Other people diciplining your child - What do you mind and not mind?

mckayleesmom wrote: The woman spanking someone else's child got me wondering this as well as something that happened this summer. Personally I don't mind if someone verbally diciplines my child as long as its done with regards to their ages. Physically diciplining my child would be a definant no. Both Mckaylee and Russell know that they are not allowed to talk back to an adult and if they get a verbal diciplining from someone that they need to come tell me so I could talk to them myself also.

I personally HATE diciplining someone elses child and will avoid it UNLESS its going to cause harm or something has just gone to far.

This summer we went to dh's company picnic. There was this one toy that looked like a tractor thing and you used the handles to dig in the dirt. There was only 1 of them and of course it was the one toy that everyone wanted to try. Russell waited to try that sucker for 3 hours, but he would get frustrated and keep stepping out of line and going to play something else. There was this one little boy on it ( who was way to big for it in the first place). He stayed on it for about 2 hours non stop and wouldn't let any of the kids on. I figured his parents would say something to him, but I didn't see any around and it didn't happen. This little boy was about 7 or 8 and the toy was really geared towards babies and toddlers. I was sitting on a bench nearby and I could hear everything he was saying. There was one little girl that waited patiently the whole time to get on that thing. He finally got off of it and as she sat down he must have changed his mind. She wasn't budging so he grabbed the handles that controlled the shovels and wouldn't let her play with them. Those shovels are the appeal to the stupid thing. She started to cry and he told her that he wouldn't let go unless she gave him a dollar. The poor thing started to check here pockets. He told her he wasn't going to let go unless she gave him a dollar. I finally had to speak up because he was being a bratt. I very politely said that he needed to let go of the handles and it wasn't very nice of him to try to get her to pay him for it.

That is when I heard him tell me "You are not my mother". I was super shocked. I have never heard a kid so rude. The lady next to me was the commanders wife and her jaw just dropped. I responded that "no I wasn't his mother, but I would be happy to speak to her about his behavior if he would point her out to me". He quickly let go of the handles and walked off, but not without telling the little girl that she shouldn't stay on it to long and to give other kids a try....this coming from the boy that stayed on it for 2 hours.

I think this was the first time I had to resist the urge to spank someone elses child..

When I told Leithan he was shocked, yet thought it was funny that a kid had that much gall. On the way home he asked Mckaylee and Russell what they are to do if an adult. told them not to throw sand or be mean and they both knew that they were suppose to say Yes Maam or no sir and come find us and tell us what they did.

mckayleesmom replied: I forgot to add that when I got up to leave I saw him run up to his mom. She was sitting right behind me reading a book. I know she was sitting there when I said something to him because I looked around to see if I could figute out who his parents were. She had to have heard me say something to him along with his response to me....her book was just to important.

bluebear replied: See, something like your situation I would be alright with. He's being a bully. How would you like it if somebody did that to you?
He was too old in the first place and knew better.
Did Russell ever get on it?

mckayleesmom replied:
He did finally get on it. When they started the awards ceremony for the soldiers most people gathered up their kids to go watch. He played on it for a while, but I (being a fair parent) reminded him that he had to give others a turn too. Nobody was in line for a while, but a little girl came up and he gave it to her. He is a sucker for a cute little girl..

cameragirl21 replied: when my godson had his second birthday we had a party for him at Chuck E Cheese. My GS wanted to go play in the ball pit and they had 2 ball pits, one for little kids younger than 5 and another one inside the jungle gym like thing for biggr kids. The one for bigger kids was a lot less visible so kids of all ages were jumping into the toddlers' ball pit. There was a clear sign there that said it was only for kids under 5. So my gs has always been small for his age and he went into the edge of the ball pit and just sunk into the balls. I was sitting on the edge next to him, just outside the ball pit. And then older boys started jumping in with no regard for the little kids and I was the only grownup there so I told each of them nicely but firmly that they're too big to be in this ball pit and that they need to go to the older kids' ball pit and pointed out where it was. I must have been convincing because each kid took off to go the bigger kids' ball pit before the words were finished coming out of my mouth.
I remember thinking that I have turned into the kind of grownup I used to dislike when I was a kid--telling all the other kids they have to follow the rules but I was too scared one of them would jump on and crush my godson.

boyohboyohboy replied: I am not fine with anyone saying anything to my kids when I am right there, I do feel its my job. I would be fine with the adult pulling me aside telling me they were upset with my childs actions and letting me handle it.

