Respect for elders....

grandma wrote: I need your input on something. I'm on another mb and it seems to me that many young adults (20 - 30's) lack a natural respect for elderly people. For instance, they don't believe that when ppl get say 70-80's that they are opposed to change. They feel that they should still be able and keep up with modern technology.
When I was raised, we were taught to respect our elders and especially ppl in their golden years. I'm just wondering if this isn't a common teaching, like please and thank you?

sparkys2boys replied: Well I am only 32 and DO NOT lack respect for anyone at all. I think that by the time a person is in the age range it is common sense to have respect.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: While I agree that older people may not be able to keep up with the times... it is the younger generations' thing...and forcing the younger people to be less technologically inclined is just as disrespectful as the younger people expecting the older people to keep up with the times.

Just as it would be disrespectful for an older person not to say Please or Thank You to a younger person because of some sense of entitlement beause they're older... it is also disrespectful the other way around. manners are for everyone, not just for my generation.

Respect is a 2 way street... and i will not respect someone just because they are older. I was taught to respect, and to expect respect in return. I wouldn't DISrespect someone in their golden years... but I wouldn't force myself to show respect if they can't be courteous in return... I hold the door - is it so hard to mumble Thanks?

grandma replied:
Hum, when I was young my mom never said "Respect your elders, if they respect you"....but I suppose that is something a person decides once they get older.

lisar replied: Yes I was taught the please and thank you and I will say it to people younger than me not just people older than me. KWIM? I dont expect older people to keep up with technology. It was taught to us at a young age I wouldnt expect them to just pick it up and learn it overnight at all. And for the respect thing I will show respect but if I dont get it in return then I wont show it again, does that make sense.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Maybe I typed what I meant to say wrong.

I don't mean that I only show respect IF they do as well...

but rather... I'm respectful, is it so wrong to expect some respect in return...

Like if I say thank you to an older person... why can they not say You're welcome...or can they not say Thank you when they ask for something and I give it to them or tell them how to get it if I can't help..

or... I hold the door for someone coming in behind me - regardless of who it is... most older people don't bother... aybe the door is heavy... but usually they just don't care, and assume that because they're older they don't have to be courteous anymore, like they've earned their right to be cranky.

I show respect to someone...until they give me a reason not to.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Lisa that's kind of what I mean. I can't believe I couldn't find those words. lol

grandma replied:
It makes sense, it's just not how us older ppl were raised.

luvmykids replied: I think elders deserve respect regardless....I mean shoot, at 80 years old, maybe they've earned the right to be crochety But seriously, thats just how I was raised, you respect them no matter what.

sparkys2boys replied:
Its not alot about how you were raised though, its about being at an age to know better.. KWIM and having common sense to have respect to other also and not only expect it. And dont get me wrong I am not saying this is how you are at all.. just making an observation in general.

grandma replied:
That's exactly how I was raised, but I think it's a dying thing.

grandma replied:
Honestly, I never thought to change what my parents taught me as a child about my elders...lol

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Perhaps ya'll don't knwo my grandmother.

I'm sorry - but i can't respect someone who constantly berates me and my family. It's not about her age, really..it's her behaviour. If it was anyone else...I wouldn't respct them either.

MommyToAshley replied:
Same here. I respect the elderly no matter what and I've taught Ashley the same. I tend to be more forgiving/understanding of the elderly as well, and I expect Ashley to act accordingly.

I've noticed a lot of respect "issues" have been lost in this generation. Oh geesh, I think I just sounded like my Mom.

For example, what happened to pulling over to the side of the road for a funeral procession? I've even seen cars cut them off.. I couldnt' believe it.

Or what about people pulling over to salute the flag during the reveille ceremony? I live near an air force base and I've only seen a handful of cars do this. When I was growing up, everyone showed respect and pulled over and saluted the flag. Maybe that was just a military thing... but if you live near a military base and hear the reveille, then you should pull over and salute the flag.

Sorry, I got a little off-topic there and went on about respect in general.

