PLEASE HELP...sexually curious 8 yr old boy - Not sure what is normal and what is not

baseballbeachmom wrote: Hi....I am new here, and I need to talk to other Moms of boys so I found this site. I am a SAHM of 2 boys ages 14 and 8.

Even though I am new, I hope that some of you could give your thoughts etc. I know this seems like a very strange topic for a new poster, but I have just been a mess emotionally and needed to talk.

Hi...I have some questions about my 8 year old son regarding sexuality and if what he has done is normal, or a need for concern.

We have a movie called "Sixteen Candles" that he is not allowed to watch, but must have watched it when I was not aware I was in the shower etc). In the movie, there is a nude scene of a girl showering and then there are scenes that talk about underwear.

About a week ago, I walked into his room, and he was stuffing a big sweatshirt down his pants. I asked him (I thought he was trying to make a pregnant tummy) and he got very embarrassed. Later, I found my bra and a pair of underwear under his bed. He wrote on a piece of paper "Sixteen candles underwear kit". He wrote on the underwear "I love you and I kiss you".

I found some drawings where it mostly just shows a boy and a girl and says I love you....and also Sixteen Candles again.

I went into internet history and found that he went into eBay and searched for "girls underwear". I also saw that he tried to find websites making up his own sayings like "hot girls" or "girls in underwear".

I have been sick to my stomach and in tears for the last few days. I don't think he has been molested because he never does anything overtly sexual etc. But unfortunately I do think he might have seen a som sexual stuff on TV and also that movie. I did not have anything blocked online, but now I do.

I have been doing a lot of reading online about what is normal and it seems this is fairly normal, that boys see things on TV etc. But I just cannot let go off my fear that he will become some sexual deviant or pervert or something. I also realize that I think I have my own hang ups about sex.

Has anyone gone through anything with their sons regarding sexual curiousity?

Thanks

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well I am a Mom of an 8 year old boy and to be honest.. I don't know if it's normal or not. I mean yes my son has sexual questions as I am sure all boys his age do. But, he wouldn't have the first clue as how to go to ebay and type girls underwear, or how to search for girls in underwear on the computer. Maybe I have supervised him more on the internet.. but he has no clue as what to do other than HIS games or what I let him do. I can't see him making a 16 candles kit at all. He has teenage sisters and has watched these types of teenage movies with them on occasion and has never acted out like that.

Are you sure we are talking about an 8 year old???

baseballbeachmom replied: Yes..he is 8...sigh

He knows about eBay because we have gone online searching for books, playstation games etc

Cece00 replied: I have talked with my husband about when boys become sexually aware/curious before, and I do not believe its all that unusual for an 8 yr old to be curious. I would, however, monitor what he is watching and his internet usage VERY CLOSELY. An 8 yr old shouldnt be exposed to pornography.

ZandersMama replied: It may be time to have a chat with him about sex. It seems to me that he saw things he didn't understand and is trying to figure them out. And maybe try to watch more close what he is up to online.

lisar replied: My sister has a 7 year old who is curious. I am sorry I am no help. I dont know what to do I have 2 girls. Good luck.

Welcome to the boards...

baseballbeachmom replied:
Has she said anything specifically?

Thanks for the welcome....

holley79 replied: Welcome to the board.

Have you or DH had the "talk" with him yet? I would sit down and talk with him about what is going on. Maybe get a "feel" for what is going on with him. If, after you talk to him, you still feel there is a problem then you may want to talk to a counselor or something. But first things first, talk to him not at him. Kids now a days are maturing and seeing things we weren't exposed to as kids his age. We have to take that into consideration.

redchief replied: Ahh, it appears your eight year-old's hormone drive toward adolescence has begun. His written thoughts seem to be age appropriate for a heterosexual male, and he seems fixated on ladies' lingerie, but that could well be from the impact the movie had on his developing sexual curiosity. At any rate, it's time for a little talk with junior about the birds and the bees. He's going to find out somewhere. Better from you than Ebay.

