Question...very upset... could be touchy subject.. - what would you do?

mummy2girls wrote: My sister in law called me upset and needs to talk about my brother. She had caught my brother online one day when she arrived home from work early talking to other woman and pretty much caught him also cheating. She said she cant do this anymore because he has done this to her before. She keeps giving him another chance which i dont think was smart because it just made him think he can keep doing it. She said she wants to leave and seperate from him and go thier seperate ways. Well my brother says no one loves me or cares about me, my parents dont, you dont no one does. So im going to put everything in your name ( the car, house, credit cards etc) and im goign to kill myself. no one will care if i am gone. She said well why are you goign to do that. And he left the house as the last words to her. She called me upset. She obviously is unhappy with him and his cheating ways, but she cant afford a place of her own, child care for 3 kids, etc etc etc. She cant go to her moms because they believe marriage is it no divorce no seperation nothing! She is afraid that if he does kill himself that everyone will hate her and then be mad at the whole situation. My brother is pretty messed up i think and needs to try counsilling but he thinks not, my parents do care about him its just that with my parents you have to go to them. They dont call you or anything you have to call them. that doesnt mean they dont love us its just how they have always been...

HELP!!! i have no idea what to do!!!!!!!

Crystalina replied: My little brother used to do the same thing. From the age of 17 up to 22. If a girl broke up with him, if he lost a job, if he got into a fight with my mom it was always "I'm going to kill myself." We would all rally around and beg him to get help (he also had a prescription pill problem). He would get back with the girl or find another and be happy again. He threatened to kill himself about 10x and each time he got more dramatic and even wrote each one of us a note saying how much he loved us. That was the last straw for me and I told him to stop threatening us and just do it if he was going to (it had went on for years ) and the rest of the family, including my mom, did the same thing and he's never done it again.

I'm not saying your brother is the same way but maybe he's just using this as a way to keep her where he wants her. The sad thing is though that it's not something you want to take the chance at finding out.

My2Beauties replied:
I was going to say something along the same lines, do you think he really means that or do you think he's doing that to keep her around?

mummy2girls replied:
exactluy waht im feeling so now im not sure what to do. I have always been the one that has always been thrown in the middle of my family problems. I told her the same thing that i think its ploy to keep you there. BUT what if he is serious?

mummy2girls replied:
i think its a ploy.. BUT a part of me is thinking what if he is serious?

Calimama replied:
If you're really that concerned that he might actually do it than I would call the police or try to talk him into going the hospital, maybe they'll admit him for psychological help. Good luck. I hope he doesn't mean it.

Crystalina replied:
I know what you're saying. It was a bit easier for me to call my brothers bluff because he had done it so many times. With your brother this is his first time saying it so you never know.

Most people who really want to kill themselves don't broadcast it unless they want someone to stop them (the attention) but every person is different so it's really hard.

A&A'smommy replied: oh wow what a horrible situation!!! I don't honestly know what to say.. Maybe she should tell him that she will stay if he gets counseling and IF they get rid ot the internet I don't know!!

coasterqueen replied: I don't have all the answers/advice to give you on the situation, but IMO the next time he says he's going to kill himself - call the police. This is what was recommended to me when my sister kept saying this.

Anthony275 replied: call the police

mummy2girls replied:
i know thats what i was thinking as well...usually if they are serious they usually go off and do it..

Kaitlin'smom replied: one question before I comment, have you talked to him recently? if so does he seem depressed? (okay that was 2 )

luvbug00 replied: I have personal experience with a friend doing that same thing and finally we called for help. noone but the person making the threats knows if it's true and if the only way to get him help ( as he seems to need it) is to interviene then i believe you should do so. suiside is no joking matter on some level every person who says the want to die mean it. the are just either too afraid or unknowing in how to do it.

luvmykids replied: Call the police....if he doesn't mean it, that will tick him off, but it will also teach him not to say things like that. If he does mean it, it's a big first step towards getting him help, so it's a win win.

Your SIL is in a bad position with feeling like everyone will hate her...she needs to understand that no matter what, your brother makes his own choices (just as he makes the choice to continue cheating, etc).....she can't make him stop cheating, and if he truly does mean it, she can't stop him from that either....and playing along with him, if he's serious, really only prolongs things.

KUP, I'm sorry you're stuck in it too

mckayleesmom replied: Well..I can only speak from experience.....I had an Ex that threatened to commit suicide and I said "no you won't because I will have someone watch you".....More arguing insued and then he said it again....I didn't respond....he asked why I cared before and didn't now "I told him to do what he had to"......Guess what? He is still alive and kicking. Im sorry, but if I was unhappy in a relationship so bad and a person kept hurting me...I would not let that stop me from ending things...My happiness is important too and he is probably just trying to manipulate the situation. He just doesn't want to get into trouble for messing around. And like someone else said...if he was serious he wouldn't advertise it. What would be the point in trying it if you were going to be stopped?

CantWait replied: I'm sorry Shelly. That's a sticky situation indeed and an unfair one for her.
Is she in Edmonton with you? Or was it BC?

We're lucky we're in Canada and have so many resources when it comes to subsidized childcare, food banks, social assistance etc... If she does leave him, it will be hard, but there are resources out there. Women are tough and we really do have a way of pulling it together when we need to.

Hugs for you and for her.

sparkys2boys replied: Not alot of advice anymore then what the others have said already. just wanted to send some

kimberley replied: i'm with the others. i have dealt with this with an ex and witness it daily with my father.. the perfection of manipulation without borders. if she is unhappy, then she needs to leave. there are programs for her and help out there if she wants it. i have 4 kids and did it on my own more than once.. she can too. if she needs inspiration, i'd be glad to share.

as for ur bro, keep in touch with him so u can sleep knowing he's ok but i doubt he'd go through with it. in my experience, those who go on about leaving the house and assets, and plan it... yadda yadda yadda... are the ones who don't have any intention of doing anything but reaping sympathy and attention.

sorry u r in such a crappy situation.

redchief replied: I agree with what the others have been saying with one caution... You know your brother so try to get a face to face with him. I think you'll be able to quickly determine whether he is truly at risk. In any case, no matter how exasperated we get with our family, we still want to make sure they're OK, so at the very least you'll be able to put your mind somewhat at ease.