I've seldom seen a person give up their seat to an elderly person, offer to help with groceries, or anything along that line. And, what is sad, I think the elderly have become used to it. Respect might be a dying thing, but Ashley will be one person that will learn to respect the elderly.

grandma replied:
Funny you mention your grandmother becuz some ppl on that other mb have 'mean' grandmothers too. I'm wondering if that has anything to do with lack of respect (not that you have that).

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Really??

On the public service here - there are signs that state that there is priority seating for the elderly, the disabled, pregnant women, and a person with a child. most grocery stores around here will carry out and load the groceries for the elderly

Senior here is considered 65 and over

MyBabeMaddie replied: I've heard my parents say "respect your elders" but I find it hard sometimes because the elders I come across are miserable, mean and self-rightous. TBH, I stay clear of them, especially on the roads. Older people think they are owed things such as the right to stay on the roads. Seriously, If i see a Buick on the street i automatically am like "OMG GO PULL OVER" I don't mean to be this way, its just my experience with elders has made me this way and I know I can speak for a lot of my friends/peers. If you want my respect earn it, don't expect it just because you're older than me. I know this post wasn't about elder drivers but here's something that makes me SOOOO mad.

I was driving to school about 3 weeks ago, its 7am. I'm on a 2 lane highway the speed limit is 45mph there are traffic lights about every .5 to 1 mile. I'm driving about 55mph in the left lane. Its still dark out and I have my headlights on. Up ahead I see a BUICK coming up to the intersection, He seems to be getting ready to make a right on red. Fine whatever the entire right lane is open for him to do so. Well instead of turning right and staying in the open lane, he turns right and goes right for the LEFT LANE where I am. I had to swerve into oncoming traffic so this guy wouldn't side-swipe me. I should have let him hit me. I layed on the horn, this guy kept driving as if nothing happened. I race up to him see its this old guy hunched over the wheel and i'm signaling for him to pull over, I wanted to make sure there was no damage. He paid no respect to me signaling to him. I followed him for about 2 miles before he pulled into Panera to get his morning bagel. I pull in the spot next to him and said "Do you know that you almost hit me... blah blah blah" He said "yeaH i guess so, I didn't see you coming" I tried so hard to stay calm... I guess I wasn't too respectful at this point... I WAS LIKE WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE ON THE ROADS IF YOU CANT SEE A CAR COMING RIGHT AT YOU BEFORE YOU PULL OUT OF AN INTERSECTION WHILE THE LIGHT IS RED? It's things like that that make it hard to respect my elders. Sorry for the rant.

lisar replied:
They apparently never came across my grand-father (papa). He was the one who would call my sister a whore, and tell us that we werent gona amount to anything in life. Well HELLO we became more than any of the other grandkids. We have stuff to show in life. I guess when you were raised around someone like that then it is diffrent on how you look at people. KWIM? And old people around here where I live you have all diffrent kinds of older people. Some are the nicest people in the world. And some are just the most cranky a-holes..... And just because they are old I dont think that gives them a right to be mean to me. If I show respect then I expect it in return. I will show the respect first. Its not like I expect them to open a door for me. I will go in front of them and get a door for them. Dont take this the wrong way please.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
I agree with you Dee Dee, In a perfect world there would be respect for all sorts. Don't get me wrong by my previous post, If I can I will offer my seat to or assist an elder and I definitely want Madison to grow up that way - It is my personal experience over the past few years that has made it VERY hard to respect someone just because they are older than me.

Often I have to think, if that person there was my grandma/pa I would do ___ thif for them so why not do it for this person.

If there was respect in the world then we would not have most of the problems we have today ---> war, violence...

mckayleesmom replied: I love old people....I have always been taught to respect them no matter what. Just the other day an old lady at the laundrymat I was at had no idea how to work the stuff...This laundrymat was very high tech...You put your money in this machine and It shoots you out a debit card type thing and then you insert that into each individual machine....Most older generations would have been baffled...I was even baffled for a moment. Anyways...this older lady must have thought I worked there and I just didn't correct her and helped her. I even stayed long after my laundry was done to make sure she got hers in her dryer ok.

