Need honest opinions
mckayleesmom wrote: I don't want anyone to agree with me just because they know me. Tonight I was telling Leithan how we need to get a handle on Mckaylee and that I was ordering those books. Leithan said he doesn't care if I ordered them, but he thinks Mckaylee is just a typical toddler. I agree that alot of things she does is typical of her type of personality....Most of the stuff she has done I have seen other kids do...but still. I told dh that we need to get a handle on it now because she is going to be out of control...He thinks Im overeacting. I know that I was the same way when I was little and I did grow out of it, but Im sure I gave my mom some grey hairs. By the time I was 5...I was a really good kid because I was afraid of punishment. My main concern is not really Mckaylees hyperness and getting into stuff....Its more her destructiveness....Ripping up books, ruining decorations in her room, etc. Does anyone think Im overacting??
I also have to admit that alot of Mckaylees behavior towards punishment is not really her fault...its mine and Leithans because we are never consistent with her punishments....Mainly because we haven't found something that works with her.
Bee_Kay replied: I really hope you don't get upset about my answer, but you did ask for honesty.
Although the pictures you post of her give all of us a little chuckle, we don't have to chase her around, or clean up the messes, ect.
So, I'll be honest. Yes, I would definately get a grip on it now. Waiting will only make it harder and more difficult to get it under control.
Either way, whether she outgrows it or if you choose to take control of it now, you will be happier in a few years. What I am saying is, it can't hurt to get consistent and teach her what is right and what is wrong. Especially the destructive behavior -- I believe that is disrespectful, even though she is still very young, behavior. (and every child has to be taught respect).
I hope you are not offended by this 
mckayleesmom replied:
Not offended at all....Im really just trying to get my husband to see this. We do dicipline her....we just haven't found anything that scares her...kwim? We haven't found anything that really makes her think about something before she does it.
Bee_Kay replied: 
I also should have added, that it really isn't that "cute" when it's a 7 or 8 year old portraying this behavior (in case it isn't outgrown).
Better be safe than sorry is what it boils down to IMHO
mckayleesmom replied: We are also hoping to put Mckaylee in daycare or next year...Dh seems to think that she does it because she is bored....which is probably true...She doesn't have alot of kids to play with besides Russell and she is really excited when she does get to play with other kids. We are hoping maybe that will calm her down some.
Bee_Kay replied: that sounds like a wonderful idea!!
MyBrownEyedBoy replied: It can't hurt to have her in a place where she can play with children her own age as well as burn off some excess energy. And I do agree, way better to find something that will work with her now than try to do it later. Good luck, Brianne, I hope those books have some helpful advice.
My3LilMonkeys replied: IMO if you are planning on putting her in daycare next year that is all the more reason to try and control this behavior. If it isn't because she's bored being in daycare could only make it worse.
Just an idea - and it's possible you've tried it - but if you think she's bored maybe try and challenge her more? Start teaching her to write, read, count money, tell time.....(or whatever else she is ready for - I don't know what she does/doesn't already know how to do)
I'm just thinking that if she is not intellectually stimulated enough that might be what is making her act out.
mckayleesmom replied:
Those are all wonderful ideas...but like I said before...Mckaylee is really hyper and I don't think she has the attention spand to sit and learn those things yet. Sometimes we read together and count...stuff like that...but it doesn't last long because she has to bounce off somewhere.
luvmykids replied: I don't know, but I feel exactly like you. Some days it's one kid and others another one but on any given day I feel like I have no control and no weapons. I've had a lot of the same "cute" mishaps, with baby powder, food, lotion, liquid soap, etc. and just can't take it anymore. Most of the time I KNOW that the twins at least truly do know better and are just being, like you said, destructive.
Part of it is MY fault, for leaving them to entertain themselves. (While I'm on the phone, cooking, etc.) (Not saying you do that though) Even for short periods they just can't handle it. Also, I am consistent but it's heartbreaking for me to discipline them so although the consistency is there, I think they can tell my heart isn't in it.
Macie is a lot different, she does some of that stuff too but more b/c she sees them or truly doesn't understand yet. But I've learned a lot from the twins and am just doing a better job with her IMO.
Didn't mean to hijack, just wanted you to know you're not the only one!
ammommy replied: Brianne, I agree. It's time to get her to understand that you are the authority and what you and DH say goes. If for no other reason, than your son will grow up seeing it and it will be easier to discipline him. Just know that whatever you guys decide to do, it will probably take awhile (a few weeks or more) to get her to respond. Remember, you are undoing all this time of relatively free reign. OK, not really free reign, but inconsistancy. Unlike on Supernanny, it will probably take more than a week 
Good luck and I hope this didn't come across too harshly.
ediep replied: I agree with ammommy....but I also wanted to add that another reason to get her behavior under control is because next year when she is preschool...I'd hate to see her getting in trouble by her teacher for her beahvior.
