Putting baby down...

Danalana wrote: I'm just wondering what your opinions are on this. I think my husband believes I'm just making this up, but I told him that Kade has to be put down a fair amount of time during the day or he will get used to always being held. Before long, he will be one of those kids who can't be put down at all, screaming if you ever try. I just think that if he is sleeping there's no reason to hold him the whole time. And if he's awake and happy, that's a good time to let him lie down and entertain himself. Am I wrong in this, or do any of you have experience that proves this to be a correct theory? I'm not saying we can never hold him--I love holding him, but I put him down a lot during the day. But, as the primary care-taker, I don't want to HAVE to hold him constantly...like, all night and stuff. I guess this is why it doesn't seem to concern him that much...he sleeps all night long while I take care of Kade.
Anyway, thoughts?

A&A'smommy replied: Oh you are COMPLETELY right, they need to be put down some especially to play because that is a good time to help him reach his milestones and make his muscles strong!!!

TrulyBlessed replied: I loved cuddling with my babies and I held them to my hearts content. I never thought of putting limits on how much they were held. They were never ones that cried when they were put down, so I have to say I've never heard of this.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
I agree with this

Swood75 replied: I have to agree with you...I loved holding both of mine,but you need to put them down some or they WON'T ever want to be laid down..You sound like you are doing a WONDERFUL job!!

boyohboyohboy replied: my opinion is, and what i did was....i held them as much as i wanted to. i always picked them up if they cried. I dont believe in the pholosphy that they have to learn to cry it out, my kids met and exceeded their milestones, and were held all the time.
I think babies are unable to communicate any other way and if they are crying then they are trying to tell you something.
now, i also dont see anything wrong with if they are happy, and cooing, putting them down to explore the world...but as far as making them do it, we never did..three kids later!

Danalana replied: Oh, I usually pick him up if I hear a whimper I don't let him cry because it breaks my heart. I'm talking about when baby is sleeping or happily alert. He is still held a lot, believe me. And I would love to hold him every spare minute I have! I have a friend who can't put her 10-month old down for a nap. If he takes a nap, he has to be held the entire time--an hour and a half! I just don't want that to happen to us. And all kids are different. Maybe some can be held all the time and not be spoiled, while others can't. *shrug* I wish I knew...

Bamamom replied: Hold him when you want but I would definitely put him down to sleep - and any other time that you want to and he is content. Don't feel guilty for not holding him constantly - he needs to explore his little world. Sounds like you are doing an awesome job!

abunky replied: well i use to belive holding a baby to much makes them feel that they need to be held constantly , but i held both my boys constantly and i never had a problem , maybe its just a person prefference

mckayleesmom replied: I think that as long as he is content ...then there is no need to hold him constantly unless you want to hold him.

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: I agree with you.

moped replied: You are 100% correct...............

mommy~to~a~bunch replied: I've NEVER put a limit on how much they are held, why on earth would you? Holding them a lot does NOT "spoil" them; on the contrary - it helps them feel more secure knowing that their needs are being met. A baby that is held a lot will become independant sooner than one who is not held much. I think holding them while they are sleeping is so precious, I do it whenever possible.

lovemy2 replied: You are a brave girl posting this - its kinda like a CIO post Could turn ugly...

That being said - I do agree with you - and BOTH my kids - play by themselves, go to sleep by themselves in their OWN room in their OWN bed with no tears, etc. - I always attended to my kids when they needed me and then some - and always spent time playing with them when they were on the floor but I also taught them and continue to teach them to be independent little beings - so far it has worked well - no one feels neglected and Mommy can get some things done - although not as much as I used to but that is ok - the house can wait

You are doing a great job Dana -

lovemy2 replied:
I 100% DO NOT agree with this statement......

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:

Can you elaborate please?

I like my kids to feel secure and loved, and if that means holding them all the time, that's fine with me. I have several different slings I use to keep them close. MANY other cultures wear/hold their babies a lot, and they are probably more secure and developed than those in our culture that are forced to play on thier own and made to cry to sleep.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Everyone's parenting style is different, but I agree with your ideas. My kids were always held lots, but I would put them down whenever they were sleeping and they had plenty of time to lay on a blanket or whatever as well. Giving them that time helps their little muscles to strengthen and it gives them a change of scenery as well.

