Question about - controversial questions

HuskerMom wrote: How many of you respond to potentially controversial topics? I try to stay out of them unless it's something I know something about or have had personal experience with.
I got in a long debate in college in my online class with this woman that lasted about 2 weeks. She had said that ALL goths were evil. It irritated me bc she made a generalization about all of them that was not true. I told her that all the goths I knew were some of the nicest people I had met and at that time I dressed a little goth once in awhile and I was most certainly not evil. That started this long debate and I dreaded that class everyday. Other people in the class said they actually started looking forward to the class everyday. Our teacher finally had to end it.
Anyway I was just curious if you guys respond or stay out of it? (and I don't want to start a debate about goths)

Crystalina replied: First of all I happen to think some goths are very pretty. I love goth art and I'm a country housewife. I actually do alot of goth sigs for girls. I don't dabble in the religious factor of it but more the look of the person, character. That's what I like.

If it's a controversial subject that's been run into the ground I stay away. If it's a new one and I have something to say I say it. If it's one that comes up every once in awhile and has never really ended I will say something if I'm in the mood.

cameragirl21 replied: It should come as no surprise that I love controversial topics...I am a lifelong critical thinker and controversial topics by their nature encourage critical thinking. It's also very aquarian of me.
I think what I have learned thru debate here because it's obviously much easier on non moderated forums and IRL environments is to express myself carefully and think twice about how I pose things because I have learned that people can take offense when it was not even close to my intention.
I think also much of what I say is often misunderstood because many people shrink away from controversy and debate and automatically see something menacing or malicious in any sort of controversial topic. I believe that just about any topic can be discussed maturely and rationally without offense to anyone if it is handled properly by all involved.
As for being misunderstood, for instance, when I asked about what the majority thinks would be fair, I found that many simply were defending the status quo which I did not question at all. In fact, in other threads, others questioned the status quo so my question really was--how would the status quo have to change in order for you to feel you and your beliefs are being treated fairly? Some people answered the question and others simply defended the status quo which may mean that they are more satisfied with it than they realize.
I am very liberal to say the least but even for me, it's hard to envision change sometimes and I have no illusions that I asked a difficult question that is very hard to answer.
I think controversial topics are like any other topic--if they make you uncomfortable or you don't feel the desire to contribute then move on to another topic.

luvmykids replied: I used to have a strong desire to be understood but gave up a long time ago I'm not afraid of controversy, I'm just tired of controversy that doesn't end up in any further understanding. If I'm going to be open to others I expect the same in return. Sadly, I usually end up feeling like I have to defend my opinions/beliefs/values. I'm sure I've made others feel that way as well, as hard as I try not to.

The short answer would be I usually get drawn in and wish I'd stayed out, so I'm trying to just leave them alone. We'll see if I can actually do it

BAC'sMom replied: I feel most of the time controversial topics are made just to stir the pot. I usually stay out of them; there is no sense if getting worked up about things that do not directly affect my children’s lives or myself. I choose to reply to posts about “real life” or parenting issues. If a post is 16 paragraphs long I tend to move on to another one that I can read in a matter of minutes. Being a busy Mom of 3 I don’t have that kind of patience or time.

PrairieMom replied: I like the controversial topics. I think its nice some times to touch on things that are a bit "deeper " than the normal everyday "what can I do about this diaper rash , how do I get my toddler to eat" stuff.

I Don't always respond, but I almost always lurk around in them. I view PC as a place I can come and learn, if thats about children and parenting good, if its about other peoples cultures thats good too. I feel that everyone has a right to express their opinions, and I also know that no matter how much I try I will not be able to change people's minds, so I just take things for what they are worth, learn from the things that are useful to me, and let the other stuff go.

moped replied: I think that the hot topics belong on another board....IMHO

Anthony275 replied:
I second this.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
That's horrible of her. I can't stand blanket statements such as that.

I agree about stirring the pot.

3xsthefun replied: I stay out of controversial topics most of the time.

holley79 replied: I took debate in HS and college and enjoy a good debate. I don't mind controversial topics for the most part. What I can't stand is people who are constantly created controversial topics just to stir things up. This is the part I don't agree with. There are message boards that are made for debating and controversy.

JMHO though.

Calimama replied: I don't mind them, although I tend to just state my opinon and then get out. It's gets tiring when it's the same subject over and over again.

ETA: "What I can't stand is people who are constantly created controversial topics just to stir things up. This is the part I don't agree with. There are message boards that are made for debating and controversy." ... totally agree with you Holley.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree

mom21kid2dogs replied: I'm all about verbal debate but I generally stay out of it online. FAR too easy to misinterpreted.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Ok, where are we...high school? Drop it already. We got it. you guys are peeved at certain members for certain posts.

Please.

You guys wouldn't be even one quarter as huffed up about this if some other member would have brought it up.

moped replied:
For the record, yes we would actually.........

I need to stay away for a while, but Rocky, I don't think a mod should be biased, I might be wrong here..........

Boo&BugsMom replied:
The reality is that noone else does. And if they did, and they caused an uproar, they would have the common decency to not start something again...and again...and again. JMO though.

