Playdate question - Cleaning up

luvmykids wrote: When you go to a playdate, do you have your kids help pick up before leaving? And when you have one at home, do you ask the visiting kids to help or just wait to see if they offer?

Our neighbor kids are driving me nuts, they come over EVERY DAY uninvited and I send them home and tell them to have their mom or nanny call me first next time, it's gotten to the point that the little boy who is in the twins' class comes straight here after the bus stop I do let them come two or three times a week so I'm not just being mean but the last few times they were here they totally trashed the kids' rooms. I don't usually ASK for help but since they consider themselves family and since it's gotten ridiculous, last time I did. Today their mom made a comment, I couldn't tell if she was joking or being snide.

I don't ask my guests to clean up, of course, but they don't empty every container I have either I just think it's good manners

stella6979 replied: Avery has it imbedded in her brain that she must pick up the toys she plays with and she even reminds me sometimes. LOL! As for her "friends", no, they usually don't help, not even at their own homes.

Our Lil' Family replied:

That was her comment? You're right, hard to tell. To me it's good manners to OFFER to pick up! I always make Thomas help pick up, even if the mother insists he doesn't need to. And I always insist that we'll pick up when we have guests, just because I'm anal and I know where everything goes. I have gotten a little better and come to realize it'll all come out again the next day so I can rearrange toys then, so sometimes I let kids help, if it's really bad.

mckayleesmom replied: I always make my kids pick up....wether its at someones house, the doctors office toys...etc.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: No, Taylor's friends usually do not help pick up. IN some cases it doesn't bother me because the mess is not that bad. BUT the kids that come over and trash her room it really bugs me! there is one set of sisters who currently are only allowed to play outside if they stop by because the mess was HORRIBLE the last time they were here for less than an hour!
I always make Taylor help and I also offer to help. Especially if we have just dropped by or something!

My3LilMonkeys replied: When we are somewhere else the girls always have to pick up before we go. Occasionally they'll be told not to worry about it because the other kid(s) are still playing, and then I let it go, but we always at least offer.

When other kids come here, it all depends. Most of them do at least offer, but if there were a bunch of toys out before they got here or if the girls are going to keep playing I tell them they don't need to help. There are some that don't offer and then I usually make a point to ask Brooke and Madison to pick up right before they leave and ask them to help out.

Crystalina replied: My kids never have company over because we live so far out.

I make my kids clean up at other peoples houses. There is one child we visit that has one heck of a messy room before we get there and in that situation I stand in the doorway right before we leave and just give them a little section to straighten up. I'm not going to make them clean that whole mess.

Maybe you can tell your kids and their company that from now on they have to straighten up the mess 5 minutes before it's time to leave. Whenever you think it's time for them to go just go to them and say,"Okay kids, it's time to clean up the mess because it's time for friends to go home." I'm sure the kids won't think as much about it as you will.

Swood75 replied: Yes,I make my kids pick up when they are at someone else' home or when their friends/cousin comes over here I make them pick up their mess here too...I don't see anything wrong with it..

A&A'smommy replied: Oh I completely agree it drives me NUTS when people bring their kids over and don't have them help clean up. I'm a STICKLER I MAKE alyssa help clean up BEFORE we leave someone elses house.

luvmykids replied:
Kind of, she said "I heard you made my kids work...ha ha ha" and I said "Not really, just asked them to help pick up the toys they'd play with, it was a disaster" and she said "I better not have dinner at your house or I'll be doing dishes ha ha ha"

It actually suprised me that she said something, who knows, maybe her kids exaggerated it

mckayleesmom replied:
I think you need new friends Mon....that would kind of irritate me....Sounds like she is being sarcastic....and not in a good way.

mckayleesmom replied: Also.....since she knows about it...That means that her kids went home and ratted you out....That means they wouldn't be allowed in my house anymore. They can all go play outside...Traitors...

stella6979 replied:
Wow, she sure sounds like a peach. And if she had any manners herself, she'd know it's only polite to offer with the dishes when you eat at someone else's home.

Sam & Abby's Mom replied:
daaaaaaaaang! I think that's a pretty snide comment on her part. Besides, why should she have an issue with her kids picking up toys at your house? If Sam or Abby told me they had to help clean up toys at a friend's house,,I wouldnt think twice about it.

Crystalina replied:
What a Beeping Beeeeeeeeep.

I would have returned the snideness with a **No, I just expect kids who come over and trash my house to have been taught enough manners to try and pick up after themselves but I guess not all of us have that parental skill.**

I would have went all Brie on her.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
No kidding!!!

I always ALWAYS offer to help clean up, and so do my kids. it's just the thing to do. I'm lucky I guess that my friends with kids haev kids younger than mine... we haven't done the playdate that much yet, it's usually outside anyways.

luvmykids replied:
I wouldn't exactly call us friends More like friendly neighbors...they just moved here at the end of last year and at first it was great that the kids had someone to play with but it's gotten out of hand.

Last weekend when she let her kids come over unnanounced I said "Sorry, you guys can't play here today but they can go to your house" and shipped ALL of them right back over there

I actually feel kind of sorry for her daughter, she is 16 and has cerebal palsy, it's pretty mild so she's more like a permanent 10yo and very sweet but I can tell she gets on her moms nerves like crazy so I do try to give the mom AND kids a break from each other but good grief, if they want to come over every day of the week then they can ALL expect that the red carpet got rolled up a loooong time ago

Brias3 replied: I make it a point to ask MY kids if they've helped pick up when I go and get them from a playdate. They typically have already done so, but I always make sure to address it in front of the hosts too, so they know we are trying to be considerate. After all, you deserve the same in return!

I don't think its rude to ask the kids to help your children pick up. If you know when they are due to go home, maybe interject 10-15 minutes prior and ask them to start picking up a bit?

It always kind of blows my mind when some kids come over, trash the place, and leave without so much as a parent asking if they've helped, KWIM? I've always figured that my children are a reflection of me, so I want them to go through life with manners and courtesy....it's hard to be host to others who don't feel the same sometimes!!

luvmykids replied:
Thats pretty much how it went, I guess it was just asking too much

And ITA about kids being a reflection of their parents. Unfortunately it's for the good or bad