CantWait replied: No advice here, and I don't know if it is normal as I have an older boy who is now 11 has not taken into that curiousity as of yet, not at 8, not at 11.

I did give him a very explicet book geared for 12+ when he was 10 that explains anything and everything about sex. I also would rather him learn it from there then somewhere else.

I put out a jar and told him if he was to embarrased to ask me personally, then he could write it in there and I would write him back.

Good Luck.

sparkys2boys replied: I have a 8 yr old son.. and not at all sexually curious. He's more into dinky cars and army men.It seems kinda younge to me.. but???He also wouldn't know how to do a search for these things on the net, let alone know how to spell it all?? I agree with Tanner'smom on the first post..are you sure this is an 8 yr old???I can see him maybe watching some movie and wondering... but my Logan won't even watch a kiss scene in a cartoon, he gets grossed out and all embarrased.In any case, I think that you do need to sit down and talk to him,, best of luck, and also welcome to the boards. I hope that you get the answers that your looking for.

redchief replied:
You're right. It is kind of young, but not abnormally so. On average, boys begin puberty from the age of nine or ten. The outward signs of puberty (with the exception of growth spurt) don't become obvious until about the 12th or 13th year. The hormones have already been at work for a few years at that point though. So, it's also perfectly normal for YOUR eight year-old to not have any interest in things sexual yet. There are no absolutes in the growth rates from little boys into men (nor girls for that matter). Some stages go faster than others; some seem to take forever to get through. I seem to remember a 10 year-old start and a 20 year-old finish... I took my time.

mom2my2cuties replied: Ok - guys I am pretty sure this mom is aware of when she gave birth and also aware of the age of her child.

I think 8 is an acceptable age to start "noticing" some kids are more aware of things in thier bodies and around them. Puberty sometimes starts as early as 9-10 and hormones well, as women we know how unpredicitable those can be. I think everyone has pretty much been dead on, I think it is definately time to start talking with your son. I also think you should limit your child's access to the internet. There are some great softwares such as NETNANNY and SAFESEARCH and things like that that will block a lot of access to sites that he isn't ready to see.

my2monkeyboys replied: Welcome to the boards first of all! While my son is only 4, I don't think your son's actions at 8 are something to worry about as far as him being a deviant, etc. I'm sure the fact that he has an older brother plays a part in what he hears/sees, esp if the older one has friends around. (By the way, are you sure it's the 8-yr-old that did the online searching, and not the older one perhaps?) Either way, I agree with Ed that it is time for a talk about the birds and bees, either by his father or you, whichever of you is more available. You may want to start it just by giving him the option to ask you about anything that he's curious about. It may be that he just simply needs a few basics laid out for him, not in full details. Of course, I think it's best to answer any question he has as honestly as you can, and in as much detail as he seems to need. There are some great books you could get at a library that can help too.
I'm sure it will be awkward for you both, but if you can get him talking openly now, there's a better chance that it will remain that way as he gets older as well.
good luck!!!

Calimama replied: I'm pretty sure it's normal. Kids develop hormones at different ages, your's might start at 8... your neighbors son.. 12. No two kids are exactly alike. He seems like a curious little boy. It's a HUGE indicator that he's ready for the birds and bees talk. After the talk I would block any sites that he could use to find naked pictures, and really monitor his computer usage. While it's normal for him to be curious, he still does not need to be looking up porn. The jar idea mentioned in a previous poster is a good idea, and maybe get him a book or two on the changes he's going through. Good luck!

baseballbeachmom replied: Hi again and thank for all the advice!

I spoke to a Psychologist tonight on the phone for about 30 mins and she helped me to feel so much better.

She said boys are developing earlier and often they do have a fascination with panties. She said as long as there is nothing overtly sexual in his behavior (which there isn't), then not to worry about it.

She also suggested getting a book for his age and to give to him in a couple of weeks. I was worried that would peak his interest more and then said that is OK, as long as it's done in a healthy way.

