Ok so give it me - the new baby and older child....

moped wrote: Reading happymoms post and the responses - please tell me what sort of transition your older child went through when the new baby came - what should I be prepared for??

grapfruit replied: I remember being jealous when my little brother was born I was 6...

kimberley replied: there wasn't much of one with jacob when his bro first came. he was really excited about it and as long as i included him, he was fine. it was when his bro was mobile that all heck broke loose lol. jacob cried a lot. james terrorized him

jade was jealous but because of the nursing. she regressed in potty training, was super whiny and jealous at sleep time. it just took time and me praising her "big girl" activities that she got over it.

every kid is different... u may have nothing to worry about

TheOaf66 replied: Tanner just has a lot of vieing for attention.

moped replied:
But did he act out? Was be badly behaved?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Sorry, I haven't read Nadia's post yet.....But as you all know, after hearing me cry and moan for the past year and a half, life has not been easy in our home since Wesley was born. For Wil that is. Things are just FINALLY getting better and the boys play nicely now. Of course my boys are only 22 months apart, so Wil wasn't even two when Wesley was born. Expect a lot of jealousy Jen. Even at three or four, it's hard to share your toys and your home. It will most likely be hard for Jack, who has been the center of the universe so far, to see mom and dad and your grandparents give another child attention. You will probably see a different side of him, but at least you know where it's stemming from. I know you are good about sticking to a schedule. I suggest trying to stick to it as best as you can when the baby arrives so that Jack doesn't feel like you are changing his "world". He may resent his new sister for this. It will be hard at first, juggling two schedules, but you know that most kids work best when they know what to expect. I'm sure Jack will hug and kiss the baby at first, but don't think that just because he is like that one day, he will do the same the next. Wil's attitude towards Wesley changed in seconds. I thought I was out of the clear when I saw him petting Wesley's little head the first day we brought him home, but the next minute he was throwing him to the ground. Of course Wil could barely speak at two, so it will be different for you, but Wil was constantly hitting, biting, kicking Wesley for attention. Jack may not do this, but Wil sometimes pretends he is a baby. Crawls like Wesley and goos and gaws like him. Again, it's all attention seeking. I just try and ignore it. Telling him to be a big boy just seems like a high expectation during such a transition IMO. Everyone suggests having the older sibling help you with the baby...Grab a diaper, go get the bottle. I'm sure Jack will take to this with no problem. But Wil on the otherhand did not, so I never tried too hard with this one. Every child is different - but I'm thinking because you have a larger gap between the two, it will go much smoother for you.

My2Beauties replied: Hanna was 3 when Aubrey was born, 3 1/2 and really at that age jealousy is the biggest issue here. Whatever Aubrey does she has to do, she constantly plays with her and giggles with her and makes her laugh and touches her and kisses her which is really cute...but it's almost to an annoying point. Sometimes she'll go to grab Aubrey's face to give her a kiss and she does it too hard, she'll pat her head too hard sometimes and when we let Hanna "hold" her, which consists of Hanna sitting down and Aubrey sitting up on her lap, she tries to move her around and makes her try to stay all the way back which in turn makes Aubrey mad. Hanna also LOVES to spin her when she is in her Exersaucer we're really working on this one. I caught her doing it the other day so fast I thought Aubrey was going to upchuck, I had only left the two of them alone for 20 seconds. OH and the big thing, Hanna thinks that because Aubrey is small that she needs to play with small toys so I have to REALLY WATCH her because she is constantly trying to hand Aubrey like a Barbie Doll shoe or something crazy. She's like it's little mommy, she doesn't understand the concept that because Aubrey is small her toys need to be big with big pieces, she thinks because she's small her toys should be small. Boy when Aubrey starts walking I'm in a world of trouble with little toys. Hanna has tons of barbie doll shoes, brushes, Littlest Pet Shop stuff that's teeny, etc...that it scares me. I plan on putting a gate at the steps so Aubrey can't get to Hanna's room but Hanna sneaks stuff down all the time that I ask her not to

boyohboyohboy replied: jabob wasnt two yet when andrew was born, so he had a really hard time. not only did i bring home a new baby, but i had never left him before..so when i got home from the hosp. he wouldnt look at me, wouldnt let me touch him, and screamed if i tried. it took him two weeks to adjust. he also in that time, attempted to hit the baby on the top of the head a few times, and if we had left him unattended he would have tried to poke his eyes out. but i dont know if he was mean, or just curious.
even caleb who was 5 had about a week of acting out, and jeolousy, just trying to see how we all fit together once the baby got here.

now when we brought jake home caleb was 4, and he was mad about two weeks. he had frequent meld downs. and just didnt want to listen, he did things he knew he wasnt allowed to get attention from us..

i guess all kids go thru some transition. but we just gave lots of love and attention, and made sure he knew there was still time for him and how much we loved him.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Brooke was only 1 1/2 when Madison came but we were really lucky....she was a great big sister and rarely complained or acted out. We bought her a doll with all the accessories so she could feed, change, burp etc and she loved it. It was really an easy transition for us.

