OMG what to do? - Possible child abuse suspected

My2Beauties wrote: Ok this may get long so sorry!

Desiree has this friend named, ironically, Desiree, they call themselves the Double D's Anyways, her friend is 12 years old and lives 2 doors down from ger grandparents (Brian's mom and dad). Desiree lives only about 3 blocks from them and goes over there quite often to visit. We have been noticing a lot lately that everytime we go over there this friend of hers is there and she is calling Brian's mom and dad, Mamaw and Papaw too! OK so at first we thought it was cute and everything, just an inside joke because she is there all the time. Now Desiree is only 9 (well almost 10) and she acts a lot more mature than this girl, I noticed this right off the bat, I thought she was only about 8 or 9 herself, but she's 12.

So to make a long story short, on Sunday morning we went to go pick up Brian's dad because we were going to the race track. Well Kenny (that is Brian's little brother, he is 9 too , I know I know crazy) but he goes we got Desiree and don't know what to do with her, and Brian was like Desiree is at a b'day party and Kenny says no the other Desiree, she comes walking out and Brian was like well tell her to go home and you'll be back in a couple of hours, he said her mom left. This little girls' mom took her over there to play this morning and left their house, they hadn't seen her in hours! Not to mention when she got in the car we found out that she let her go over there friday evening to play with Kenny and Desiree (DSD) and left her, she had to stay the night over there Brian was like Desiree when was the last time you saw your mom, she said not since early this morning, and she was over there Saturday all day until her mom got home that night. Her step-dad has moved out of the house, her mom and him split-up. She made the comment that ever since her step-dad moved out things have changed I'm thinking what has changed. So we left her mom a note and she went to the race track with us, I mean she knew we had plans, but still left So we went out there for a couple of hours, when we dropped them off again she still was not home But here is where I am really very concerned about this poor girl. She has only met me about 3 times and each time was briefly. I mean maybe 1 hour that I was over there, and she was playing with Desiree the whole entire time anyways. Well out at the track she asked me if I would take her to the restroom. So, of course, I took her to the restroom and while we were walking out she goes LeaAnn can I tell you something and I said yes you can, I honestly thought she was going to tell me she had a crush on Kenny or something silly like that, but she says to me well I really shouldn't be telling you this and I said why not, well she started getting teary eyed and she turned pale. I said honey what is the matter, she said did you ever hear me talking about that bruise on my leg (I hadn't heard her that I recalled) so I said no I hadn't heard you say anything about it and she goes well I have a huge bruise on my leg that hurts really bad and she said but I didn't do it myself, and I said did someone hurt you? she goes yes I said who did it? She said I don't wanna say, I said was it your step-dad, (I figured maybe that is why her mom had him move out) and she goes no, I said was it your mommy? and she said yes it was and she started tearing up really bad, and she goes I shouldn't have told you and I said I'm glad you did honey, I asked her if she ever told another adult before? she said no she hasn't even ever told her friends.

OKI don't know what to do, because part of me feels this little girl may need attention. Yes her mother is dead wrong for leaving her house without letting her or Brian's parents know when she is leaving and for that alone I feel like letting her know what is no my mind but I have never seen any bruises on her, she had on pants the day she told me this, so I can't see anything, any proof at all. Secondly I have only met her 3 times, why would she tell me, why not another adult she knew better, maybe Brian's mom, she has been over there everyday for the past 2 weeks. I'm glad she feels she can trust me with that but I don't know what to do with it. I mean, to involve CPS and all that she may possibly be placed in a foster home, which I know she wouldn't want. Brian has known her mom since they were younger, he grew up in the same neighborhood his parents live in and she has other kids who were taken away supposedly that we've heard, so I don't know what to do? I mean it's not as easy as call the police because what if this little girl lied to me, she is one of those girls that if she ever found out I did this, she would harass the crap out of me, I know she would! Not that I am scared of her, she's a coward for hitting on her kids in the first place, but I don't need any drama in my life ya know. I want to help this little girl but I don't want to put a parent through that if it's not true and the little girl just wants attention.

See partly what I think is that she really looks up to Desiree. The little girl dresses in raggedy clothes, she doesn't have anyone around at all that shows her any affection or attention, Desiree acts more mature and has a lot going for her and it shows that she is very much loved, I'm wondering if she came to me because Desiree has told her what a fun stepmom I am or something in hopes that I would feel sorry for her and have her over all the time - I mean I don't know how kids minds think, it's been a while I mean she is really immature for a 12 year old, in my eyes, but I also compare kids that age to Desiree who is SO Very mature for her age, I mean she acts like an adult! Brianne can contest to that, she is very calm and just adult like and can join in on any adult conversation, she always has played with older kids, and I think even Desiree can see that she acts immature!