When I was in high school I worked in a gas station. There was this old man named Ray that would come up and honk his horn for someone to fill his gas tank...This wasn't a full service gas station...so all my co-worker would refuse to help him and just ignore his honking....Ridiculous if you ask me. She said she didn't want to wait on him because he smelled....Sorry, but do you really think you are going to smell pretty when you get old and might have to wear adult diapers? Im pretty sure its embarrassing enough. So I would go out and pump his gas and he would hand me his checkbook or wallet to go in to pay for him. Then he just started comming up on my shifts to fill up. One time I saw him struggling to get out of the mall so I helped him get to his car and get his wheelchair in...then he remembered that he never paid his food bill at Old Buffet...So he gave me his wallet and I went in and paid for him.

This man was the sweetest man...as well as that old lady, but I could see why alot of them would be angry and sometimes rude. Im always just polite no matter what because I always wonder what is making them so sad and angry. Alot of older people are sometimes pretty much abandoned by their children and family. Like Ray the old man....his daughter lived in our small town...the same town as her father and did nothing for him. He had a son that was mentally challenged...but pretty high functioning and she took him behind her dads back and put him in a group home...So then he had to depend on others.

Other factors might play in to why they are angry and rude....Embarrassed by things that happen with their bodies in old age...people making comments about them.

Like I always tell Mckaylee when she gets upset when someone is mean to her or doesn't want to play with her "just be nice anyways, be the better person".

lisar replied:
Well here EVERYONE waits while a funeral goes by. You get out in that traffic and its a hefty little fine. And yes there are ALWAYS cops with a funeral just to hand out tickets.

And for people not giving up seats, they do around here. I know its diffrent everywhere we are all in diffrent parts of the world. And here the elderly get help with the groceries unless they absolutley refuse the help. And if I am in a restaurant waiting to be seated and an elderly person walks in I will get up and let them have my seat. My kids will be raised to respect everyone untill they show no respect back. At that point its their decision. But while they are young they will show it.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Shush my previous vehicle was a Buick Century 2001... heh heh

My grandparents had a Crown Victoria for YEARS. A big burgundy one. Everytime i see one of those, I cringe.

grandma replied: So let me get this right, some of you are gonna raise your children to respect their elders if the elder repects them?

grandma replied:
Ashley is gonna be a dying breed...lol

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
No. My kids are taught to RESPECT, period. To respect everyone. But, that they do not have to show respect to someone who obviously does not respect them, beyond the common courtesies shown to a stranger...such as someone who does nothing but bully them.

BAC'sMom replied:
I was raised the same way you respect them no matter what, rather they are 10 years older than you or 25 years. I have noticed that some people don’t have respect for authority, manners or patience anymore not sure if this is the new generation or what. As for us we have taught our children respect and manners from the time they were small but then again I was raised old school. You take your hat off when you enter a building, you open doors for people walking in front of you, you say Yes Ma’am and Yes Sir, and you always pull over during a funeral procession. It’s respectful plain and simple!

Do on to people as you would want them to do on to you

grandma replied: I wasn't really talking about senior drivers and how slow or bad they drive. And, granted, many of them should be off the road.
I wasn't talking about mean elders either.
I met, just plain respect for elders. I think two or three of us on here were raised with that, but it does seem times are changing.
Maybe now I can understand where the younger adults are coming from now.

msoulz replied: I think I am on the same page as many here. I feel that everyone, regardless of age, sex, race, etc. deserves respect until they show reason why they do not deserve it. This is what my children will learn. I think manners, e.g please and thank you, are different from respect. One can still have good manners without respecting the person. JMHO

Elders have much more life experience and knowledge than the younger folks and that is something to be treasured - as long as it is shared in a respectful manner. We too had a grandmother who would just blurt out hurtful things and use her age as an excuse. I don't think that is acceptable and if my mom becomes that way with my kids I then the visits will be limited.

I guess it boils down that I respect the elders' knowledge but not always their behavior. That is what my children will be taught - and if I am really lucky I won't have to worry about the behavior part!

