Need to talk/vent

Kaitlin'smom wrote: Okay this might be rather lengthy, I am upset and mad I dunno if I should be or not. Its about my oldest sister, guess you will need a little background to let me know if I should be upset. She is the oldest of us and we were never close when I was a kid, she did not want much to do with us, well we did become become somwhat close which was nice cause I wanted to knwo her and I am very close to her oldest son, and she has 2 other kids. She is not very close with our parents and things always seem to have to revolve around her. She is very materialistic, and wants you to believe they have more money than they do and own things they dont. Well she is sometimes hard to take but I have gotten to the ponint where I just delt with it and let her rambel about how her life is so great and her kids are perfect.

well anyway on with why I am upset, as most of you know Kaitlin's first birthday is this month well I set the party on the 27th (the day before) and sent out the invitations 2 weeks ago so it would give people plenty of time to arrange there schedule around it if they wanted to come. So I get a call today from her about something elce and she said oh by the way about Kaitlin's party we cant come (okay honstly I was expecting this but still horribly dissapointing, she was the first person my DH called when they took me into emergency c-section) So now I am waiting for the um well excuse. She said his (her DH) sister and mom want to have christmas that day with them, okay I could understand that if it was not for the fact they bearly talk to them and she thinks they are both spoiled. They had a falling out with them a couple years back. So now I feel like she is choosing his mother and sister over her only niece! I am upset and well mad. She has known about this for a long time and would rather be with them and not us

Oh a side note I did not have at my home so she could not use us having cats as her excuse -she is allergic but wont take anything she she has only been to my home 2 times in the 4 years I have lived there. DH thinks its really because she is jealouse of us owinng our home and because its nicer than the one she rents, she get jealouse of stupid things and wants what other have or try to out do them!

Okay sorry for rambling and thanks for reading get some of this out has helped, I just dunno what to do or how to act. I am just hurt she would not make any kind of effort to come to her birthday party when I have gone to everything for her kids.....oh I guess I just dont count cause this party is not about her or her kids

Sorry I am done for now.....soorry for any typos

jen replied: I am so sorry! I know how hard it is dealing with family who has no regard to your feelings. I would say call her and tell her how she is making you feel. Maybe write her a letter and then call her own the phone so you can get it out (that is what I have to do). She needs to know how you feel so that she can realize how self centered she is.

It would be very easy for her to simply say that she has to attend Kaitlin's FIRST birthday who wouldn't understand that. My sister can be very VERY self centered. She ALMOST wasn't in my wedding until she was practically bribed and paid with gifts of gratitude and that just isn't right. It hurts more when you love someone like that very deeply.

My best advice is to get your feelings out in the open and stand your ground, you have a valid reason to be upset and Madder than MAD!

jem0622 replied: Sorry to hear this. And what they wouldn't understand is that they are being petty and it really isn't about you...it's your daughter's bday.

My DH's bday is the 27th and it is always difficult to split his bday from the holiday. His parents don't want to gather on Christmas Day this year. Instead they want to have their darned Christmas turkey on his bday. And they didn't want to celebrate on his bday originally. I had to suggest it. They wanted to have it the following day when he has to work. HELLO people! So I plan to provide some food that DH will enjoy. He tried to play it off and say he didn't mind turkey but then I said 'honey, you can't stand it when people blend gifts for you between the two days so having a CHRISTMAS turkey on your bday is the same and NOT acceptable!' ARGH!

HUGS

Julie

paradisemommy replied: I would be upset to but I agree..get it out in the open and let her know. It feels so much better to just lay it on the line - let her know "I thought you guys didn't get along very well" and "I feel like you are choosing dh's family over your own" or "you know i really wanted you to be at kaitlyn's party" and see what she says. Our family ALWAYS has all kinds of misunderstandings and they are the type that hold it in and don't say anything - just stop calling you..i have 1 sister that is on the up and up and that i can tell anything too..it's such a good feeling to get it out in the open - maybe she has a reason for going to dh's get together instead of kaitlyn's birthday.

good luck....hope you can solve it quickly..feeling that way is the pitts..btdt..plenty of times..