Danalana replied:
Apparently, I have to learn what the "hot button" topics are. I just don't get worked up about things like this, so I guess I don't expect that others will. I honestly don't care what other people do. All I know is that Kade is full and dry and happily kicking and cooing in his bassinet right now. I held him for quite a while and then put him down, and I think we're all ok with that

lovemy2 replied:
You got it girl!!!

lovemy2 replied:
You can't say a child who is held alot will become independent faster than a child who isn't......its a parenting style - if it works for you - go with it - most good parenting styles don't work 100% of the time - I am sure my kids are just as happy as yours and they were not held all of the time - they were held alot don't get me wrong - and like I said - I am glad the way you do things works for you and your family - they wouldn't work for me and my family but that's OK cause I don't have to do them -

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
So if you don't care what other people do, why post questions asking for other people's thoughts & opinions ?

stella6979 replied:
Me neither.

boyohboyohboy replied: dana, I think you are doing a great job, and just knowing you from the time you have been on the boards, I am sure you hold Kade tons!!! and kiss him tons! and count his toes tons!
soon enough he will be wiggling like crazy to get out of your arms, and into a potted plant to dig up that dirt, or else to drop some of his toys in the toilet, or maybe rub some lotion all over your bathroom!
hold him when you want, put him down when you dare!!

luvbug00 replied:

noone forces them, allowing them to play on their own is good for them. I have chores to do, I'm not gonna entertain jackob 24/7 he has to learn to do things on his own. as for the holding i might, but my arm gets tired pertty fast as I am not blessed with 5 kids like you and do not have the upper body strenth to hold my kids all day long. As for the other cultures there are some who do't even tuch their children at all and they are very independent. it's a catch 22 none is "right" per say. But there were so many years in this country where what dr. said was gospel and now people are learning to do their own thing. so if it works for you then but i can tell you it doesn't work for me.

coasterqueen replied: I say do what you want. I held my babies ALL the time. I slung them every where and kept them close to me 24/7. My choice, it worked for me. Everyone has to do what works for them.

________________________________________________________________

For those who don't agree with others....IGNORE them. Everyone has a right to their opinion. If you don't like it - don't listen to it. Seriously, don't we teach our children these types of things every day? Why as adults we can't seem to grasp this concept as well????

coasterqueen replied: Dana,

BTW, my husband disagreed with me holding our babies so much. He thought they should be put down more ---- then he realized he liked holding our babies just as much.

Basically what I'm saying is if you, your husband and Kade are happy with how you decide to do things, then do them that way. If your husband wants to hold him more - let him. If you feel he needs more independent time, then do so. It will all work out in the end. Even if you and your husband don't agree -- your parenting skills will compliment each other and balance out to a nice happy median in the end.

moped replied: To Dana, Mollie and Christine:

I have a pretty good example of this with Laila. My mom came when she was 2 weeks old. The first 2 weeks of her life I could lay her in her bassinette and she would put herself to sleep with NO CRYING.......she was happy to sit in her chair etc. My mom arrived and held her 24/7 pretty much for 2 weeks. then my sister came after that for 2 weeks, so she had 4 weeks of being held all the time. After they left I had a VERY hard time putting her in her bassinette and she felt she should be held all the time -sorry but it isn't possible to hold her 24/7 when I have another child and a house to run........ya know? So it was quite difficult to break that pattern and I would not recommend it personally.

Yes holding them all the time is fine if you have nothing better to do but honestly I feel they need to learn a bit of independance even at 2 weeks old etc.

My personal feelings - and I am not referring to any CIO approach - although I firmly believe in that as well!

moped replied:
Words i am sure every new mom has spoken

coasterqueen replied:
Oops, I accidently hit the edit button on your post hun, but I didn't edit anything. I meant to quote you.

You know that yours and my parenting styles clash, but I value your opinion and think it's great for all mothers, new and experienced to see both sides of each style.

