at me at playdates and stuff. Because for example at McDonald's it's posted to not climb on the outside of the play gym - Well when she starts climbing, I tell her Andrea if you get up there and fall, I don't want to hear any crying because you know it is against the rules.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Well, you did warn her. I've gotten a couple upset at me before too... but at the same time... if a parent rushes and coddles their child at every little bump and scratch...then the kids learn that a booboo gets mommy's attention... and WAILLLLL at every little thing. Even my 11 month old doesn't even whimper if she bumps her noggin... cuz all I do is go "aww... bump!" ! But then again, I watch her carefully, so I know if she's really hurt herself, cuz my eyes are pretty much always on her.

mom2my2cuties replied: Well my daughter is the world's biggest drama queen - and she never forgets about the "big" boo boo's.

And she makes sure she tells you about them for weeks. She had a staph infection on her skin couple months ago and she still tells people about her boo boos on her fingers, and when she had that stomach stuff, she reminds us that "her button hurts"

mummy2girls replied:
the 5 year old does this... and yesterday he fell off of it i told he can nopt sit on it because of this reason..and he did it again and fell...

luvmykids replied: Another thing you can try is role playing with her when the other kids aren't there and she's not upset, we do that sometimes when they're in a tantrum stage. I say "You be the mommy and I'm the little girl" and I have a fit about whatever seems to push their buttons...They "discipline" me the same way I do them but it seems to help it sink in. Sometimes when they're upset you can't get anything through their heads but talking about it when the issue isn't fresh can help.