ETA: The one thing we did have to watch was her being too rough with Madison...Brooke didn't really understand how fragile she was.

kit_kats_mom replied: The main thing for us was regression. Katherine had been potty trained & sleeping in her own room for a good while before Lauren came, she was 28 mos old. Then she started peeing on the floor when I couldn't (or wouldn't) get up to go potty with her (even though she knew how to go alone) and she started begging to sleep in our room like the baby. She was mainly just vying for attention that she'd had all along and it wasn't possible.

lisar replied: I made it really fun for Lexi. I let her help me pick out almost everything. The bedding the clothes the bottles, you name it she had a hand in it. ( I think it helps with the jelousy issue) And when the baby came I let Lexi think she was helping me alot. Throw the diaper away, help hold the bottle. And I made sure to take time out of the day to spend only with Lexi, NO BABY. Daddy would watch the baby or I would do it while she was sleeping. KWIM? Lexi didnt have that problem and I think its because I included her in it so much. She was 4 when Raygen was born.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I'll save your sanity and not say anything. KIDDING! Honestly, the transition at first was rough. In the very beginning Tanner was very excited to see his brother and help out. Then, it became old to him and he started acting out a lot to get our attention in negative ways. It took a good 2-3 months for him to get a lot better and see that he has to share us. Now that Aiden is a bit older and can play and stuff things have improved greatly, but we still do have a few rough patches every once in awhile. Sometimes it's hard to tell if he's acting out because of Aiden, or acting out because he's just Tanner. Things can sometimes be rough, but in all....seeing them smile at each other makes it all better. We try to do everything possible to get Aiden to laugh, and all Tanner has to do it look at him and he giggles. He has this voodoo way with Aiden that noone else has. And one day Tanner came home and told Aiden he missed him while he was at school and gave him a kiss. Even through the rough patches, seeing that bond makes up for the craziness we put up with.

ETA: for the record, with Tanner he was worse when we were both home. It's like he thought that one of us could deal with Aiden, and the other could always be playing with him. Tanner has always been the kind of kid that always wants someone to play with though. He's a huge people person. Not every kid is like that.

jem0622 replied: Temper tantrums you have never seen before - stay calm and try to ensure the baby is safe so that you can give him your full attention

If potty trained - regression - no advice

Constant night waking - I escorted them right back to bed every night and it eventually stopped

Trying to pick up (to show love) or the reverse - sit him on the couch and allow him to know how to be a good brother

Things that I did that helped tremendously:
- always telling the older child they were a big helper
- trying to have outings without baby here and there
- use baby nap times for stories/snuggling/reminders of love
- allowing them to do things the baby couldn't and remind them they could do it because they were a big kid
- keeping a schedule. I kept all kids on the same schedule no matter what.

HUGS

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I think this is a really good list! It covers everthing!

And ITA with Jennie. Tanner sounds just like Wil - the part about how it got old to him and he started acting out. It took a while for Wil to understand that Wesley is here to stay! It has also helped to have dad take Wil out for a "date night" once a week. Wil gets to stay up later than Wesley and that's a big deal to him. We take turns reading him stories or let him cuddle in our bed for awhile. He has a way with Wesley too. They are good buds now, playing and interacting and laughing all the time, but it took at least a year to get to this point.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Oh, stemming from Rae's post...Tanner gets special grandma and grandpa time, usually on Friday's. He really looks forward to that time because he knows it's just him and g-ma and g-pa. That seems to help a lot because it's more one on one time that he gets and it's not a visit shared with his brother.

moped replied: Ok, I have decided I am not doing it - no baby anymore -

Jack is SUCH a good kid, honestly I hav eno issues with him that are mentionable. I mean yes he has his days, but really I cannot complain one bit - so now I am worried, about Jack!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Tanner WAS the same way. Ok, just kidding, I don't want to give the preggo mama a heart attack. I think Jack will do fine and I bet it wont be any more difficult than the norm, which really isn't all that bad. All kids get use to it, but of course it's going to be a shocker at first. That's just reality, but with a lot of love and special attention he will form an awesome bond with his baby sister. He will probably even start to protect her as they grow older.

moped replied:
I hope so - recently he is very concerned about her. The other day he recieved a halloween bag from my sister and wondered where his babys sisters present from Auntie was - last night he wanted to make sure she had halloween treats - stuff like that.............

My2Beauties replied:
Now that is adorable Hanna kept trying to give Aubrey candy last night Of course it was extra special to her that "sissy can't eat candy right now so you'll have to eat it for her and tell her what it tastes like!"

luvmykids replied: Something I think helped a lot was to tell Macie (as a newborn) "Just a minute Macie, mommy is going to finish reading this book to Kylie" or whatever...of course they have to learn to share the spotlight but right off the bat, its hard!

It's really easy to tell the older sibs "Just a minute" or "Wait a sec" when the new baby comes, so I made it a point, if I could, to read a book if they asked, or play, etc..instead of putting them off, kwim?