I would be fine with some one speaking to my child or putting them in time out for a punishment, if I was absent, but not putting their hands on my kids.

I babysat the worst kids in the world this past school year and I never put my hands on them, pulled them to time out, was the extent of it.

redchief replied: When you think about it most of us give others permission to discipline our kids all the time without even thinking about it. From the time we hire our first baby-sitter, to the day care teacher to school, we grant disciplinary powers to other adults (or teenagers as the case may be) who prove to us they are able to treat our kids fairly.

Kentuckychick replied: The only time I'm really comfortable disciplining another person's child is when I am teaching, babysitting, or if it's my godkids and the parents are not present. Otherwise, I leave it up to mom and/or dad or whoever's supposed to be in charge.

I have been in the position before a time or two of having to "discipline" someone else's child in front of them, and I didn't enjoy it... but I did it and if it were my own kids, I wouldn't have minded someone else doing the same. We were at the Orchard a few weeks back and a little girl about 6 or 7 repeatedly kept shoving Caydence out of the way. She wasn't necessarily being mean... she just wanted her out of the way quicker than a three year old can move. Finally, after the third or fourth time of her doing it and mom saying nothing I caught her eye and said, "You know, it's really not nice for you to push her. If you need her to move ask her nicely and she will." The mom didn't seem to mind or notice or say anything about it.

I think there are nice ways to "discipline" someone else's child that don't seem so much like discipline. And I also think there are times when regardless of whether it feels right or wrong, disciplining someone else's kid has to happen. I would have absolutely no problem disciplining any kid who was deliberately hurting someone else or doing something that could really hurt themselves.

luvmykids replied: Nothing physical, for sure, and I wouldn't do it to someone elses either.

I don't really mind others telling my kids something...this is such a small town we all have all our kids running around at football practices, etc and we all kind of keep an eye out and tell each others kids when they need to be told. I think we all have an unspoken thing that if we're going to keep an eye on each others' kids that includes setting them straight when needed.

A&A'smommy replied: I use to not mind for someone to tell me child not to do something they NO they aren't suppose to if I'm there and don't see it but I'm finding out now after my best friends husband kept butting in and telling her not to do something when I SAW it, it does NOT take two people to get onto a child and she is mine so its MY job
I don't mind physical punishment from my in-laws, my parents but no one else everyone else if I'm not there can do time out, or verbal discipline.
If I'm there its MY job unless she is in danger and I don't see it (which I promise I watch my kids so it doesn't happen very often).
I have one friend who is terrible at disciplining her own child drives me insane I'm going to have FUN tomorrow keeping her out of Alyssa's room and telling her mom that we no longer allow small children in her room. BECAUSE of kids like her she is destructive and she completely wrecks Alyssa's room and then doesn't make her clean it up, drives me crazy!!!

Our Lil' Family replied: It is a huge pet peeve of mine when someone corrects Thomas when I'm right there perfectly capable of doing it myself. My mother is HORRIBLE at this and it really drives me crazy. She'll even say something to him WHILE I AM! If I don't see it, fine, by all means, but not if I'm there and able.

As for physical....I don't think anyone has had to spank Thomas other than DH and I but just last weekend my mother was here and Thomas was throwing a fit because he wanted me to wipe him and not her. As I was walking into the bathroom I heard her say, "Thomas, behave" and give him a little swat on the bottom. I kinda got a little aggravated by that and I'm still thinking about it a week later. It was by no means hard, he didn't even probably realize it, but still...I think that's MY job and MY decision on when I use physical punishment. So I think I'm against ANYONE other than DH and myself spanking my child. He's old enough to understand words....use them!

I'm not sure how this will play out when he gets to Elem.....they still paddle here, but you can request that your child not be. I think I'd rather be called to the school and I'll do it myself, then he'll be in even bigger trouble at home if I had to go over there!

Calimama replied:
I agree.

We don't spank Miabella, so if someone else tried to, it would not go over well.

