New Here-help with 6-year old at school

ktroth wrote: I'm new to this message board. My son is 6 years old and in kindergarten. His birthday is in late August so we waited an extra year, until he was 6, to put him in kindergarten. Prior to that, he had 3 years of pre-schooling. He's a very active boy with a great imagination. The problem we are having is that the teacher says he is acting silly and crazy at school and distracting the other kids. His learning has not been affected so far, but that could change. I think he just wants to make the other kids laugh. How can we get him to calm down and focus? I want him to have fun and enjoy school, and I don't want to squelch his imagination, but he needs to calm down. Anybody have any advice?

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well, I have a son who is 6 also. I don't mean to be rude, but you said so far his learning hasn't been affected..But it sounds like it may be affecting other children in the class the way his teacher worded it.

I think for me, if Tanner becomes a disruption at home or school, he knows he is in trouble. Constant discipline (sp?) And I think he has to understand that there is a time and a place to be a clown, and a time that is acceptable to be funny. But not when you are expected to work at school.

Give him rewards, for everyday his teacher gives me a good report. And I think it is time to really get involved with the teacher. Teacher are our friends, no matter what we think it is easier if we do our best to help them do their job.

All that being said, sometimes kids are kids. Mine little who is six, has really used this year to be wild and get in trouble, he is in first. He resets the structure there...and really misses kindergarten.

atlantamomof2 replied: Hi and welcome! I'm sorry I don't have any advice to give you because my oldest will be five in April and I'm homeschooling her. I agree with Tanner's Mom about rewarding good days.

I remember I was the same way in Kindergarten (talking to the other children during work time because I had already finished my work but they hadn't). The teacher said I was very bright and sweet but she kept having to switch me to different seats around the room because of all my talking but I'd make friends with whomever I was next to!

Just try to give him as much physical activity at home as you can so he can get rid of some of that energy. I know Maggie has more than her Daddy and I combined!

Good luck and welcome again.

mommy2owen replied: My parents just went through that problem with my youngest brother, Nick. He is 5 and in kindergarten, very smart and has no trouble with learning new things. I know its crazy that I have a 5 year old brother, but I'm 21, and my parents are 41, so its not that bad. They had Nick tested and it turns out he has ADD. Now that they had medicine that can control his actions he has been an almost perfect angel, except for some 5 year old things.


BTW- Welcome to the board, I'm new too! The people here are great!

Alice replied: Just some random thoughts....

Could his attempts to make kids laugh be a way of making friends?? Maybe you could try some playdates with some kids he seems to like, in the hopes that he won't feel he has to try so hard??

Maybe he's young actor/comedian-in waiting. Is there some sort of kiddie theater group he could become involved in?

Could he be bored?? Could you find him some books that are a little above his ability level?? Last year, Brian's teacher suggested the Step Into Reading series. They had a lot of the words he was learning in Kindergarten. You can find them almost anywhere-- B Dalton, Barnes & NOble, Target... for under $4.

I think, as harmless as it might seem now, you've got to set the tone for the rest of his academic career. You know your son-- whether that means punishing bad behavior, rewarding good, or some combination of the two. But I think you've got to impress on him now that school is important, and that misbehavior will not be tolerated.

ktroth replied: Thank you to everyone for your advice and suggetstions. We have a reward system we've been using this week and we'll continue using it and see how that goes. I'll keep you posted

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Just wanted to wish you luck. My daughter has gotten a couple of reports of this nature from her preschool teacher. We talk to her and let her know that school is not a time for talking and playing with friends. She is there to learn and she needs to pay attention. Anyway, I'm hoping she gets that thru her head. She is very talkative and distracted very easily. Maybe tell him to save that behaviour for the playground. Sorry I dont' have better advice. Let us know how the reward system works. A friend of mine suggested that with our daughter for bedtime and it worked great.