My husband took our son our today for a Jamba Juice and just talked to him a little bit. My son said there is a girl in his class that he thinks is pretty but he knows he cannot kiss her or anything...LOL

To the poster that asked if my 14 yr old was the one looking....no, I could tell it was my younger son by the way he tried to spell things.

Thanks for welcoming me...I hope to stick around. I know you probably all thought I was some weirdo....but I'm not

C&K*s Mommie replied: Nope did not think you were a wierdo whatsoever.

Glad you are sticking around. to the boards, btw!

jem0622 replied: Welcome!

I would get him a book titled 'The Care and Keeping of You'. It's an amazing book, and a good starting point for your conversation. I'll look up a few more that came recommended to me also. I have a 6.5 yr old son and he'll be 7 in January.

I have to say that curiosity is very normal. How you handle the curiosity is what matters most.

He is clearly showing you that he knows the power of the internet and the evil that is out there, so be mindful of that. Keep your PC out where everyone typically is so that you know what is going on. At least you know how to look up the browsing history. You can increase your PC security too so that he cannot even take those steps.

If he is fully aware of what you already know, then he is embarassed plenty.

sparkys2boys replied: nope, I didn't think you were a weirdo at all. That's what the boards are for, asking questions, giving advice etc!!!! I'm glad that you spoke to a professional though, it was righ thing to do!!

redchief replied:


You'd be surprised how many parents get their start here simply because they're overwhelmed on a single issue. I hope you continue to visit and add input. Who knows, one day I might have a question that you have the perfect answer for!

baseballbeachmom replied: Hi again with another question.

The internet has been changed to settings for kids, we have AOL. I Have been sitting next to him when he goes online or just a few feet away and walking by every few minutes. He is usually playing Sponge Bob or something.

Last night, he was trying to kind of turn the laptop away from me. When I looked, he had clicked on an area for dressing up girls, and it showed a drawing of a girl in underwear so you can pick different clothes for her.

Of course my stomach started to turn again...sigh.

I hadn't bought him any books yet, because the therapist said wait a couple of weeks.

But now I am thinking I should. Should I get him a childrens book that shows what girls look like, and maybe then he won't be so curious ....or???? Help!!??

PS...he has ADHD and I was reading last night that this seems to be more common with ADHD boys, their impulsiveness and hyperfocusing.

JanetH replied: lol, this is completely normal. He is at the age to really start investigating stuff like that. No I really don't think that anything has happened to him, just nature taking it's course. Hugs, I know it isn't going to be easy. I have two boys myself and am not looking forward to that time in their life but know it's coming.

redchief replied: If he has ADHD, it's quite possible that this behavior is related. It's still within normal ranges but I would definitely sit down and have a frank conversation with him about why he feels compelled to study the female body so extensively. It could be that he simply has questions he's trying to find answers for. Maybe you can help with that in an age appropriate way.

baseballbeachmom replied: Well, I went to Barnes and Noble to look for a book for him...what an ordeal that was. Many were just way to advanced, talking about pregnancy/birth control etc etc.

I ended up with the book "Where did I come from". It shows drawings of men and women and about love making, and that is it. So I think this might be good for him for now.

baseballbeachmom replied: Another update.....another pair of my underwear were found under his bed. The Psychologist that I spoke to on Monday is someone my husband sees (for career related stuff). My husband had an appt today and since we are more worried again, he went and took 15 mins of his session to talk about our son. He also brought the pictures he had drawn.

She said she feels it is kind of odd, and that he should be A-sexual at this age. She also said it could be a sign of homosexuality, which had crossed my mind....but he has never shown any feminine tendencies at all....and he always names the girls at school that he wants to marry...maybe he is confused.

I am so worried. I have a phone call into a Psychologist that she suggested.

redplaydoh replied:
If one of my children did this, they would immediately lose ALL computer privlidges. Set the rules for this now. You must be able to look at what they are doing at any time, scan history, etc. If you don't firmly put this in place now when he's 8 you'll be in trouble later.