Ok do I have a right to be mad?

grapfruit wrote: About 4 weeks ago my bridesmaids and I picked a day for all of us to get together to have a "meeting" to plan out what else needs finished, assign jobs, etc. My maid of honor is really busy (3 kids, in school, all that jazz) so we took her schedule into consideration first. She figured today would work for her. So we scheduled today at 1 at on of the other BM's house so we could have the lady doing the dresses come and pin them and figure out what she's doing for alterations.

Since it was long enough ago that I wanted to make sure everyone knew what was going on. I sent a reminder text Tuesday or Wednesday. The dress girl and my two BMs sent back positive, "yep we'll be there" texts. My MoH asked me to email the address. As I was crossing the street to the car, I didn't obviously have access to email. So I texted her the address and directions. BUT later that week (Thursday or Friday) I responded to one of her emails w/the address and again, the directions.

Today, as I was on my way, I sent ANOTHER text to the MoH asking her if she still knew where she was going. No response. So I call. Nothing. So the lady doing the dresses pins the other girls. Sits down and talks for awhile (she's a friend) and asks, so do we know about the other girl (MoH). So I call her again, nothing. I call her husband. FINALLY, he answers the phone. I ask where she is, and he says, "laying here next to me sleeping." Well, she was suppose to be here at 1. "Really, what for?" "To get her dress fitted and pinned." "Oh crap, well I'll wake her up and have her call me".

She never called guys. NEVER showed up. I didn't leave until about 9-9:30. So it's not like I "missed" her. I mean, yeah, the 3 of us went to the store to look for stuff for the wedding, but there was somebody at the house the ENTIRE time.

Am I wrong to feel a little hurt and miffed that my Maid of Honor, my BF from Junior High blew me off??? I mean, if she would of at least CALLED, I would of been like, "ok". Yeah I would of been a little mad, but I would of gotten over it. I feel like I made the wrong call on MoH. I should of asked my friend Kate that's done EVERYTHING so far. (like hand rip the invites) <--I'll post a picture of them sometime when I get around to it.

luvmykids replied: Yup, you have the right to be mad If something came up or she or one of her kids was sick, a phone call would have been nice

Do you feel like you can be straight with her and tell her that you appreciate that she was willing to be your MoH but that you realize it's just too much with her schedule and that since you want her involved but don't want to add too much, you're going to have Kate be MoH and this girl be a BM? I'm sure it would be a tough conversation but you could always play the "I'm sure you didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying no to being my MoH even though you really don't have the extra time, and I understand" type of thing.

FWIW, I asked the wrong friend to be my MoH too and still regret it

Mommy2BAK replied: Uh yes! You definately have the right to be mad. I would be furioius!

Teesa®© replied: I think you have a right to be mad, too. And then some

If I was MoH, and something major had suddenly come up, I'd try my darndest to call you to let you know, and if I couldn't, I'd at least have DH call you. If her schedule was that crazy, she should have told you when you'd asked that there's probably no way she'd be able to do certain things and it would be best to ask someone else.

I'm dying to know, though, if she's got 3 children, how can she still be sleeping at 1?? And BOTH of them??

If it wasn't so petty and too much "stooping to her level" I'd ask Kate to be my MoH and not bother to let the other one know till she shows up [if] at my wedding

I'm sorry this happened to you

luvbug00 replied: Oh yeah id be livid. her husband totally ratted her out! I'd bump her to BM.

gr33n3y3z replied: I would give her the boot dont even let her be a BM

lovemy2 replied:
Ditto and yep - I regret the person I had as a MOH too - come to think of it - I regret a few of the bridesmaids too - too bad you can't pick guys as BMs

MommyToAshley replied: I would be pretty upset. I would definitely have a talk with her. Maybe she is overwhelmed and just didn't want to say no, she might be relieved if you ask her if she wants to step down.

Swood75 replied: I would definately be mad and as some have already said,I would get someone else to be MOH..But that is me..

A&A'smommy replied: OH YES I would be TICKED!!!! I wouldn't let her be the MOH anymore

my2monkeyboys replied: I agree with everyone - I'd be mad and I'd "offer" to let her off the MOH hook. Then I'd ask Kate if she would do the job, since she's obviously doing the job anyway.
Sorry this is happening - weddings are always such a pain. Just remember though that it is Your day, so make sure you're happy with what is going on.

Calimama replied: I'd be upset. But I agree it sounds like she's overwhelmed with all the stuff she has to do in her own life. I would ask her if she needs to step down and make sure she knows, I understand.