I also asked people who were coming over to say hi to the twins before oohing and aahing, it seemed to reassure them that they hadn't become invisible once Macie arrived

jem0622 replied: I forgot something. I bet Jack has seen a lot of things come for the new baby. He will continue to see that. If you could ask visitors, especially family, to bring something for him (even a coloring book from the dollar store, or a matchbox car)...he would not feel so left out.

skinkybaby replied:
Same here. Sometimes she forgets that her sister is smaller than her and is a little too rough with her, but other than that we haven't had any jealousy issues or regressions with Grace. We prepped her for everything before the baby got here and let her be a part of everything we were doing. Whether that helped or not or if Grace just has an easy going personality, I don't know.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I tend to forget easily, but I don't remember having any problems out of Maddie when Ethan arrived. She was 3 months shy of 4 yo.

She went to most dr appts with me so she got to see the baby often and hear his heartbeat. She was the first one in the hospital room after E was born. She got special gifts from friends while we were at the hospital. At first she really didn't know what to think of Ethan and was sort of stand offish, but I think that is b/c she had been sleeping. In all of 30 mins she was awake and wanting to be back in my room to see him. Instead of Scotty staying at the hospital with me, he took Maddie to our house with him and my mother stayed up there with me. Scotty took her to Chuck E Cheese just to get her out and make her feel special. She loved helping me during the day. She is such a precious child. She is very nurturing and gentle. I spent a ton of time with her, even while I was nursing Ethan, I would sit on the couch and read to her or we would watch a movie together. She is very content on her own so she didn't need a lot of my attention. She was also in school 3 days a week so she had normalcy there. There were never any jealousy issues and I never once worried about her hurting him. She did try to feed him goldfish crackers once and we had an issue with smaller toys once he got a bit older.

I think it's important to remember that while yes, the baby does require a lot of care and attention, the older child needs to know that you are still giving them a lot of attention as well. Like Monica, I would always tell Ethan "Just a minute Ethan, Maddie and I are going to read a story" or whatever. Maddie just LOVED when I did that!!

I don't mean to paint a perfect picture of how things were back then. If you only knew what I go thru NOW. The challenge for me is all right now, as they grow older. The fighting, the jealousy....ugh. But, in the end they really do love each other and I get comments all the time. I'm so glad I have them both and I hope they always remain close.

Brias3 replied: Honestly, we never really had a problem with the transition of a new baby in the house. Ryan was just over three when Aliyah was born and then she was just over three when Mason was born. Aliyah was probably more excited to be a big sister than Ryan was, because she was always very into babies and dolls, and thought it was just the neatest thing, however she did really want a sister

Both were very helpful as new "big" siblings and I think the only thing I noticed was some impatience at times when it came to having my attention, etc. Nothing major, nothing you could even really call an "issue". To be honest though, I really never made a huge deal when I was pregnant about preparing them for the new baby. We'd talk about it and we also had a book on becoming a big brother/sister but outside of that, I didn't make it a main focus because I didn't want it to be ALL about getting ready for the baby, and then ALL about the baby, KWIM? I've learned over the years that things I don't exaggerate or focus heavily on are then things they are calmer and more accepting of, etc. Maybe I was lucky with all of this, but I really feel as though we handled it in the best way to fit our family.

The birth of the new baby each time was made to be very natural in our family and it seemed to have worked. Both Bruce and I made a huge effort to maintain normalcy with how we interacted with the kids, how much special time was set aside for just them, etc. To tell you the truth, I probably face more jealousy and fight issues now that they are older, more so than when there was an infant in the house!

flirtycuddle replied: Jackie was 18 months old when Will was born and she had a big problem with everything. Jackie was out of her crib at 11 months to prep for the baby and once she saw me set it up she litterally tried to sleep in it. When I had Will Jackie came to see me since she had never been away and I had a c-section. She looked at Will in the bassinet and told hm to go away. She wouldnt come near me in the hossy either. It is a big shock and she acted out but I made special time for her. I had her help me pick up stuff and get stuff for the baby. After the first few days home she got a little better but if I ever let her alone with WIll in the swing she would push it as hard as she could. I made the mistake of leaving Will before he could crawl or anything on the futon to get him a bottle and he started crying so Jackie was woried and tried to carry him to me.
Now that they are 2 and a half and one they are the best of friends and love each other all the time. WIll goes to bed and Jackie has to kiss hi9m goodnight and make sure he has his blankie and moneky. They can not be seperated at all or out of sight of the other or they get upset. They can even share for the most part.
Untill the routine is down it is hard and fusterateing but once I got the hang of 2 kids under 2 home alone all the time with them it was alot eaiser. Granted a few times I had to call grandma to come get one of them for a few hours before I went nuts and just that 2 hours wsith just the baby helped so much. Jackie used to love her special sleepovers with just her and grandma so it was a way for her to have something Will couldn't.

Mommy2BAK replied: Blakely has done better than I could have ever expected, I'm sure Jack will do great as well!

gr33n3y3z replied: I never had any problems with any of my children only John all he wanted to do was help with the new babies meaning Erin then Katie