REALLY mad! Grrr... - Hating my soon to be In Laws..

TeagansMom609 wrote: Ok as many of you might know, were getting married October 13th. Ok so far my parents who just divorced a little over a year ago and are so broke gave us $1,000 towards our honeymoon. My sister paid for my wedding dress, and my Aunt (who I might add is a waitress, has 3 kids, and lives in a mobile home) who is hardly rich offered to pay for our reception at a Country Club that she works at. His parents are so far not paying for a thing. At first his mother said they would but they backed out. Right now im the only one working so I cant afford the last minute things we need, like his suit for instance or wine for the reception. His father is against us getting married but their still coming, not pitching in, and bringing like 30 guests that my Aunt is paying for. So their coming, but dont want us to get married, and were going to pay for them and their family to eat???!! I AM FUMING!!! I hate them with a passion and cant even say I dont want them to come because "it wouldnt be right". I feel like their going to ruin my day. I really cant stand them to the point where we dont talk anymore, and I dont go over there. Not only because of this but because of a million other reasons. Like their morals on raising their children etc. I just disagree with alot.

RachelsMomma replied: I'm sorry to hear this. Your wedding is suppose to be a happy day. How, may I ask, does your soon to be husband feel about this? How many people are invited to your wedding? If money is the issue, and it sounds like it is, why not have a very small, intimate wedding? DH and I invited 30 guests in total, and had the celebration at my sister's house. We had a catered "picnic" which cost us $300. What's most important is that you and your fiance are exchanging vows and marrying, under law and God, making a forever commitment to each other. What is happening secondly, is that you are making this commitment in front of all of the people who are important to you both, and sharing this wonderful day with them. Just as you would want your husband to respect your family, hopefully he feels the same way, and wants you to respect his family. It's probably wise not to step on your in-laws toes this early in your marriage, even if you cannot stand them.

TeagansMom609 replied:
He tries to ignore it. He doesnt like confrontation at all. Where I am the complete opposite. He just doesnt feel like saying anything. Which frustraites me more. Our wedding will be about 45-50 people.

amynicole21 replied: Have you already decided to let them bring all of those people? I would insist that they can only bring who they can pay for, and not a person more. If they don't like it, they don't have to come. Honestly, make your DF deal with them. He's got to stand up to them because this is your wedding - and the only one you will ever have. Good luck!

kit_kats_mom replied: Shoot, I'd just elope LOL. That sounds like a big pain in the butt to me. Sorry you are having to go though it. Trust me...I cant' stand my in-laws.

But, in most cases, the grooms parents don't pay for the wedding. That's the bride's familiys responsibility. They can contribute if they want to but traditionally, it's not expected.

In my case my family (mom only) gave me about $3000.00 that she said I could do as I chose with it. I had already planned and budgeted for a very cheap wedding $5k total so that's what we had. I used my moms $ for upgrades on the honeymoon and to pay off some debts.

If you (or your family) can't afford to host that many people then you need to let your in laws know that they need to chop their invites down because you simply don't have the finances to cover that many people. KWIM? If they want 30 other people to come, they can pay for them.

Boys r us replied: You know what?? Sounds like they're a pain in the patootie and I would show them who IS in control..YOU..by just eloping!
and I wouldn't even tell them until you'd already done it! Let them plan on coming to your wedding ..and their guests too..then the day before your wedding date, I'd tell them there is no wedding b/c you eloped since YOU COULDN'T AFFORD TO PAY FOR EVERYONE WITH NO HELP!
What a crock of crap!

TeagansMom609 replied: We were planning on eloping but we were nervous that once we got to the island something would go wrong with trying to get married there. (they have some funky rules on some of those islands) Plus you have to spend a whole day running around an island you dont know at all going trying to get licenses etc. And on the other thing with them not bringing all those people...I said well then they can only bring who they can pay for but then my Aunt said the Country Club has a minimum of 50 people so I HAD to let them bring that amount. So then I felt stupid...lol..because I tried being all tough about it and then had to go back and tell them ok you can bring that many. But now even if we wanted to we couldnt just go elope because everything is booked, invitations are sent and everything. Plus I feel like eloping would make my family sad. Their really helping out alot, and being very supportive, unlike his parents. So really its a lose/lose situation.

Josie83 replied: What a pain! In-laws can be so annoying! I hope you get everything sorted . . . let us know xx

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm sorry you are going through all of this! Weddings are stressful enough without the added pressure from the soon to be inlaws! Can you DF talk to him? Explain to him that if he wants to invite that man people he can help! I hope everything gets resolved for you before the wedding!

My2Beauties replied: I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am planning a wedding myself and I know it's hectic, nasty in-laws don't help neither! We thought about eloping too but I thought it would hurt my family, we wanted to do it just to get it over with and so it would be cheaper (our wedding consists of about 300-350 guests DF has a huge family) but for pretty much the same reasons you did regarding hurting family we decided against it! hon, just remember this, it's your day and please whatever you do...PLEASE..don't let them ruin it! You know kindness is the best revenge!!! Act like you could care less what they think on your wedding day and just smile and laugh at them as if none of this ever happened..... Then you in a sense will get the last and best laugh!

Alice replied:
No it isn't... it's your wedding!!! Don't let their cheapness and ignorance ruin the most important day of your life. Find a way to pay for the arrangements you've made, and then forget about it. Don't let those people put a cloud over your wedding!!!

TeagansMom609 replied: Ha! Today we got into a fight because my fiance said to me since his parents and I havent spoken since all of this mess started that I should just apologize. I said for what??????? I never did a thing to them! So he said well just apologize anyway, even if their isnt a reason just do it and talk to them again. I was FUMING. I said if anyone should apologize it should be them! I really cant take the drama anymore!

A&A'smommy replied: I'm sorry hun I wish I had some advice for you! (((((BIG HUGS)))))

TeagansMom609 replied: The sad part is, is that im so fed up with it all I just cant wait to get married and get the day over with.