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm sorry! I know exactly how you feel and you have every right to be hurt. It sounds like your sister has done this to you a lot in the past. I think you should talk to her and tell her how important her being at Kaitlin's b-day party is to you. DH's family that does the same thing. We will attend everything of theirs b/c they get so angry if we can't. But, they have yet to show their face at any function of ours. I hope it works out...I have a feeling it will if you have a talk with her.

((((HUGS))))

A&A'smommy replied: i would be upset too!!! Im sorry your sister is being petty and mean!!!! ((((BIG HUGS))))

kimberley replied: i am sorry you have to deal with this nothing is more important than our kids firsts (especially birthday) and i know how hurtful it can be when people fail to be there for you and your sweet baby. jacob's baptism was a disaster cuz it was the superbowl and all the guys wanted to leave or bring in a TV! i was furious but i just put my foot down and told everyone that if they figured football was more important than my son's special day then they didn't need to be part of his life. sure enough they shut up about it and celebrated with us.

i agree with everyone else, be upfront with your sister and tell her how you feel. it is easier for her to keep ignoring your feelings if you never voice them. good luck and even if she doesn't come, Kaitlin will have a very special day surrounded by people who do care about her! let us know how it goes.

MommyToAshley replied: ((((HGUS))))

I am sorry she is acting this way. It sounds like you have done a lot to accomodate her (now and in the past). I agree on letting her know how you feel. Maybe you can suggest a compromise... is there away that she can attend both events? I don't know what time they are celebrating Christmas, but I am sure that they would understand if she were a little late. Then, she wouldn't have to choose. (I would choose Kaitlin myself... who could resist that cutie pie!!!!)

Kaitlin'smom replied: Thanks everyone, I really wanna tell her like it is, my only draw back on that is when someone doe stell her how they feel or give her the what for she then keeps the kids away from us, her oldest who is 15 is going to some football games with my DH so if I tell her now some how he conviently wont be able to go . She so makes me mad when she uses the only thing she knows will get to us. However when I do talk to her again I will let her know how dissapointed I am that she cant come, it might go further than that depends on my mod that day, I really hate confontation.

PS I guess I was not totaly clear this is actually the first real thing she has done to me directly the rest it was to other family but of course I was still involved somehow...does that make sence? Okay one example she has a blow up with my parents and cut the out of her life for a while so I was also cut off because I was close to them, when I did call her on it she just assumed I took there side. So we did not get the chance to get to know her two youngest as well as we know her oldest because of this.

Now the only other probelm is telling DH he is gonna be soooooo mad! He might go off on her!

mummy2girls replied: OHHH I am so sorry. I know how it feels to have a sister like that and to not be close to her either. I am afraid to always tell my sister the way it is and how i truely feel because she does use things agaiant us and because my mom told her off and told her what she feels about what she does she hasnt seen her granddaughter for montyhs!!!!! And i know it hurts my mom to not see her granddaughter.

(((HUGS))))

supermom replied: Man, that really really is not a very good position that she's put you in. And to use her own kids as "punishment" is really pretty scary. It almost makes me wonder what she's really about, and how much she really cares about even her own kids.

I am so sorry that she chose not to show up at Katlin's party, that can be really really rough. I can empathize because my sister and I don't get along very well, and her needs come before all others (she has no kids, good thing!).

Hugs to you, don't have much in the way of advice, but hope things all work out for the best.

aspenblue1 replied: I am so sorry. I would definately tell her how you are feeling.

coasterqueen replied: Sorry she is acting that way towards you and taking it out on Kaitlin. I would definately talk to her and tell you how you are feeling, at least you know then that you tried for the sake of your daughter.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I am glad I have you all and after my mom grrr butted it before I could talk to her. I did talk to her and she know I was upset and she did not fully explain what was going on, it seems her DH decided to make these plans with his family with no regurds to us or her. She was not happy but trying to make the best of it. How much I belive remainds to be scene. I do know her DH does do things without asking her and he seems to win on things, and to be honest with you all I dont think he like us, her side of the family ever since the blow up with my parents. I did tell he rif things change she is welcome to come. I do think alot of this is her DH fault and his lack of consideration for anyone but himself. However I do think is she really wanted to come she could have stood up and said we need to go to the birthday party, and done both if needed. I am still dissapointed she wont be there with her kids but I will get over it. I am just trying to keep the peace.

Heather replied: AWW sweetie! How disappointing. (BIG HUGS)!!