Edited to add that I was also taught to respect priests no matter what - and we have now seen what that did to people my age. That is not to start a debate about that, but to say I believe teaching respect no matter what is a bad practice.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
I was raised to respect my elders. Now that I'm somewhat grown up and have been on my own so-to-speak I have formed my own opinions and through these life experiences, it is hard to stay true to the "respect elders" simply because they are elders. I don't go looking to bully elders, I will do what I can to help it is when they show signs of being rude or disrespect that I get my attitude. I was helping my grandfather with his walker get out of the car one day and he snapped at me "I DONT WANT OR NEED YOUR HELP" - I was only trying to help, don't scream at me KWIM? Just like everything else, there are just mean people who ruin it for everyone.

grandma replied:
The way I look at it is, these older ppl are frustrated that they can't get around like they use too. They need walkers, canes, wheelchairs to go anywhere. When they snap unexpectedly, maybe it's out of denial, they want to do it themselves.
When my 84 year old mom (rarley) snaps at me, maybe it's becuz she had two knee replacement surgries and a hip replacement surgery and she can't shop like she use too. She's 84, so I kinda treat her like my grand daughter when she says "No, I don't want you here!"

lisar replied:
My children will respect everyone...... When they get older they will learn that when they show respect they should expect it in return.

luvmykids replied: I don't know, imho if someone treated me badly regardless of age, I would probably rather limit my contact with them than be disrespectful back...to me that is just stooping to their level.

stella6979 replied:
I absolutely agree with you. My kids will be taught to respect ALL people (regardless of age), but if someone doesn't treat them with the same respect and dignity I sure as heck won't expect them to. I'm all for respecting my elders, but if they're going to treat me like crap, then they're going to be treated like crap. That's just me though.

A&A'smommy replied: I'm 22 and most of my friends are in our 20's and we are really respectful to our elders (whether they are in their 40s or 80's) but I see it all the time from other people our age I don't know why they are that way but it gets on my nerves.

I'm trying to raise my daughter better than those that are not teaching their kids to respect others.

holley79 replied:
This is how I was raised. I hold open a door no matter what. Respect AND Manners go hand in hand. Yes Ma'am No Ma'am Yes Sir No Sir Please Thank you. If those words didn't leave my mouth no matter who what when or where I got a "talking" to. No matter the age of the person I was speaking with I had manners and respect. With Elders you went/ go out of your way to help them and you dang sure respect them.

My great grandmother is nasty to the T. Maybe it's because she has gotten so old that she feels this is the only way to be anymore. I still respect her and do things for her. I hold open the door for all people, if I'm in front of an elderly person and they only have a couple of things in their buggy I left them go in front of me, when I'm walking through Wal Mart I don't get in a huff because the older person in front of me is going slower then I like I generally turn down another isle so I hope to not hurt their feelings.

They are where our generation came from. I don't expect them to hold the door open for ME I will gladly hold it open for THEM though. I will help them load their bags into the car. Take the heavy items off the bottom of their cart so it can be scanned. This is how I was raised and Annika will as well. When I see an older person I hope that by my doing what I do for them someone else will take note and maybe help the next time. JMO

holley79 replied:
Dee Dee beign in a Military town I totally understand where you are coming from on this one. It still floors me. In the state of FL you are required to pull over for a funeral unless it is on the interstate. Our deputies who escort the funerals are happy to hand out tickets. I pulled over in the State of AL one time and got the weirdest look from a trooper.

The elders in Spain are treated like the creme de le creme. I think it's awesome and I wish some people would have more heart, patience and respect for the elderly.

lisar replied:
I understand but I dont stoop to their level. I just ignore them from that point. I dont make it a point to mean back or anything. I just wouldnt say anything else or anything like that.

BAC'sMom replied:
TOTALLY agree with you girl it was/is the same way at my house

Holley you reckon it's just a Southern thing or am I just getting to old

And now may the begin

Calimama replied: My parents are extremely old fashioned. I was raised to respect my elders no matter what. I've never encountered someone who was old and just down right rude. But I do think a lot of respect has been lost with my generation in general, not just towards the elderly. I went out to eat with my friends the other day and there was a man with a walker trying to get in the door. A couple people in the group started rolling their eyes and doing that OBNOXIOUS sigh that everyone within a mile can hear. Then as the man got in the door one of the girls said, "FINALLY". I apologized for her, and honestly I could barely sit across from her at dinner. I respect people whether they give it to me or not. Who knows, maybe the third, fourth, fifth etc. time you're nice to someone whose rude.. they will in turn be nice to you. Respect is a powerful thing.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Nah it was the same way at myu hosue too. I was raised by myu grandparents after the age of 11.. so i was raised old school. With the strap, wooden spoon, you name it.

