Question...

mummy2girls wrote: PLEASE PLEASE do not turn it into a debate.....What would you do in my shoes... One of my dayhome moms dropped her little one off yesterday morning and asked if i have a brother shawn. I said yes why? and she said well she is on a dateing site and she met a shawn on there. the description, where he works and everything is the same. BUT I dont know for sure if its him until i see a pic. So i am givign her my email and im asking her to email me his picture. She told me she would do it for me. So until I see the pic im not sure. If it is him when i see the pic what would you do? You see he has cheated on his wife many times and she caught him online many times doing this and even did you know what with a chick as well that my SIL found out. He is just not a trsutworthy guy at all as sad as that is. so if i have this info do i just bite my tongue and just hope she finds out or would you approach? if someone caught marcus cheating i would like to know this info! UGH!!!!

Farelle replied: Hmmm? I guess maybe it depens on how close you are to your brother? I'm really close to my brother so I think I would first ask him about it. Are there kids involved? That might persuade me one way or the other. I would want to know if my DH was cheating. But I'm curious if she has caught him cheating before, why is she still with him? Maybe there's more going on than you know about? I think I would have a zero tolerance for cheating, my philosophy is if you want to go be with someone else, don't let the door hit you in the ___ on the way out!

jcc64 replied: I would absolutely NOT approach the wife with this info, if it turns out to be true. You never want to get in the middle of other people's marital issues, family or not. I do think it's your place, however, to speak with your brother about it privately. Try to be as non-judgmental and supportive as you can, but let him know that his behavior is destructive and hurtful, and encourage him to seek counselling of some sort.
Rough spot to be in, I'm sorry, Shelley!

mummy2girls replied: i do agree guys to not approach wife and just talk to my brother! Im jkust at a loss for words!

bawoodsmall replied: Even though I would want to know I couldnt do it. A good friend of mine just told me that she saw my brother out in public making out with someone and it wasnt his wife. I feel horrible for her but I wont tell or talk to him about it. More than likely he would just deny it and I am not going to be the troublemaker of the fam. I am supposedly already the snob.

sparkys2boys replied: Yuck, what a spot to be put in. Hopefully it will turn out to not be him and you wont have to wory over it.

Cece00 replied:
This is what I would do, too.

MommyToAshley replied:
I agree completely. But, it sounds like if he has a history of cheating on his wife and she's caught him before, then she probably already knows or even suspects. I would suggest that they both should seek counseling.

A&A'smommy replied: It probably most definitely would not be a good idea to talk to his wife first... but I don't see anything wrong with talking to your brother.. he probably needs to talk to someone about it anyway!!

CantWait replied: I'm getting that he's still with his wife.
I'd tell the lady who's children you're caring for this information if and when you actually found out it "IS" your brother. Just let her know that, you know "I don't know what the arrangement is, but he is married".
Then she can decide for herself if she wants to pursue him, but at least you let her know, because you don't know if your brother is being truthful with her about his relationship status, which might put you in a rough spot later if he is lying to her.
As for your SIL, ya don't say anything, but if you feel comfortable, talk to your brother.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I'm on the other side, I WOULD say something to his wife because if I were her and nobody told me, I would be PI$$ED! When you play with fire that is what happens, you get caught with your hand in the cookie jar. He deserves to be told on. I hate it when people don't take their marriage vows seriously and they deserve to get ratted out when they do something this stupid and don't come clean to their spouse. If his wife gets mad at you, oh well, she'll get over it and realize you did her a favor. If he gets mad at you, who cares, considering this would not be the first time this has happened. JMO.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
I agree

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Well this is just me, but I would tell the mom that I'm not interested. Yes, I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me, but don't tell me unless you actually saw it with your OWN two eyes. As in physically saw my DH with another person, kissing or doing something of the sort. Otherwise it's just gossip IMO. And in this case, your mom friend only saw a picture online, maybe chatted, but that's it right? So again, I wouldn't go there.

Calimama replied: I would wait until I saw if it's ACTUALLY him before stressing out.

luvbug00 replied: Honestly i have NO idea what i would do after rembering that the messenger always gets shot,...i'd just ignore the whole thing.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I dunno, I kinda feel in the same place I am pretty sure I know of someone cheeting but unless I have real proof I am not about to tell the wife. Even if I do get it I am not sure I coudl break her heart that way.......I dunno I guess wait to see if its him first

Nina J replied: If it does turn out to be your brother, I would approach him. And, like others have said, tell him it's destructive behaviour. You shouldn't go through one door unless the one behind you is closed.

But then, depending on what kind of person your brother is, he could easily delete his account and his wife may be none the wiser and if you tried to tell her, then theres no proof.

Celestrina replied: I wouldn't recommend telling her because you don't want anyone in the family blaming you for their breakup. Even though he is the one cheating, you might be held responsible in other's eyes if you were to tell her.

TANNER'S MOM replied: It has been my experience that they always kill the messenger. Unless it affects me or my family then I don't say anything. If he has been caught cheating in the past, then it's my thoughts that she knows what is going on. Whether she accepts what she knows in her heart is between her and Shawn. If I had to say anything, I would say it to him personally.