Our Lil' Family replied: Oh gosh I could have written this post 7 years ago!
You definitely should be mad and you should change your MOH too! Unless they have different dresses, it's not too late to do that! I cannot stand flaky friends! It becomes so obvious who our friends are when we get married or have kids!

grapfruit replied:
Different dresses of course Although they've not been altered yet....

I just don't understand how 2 days later, she STILL hasn't called...I don't know where the kids were, they may of been at his parents for the day. They LOVE taking them to visit. And he could of been sitting on the couch and the kids were in the living room w/him. I honestly don't know. But obviously if he could answer the phone, and she was sleeping, they could of told me she couldn't make it.

I don't know. It's frustrating. I KNEW when I asked her she was working to finish school, but that she'd be finished in Aug. So I KNEW she wouldn't have a lot of input early on. HOWEVER, we all agreed we needed to get together to figure stuff out. Even if she couldn't do a lot. We planned it specifically so she could make it.

A&A'smommy replied: have you tried calling her or texting her again? have you decided what your going to do about it yet?

Crystalina replied: Get rid of her.

stella6979 replied:
I agree. Planning a wedding is stressful enough and you're supposed to be enjoying this time, not constantly worrying whether or not she's going to come through. I understand her life might be busy, but this is your wedding and you shouldn't have to stress over your MOH. If anything, she's supposed to be making it less stressful for you.

Crystalina replied:
Yeah, it's not like you held a gun to her head and forced her to be MOH (did you? ). She took the job and she's married so she obviously knows what a MOH does. Even if you never had one (like me) you know what a MOH is supposed to do generally. If not Google it.

grapfruit replied:
Yes, nothing I'm calling right now to see if she'll answer. She told me her schedule is free every week day after 12:30.

Ok, no go there either. I left her a voicemail. Ever get the feeling you were being avoided???

Crystalina replied:
But why would she? I don't get it. Maybe she doesn't have the guts to tell you she's done? Could it be money? Does she have a lot of out of pocket expenses that may be too much for her? Some MOH's do and others don't.

cameragirl21 replied: honestly, it sounds to me like she can't be your MOH for whatever the reason and doesn't have the guts to tell you. I would probably try to replace her, personally, because either way, if she can't be reliable then she can't be anyone's MOH.
Sounds like she's got a lot on her plate and you and your wedding are not a priority to her so find someone who is excited about being your MOH to fill the role. Being MOH is fun but it's a responsibility. Your friend is not living up ot the task IMO.

grapfruit replied:
I don't think it's money (other then gas I suppose), b/c her dress is sitting at Kate's house ready for her to put it on and get it pinned up. All we really have left to buy is shoes, and I said whatever looks good, cheap is fine w/me.

Jennifer, I'm starting to think you're right, that she just has too much on her plate and doesn't want to do it. I mean if she doesn't even want to be IN it, I'll understand. I just need to know.

grapfruit replied: Ok, drafted an email. Thoughts???


Hey girl, seems like email is the easiest way to get a hold of you, so I'm going with it.

I know you are super busy, trying to finish up school, raise 3 kids, keep your house to where it doesn't necessarily LOOK like you have 3 kids , work a little, and everything else. I completely understand that and know how taxed you get. I don't want you to think I'm adding to your stress and craziness.

So PLEASE tell me if you think this is too much and not a good time in your life. I love you and I love that you're going to be standing up there w/me in Oct. But don't do it b/c you feel like you said yes so now you have to. If you just can't, you can't. I'm not going to be upset, mad or anything else. I UNDERSTAND. I don't want you feeling bad, and stressing b/c you can't make it up to help, or do anything.

So please let me know what you want to do. If you want to bow out and just "be there" on the day, ok. I'll figure it out. No problem. If there's something else going on, talk to me. This just doesn't seem like you, and it worries me.

I love you lots girlie, we've been through hell and back. You got to let me know. I miss you

A&A'smommy replied: sounds good sweetie

youngmomofone replied: Sounds good

Crystalina replied:
Very sweet! I would have went off on her but then again I probably would have emailed her right away. I would need to step back and take a breather to write something that nice.

Hopefully now she will tell you what's up and can either participate in the wedding or let you move on and make other arrangements. KUP!

grapfruit replied: Trust me, I had to rewrite it a few times.

Danalana replied: Very good email, Casey! I would be upset, too. It's the worst feeling in the world to try to contact somebody, only to have them totally ignore you. I hope you get it worked out...you deserve to have somebody who can take on the role of MOH and do it well. It's YOUR day!

kimberley replied: good email. sorry she did that to you. i'd demote her and ask Kate if she doesn't reply. kup.

Calimama replied: I think that email is good!

luvmykids replied:
Ditto....if you don't hear from her in what you think is a reasonable time, just make the call yourself and explain it to her later.