The only reason I'm posting is to let new mothers know that it is possible to hold your baby as much as you want and get things done. I know it's not for everyone, and I respect that, but for those who want to do both, you can. It might be a bit more stressful to some, to others not. I got a LOT done by slinging my babies. If you have a little one around and want to do things with that one and want to hold your baby (or in some cases those of us whose baby just screamed if you didn't hold them (reflux, etc) - slinging is a great way to do what I like to call "multi-task".

ETA: That the comment about you can hold your baby if you have nothing better to do....come on. IMO there is nothing better to do that holding your baby.

lovemy2 replied:

moped replied:
Oh yes I agree Karen, thank you....I am not a slinging kind of mom, I did have her in her snugli for a while after all the company left, but thought I was encouraging bad habits

kimberley replied: i totally agree with Karen. this is a message board. if you cannot handle opinions that are opposite to your own, don't read hot topics. everyone is entitled to their opinion... doesn't mean we have to change our own

moped replied: Mollie, keep in mind that reading Dana's OP it sounds like she doesn't want to carry and hold him all the time...........I amy have read it wrong but that is what I am getting from it.

kimberley replied: as for my personal opinion, i believe tending to a child's needs is an important part of developing their security. when they are small, they are unable to communicate what they want other than crying, so ignoring their cries could be ignoring something important. i wore my babies also and had no trouble with their independence later on.

internationally, US and Canada are really the only nations who push their children to be independent from birth. co-sleeping to the age of 6yrs old is normal in most of europe.

skinkybaby replied: She stated that she didn't mean letting him cry it out or anything of that nature. Just letting him have some "me time".

My2Beauties replied: Dana,

This is just from my own personal experience....Brian's grandmother was Hanna's daycare provider until she was 3.5 years old (when Aubrey was born) and she held Hanna constantly as a baby. I mean all the time, she would not put her down. Hanna would not crawl at all, it was like she hated the floor, she hated being on her belly at all, you would put her on her belly and she would scream, I got lucky in that she did walk at 10 months so I finally got a break once she would walk, but my point is they had that child so spoiled from being held to the point where when I got home and had to fix supper, clean the house etc...it was next to impossible because she wanted to bepicked up all the time. She never slept good until she was 18 months old, because his grandma would hold her during ALL her naps all day for hours on end. I had the HARDEST time getting her to sleep well. Even in our bed she would wake up continuously, we tried everything. I asked his grandmother several times to please put her down on the floor, let her explore, let her play, etc....She is 4 now and is fine but let me tell ya it was hard.

Aubrey on the other hand has always been in daycare, there are 9 other kids there, the sitters don't have time to hold her 24/7 and for this she is MUCH MUCH more independent than Hanna was. She will crawl around, explore, play, and she does not have any problem being on her own. Obviously this doesn't mean she roams the house, but if I'm in the kitchen she will play on the floor happily or she will sit in her highchair and eat or play with toys for a while.

Don't get me wrong she gets fussy sometimes and wants to be held, more so earlier on when she was not getting around on her own crawling and what not but it was far less than the way Hanna was. Until Hanna walked she didn't go into hardly anything on her own, not a swing, not a bouncy seat, nothing.

A&A'smommy replied: BTW we all know that what you meant dana I could NEVER let my child CIO it just wasn't for me. But I do think babies need play time on the floor (which btw I was always sitting next to her playing with her) and unless you want your child to be held all the time then I would lay him down to sleep some. Some of the best cuddle time me and lissa ever had she was sleeping. It totally dpends on you and your husband and I say since he probably isn't home as much as you to go ahead a let him hold him while he sleeps because that is their bonding time. But anyway iget what you were saying....

