Oh, puh-leeez! - Clueless parents

jcc64 wrote: Sometimes, I am left speechless by the cluelessness of some of the parents I know.
My 11 yo ds is a charming, funny, charismatic, sometimes less than sensitive character. He's basically a great kid, but occasionlly, he goes a little too far when joking around with his buddies. Anyway, he and another kid kind of tag team a third friend- picking at him until he left my house in tears. (I was not here). When I found about this after the fact, I let both of them know I was extremely displeased with their behavior, though I said it calmly and rationally.
Anyway, I waited until the other offending kid went home to really rip into my ds. (I try not to yell at them in front of their friends). I let him know I feel , and to prove it to him, proceeded to lay out 2 days worth of chores and punishments. He basically accepted his fate- he knew he was wrong. There is basically nothing my kids to do to #@$@ me off more than to hurt another person's feelings,and I punish accordingly. I'm old school- I don't care if I occasionally intimidate my kids.
This other kid- he told his mother that I traumatized him by telling him how disappointed in both of them I was. She told me I should make things better by acting for lack of a better word.... sorry for hurting HIS feelings. She never, and I mean, never punishes this kid, and he's turning into a little b*****d. I should apologize to HIM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Adult or child, if you act like a jerk in my house- I'm calling you out on it. Am I wrong here?

holley79 replied: Abso- freaking- NOT!!!! That is uncalled for on the other parent's part and I'm sorry but I come from a time when you screwed up at your friend's house their mom got onto you and when you got home your mom really ripped you a new one. Your house your rules. If she wants a juvenile delinquent as a son then that is her choice. Had I been the other kids mom then I would have been calling you, thank and apologizing for my child's unruly behavior. Ridiculous!!!

redchief replied: So this kid worked with your son to drive another kid out of your house in tears and the mother thinks you owe the antagonist an apology... Do I have that right? If I do have it right I think I can help his mom decorate his bedroom for the rest of his life. He'll be either living with her since he'll never learn to take responsibility or consequences of his actions. She should decorate around black and white stripes so that she can move his room decorations into his jail cell with minimal adjustment. That is unless they wear those bright orange suits in that area... Nothing goes with them. I'm the same way you are Jeanne. My kids always paid dearly if they beat up on someone in a less advantageous position than they were in. I've nothing against a fair fight, but bullying has always burned my hide. I totally agree with the way you handled the situation!

MoonMama replied: I agree with the above, you were VERY right! This mom is out of her mind.

ihave4kids replied: Oh good grief. Some parents are so crazy sometimes. Whenever my children are rude I always appologize to the parents! (teachers too)

amynicole21 replied: I think that it is your responsibility to be the parental figure when child is in your care or in your home, so I think you did exactly the right thing.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I agree with the above posters. No way do you owe anyone an apology. And were I in your shoes, I'd have a hard time allowing that particular friendship to continue.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Uh, no way. If the other mom can't accept that her child's a little sh*t, that's her problem. I would have thanked you for calling out my son on his behaviour if he was to act like that.

Some people.

jcc64 replied: Thanks guys. I really know no other way. I expect and demand respect for myself, and everyone else who enters my home. Apparently, with this other family, respect is a one way street.

Kentuckychick replied: Yeah... I would have called you too!

To APOLOGIZE for my child's behavior and to make it absolutely clear to you that I wouldn't tolerate it either and I wouldn't have minded if you'd given him a list of chores and punished him as well!!! I can't believe the audacity of some people. So her son should be able to act however he wants in your home and you should just sit back quietly and accept that??? NO WAY!!

I too came from a time (didn't we all?) when it was pretty much expected that your children would be disciplined (not punished, but told not to do things and given rules and expected to get in trouble if they didn't follow those rules) at other peoples homes and that was absolutely 100% accepted. I also came from a home and group of friends where that rarely happened. I know children have always sadly picked on one another, but what happened to the generation of children that respected adults? It's pathetic really.

The only angry call I would have accepted would have been the mother of the boy who went home in tears and let me tell ya if she'd call I would have apologized profusely... but that phone call was completely uncalled for!

ZandersMama replied: My dad would have kicked my a$$, you did the right thing!

Calimama replied: I would not apologize, she's insane.

Cece00 replied: No, you are not wrong. I wouldnt apologize to him.

gr33n3y3z replied: No way no how you did nothing wrong

thats what is wrong with kids today its their parents

kimberley replied:
i totally agree!!!!!! you showed more restraint than i would have!

msoulz replied: I would like to think her darling offspring spun the story in some manner that made him look like the victim and that mother is not such an idiot. Although, believing what the kid says without question may qualify her as an idiot too.

Anyway, kudos to you for not losing it on both kids. I don't know if I could be so calm in the same situation. I avoid having three kids around for just this reason. It seems like one always gets ganged up upon, and I don't handle that well at all.

jcc64 replied: Actually, the mother of the third kid, the one who got picked on, was incredibly gracious about the whole thing.

A&A'smommy replied: Nope I agree with you, and think you did the right thing!!!

luvbug00 replied: you did the right thing in my book!

TheOaf66 replied: not at all, I really gets me when a parent thinks their kid can do no wrong and coddle them to no end. Completely disregarding what he was doing to this other child and chastising you for "intimidated" and hurting her precious baby's feelings is stupid. I have a policy that if one of my kids is at someone else's house and gets in trouble, I encourage the other parent to discipline (to an extent) because it is THEIR house. You didn't even do anything to the kid but tell him you were disappointed, the kid knows his mom wouldn't care which is why he ran to her and told her the story...stick to your guns and tell the other mom to Wake UP

DansMom replied: Jeanne, how did you respond to the parent who wanted you to apologize? Were you speechless or did you give her a clue?

It is shocking. Amazing.

jcc64 replied:


Knowing this woman for a long time now, I am under no delusions that one conversation with me will set her on the straight and narrow. We simply have different ways of parenting, and I don't expect that to change. I told her that I have a zero tolerance policy about that kind of behavior with my own kids, and when someone else's kid is in my house, they have to live by the same rules. I don't think it's bad if your kid knows he's pushed you over the line with his behavior. The whole point is to make him uncomfortable- if he's upset- I've done my job, kwim?

DansMom replied:
Exactly. I can still remember those teaching moments in my own childhood. It astonishes me that so many parents today want to be friends with their kids and spare them any discomfort that might result from their actions.

grapfruit replied: So are you going to let them still hang out until you have another incident? Or are you concidering not allowing the boy over? Just curious here!