Really need advice - sexual content; would LOVE MENS opinions

my2monkeyboys wrote: My son Will is 5 1/2. Over the last year we've caught him with a friend of his 2x doing the show-me-yours-I'll-show-you-mine thing. We talked to him both times and told him it wasn't appropriate, that he wasn't a bad boy for being curious, but that he shouldn't do that, etc, etc.
Well, last night another friend of his was over for a few hours. I noticed they got really quiet and sent DH in to check on them. They were playing in his room. Well, DH walked in and though they were on different sides of the room, they both were pants-less. Technically they were naked, bc they already had their shirts off from playing outside earlier.
Well, again, we told them get dressed, keep your clothes on and then steered them to go play with other stuff. Afterwards we tried to talk to Will about it, and he did tell us it was his idea, but other than that he just answered ''I don't know' to everything.
I know Will is really big into his body right now (we found him on his bed last week with his pants down, playing with himself. We asked what he was doing, he said 'playing'. we asked with what, he said 'this' and proceeded to shake 'it' at us. Yeah, it was funny, but we kept our composure said ok, just keep it to your self in your room. He said, I am. Then we left the room and shut his door back.)
I am just wondering how often this should happen for it to still be normal, or if I should maybe come down a little harder on him, maybe taking tv time or video game time away, or what. I just don't know if I'm reacting the right way or not.

Any help is much appreciated. And thanks for reading it all the way through.

lisar replied: My sisters son went thru this. They just talked to him about it and he grew out of it. I am sorry I dont have any advice.

TheOaf66 replied: we are kind of dealing with this, Tanner has his hands on himself all the time and seems to have no shame about gettin nekkid. We have talked to him about this and hopefully it is just a phase.

mom21kid2dogs replied: Olivia went through a fairly "curious" stage around age 5. We have no problem with masturbation as long as it's done privately, doesn't rule your life and doesn't interfere with anyone else. We've always had the rule "If you need to touch a private place, do it in a private space". It is pretty age appropriate. Curiosity with other kids is also pretty high right now, too!

That being said, I think I'd not allow playing with friends in the bedroom. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I might just say the next time any kid is over "Guys, we're going to play in the family room, outside or wherever today". No steam to the statement, just keep play out of the bedroom.

ZandersMama replied: I could have written this about Zander, VERY overly curious about his body and everyone elses body. I have no advice, but I will be watching this thread in hopes of getting some.

luvmykids replied: I like Cheryl's idea, don't make an issue out of it, just try to limit the opportunity for it.

lovemy2 replied: I agree - what he does by himself is normal - and the curiousity with others probably is too - when he has friends over - no alone time......

jcc64 replied: I would follow Cheryl's advice as well. But for God's sake, don't attach any punishment to the behavior. It's just natural curiousity- how many of us have spent a lifetime trying to reclaim our sexuality having been unnecessarily shamed about it as children?

my2monkeyboys replied: That's exactly what I'm afraid of doing.... messing up his future sexual life.
I like the idea of limiting bedroom time. The only problem with that is that is where 90% of is toys are. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one dealing with this, though.
Thanks, guys!

luvmykids replied:
I hardly ever let the kids play in their rooms when they have friends over, mostly because their rooms are upstairs and I want to be able to keep an ear out for trouble....I just go with them to pick a few things to play with, when they're bored, we take those back and get others.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
Maybe you could let him & his friend pick toys to take into whatever room to play with - it would make for less mess as well!

my2monkeyboys replied: I think I'll have to start doing that. Usually they don't spend much time in their rooms (at any of their houses), as they are usually outside, but when they are I'll have to make sure they stay in rooms where adults are.
Thanks for the help!

Boo&BugsMom replied: We just tell Tanner that it's not appropriate and that as he gets older he will learn more about it and we will talk more. We don't encourage it at all, whether he's alone or whatever (just not appropriate in out house no matter what), but we certainly don't get dramatic about it since it is common and normal in all kids to be curious about it. We just talk, remind him, and hope that it's just a phase.

I hear you about the "I don't know". Seems to be a favorite answer around here lately about everything.

sparkys2boys replied: We have gone through that with Logan also around age 5, but so far Cameron hasn't showed any intrest in his body..lol. With Lo we just told him it was OK to explore his OWN body in his own private space but never to touch anyone else or ever let them touch him. It was simple to the point and it worked for us.

my2monkeyboys replied: That's what we keep telling Will, but I don't know if it's working. This makes the 3rd time in a year.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Maybe telling him it's ok to do it in private is sending mixed signals then. To him, being in his room with a friend may be being "alone". He's not "in public", persay. KWIM?

That is why I don't encourage it one bit, along with other reasonings which I wont get into. I don't make him feel ashamed, but I tell him it's not a toy to play with, plain and simple. It's a toy for his future wife.

TheOaf66 replied:

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I thought you'd like THAT one! Why the eye rolling???

TheOaf66 replied:
guess at what I might say

PrairieMom replied:

my2monkeyboys replied: Maybe that is causing confusion... although I have tried to be clear about him to letting anyone other than his parents and dr. see it.
Ahhhh, parenting!

seeingblue2 replied: lol I think all kids go through this phase and I'm sure it's coming up soon with my 4 year old son. He walks around all day with his hands down there like it's normal. Drives me nuts but I'm sure it's a "guy" thing. lol We just stress the fact that only mommy and daddy can see his privates and we make him put pants on over his undies if anyone comes over etc. I also make sure he doesn't see ME walking around in MY undies etc. anymore. His 4 year old cousin (girl) was over playing with him yesterday and he had to go potty. I heard him telling her he was going to shut the door because he needed "privacy" (that's what I tell him when I go! lol) so it must be getting through. Hopefully that helps him be prepared before we get to the stage where he's curious about other kids.

redchief replied: It's a phase. It's not nearly as bad as the phase he'll go through when he's 15 or 16, because then he'll want to be sharing it with similarly aged girls.

I like the solutions I've heard before. Have him play with his friends in more public venues. I would continue to NOT make a big issue out of the behavior beyond what you're doing now. Like Jeanne said, you want him to be comfortable and unashamed of his sexuality as he grows. He shouldn't feel like his privates are bad, but it's good to remind him that his privates are not there for everyone's pleasure and amusement. He will grow out of it. For sure.