Danalana replied: When i said i don't care what anybody else does, i mean i'm not going to argue about it. There is no absolute right way in parenting because babies are different...but apparently some people are in the boat with me. hey, i'm holding him right now and he's asleep. I don't say that i will hold him x number of hours and then put him down. But some people around me have had bad outcomes after holding their babies all the time. If you didn't great. It doesn't mean others won't. And Kade might do fine being held constantly, but I enjoy seeing him lying by himself and discovering his world.

coasterqueen replied:
Yes, there are people who agree with your style and that is completely fine. Are you posting this because you want reassurance that you aren't alone in your style? If so then just ask that in your OP. If you don't, yes, you are going to get the other side of the coin here. If you are asking something specific like "I only want those who feel the way I do to reply" then you won't get the opposing side of the coin and won't be taken back when they do.



Just keep up what you are doing - it seems Kade is happy with it and so are you and that is what matters.

Calimama replied: If he's sleeping and content I sure would put him down. Miabella slept on her own right away and she still to this day is a wonderful sleeper. We didn't do CIO at that age or anything but if she was fast asleep I put her in her bed and went to sleep myself.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: There's no better time to get Kade used to playing on his own than when he's in a great mood.

I held my babies a lot, but I put them down a lot too and entertained them away from being on me... I'm all for being "there" for my kids... but at the same time, I don't have a maid, I don't have a cook, i don't have a nanny for my other kids... I enjoy doing crafts, I do yoga, I play musical instruments... I wasn't about to carry my baby around on me all day. Life's unfair, and sometimes they just gotta be doing their own thing, and you yours.

Even now that my kdis are older, I use a timer for Mommy Time. The kids are not to bother me abuot anything until the timer goes off. Of course i still supervise them while I'm doing my own thing... but they're not to whine to me about anything or ask me to play with them until the timer goes off. That's time for me to read a magazine and sip my coffee..ya know?

There's nothing wrong with either holding your baby all the time, or putting him down now and then. It says nothing about the type of parent you are... and everything about the type of baby you have. Every baby is different... and what may work for one mom and that child's development may not work for the next mom and child... it doesn't mean someone is a worse parent than another. Kids all develop at different paces... and having 3 kids, and having treated them pretty evenly, I can tell you that while Zach was a great time-on-his-own baby, Emilie wasn't... and Naomie, although always happy, couldn't be left on her own for very long. does it mean I failed one versus the other? no. Every child is different.

We should all remember that smily faces don't make comments any nicer, and we should remember to try to refrain from making unecessary comments to fuel the fire. If you have an issue with something.. use the report button. that's what it's there for.

Mommy2BAK replied: Dana, I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job. Like you said, each parenting style is different and right in their own respects. Blakely was my first child so naturally I wanted to sit and hold her all day, and thats just what I did, she slept with me, and I put her in a sling and I carried her everywhere... attached to my hip, everyone would call her my treefrog because thats what she looked like. And to this day (she is 3 1/2) she has seperation anxiety from me, I feel a little guilty because I know if I would have let her be a little more independant she wouldn't have such issues, or even if I would have let others hold her, rather than always just me. So with Ayden we have done things a little different, not alot, because he does sleep with me, but I let him have more activity time with his toys and swing and jumper ect. and that has worked out much better, although I'll have to see what he's like at 3 1/2 to really compare the two. Anyways, just wanted to offer my own experience! Good Luck, and don't forget... those boys may not want much to do with us mommies once they are big enough to run from us and play in the mud and all those boy things, so take advantage of all the snuggles while you can!

Danalana replied: Karen, that's a good point. I knew there would be differing viewpoints. But no, I don't mind people disagreeing with me. heck, I don't know very much about all of this, and that's why I ask questions...not to argue.
And I did ask for opinions. But opinions are just that...they aren't facts. Inevitably, if you ask for opinions, you get somebody whose "opinion" is the only way to do something.

Sorry i'm more mouthy than usual. On top of the post partum stuff, AUNT FLO has returned!

coasterqueen replied: Tammy,

It's interesting that you've seen a difference. I've seen the opposite with my two. I carried Kylie 10X more than Megan. I thought Kylie was so clingy to me because I held her more and that was her reason for seperation anxiety, etc. So with Megan, yes I held her a LOT but I think she got more independent time by far than her sister. At the same age of 3, Kylie had less seperation anxiety than Megan does. Kylie is in fact too independet for her age (as her teachers say) and Megan is constantly wanting me to hold her, have my attention, etc.