Have you tried a very structered day? Not sure if that would work for your family, but maybe keeping her pretty active and busy she'll have less oppurtunity to get into things.
example- wake up (whatever time say...8am) Breakfast and 1 tv show
get dressed
run errands
go to the park (or other place where she can play)
lunch
nap
wake up---paint or play dough
bla bla you get my point.
blue72 replied: Kids thrive on a structured day. Also, consistency. I doubt daycare will help the situation. It could make it worse or harder on you. Preschool is a better option.
moped replied:
I agree with this. You said you aren't consistent and I also think that is key. My sister (member) has a REAL bad time with Josh in the summer and fall and she talked to a parenting coucellor (sp) and they had him whipped into shape fast, you should PM her or I can you her email - I know it would help but you would have to be consistent - she could tell you exactly what to do................................HTH
C&K*s Mommie replied: All of the suggestions here may be what she needs. You are there, and you have admitted that consistency is lacking. BIG MISTAKE I think many of us (I am not exception) make. The structured day dedicated to her & Russel would be another great idea. I think many us, and our kids are getting the cabin fever we talk about. Some days it is gorgeous here, and we take advantage of it. But we are in the South, so we may have nicer days (here in the winter) then anyone in the North may have here in the dead of winter. When spring rolls in, jump head first into it. I would pack the winter clothes and blues away as fast as possible, and make a first day of Spring day dash to the park ASAP. Until then, maybe set aside a couple dollars a week for a trip to the dollar store. A mini-shopping spree. She can pick out some educational flashcards, maybe some finger paints as suggested, or whatever will be safe and not damamging for your home. But get her up and active (minus the destruction active) often.
And the book sounds like a great idea. I am taking it, that you had a great suggestion over in the Parenting forum.  There is no harm in reading parenting books, no shame either. Go for it! Best wishes. Keep us posted.
kit_kats_mom replied: I couldn't agree more with the "structured day". I finally got it and I have a post it note on the fridge now with our breakdowns. We keep too it for the most part on weekends also.
8:00 breakfast
8:30 get dressed while watching one tv show
9:00 leave the house-either errands or a walk
10:00 snack
10:15 activitiy (M-Painting, T-Coloring, W-Playdough, H-Music/dance, F-craft)-I usually try to incorporate learning with the art activities. We color numbers, make letters out of playdough etc.
10:45 free play in playroom
11:15 lunch
11:45 story time (3 storys)
12:00 nap or quiet time
2:00 snack
2:30 watch tv/computer game
3:00 outside play (bubbles, running, ball, playground etc)
4:00 free play inside
4:30 clean up time
5:00 Movie time (this gives me time to cook dinner)  sometimes she chooses to color at the dining room table while I cook or she helps me though.
6:00 dinner
6:30 playtime with dad
7:30 bath
8:00 brush teeth, brush hair, eat snack, read stories
8:30 bed
when we stick to it, it keeps the kids engaged. Boredom leads to trouble IMO. Katherine also gets really sassy if we don't engage her. This gives her plenty of free time but she also has some structured play as well.
Insanemomof3 replied: This topic is really interesting. McKaylee and Tristan seem to have a lot in common, as well as me and Brianne. I am inconsistent. And I don't know how to reverse it. I try, but it is HARD. I am learning alot with this. Thanks Brianne for asking what I never seem to have the (guts?) to ask.
And thanks everyone else for the replies. Now I can start trying new things with my kids.
I hope you find something that works for McKaylee.
MyLuvBugs replied:
There's your answer. I don't feel that you're over reacting, but do I think you know exactly why she acts the way she does. You stated it above. You're not consistant with punishments. And I'm not saying that to be mean Sweetie. You know that.
My mom always told me that kids will test you every second of every day, and that if you're not consistant with them that's when they learn how to manipulate you and then start misbehaving. And watching those nanny 911 shows they say the exact same thing.
Maybe you and your DH should sit down and set a list of rules, and actually write them down on a large paper so that she can see them too. Explain them to her and your son, and then follow them to a tee. It's so hard at first.  DH and I agree on a lot of disciplinary things, but there's a couple that we disagree on, and I've noticed that Lorelei is learning when she can do things, and around whom she can do it. So we'll be doing this shortly too.
What books did you buy? I would suggest that you both read them together before setting down the rules, and make sure that you both can agree on them all.