I just don't feel it's valid to show respect to someone who treats you badly, no matter who it is. Just because I don't respect someone doesn't mean i won't still give them common courtesies and proper manners. manners and respect are not the same thing.

holley79 replied:
IMO they are one and the same. With out manners there is no respect and vice versa. Maybe that's how it was spelled out to me so that is how I see it. I still have my manners and respectfulness about me even when I am dealing with rude abnoxious people on a daily basis. I lose my patience a heck of a lot quicker with people my own age who are rude then I do with older people.

Crystalina replied: I did not read the entire thread (I will later) but I did get as far as Rocky's first post and grandma's response so I'll just go from there.

I was taught to respect my elders or I would get the you know what knocked out of me. Period. Whether I agreed with them or not I had better disagree in a respectful manner and if they could not accept that I disagreed with them then I bow out quietly and just leave it at that. This may stem from my Oma raising me and my sis while my parents went through basic training. Not sure. I also worked in a nursing home for many many years and deal with the elderly all the time and since I worked with Alzheimer's and there is "mostly" no reasoning with them I brought to the table the whole "bow out now and just let them be right".

Again with my FIL who has opposite political opinions as me...it's easier for me to shut up and let him be "right" but if it were my BIL or any peer of mine I would argue until I was blue in the face.

I think it's just a respect thing.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
See to me they are not one and the same.

Manners, is doing courteous things, such as opening the door, saying your Ps and Qs, offering the last piece of cake to someone, sharing, things like that.

Respect, is all of the above, PLUS extra things that you would normally not necessarily do.. such as offering your seat to pregnant women, disabled people, or the elderly. It's showing patience when they're ahead of you in line. It's helping them with their "interweb" and their "button machines".

I don't know how to explain myself properly I guess... I can still have manners with someone I don't respect. An example would be keeping a level steady pleasant tone when dealing with an enraged customer..,. ? I'm keeping my manners but haev lost respect for that person...

My2Beauties replied: I try to respect all of my elders, be they 35 or 95. It's how I was raised. My grandpa is seriously a mean man, he has demons in his closet but I still am very respectful towards him and have never spoken down to him.

As far as elderly people driving....I don't think they disrespect anyone when they drive, I think they don't want to admit that maybe they shouldn't be driving and they are just a little hard-headed, same way I will probably be when my eyesight starts to go and I can't drive the way I used to. I am the first person to agree with MyBabeMaddie about them not being able to drive though. I honestly think states should make it mandatory that every year after the age of 65 they should have their eyes and reflexes checked. I cannot tell you how many old people have almost ran me off the road, pulled out in front of me, merged into highway traffic doing 25 mph and I've had to slam on my brakes to miss them, swerved in and out of traffic....I mean it's more than one hand that I can count them on.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Same here also Holley

grandma replied:
I agree and think manners and respect fall hand in hand......

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I can understand where they are coming from if that is how some feel, but if they expect to be respected then they should dole out the same kind of courtesy to others (I don't mean helping others doing things they simply can not do because of age...I mean more or less words in general). If they don't want the help, they can say it nicely. Just because someone is elderly doesn't give them a license to be rude to others. I wont teach our children to be disrespectful to anyone even if they are disrespected (two wrongs don't make a right), but I also wont teach my children to be a doormat to someone just because they are older. Also, just because someone reaches an elderly age, doesn't mean they have lost the ability to speak with kind words and use their manners.

grandma replied:
Regardless my compassion takes over and I feel really sorry for them. I can see the hurt in my moms eyes that she can't do all the things she use to do.