I have a friend who tries to discipline Bella when I'm right there. I've spoken to her about it numerous times. Finally one day it clicked. I guess I looked mad enough.

mckayleesmom replied: Like I said..I avoid it at all costs, but will say something if there parent doesn't, especially if there is bullying involved. I also try to make sure I don't speak angrily and age appropriate.

bluebear replied:
Isn't that illegal????!!

luvmykids replied:
Nope, and they do it here in TX too. I'm actually fine with it. I got paddled at school as a kid and it had a much greater effect than my parents doing it.

My kids have never even been to the principals office but I can tell you just the thought of it is very good discipline

Our Lil' Family replied:
Nope. And honestly it takes A LOT to get paddled. They do it out in the hall and always have to have another teacher present. It works, you'd be amazed...one child gets paddled and the others all remember it! I would guess they paddle once or twice a year, max!

MommyToAshley replied: It is implied when you leave your child in someone else's care that they have the right to discipline. I have never left Ashley with anyone excpet my MIL and a very very very good friend that I trust 100%. If I ever had to leave Ashley with a babysitter or daycare, I would discuss the appropriate forms of discpline with them before I did so... but I don't forsee there ever being a reason to leave her with a dcp since I work from home. Even with school, they send home the disciplinary policy. Ashley has never gotten into trouble and would be mortified if she ever did... and her school doesn't spank. I think if they did, we probably wouldn't have chosen that school just because it woulnd't fit with how we parent.

If my child is misbehaving, I don't have a problem with someone saying something if I am not present. However, I would have an issue if anyone touched her. But, like I said, there is never a time I am not with Ashley excpet when she is with my MIL or my friend and I would speak up if she were misbehaving.

I have said something to another child if the parent was not present and the child was doing something that could get them or someone else hurt. For example, there were kids throwing sticks at the playground one time and the parents were anywhere to be found, and so I asked them to stop so that noone gets hurt.

My2Beauties replied:
I seriously think that is very degrading. Wow, I had no clue schools still did this. I have spanked my children even though I've sort of learned through trial and error that it really hasn't worked with my kids so I'm trying other methods now and have tried others in the past but wow.....paddling. A swat on the butt by your mom or dad is one thing, a paddling from a teacher that's on a whole different level and to let other kids watch - nu-uh I'm over here astonished this goes on.

luvmykids replied:
At our school other kids don't watch, I imagine at Naomi's they don't either but word gets around. And like Naomi said, it takes something pretty darn bad to get a paddle. The expectations are well laid out and parents have to have agreed to it so it's not like the principal just whacks someone for no good reason.

I think it happens at our school maybe two or three times a year....it's only for very drastic cases and the thought of it is enough to keep most kids from getting to that point.

Our Lil' Family replied: No, other children do not witness this, but they do know what's going on in the hall. And yes, parents have to agree and are called before this takes place.

BAC'sMom replied: As Naomi and Monica have already stated Corporal punishment is used as a last ditch effort to get a child's attention after all other discipline techniques have failed. At our schools a parent has to sign a form agreeing and then they are also notified before discipline action is giving.


Corporal punishment in school is still legal in 20 States
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Corporal...ited_States.svg

MommyToAshley replied: I guess it is prohibited here. I find it interesting that it is mostly southern states that allow it.

I remember when we moved to Louisiana (my dad was in the army), and I went to school there for the first time. We were in the hall and the class was being a little loud, so the teacher told everyone to hold their knuckles out. I had no idea what was about to happen, and then I was petrified as she came by and cracked everyone's hand with the ruler. I went home and cried for hours... my Mom pulled me out of that school and I never went back another day. I was only in second grade or so, but I still remember how scared I was on that day.

I realize that it's not used as freely now and the circumstances must be different in order to get the paddle, but I don't want Ashley to live in constant fear. She'd have a nervous breakdown if she ever heard of someone getting the paddle in her school so I am glad it is not permitted.

My2Beauties replied:
Oh wow I'm surprised it's legal here in Ky. Well our county must not use it (we're very Northern Ky) we're so close to cincy I wouldn't consider us real Southern anyways (except we like sweet tea ha ha), I've never ever heard of this being used in our county. Maybe it's just a law in the entire state but each district/county can decide how they will use it.