What would you guys do? I'm worried about this little girl, obviously something is going on, I just dont' know what!
ETA: Also she told me that this wasn't the first bruise and her mommy does this to her all the time, I was reading my post and forgot to mention that

DansMom replied: Even if she's lying for attention, the call should be made. I would also discuss the conversation with the family who's been filling in for mom. It is up to CPS to decide the truth of the matter. But in the larger picture, too, this girl is not being cared for at the very least. Mommy needs a wake-up call, and this would be it. They won't remove her from the home without trying a lot of remedial things first. From everything I've read and seen, the advice is to always believe the child---better to be safe than sorry. Sorry you have to make this decision---how terrible.

mckayleesmom replied: hmmm.....I would maybe contact the counselor at the school they go to and maybe she can pull her into her office and talk to her...Maybe she can get her to talk to her about it and that way you are not involved.

kimberley replied: that is a tough situation. if it were me, i would probably confront the mother first before calling anyone. my parents let me stay home alone at 12yo and yes they hit me once in a while but i deserved it (called my mom not-so-nice names). from what you describe of the girl, it does sound like she is seeking attention so i would tread very, very carefully. imagine you were a single mom busting your butt to do what you could for your kid and someone takes her away without finding out the truth first. if it seems the mom is hiding something, then i would call CPS. jmo.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Yes, you don't know the girl or the "real" situation (what is fact and what is fiction) but I can tell you as a mandated reporter and a former CPS worker you should definately make a call to CPS. Very rarely is immediate removal the first course of action for most agencies in the situation you describe as it generally only happens if a child is in immediate danger of being harmed. The situation you describe clearly seems like neglect but the lovely part it's not yours to judge, it's theirs to judge. Make the call, tell them what you know and let them sort out the details.

Boys r us replied: Horrible!! Well hun, you DEFINITELY have to let the proper people know!! There's no way out of that!! It's not your responsibility to weigh the evidence..so just turn it over to child protective services and let them decide if it's true or not!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well, I think you have to call. Even if it is for attention..then the mother needs to know her child is not getting the right kind of attention.

There are a lot of times that kids say things to people.. because she felt like you were someone she could trust.. you represented a family to her.. you know. Not what she is used too. And it is the same for Brian's grandparents I am sure.

I think you have to call.. so you don't have to wonder what IF!

amymom replied: I say you have to call and let them decide. I think there is a number you can call and give them all the things she told you and they can look into it without ever involving you. Check the phone book white pages under Child Protection or something like that.

Good Luck maybe you are her angel.

MommyToAshley replied:
I completely agree. If you make the call and the accusations of abuse turn out to be true, then it is the best thing for the little girl to be removed from that situation until the Mom gets the help she neesd. If the accusations turn out to be false, they may still get their family the help they need .. whether it is financial assistance so the Mom can be home more often, parenting classes, or counseling for the girl and mother. Even though it is a hard thing to do, I think you are obligated to make the call since the girl chose you to confide in. I really believe that things happen for a reason, and there was a reason the girl confided in you. Prayers for everyone involved. Please keep us posted.

jcc64 replied: No matter what the "truth" is, clearly this little girl is struggling to connect with someone, something. It is not your job to determine the truth- and CPS is quite accustomed to dealing with false accusations by children. They will be able to get at what's going on. And I'm not sure if the laws vary from state to state, but I believe you can make a report and trust that your identity will not be revealed to the family in question.
Make the call, LeaAnn. It's the right thing to do. I really wouldn't speak to the mother- what if she goes back and punishes the little girl for speaking out against her? Then the child will feel truly isolated and powerless, kwim?
Good luck. So very sad that children suffer this way.

My2Beauties replied: Well you guys have definitely made great points, this is why I ask for advice. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't reacting too much KWIM, just because the whole situation was weird to me. I am going to call CPS tonight and do it anonymously. If she chooses to tell her mom she confided in me and the mom confronts me well then I'll have to live up to it. I hope the little girl just doesn't tell her mom that she did told me ya know, I doubt she will at this point anyways because she seems scared of her mom. I just don't want any drama around my family, and this is one of those trashy people that like drama, I can just tell and Brian knows her and has known her all her life, that is just how she is. Something has to be done, I mean even at 12 years old I know some kids stay by themselves but to just not let them know you're leaving and the parents of the other child is home they are playing at, to not let them know is really awful, I would be LIVID to say the least. I mean this past Friday night she never even came home and her child had to stay somewhere else, she had no key to her own house! I'm calling tonight, I will let you guys know tomorrow what they say, if Ms Hanna goes to bed at a decent time I'll come on and post what they say tonight! Thanks for the advice.

KingMom replied: Any update? I'm so concerned for this girl, and very proud of you for standing up! I'm not sure I'd know what to do.