Calimama replied:
Ditto.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I saw the hurt in my grandma's eyes too when she was very old and on her last days. BUT...she still never acted like the world owed her anything, and she most certainly still had manners and treated everyone with the same common courtesy. The words please and thank you didn't all of a sudden escape her vocabulary.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree with you Rocky. I use my cousin-in-law as an example. He is an idiot, and I have no respect for him whatsoever. Our family doesn't care for him at all. BUT, I still use my manners and general courtesy with him to save the peace. I do think without manners there is no respect, but I think you can use your manners without HAVING respect for someone.

grandma replied:
My mom isn't rude ever, she's never swore in her life. Just when she can't walk afew days a month, due to her joint pain, she might snap at me. It's her right and if it makes her feel better, let her rip.

holley79 replied:
I think with a lot of older people they are so frustrated that their minds and bodies are failing them but pride is the hardest of all to lose. When pride is there it is hard to accept help and they probably feel we are "babying" them because they are old. They go on the defense because they are so frustrated.

I will always hold compassion for the elderly and no matter how many times I have been snapped at in the past I will never let that be a turn off for me to help others.

stella6979 replied:
I couldn't agree with you two more.
And just to clarify, in my first post I didn't mean that I'm still not courteous and well-mannered, cause that's not the case at all. I can still be courteous and use my manners even if I have absolutely no respect for someone.

holley79 replied:
See this was taught to us that giving up your sit was good manners and lending a hand when not asked was good manners. Has nothing to do with respect. I guess it all falls on the regions we were raised in as to what our interpretations are.

austins mom replied: I respect those who respect me and thats how I teach my son.

Calimama replied:
That's how I was taught too.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: ((Sorry to come back so late with this - i just got back from work.))

I guess this is where we have a "line" that is not the same... I can and do use my manners to everyone, regardless of whether I have respect for the person.

Being old does NOT give someone the right to be testy. I would not accept it from my 5 year old, he is taught that it is RUDE... why would I accept it from an elderly person, one who is supposed to know better.

In a workshop I used to lead in at back when i worked in the government, we talked alot about abusive behaviour. Controlled abusive behavior - that is, for example - when someone can be blatantly rude to someone, or yell, or berate someone but not to someone else, at the flip of a switch... is just not acceptable. If you're testy with your mom but never with your coworker... that's controlled abusive behavior. You CAN control it.

I don't have any respect for someone that can turn abusive behavior on and off... and someone who chooses to berate me then praise the mailman just does not deserve my respect... sure, elderly ppl have a lot to be testy about, but it does NOT give them the right to turn their anger against their aging bodies and slowed reflexes etc towards me, or anyone else for that matter. I will not be teaching my kids that they can accept being called names, being yelled at, being slapped etc from an elderly person just because they're elderly.

Perhaps it is situational... would you tell your child to respect an old man in your family that has molested a child you know? Would you tell your child to respect an elderly person who chooses to yell at you all the time? teaching your child that they should accept being yelled at, just because it's an elderly person doing the yelling?

And sure, some of you might say "but that's different!!" and it is...but not really. Why would certain things be ok to accept and certain things not be ok to accept?

Why would I teach my child that behaviors, that I strive to teach them that are wrong and disrespectful, should be accepted with no question just because they come from an elderly person? Maybe I'm misunderstanding... but I get the impression that a lot of you are of the "just take it" mentality... and I don't think I want to instill that in my kids. They shouldn't be taught to "just take it" just because it's an elderly person. Not mine, anyways...

msoulz replied: Very well said Rocky.

Cece00 replied: I teach my children to respect in general. So I dont need to teach them to "respect elders".

I will say, though, that its hard to respect people who are rude to you. I'd never be rude back to them, but I also wouldnt want to be around them & I wouldnt respect someone who was horrid to me, my family.

My husband's mother and grandmother are 2 of the most rude & awful people I know. His grandmother was particularily bad, she was VERY rude to my DH (the FIRST time I ever met her, which btw was the day before our wedding, she felt it neccessary to berate him badly for something that was of no importance, esp right before our wedding. It wasnt her business what she was griping about & WHO DOES THAT in front of their grandson's fiancee?) and she was just a very nasty person in general, and I do not feel bad saying that. She genuinely was the most miserable, mean and nasty person I have ever met. DH's mother is following in her footsteps, and she treats my husband, me, and my children poorly.