Welcome to the board, BTW!

ktroth replied: After a week of using our rewards system, I thought we had made some real progress with Trevor. Four days the teacher sent home notes that said "OK Day" and one day was a "Star Day". We praised him for his star day and he even got to do something special. He was invited on a sleepover at a friend's house, which he had never done before. So we let him go because of his "star" day. Well, today the teacher sent a note home saying he had a terrible day--being crazy, having outbursts. Maybe he was still tired from the weekend and I let him sleep later this morning, which gave him no time to play before he had to catch the bus. But still--I reminded him before school about appropriate school behavior and to save his silliness for the playground. It's very frustrating! It's like I'm holding my breath until he gets home everyday to see the little post-it note from the teacher. Maybe the consequences need to be more severe for having bad days. We have a "rock" system. He gets 5 rocks (the glass decorative kind you use for plants) for every star day, and we take away as many for every bad day. He also gets rocks for other things (helping out, being a good big brother, eating a good dinner, playing nicely, etc). There are lines on the jar and when he reaches each line he gets a reward, each one a little bigger than the last. We don't let him watch much tv during the week, and none on the bad days. I'm not sure what else to do for punishment. We have no video game system. The weather is bad this time of year so restricting outside play isn't much punishment. Any ideas? Sorry for being so long-winded!

Alice replied: Well, you say you ARE making progress-- he's having good days. That's a step in the right direction. Things like this are never as straightforward as we would like-- it's always two steps forward, one step back.

So I would keep the routine you've developed. If morning playtime is important, then build it into the routine, even if it means getting him up early when he's tired. (with my 6 year old, time to play/veg in front of the TV is important. Really important.) Just try to get him into bed on time to prevent his being overtired. Being overtired is probably a guarentee of bad behavior.

Keep up the good work.

JAYMESMOM replied: We had the same issue with my step-son who is in the first grade. We instituted the marble jar. I bought a pint size mason jar and some marbles and for every good day he gets to put one in, bad days he takes one out, and extra special good days he can put two in. We have set up a reward system for every time the jar is full. Right now he is working on earning a puppy - yes it is a big reward but we were planning on getting one so it kinda worked out. We have also done dinner and movie with mom or dad and things he normally wouldn't get to do. He has improved dramatically and it helped when we let the teacher know what we were doing so she could remind him when he started to act up at school.

ktroth replied: Thanks to everyone for all their advice! I'm happy to report that my son is doing so well at school and at home! He has many more "star" days than "ok" days and has only had one "sad face" day. His teacher has commented on how well our post-it note system is working. He just lives to come home and tell us he had another star day. He had eleven in a row! Yesterday he had an ok day and wasn't really sure why, so he started to cry when he told us. But I reminded him that ok was better than sad face and that he just needs to try harder next time. We'll see how he does today. Thanks!

Alice replied: I'm so glad to see he's doing so well. Doesn't it just kill you when they expect themselves to be super-human? Everyone is allowed to have an off day-- including him.

Trish_4boys replied: I am new here also and I tend to disagree with what some of the others are saying. The way I see it is that therfe is only so much you can do at home when your child is doing things like that at school. For children that age in order for discipline to be effective it needs to take place imediately. You punishing him or rewarding him when he gets home just isn't the same as if it happened right there and then at school.

I have over 15 yrs of experience working with children of all ages. I know from working in childcare and preschool that to tell the parent about bad or disruptive behavior does not good because of the reason I stated above. The classroom teacher needs to have her own policy, her own reward syste and disicpline. If your son acts silly he should have to sit out of the circle or out of the group for a few minutes then he can return. The teacher should have a reward system in the classroom for all the kids. A marble jar is great and each time any child does something well or sits quiet when asked they get to put a marble in the jar. When it reaches the line the whole class gets a reward.

My 8 yr old is in 2nd grade and his teacher has a backpack made out of paper with each child's name on it. If a child acts up or doesn't listen or is being silly or whatever they have to go move their backpack down one spot. They have 3 spots and then a note goes home. She also uses the marble jar. These things work great but they need to take place at school at the time of the behavior.

I think it IS important for you to reinforce what the teacher does at school so that he knows you do not approve. If you were me my discussion with the teacher would be finding out what it is she is doing to discipline or reward the children while they are there. I would suggest to her that she use a reward system and discipline system (maybe like the backpack one) in the classroom.

That is just my take on it. Secondly (is that a word? LOL) this is Kindergarten and many children mainly boys, are still immature and act it. That's not to say he should get away with it, but I certainly wouldn't be looking into ADD or ADHD just yet. One of my twins was like that in Kinder and with each year he just grew more mature and better and he is in 4th grade now (age 10) and he is fine, in fact he never gets in trouble.