I hope it works for you sweetie.
kimberley replied: i think a structured day is a good start but daycare is an even better idea. that way Mckaylee can see that other kids follow the rules and other adults are to be respected. i cannot tell you the change in James when he started daycare. sure he pushed my buttons because i am mom, but not nearly as much as he did before. i think you are right to do something about it now because if you wait til she starts JK, then you will really have problems. also with daycare, there will be reinforcement of your discipline style since your DH doesn't seem to be on the same page as you. i had/have the same problem here. inconsistency means one step forward, 3 steps back and it confuses the child. one day these men will get it
Edward's Mommy replied: Something my grandmother told my uncle when my cousin was lying and misbehaving. "Whatever he does might be cute right now, but it won't be cute when he's 15 or 25. You have to stop it when it's cute so it doesn't get ugly!"
I thought that might help! Dad's tend to see the world with rose colored glasses with their kids...especially their daughters. If you think there is a problem, chances are you're seeing it for what it is. Good luck!
3_call_me_mama replied: IMO a lot of what she does IS typical toddler stuff. Any child her age, when not totally attended to 100% WILL get in to mischief. It happens, and you are right, it cna get out of hand. But ALSO IMO< discipline adn punishment are 2 very diferent things. Often kids get into things for attention and jsut because they feel that they are not getting somethign they want/need. It happens ot me and several other people I know IRL. The best way we've found to deal with it is clean the mess up together and tehn addres what teh child needs. Putting them in their room to hink or whatever at 2 1/2-3 years old just isn't realistic. Kids of that age, honestly have no idea why they are in time out other than the fact that they did something you didn't like. The need that they had when they were acting out still hasn't been met. So perhaps addressing the need would be more helpful than time out, shouting, etc (Not saying this is what you do but it's what i ahev seen soem resort to ) A great book I read was "Discipline without shouting or spanking" and "How to make Children mind without losing yours" both were a hugh help.
Goo luck to you
Mom2BNTN replied: I agree 100% with you! If you wait until she gets even older then you and your husband will have an ever harder time of getting her to do what it right. As long as you keep allowing her to do the destructive things she is doing then you are letting her know it is ok to do that and it is NOT ok!!! Take charge now and you will all be happier in the end!
CosmetologyMommy replied: my brother was like that exactly. family members actually hated when he came over and his nickname was the unibomber. But my mom just put him in preschool 2 days a weeks and then he went to school and that helped. He is now a calm...somewhat normal(lol) 15 year old.
jacobsmama replied: I thought it was ironic that you posted this because DH and I have really been talking about Jacob and his behavior lately. He isn't out of hand but he gets away with a lot. He is the only child here and only grandchild period. He tends to get babied. I feel bad a lot of times because I catch myself shouting and saying do you want to go to time out? ( which he listens when I do this and time out really works, but you have to stick to it) Which sticking to it was the the hardest thing for me even when he was crying mama please! I"m sorry!
Today when I saw this child throwing a fit in the store so bad the mothers face is red and she is sooo embarassed and the child just won't listen to her all over a piece of candy, smacking and kicking her mother. (Which I know can happen, Believe me  )
I was so glad that I stick to the time out and make this work, even if he isn't afraid of it he knows the consequence, KWIM? So Mckaylee doesn't have to be afraid of it like you said just know that she has to go to a chair for how ever many minutes and believe me she won't like it!  (and neither will you if you are like me) But it will be worth it.
I know your a great mom I can tell and I know that you and DH will get this figured out the best way for you and the kids!
Celestrina replied:
Talk to your pediatrician about a possible counselor. See if there are any programs through your local school district. Next month, after Ben turns three he will be taking a class where the student/teacher ratio is around 5:1. That way she will be around other kids her own age and the teacher will be able to give her the attention she needs. All of this is covered by the county; we don't have to pay one cent.
b&bsmom replied: I have gone through the same thing with my two ( although not destructive just misbhaving) I have worked in daycare and nanny at home so I got myself together and said that's it. Now I have a marble system that the kids helped me come up with to reward their good behavior. They came up with what they can earn marbles for and lose them for. My 3 yr old is just as into it as my 6yr old. The biggest thing is being consistent with it. I do not give in to anything. If I said no I stick with it. As soon as you give in once you have to start all over again. It took about a week but now things are much better. I also believe in structure however not so much as times. What I mean is we do things in order but not neccesarily at the same time for instance we may eat breakfast at 7 one day and 8 another but after breakfast the same thing happens we get dressed take Brit to the bus stop and so on. I hope this helps but the biggest thing is consistentcy and as I said it is hard but after about a week or so you will probably see some improvement. Good luck!!!
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