So no, I dont respect her, and I didnt respect Dh's grandmother (who has since passed on). I do not tell my children to be rude to DH's mother, and rather, I do not have her around my children. If my children were for some reason forced to be around her, I would expect them to be polite, but I couldnt fault them for not respecting her, because she doesnt show them respect, and I doubt she ever will.

And if she has such a problem with that, well....she needs to correct her behavior. She isnt old, and she should know better, esp to treat her own son & our young children so poorly.

grandma replied:
Okay, now your talking about elderly child moslesters, that wasn't what I met when I was talking about a basic respect for old ppl. I was talking about ppl older than you, normal ppl, not criminals.
Honestly I haven't come in contact with many rude/mean/nasty old ppl. From the sounds of some of your posts, I must be lucky, especially considering my age.
Rocky, I don't think you have to worry about your kids just giving unconditional respect to anyone, your not teaching that. First, the elder would have to respect your child and then the child would in turn, return the respect.
When I was raised it was way more simple. My mom taught me to listen, obey, yes mame, no sir to my elders. That's what I did, I never even thought about questioning it. Then I taught my boys the same. To this day my relatives and friends say that my son is the sweetest most curious man they know and that when they cross paths, he makes them feel really special.
I'm really glad I started this thread, becuz now I do understand the lack of respect, in general, some of the younger generation has for our seniors. So maybe when I post on the other message board and I see this lack of respect for old aga, I won't be so shocked.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:

So... you mentionned earlier about not having to be respected in order to give respect... but this is exactly what I feel - if someone doesn't respect me or my child, why should they return the respect?

The listen, obey, yes mam no sir, to me, is more on the manners side of things.

grandma replied:
Forgive me becuz I don't know how to do the split quote thing.

About my comment that to give respect, you/your children have to be shown respect first. That is what I thought you have saying all along. And, yes I guess your right, I don't necessarally have to be shown repsect to give it. Is that an awful thing...I don't think so.

About the yes mame, no sir, please & thank you...we were taught that those were gestures of respect and like Holley said earlier it depends where your from.

It's late, I'm up way past my bedtime....bye

Hillbilly Housewife replied: lol - it's a two way street for a reason.

for all intents and purposes.. yes.. my kids will be taught to respect their elders, along with everyone else... but that they do not have to continue showing it if they are disrespected.

This has been a good thread I think!

(G'night!! )

luvmykids replied: I'm wondering if respect is kind of vague like the other thread about being judgemental.....I think of respecting elders as treating them respectfully, as in manners, not necessarily respecting them in the way you might say "I really respect her for what she has accomplished in her life", kwim?

Grandma (sorry, I forgot your name ) I'm wondering if you, by respect, mean manners and Rocky, you mean it more as whether or not you respect the person, not a matter of treating them politely or disrespectfully, kwim?

I only bring this up because although I may not respect someone in that sense, I still treat them politely b/c I have good manners, kwim?

Hillbilly Housewife replied:

Something like that, I would say that for me - I would be more holding the person in high esteem as opposed to respecting them. Closely related, sure... but not the same, to me.

msoulz replied: To me respect is a feeling and manners are a behavior. They certainly can go hand in hand, but as was pointed out, one can show good manners to someone he or she does not respect.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
That's more or less what I was trying to say... i think I just went a little overboard in trying to describe the feeling.

msoulz replied: I thought we were on the same page!

This is an interesting topic which has been debated with respect and manners as far as I can tell. That is a great thing!

gr33n3y3z replied:
Exactly Rocky
And
I always told my kids you can ALWAYS say NO to an adult or anyone if your not comfy with something no matter WHO it is.

grandma replied:
"Grandma (sorry, I forgot your name ) I'm wondering if you, by respect, mean manners and Rocky, you mean it more as whether or not you respect the person, not a matter of treating them politely or disrespectfully, kwim?"

No, to me manners is opening doors for people, waving when another driver lets you in, yes mame, no sir, please and thank you (the list is too long). I learned all that as soon as I could talk (in TN their BIG on that stuff).
I also learned respect, and to me that is just a feeling, an apprectaion you have for someone, but they don't have to do anything to deserve my initial respect...I was just taught to give it unconditionally. With that said I just always give favor to elders, plain and simple, blame my mother; she taught me that.