I think overall it has a lot to do with the child's personality than anything. Because for me Kylie was SUPERGLUED to me (seriously that kid never left my side) and she's as independent as it comes. Megan was not as superglued to me and just doesn't want to leave my side -- even to go to her father.

moped replied:
I agree 100% with this Rocky!

coasterqueen replied:
I completely agree with you Dana. I think the thing is, even if someone says their way is the only way, we are all adults here and those that are offended by that should just turn a cheek. Our children are going to encounter that so many times in their lives and if we tell them to spout back to those who says their way is the only way every time, well they'll be in a lot of trouble. Teaching them to just turn a cheek seems like the better way to do it. Of course I'm not saying my way is the way I just don't see how arguing helps, like you said.

For all of those on this thread or any thread on this board - if someone says their way is the right way and you don't agree.....don't post back arguing with them....just turn a cheek. Heck, my way is the right way ALL the time, but I just turn a cheek and don't tell you all that. J/K.

Seriously, if you don't agree with someone and can't POLITELY disagree with them on here ---just don't say anything and things won't turn into debates.

BAC'sMom replied:
Yes Dana your theory is correct. You need your time and setting him down to let him entertain himself will not damage him in the least. All my children have turned out great, they are all independent and hold no resentment towards me for doing so. In order to reach their milestones they will have to be put down on the floor to roll over, sit up, crawl and even walk. A child can’t learn to do any of those things if you are constantly holding them.

Crystalina replied: Dana~
Your a new mother and should ask any question you want to. Some people think that because they've btdt that what they say is more right then not. Not so. I think the whole baby holding thing is not right or wrong. I think it just depends on the child. Izabella was held all the time and never cared if she was put down while I did the dishes or whatever else. Evan,on the other hand, was also held all the time and when I put him down would scream. I seriously think it's not a right or wrong but just how the child will handle it. They are not machines and there is no right or wrong way. They have their own little souls and personalities and what may work for one baby may not even come close to working for another. Don't be afraid to ask a million questions and I really don't understand how this could be considered a "hot button topic". People just make it that way. It's a simple question.

I'm sure you're doing fine with Kade. Do what you feel is right for you and him.

HuskerMom replied: You're doing a great job!

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
Well, I have more kids than anyone here, and I still manage to hold my babies a lot. It's not just me holding them either, DH & my older boys do too. I have a much larger house to run than you too. It's a matter of deciding what your priorities are; to me, a brand new baby DESERVES my complete attention, mostly to make sure breastfeeding is going well.

Whatever works for you!

BAC'sMom replied:


Keep your chin up Dana your doing a wonderful job

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I had the exact same experience with Andrew and Alison! I held Andrew ALL the time when he was a baby. I loved holding him so I did - I'm not sorry that I held him a lot but I wish I had put him down sometimes. He was so used to being held that he wouldn't tolerate being put down at all. I was afraid to put him down for even a few minutes to go get myself something to eat, so I'd bring him with me into the kitchen and do everything one-handed. As a result, I could never put him down without him crying, and I had to nurse him to sleep every night, and ended up co-sleeping because he wouldn't sleep on his own. I'm not against people who co-sleep, but it was just something I wasn't very comfortable with. I was always afraid that I'd pull the blankets up too high in my sleep and smother him, and I was afraid that Dh or I would roll over on him. Because Dh is a heavier sleeper than I was, I ended up sleeping in the middle and putting Andrew on my other side, so I had to sleep on my left side all night long - I was afraid to face away from him - and was sore and tired every morning. Also, Andrew took a long time to roll over and crawl because I never put him down to play. Now he's almost three and he's still very clingy to me and Dh- he won't go play in his own room by himself, and he doesn't even like to watch tv by himself.