Calimama replied:
If there is a problem with me agreeing with something than you are more than welcome to PM me.

luvmykids replied: What's happened to mods dealing with people privately?

gr33n3y3z replied:

holley79 replied:
Rocky I'm sorry but that is how I feel. It has nothing to do with being childish or the member. It has to do with the topic at hand. No matter who the member is, if it was a constant I would feel the same way about that member. Some people "get it" and some people don't. This is Just My Opinion though.

booey2 replied: To get back to the original question, I don't reply to hot topics or touchy subjects, because 9 times out of 10 they get locked and someone goes away hurt and some just go away for good. I know my post count isn't as high as some but I have been here for a long time, I remember when we were a lot smaller in numbers. I have been away from the board for other reasons, real life issues, but it hurts to come back and read and see so many hurt feelings. Okay, said my piece now going back to lurking for a while and dealing with my other issues.

to all

PrairieMom replied: I think that there comes a time when people need to step back and take a look at their own rolls in what has been going on. Instead of pointing fingers at people that stir the pot, what do you personally do to make the situation better ? worse? There is no drama in a one sided argument.

Ugh. there is too much drama around here today. Its hard not to get sucked in. I think I will just disconnect my Keyboard for the night.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:

Monica - I'm writing as a member, not as a mod. I'm not making underhanded remarks to try to disrespect someone in particular, I'm not trying to be sly... I am being completely blunt when I say what I said. I could do what mods do and delete the whole comment. If that's what you prefer, that's what I'll do. Let me know.

ETA: I agree...sometimes it's not the topic that's the issue, it's the same people responding and responding and responding again and again.

skinkybaby replied: I think that's pretty uncalled for and not at all appropriate.

ETA: Thank you for editing that

BAC'sMom replied:



No I think that we a huffed because this has been allowed to go on for way to long. Then you come in and defend her.... then say your peace and lock the post.

Calimama replied:
What does my age have to do with anything??

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I didn't lock any threads today.

Wasn't me.

If you all are so concerned with these topics being brough back again and again...stop responding to them.

luvmykids replied:
Unfortunately, there is no off/on button that lets the general membership know when you are acting as a mod or as a member . All I know is members get frowned on for sarcasm and calling out others, in the past I've seen it recommended that such things are done in a pm. Delete away if you read this as a mod, ignore me if you read it as a member.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Yeah I know...it would be som much better, eh?



Ya know, I'm starting to understand why most boards have anonymous mods...

Mommy2Isabella replied:

I agree! When I read that I was SHOCKED that a Mod would say that. Unfortunately I probably will get a PM for posting this .. but HECK ... I think that was ridiculous!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Not anymore ridiculous than the venom spewed out of some people's mouths today.

I'm just so sad at the amount of members here who feel it's ok for them to gang up on someone the way it seems to be the trend here... and are so open about making such statements reffering to other posts or events. As if we are not going to take notice. For evey post we catch, 3 more pop up somewhere else!!!

It's getting harder to keep up with this stuff, if we have to start watching other posts to make sure members aren't STILL bashing someone else.

Now THAT's ridiculous.

Mommy2Isabella replied: Rocky - We have had a few occasions to talk and unfortunately those occasions have changed my whole life here on PC ... I walk around with a lot quieter shoes on. I for the most part stayed out of that post, for that VERY reason. Fear of an Inbox of PM's from Mod's.

Though, I feel very strongly about certain things, there comes a time in My young life where I must choose to just let others take the words out of my mouth. I put in my half cent and that was that. I knew things would get out of hand, I enjoyed watching the thread unravel today ... but other than that ...


** Don't get me WRONG or CONFUSED. I respect the mods and appreciate what you guys do here, completely, though on a few occasions I have been on the beaten end ... in all fairness!!! **

Jackie012007 replied: I hope I'm not lumped into the "over and over again" category - I did so to point out that it is a problem. There's a difference between posting a million times to keep it going, and posting a million times to call attention to the matter. You are far too biased on this topic to make a judgement - when you have 15 or 20 members saying "Yeah, this is a problem", wouldn't it make sense to step back and take another look? it is in NO way ganging up, it's a bunch of people who are sick of dealing with blatent pot-stirring drama and what have you, who are tired of treading softly around one member so that the mods don't rip them a new butt if they say the wrong thing. It's sad how many PMs I got today THANKING me for saying what they are too afraid to say - what the heck is this, Nazi Germany? GIVE ME A BREAK - the day you are afraid to complain about the BLATANT drama a member is stirring up, to a mod for fear you will be banned, is the day you need to realize that something is very wrong with this board. And apparently everyone's too scared to fix it.

Rocky, you are a mod here and I think you need to check your attitude- what good is having a mod if they are so biased and standoffish that no one feels comfortable going to them with problems???

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

This is my final piece of mind spewed onto this board about this subject. There's WAY too much upsetting crap going on here and what's most upsetting is it's coming from some of the mods.

A&A'smommy replied: Okay I'm locking this because now THIS is getting out of hand!!!

If you have anything else you feel you NEED to say please either pm me or one of the other mods! I'm sorry that ya'll feel you are being attacked but that is no reason to attack anyone else mod or no mod.