I really don't know how many different ways I can say this

luvmykids replied:
I get what you're saying...just figured there might be different ways that people define respect

grandma replied: luvmykids,
Yes, I think this thread has driven that fact into the ground

MommyToAshley replied:
I get what you are saying.

Some are taking the term to mean "To show respect". Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir, you don't agrue with an elder, use your manners, etc.

Others are taking it as "respecting an individual" as in looking up to them or honoring them. "I really respect Martin Luther King for what he tried to accomplish" type thing.

I was taught to show respect to elders too. I am like grandma in that I haven't really encountered a lot of rude elderly people. Most are kind, caring, and we could learn a lot from many of their life experiences. In the case that an elderly person was rude to me, I would just over-look it and be kind back or simply walk away. I would never disrespect them and I would never allow it from my child. But, like I said, I haven't seen too many rude elderly people... I have seen more lack of respect from the younger generation.

lisar replied: There are way to many things to try and quote and reply about.

But Rocky I wil agree with you said. We have the same outlook on this subject.

BAC'sMom replied:
Amen Dee Dee

Well for me respect is not just a privilege it is being considerate, thoughtful and or the will to obey. It’s a way of life just plain common courtesy! Manners on the other hand is a way of behaving, being respectful and not acting like a heathen.

Grandma I couldn’t agree with you more. There is no bigger compliment that having someone remark on your children’s manners/respect, it warms your heart and lets you know your doing a good job as a parent. For me manners/respect go hand and hand.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I think people should show this kind of respect to everyone, not just their elders. I am totally offended when you hold a door open for someone and they don't even acknowledge you with a "thanks", or even a smile.

I have to say this though....when I drop Tanner off at school in the mornings and I have to walk him inside, I swoop up Aiden and carry him with me while I walk Tanner to his classroom. Every time I have gone to open the door and there is an older child in front of me, they have always held the door for me as they see I have a baby in my arms. I'm happy to see that at his school that the kids are taught how to be respectful to others like that...not just because I am an adult, but because it is the nice thing to do.

luvmykids replied:
I love that at the twins' school too....and it just dawned on me that the third grader holding the door for me is probably doing so out of "respect for elders"

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I'm going to live in denial about that one, because I don't want to be an "elder".

sparkys2boys replied:
Ahhhh the golden years

jcc64 replied: Dh is Korean, as many of you know, and in his culture, respect for your elders, regardless of the age difference is a VERY big deal. Even with siblings- his younger brother never challenged him- it was inconceivable. It seemed weird to me at the time, but now I kind of like the idea.
As far as the elderly go, for the most part, I do believe it's important to show respect to anyone older than you are. I live in a very liberal community, where it's common practice for kids to call adults by their first names, which is fine. But along the way, I did notice that some kids never seemed to learn that there is a line between childhood and adulthood, that kids are not, by definition, on equal footing. I've had other people's kids challenge me in my own home, and I'm always taken aback at their utter lack of acknowledgement that I'm an adult and my opinion supercedes theirs', for that reason alone when they're in my home.
Having said all that, I do think some old people erroneously believe that being old is a ticket to forego any sense of manners or civility. That's not ok either. It's like I always tell my kids- what you put out there comes right back to you.

holley79 replied:
See now your off base from the orginal. I'm not saying that you have to respect anyone who is abusive, a criminal or anything like that. I think it was a general question of respect in general with the elderly around you. Not getting all ticked off because an old person is in front of you in line and is slow to unload their cart, having patience for elderly people on a daily basis. I'm not in any way shape or form going to expect myself or anyone else to take abuse no matter what the age of the person.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Well not really that off base... being rude for no reason IS abusive behavior. At least, it is considered to be where I am. Someone who is rude for no reason can be kicked off public transportation, can be escorted out of a restaurant or other public place...

Fine - In general, yes, I have respect for elderly people... but that respect dissapears the second they do not show respect in return, and only
my manners remain.

I'm obviously not being understood.., so I'm done trying to explain myself.

holley79 replied: EDITED MYSELF