We did things a lot differently with Allie and it's worked our really well. Of course I held her a lot, I know that babies need to have that contact. But I made sure to put her down several times a day, either in her swing, bouncy seat, or just on a blanket on the floor. She played by herself and would be happy and content - something Andrew would never do. I would put her in the kick and play seat and bring the seat into whichever room Roo and I were in so she could watch what was going on, and she would just sit and watch, or play with the toy bar. I never nursed her to sleep, but made sure she was awake when I laid her down, and she always went right to sleep on her own without crying. Now there are times when she cries a little after I put her in her crib, but it's never for long and then she goes to sleep - most of the time she doesn't cry at all but just talks to herself until she falls asleep. Andrew still needs us to lay down with him to fall asleep, and he spends more than half the night in our bed.

Sorry that turned out to be way too long. Bottom line is, I agree with you. I loved to hold and cuddle both my babies, I can see now that I coddled Andrew and it wouldn't have hurt him in the least to let him play on his own - in fact I think I did the wrong thing by never putting him down because then when a time came when I absolutely needed to put him down - i.e. when I had to go to the bathroom or was standing in front of a hot stove and needed both my hands - he'd just scream and be so upset.

kimberley replied: if the bickering can't stop, the thread will once again be closed like the others in the past.

if you don't like someone or their views, ignore their replies!!

this is a public board and anyone has the right to express their views and what has worked for them! that is the whole point of the forums... to share our personal experiences with parenting. take what you find useful and ignore the rest. please.

Jamison'smama replied: I was a baby slinging, breastfeeding, attachment parenting mama --Jamison is an independent little soul, Jack is much less so but is doing fine. I held my kids as much as possible when I was doing things around the house.. When they needed tummy time, they got it. For me, it just made more sense. If I needed to cook or clean the house and I wanted to keep an eye on the baby, I would sling them. If I was relaxing or doing something where I was sitting or just wanted play time with them, they would get their tummy time and independent play time.

I just went with the natural flow of things. When they are infants, their actual "play" is limited to what we do with them. As the kids got older, they had more independent time--they'd sit with toys around them etc. I held both kids very often as infants and it did not hinder anything. They both play very well alone.

There are studies that show attachment parented kids do become independent faster than non--however I would have to research the research to understand the validity but I have heard the information that Mollie stated earlier.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I held Taylor all the time! The housework is the only thing that felt any ill effects of that choice. Now that she is almost 7 and it looks like she will be our only baby I am SO GLAD I did choose to nurse for an extended period,co-sleep,and stop 'ME' time for a short while...It goes by so fast and now those few years are precious memories that I will cherish forever! She is a well adjusted child. Smart,well spoken and VERY independant! As long as your child is being held and fed and loved-the amount of time you hold them is all personal preference. In the end everyone is going to do what works best for their families

holley79 replied: One first time mom to another.

Dana you are doing awesome. I was so back and forth on what I was doing right or wrong. I just finally said the heck with it and did what I felt was right. If I wanted to hold Annika, I held her. If I needed to do something, I did it. Annika had plenty of "Mommy Time" and plenty of "Annika Time". I co- slept till Annika was a year old, she CIO after her 1st birthday (It killed me and I had to stand across the street, literally.), I breastfed till Annika was almost 2 and weaned her. I worked fulltime and enjoyed every minute I was home with her.

Bottom line, what works for you and Kade you go for it. He is a happy healthy baby and you need to be a happy healthy mommy. Without a happy mommy there is no happy baby.

TrulyBlessed replied:
I need to move to Europe, I co-slept with both of my daughters. Alyssa is 4 and she is still in my bed. I'm going to try to not co-sleep with the new little one though..... we'll see!

TrulyBlessed replied: Also, I'm getting ready to be a 3rd time mom and I have noticed that my own parenting style has changed from child to child. Partly because I tried to follow the "book" (that doesn't exist) with my firstborn, then became more confident in myself with the second child, so I was more relaxed and the children are different and different things worked for each of them. I'm sure I will do somethings differently with my 3rd child because he will be his own person and what worked with the first two may not work with him and because as time has gone on I have discovered what I could have done differently with my other two.

MommyToAshley replied:
I agree.

