OMG I'm raising a bully

MyBrownEyedBoy wrote: Seriously, my child is a terrorist. Friday of last week he was put in time out 2 times for shoving, yesterday he got time out 2 times for biting and today got it once for pulling a little girl's hair. What am I going to do with him? Is this just an age thing and if it is, when will he outgrow it? I would love to take him to a friend's house for a playdate, but I am afraid of what he might do.
And to top it off, the owner of the daycare has claimed Logan as a favorite and gives him a treat when he gets out of time out. She says he is just protecting himself because he is smaller than most of the kids. And he was always such a sweet, calm, mellow little man.
What happened?!?

mommymonster replied: He is too cute! I am sure he will out grow it!

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I keep telling myself the same thing, but it seems like it gets worse daily. Maybe it's just a boy thing. Or maybe Logan is de-evolving into a caveman. It sure seems that way sometimes, with the grunting, pointing and physical violence.

holley79 replied: Naw not a terriorist. Just a boy. I remember the little 2 year olds in my class at the daycare I worked out being the same way.

CAMSMOM1 replied: Cameron has gone through phases like this. They come & go. Of course, it only happens when I'm around. Everyone swears he's a perfect angel when I'm not there. He went through a biting phase, I snapped him out of that pretty quickly! So he hasn't been bitting in a long time. But the hitting has been an ongoing battle. Sometimes he hits when he's excited, sometimes when he's mad. And then the next minuete, he comes up to me to say "sorry" and give me a hug. I don't get him sometimes!

Cam went from the hitting phase... to the crying phase. He whines over everything, when he doesn't get his way. It gets old, really fast! And lately I just don't have the patience, and usually give in. Not good, I know.
I'm going through the same thing in many ways, but he only does this with me.

But...I don't think his teacher is helping him any, by giving him treats when he gets off of timeout. He is just being rewarded, and he will totally forget about his punishment. I think it's great that she has such a great bond with him, but she should only reward the good behavior. KWIM?

ediep replied: well, you can be sure of what is going on at daycare, but at home...you can make sure that the time outs are effective. Let him see your reaction....anger, hurt, or whatever, and put him in time out, maybe even raise your voice a bit, set the timer and tell him he can't get up until the bell. When the bell rings (or buzzer) then make him say Sorry and give im a hug but still say that its not nice to hit or bite.

mckayleesmom replied: Have you thought that MAYBE he is doing it on purpose because he thinks that is how he can get a treat????

mom21kid2dogs replied: Not a terrorist or a bully, bur maybe a caveman . Kids at this age are still feeling their way, are into parrallel play until at least 2.5 and haven't really learned their way in social relationships. That's more of a 3-4 yr thing. A couple things could be causing it~he could be seeing it with the bigger kids, he could be in a "developmental explosion" period (these often come with tempers, aggression, etc), the environment could be a little overstimulating for him at times (especially if you don't see it at home or in other small settings). Edie is definately correct, make sure he knows his boundries at home. A playdate is a great idea just to guage what the interaction level is but I wouldn't expect to get much more out of that. Isn't it just a shock the first time you see or hear of it out of your little one? Stinkers!!

CAMSMOM1 replied:

I forgot about that! (deveopmental explosion) I learned about that in Child Dev. That when children are learning new things, sometimes they can get irritable or aggressive. That makes a lot of sense, thanks for reminding me of that! (sorry, I'm learning with Kelly here)

I agree that their social skills, such as learning to share with others, isn't great at this age. Like she said, around 4 years old they start to get better at that. Oh man, it seems so far away!

I like when Cameron gets together on play dates. Sure either him, or the other child have some little fights here & there, but that's how they figure things out. And it's good for you to be there, so you can inforce the rules/time outs. Having that consistancy with daycare & home.

Sorry, just trying to figure this one out as well. You guys had some good points!

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: He does do it at home sometimes, to me and only to me. Never to Aaron. I think Aaron scares him a bit. Anyhow, I understand that a "playdate" at 18 months is kind of just parallel play. But I want to see how he does one on one without 12 other kids running around. I just hope we can break the biting habit before it gets him booted from daycare.

CAMSMOM1 replied: If it makes you feel any better, Cameron only does this with me. Sometimes he tries to pull it on Justin, but he knows he won't get away with it. I guess they think Mommies are softies or something. It's funny, cause at work the kids listen to me, but with my own child, it's a different story.

BAC'sMom replied: It's just the age it will fade in no time.

redchief replied: I'm posting this as a matter of perspective and, well, to give you a little hope. Our John was a very aggressive "two". He would punch, kick, hit with things and without, and he bit. He was also very intelligent and a complete opposite of his brother, Rick. We were exasperated and embarrassed with his behavior among children his age sometimes as well, though he didn't start daycare until he was four, so he'd outgrown a lot of the aggressive behavior by then. That brings me to my point. John is now 19, in college and hasn't been in a fight or anything nearing one since elementary school. He also learned to control his temper (he still has a pretty short fuse) and put the energy into constructive use. He has better learned to argue and reason and no longer needs to be "on top of the heap."

What I'm saying is he's a good example of an aggressive toddler who outgrew his aggressive behavior and channeled the energy into learning, becoming tolerant, and making himself known through other pursuits.

I think you need to make sure Logan knows his ill behavior is not acceptable, but keep perspective. I'm sure it's a stage and, as intelligent as he seems to be, I'm certain he'll figure it out soon. Hang in there!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Oh Kelly...must be the age, because Wil is doing the EXACT same thing!! Yesterday was sooooooooooooo bad, I almost took the keys and ran! I've talked with several other moms in my playgroup who have kids the same age and they say it's just a tough age and that they do outgrow it. My sister has three girls and she said the same thing. As long as you stick to disciplining him and tell him "no", I highly doubt this behavior will last forever. I think they're just frustrated because they can't really talk quite yet and "acting out" is their only real method of getting their point across, kwim? Wil was always this sweet mellow kid as well, but now I'm scared to take him anywhere.

I really have no advice, because I'm seriously flying by the seat of my pants and wingin' it myself...but just know you're not alone.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I skimmed some posts above, and I agree with them. But here are some hugs for your exasperation