I held Ashley often (probably too much according to most people) I nursed her to almost 17 months (again too long in many people's eyes), I rocked her to sleep every night (probably a big no-no in the view of some), I got up in the middle of the night when she cried and would nurse and rock her back to sleep (again, not something that the sleep books say to do) -- but in the end, I am glad I did all those things. It's what I felt comfortable with doing as a parent. I may have been sleep deprived, but I now cheerish and miss those moments. Ashley is so independent now that I have to track her down for some snuggle time. They're not babies forever, and it's not like they are going to go off to college nursing, co-sleeping, or wanting to be held.

I remember stressing over tummy time. Ashley hated her tummy, and never got the "tummy time" that was supposed to be so important for their development. She would scream if I put her on her tummy, so I didn't put her through that. As a result, she didn't roll over until she was about 6 months old... but she could pull herself up and sit up at 4 months and was walking by 9 months -- and that's not what order the book says things are suppose to happen. Looking back now, I laugh at myself for stressing about not giving her tummy time... but back then it was something that was a big deal and something I worried about.

So, I say do what you are comfortable with and try not to follow any book or plan too closely. If there was one thing I could do over again, it would not to stress so much about whether I was doing everything perfect and the right way.

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
Well said! I really don't care about "me" time, my kids are more important now. I'll have plenty of "me" time when they are grown & gone.

And I firmly believe you cannot spoil a baby. I just don't see how that's possible, and why wouldn't you not want to? I LOVE spoiling my kids with attention .

Jackie012007 replied: I think to each's own. I struggled with this a lot when Carly was a newborn. She was colicky and wanted to be held 24/7 and with my PPD it was really hard, I felt like I was a bad mom for not holding her all the time. But I think babies need their own time too, like you said, Dana - to explore their little world. Don't feel bad, you are doing great!

All though, in retrospect: now that I have a busy body toddler who wants to GO GO GO , I wish I had held her a little more and enjoyed it. Enjoy it while you can, because as soon as they become mobile, snuggle time is over LOL!

moped replied:
We are all here for our kids, but I guess if that makes me a selfish mom then I am guilty as charged. i think what makes me a better mom in a day is if I am showered, dressed, makeup and ready to take on the day...........I guess that is my "me" time -

mommy~to~a~bunch replied:
Even I take the time to get dressed, but I don't shower everyday. And I even brush my teeth too! Whatever makes you feel like a good mom, by all means do it. You're not selfish - I never said you were.

Danalana replied: As far as research goes, you can find research that proves anything you want to argue. Last night, I was reading on it, and I found a few articles that say we can actually overstimulate our babies sometimes and they benefit from down-time. it said overstimulation can cause more gas problems, so I guess we could argue that more down time helps prevent more gas
I get that it's whatever works for individuals. I just don't want anybody thinking I neglect him or put him down for extended periods of time. It's hard for me to put him down, and he doesn't stay down long. As long as he is cooing and having a good time, I leave him and just watch. As soon as it turns to not-so-happy sounds, I pick him up again. I try to give him tummy time too, and he likes that. He likes his swing, so I put him in there sometimes. I'm just giving what he seems to need.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:


Ladies, LADIES!! Haven't we ALL made a post about not having time to shower some days? Or not be able to put on some nice clothing? Or not be able to do the dishes? Especially with a new baby? I remember quite a few posts about not having "time" to do stuff.

Come on now... it's not about being a bad parent or being selfish for taking the time to shower or not rather than hold your baby... why does this have to be nitpicked??? Geeeeeeez!!

Crystalina replied:
I agree with you Dana. You can find a study for just about anything out there for both sides of an argument. Both claim to be "right". I think people should just stop reading those stupid studies and do what works for you in your own house. What might work for one may not for another. Studies Shmudies.

Mommy2BAK replied:
That is so true. You can find anything you want to find on the internet these days

holley79 replied:
I agree they can be overstimulated. It all depends on the child. I could tell when I had too much Annika time of my own. She would get fussy. I would put her down and she was content with her little toys.

Mommies do waht mommies have to do. I would put Annika in her bouncer in the bathroom while I showered because DH was at work. She would sit there and I would sing to her while I showered. When I got out I would dress and put my face on. Now in the mornings she is wanting to put her face on.

Danalana replied: I do the same thing! Well, except for my face...