Sad and frustrating news for my family - vent, religion mentioned

5littleladies wrote: I got a call last night telling me that my aunt is dying of cancer. I've never been close to her, but it is sad just the same. Now here is the frustrating part-She found a lump in her breast 2 years ago and didn't go to a doctor to get it checked out (didn't tell anyone for that matter, not even her kids), she just decided to believe that God would heal her and to try and cleanse her body by eating healthy food. Some friends of hers who found out what was going on called her son to tell him what was happening (she was apparently getting much worse) and he got to her house on Mother's day to find his mother hobbling around on crutches in very bad shape. He took her to the emergency room and they ran tests and she has cancer everywhere-her brain, her lymph nodes, everywhere. She went into a coma yesterday and came back out of it, but she could die at any time.

I am so angry at this situation. I am all for believing in God for healing and I think that he can and does heal people, but I am also a firm believer that God uses the medical profession to heal people too. She has known for 2 years!! I'm pretty sure that if she had gone in right away they could have gotten the cancer under control. It is such a waste for her to die this way. I'm sorry if this has offended anyone, that isn't my intention. I just needed a place to let off some steam.

amymom replied: I am so sorry. I totally understand your anger.

I agree that God has given us wonderous gifts, in the medical field. We need to use them at the same time that we pray. Lots of prayers for your family and good for her friends to tell her son FINALLY, sorry they waited so long.

jem0622 replied: I am so very sorry. I too believe that if it is God's will, then it will be. There are times when we have to give it to God and let him guide us on the journey. My favorite gma passed away due to complications from ovarian cancer. She thought that her doctor felt the cyst she had (at age 70) was not a danger and let her DECIDE whether or not she wanted a hysterectomy at 70. I'm not going to go there. It always makes me very angry. Anyhow, it became cancerous and spread to other parts of the body, to include the lining of her peritenium (sp). I miss her terribly but I know she is watching over us.

HUGS

A&A'smommy replied: awww Hun I can't believe she let it go for that long, I thnk we believe in the same thing, because I"m with you on that way I believe FULLY that God uses medican to heal people!! (((((HUGS)))))) I'm SO sorry!!

My2Beauties replied: I don't take death well and if I were her son, I would probably, in the back of my mind deep deep down be mad at her for not going and putting her family through that! Please no one thrash me for that, but that is how I would feel because breast cancer is so curable if found in time! I would mourn her all the same and never talk bad about her etc etc etc, and I believe in prayer and everything but God gave us surgery and chemo for just those reasons, to cure cancer! It is a really sad situation and I hope that her son is able to show unconditional love to her in her last moments!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I am sorry to hear about your aunt. I understand your anger, but I believe your aunt felt she was doing what was best for herself at the time with or without G_d's direction. It's her choice. I hope she makes it through this. Hugs to your family.

Mommy2BAK replied: oh Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear that. I wish your aunt would have gone in sooner. I can totally understand your frustration.

3_call_me_mama replied:
I am so sorry for what your family is going through Jennifer. Hugs to you. It is never easy to lose someone you love. I agree with you that it would have been better had your family and cousin found out sooner, but maybe in a way she was also trying to protect her son. Mothers do strange things out of love.

I would like to add a reply to something but will hold my tongue, because your post is not the palce to debate over cures for cancer.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I am very sorry.

I am praying for your aunt. I am praying for God to make this easier on you..and maybe give you a little understanding of your Aunts thoughts?

Love Ya

Mel

Maddie&EthansMom replied: She and your family are in my prayers. I understand your frustration. When we learned that my mother had breast cancer my grandmother did not want her to have surgery or any other treatment b/c she felt the same, that God would heal her. Sure, God is powerful...we know that, but I feel the same as you that God gave us doctors and the medical profession to heal people, too. I'm glad my mother felt the same and is now cancer free. I'm so sad for your family right now. I think this could have been prevented and treatable if she would have accepted the proper care. Cancer is something that can be treated (if caught early enough). On the other side of that, my MIL did not see anyone about her symptoms and she died of breast cancer. They found it in the last stages. Like your aunt, it was everywhere. They weren't even sure where it started. First they diagnosed it as bone cancer, then brain cancer and finally came to the conclusion (after lots of testing) that it was in fact breast cancer. She lived 6 mos after her diagnosis. They did everything they could for her to make her comfortable. I hope your aunt atleast decides to let them make her comfortable in her last days. It is a hard thing to watch. You will all be in my prayers.

My2Beauties replied: I hope no one took offense to my post, I know there are other means to curing cancer and that chemo is extremely hard on the patient, and I completely sympathize with your entire family and I'm sorry to hear of this news. The more I look at my post it sounds harsh, I didn't mean it that way. I'm just saying that I just have a problem sometimes with the way people go about thinking God is a healer of all things, when in fact I think God gives us the means to help us heal but we have to do it ourselves, that is all I am saying and it didn't come out that way! Therefore if I were her son I would have found her beliefs a bit extreme and I would feel like she was causing herself and her family undue pain. I would never EVER say those types of thoughts out loud to my loved one, I was just expressing how he may feel because that is how I would feel. With death a lot of times people find reasons to blame things, which I'm sure I would do if faced with this type of situation. But I'm sure there was a reasoning behind everything she decided to do, we may just never know and her son needs to be at peace with that and love her unconditionally her last days here with him. I didn't want my post to seem rude or offensive, I just couldn't collect my thoughts correclty at the time. Sorry!

3xsthefun replied: I am so sorry Sending lots of prayers for your aunt and your family. I wish I knew what else to say except I think I would be little angry myself.

5littleladies replied:
Don't feel bad. I didn't think your post was harsh-You said pretty much what I've been feeling. I totally understand there are other ways to treat cancer, but I don't personally believe that just sitting back and expecting God to do everything is one of those ways. Maybe in some cases it would be, I don't know, and I don't want to judge, but I don't think that is always how things work. Ok I'm going to stop now because I could get into some shady waters and I don't want to offend anyone.

mom21kid2dogs replied: I guess she just wasn't interested in medical intervention and that is within her rights to do. I hope your family can come to peace over the situation~sometimes when a person chooses something other than what we think they should it is so hard to understand. Prayers for her family & yours!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. My heart goes out to her son - this must be such a shock to him!!

chloe&tysmommy replied: I'm very sorry to hear about your Aunt

coasterqueen replied: I am so sorry to hear about this Jennifer. My p & pt's are w/you all.

~KARA~ replied: You and your family are in my thoughts.

SOUTHERN MOMMY replied: I am so sorry, my DH is an OBGYN and you would be surprised to really know the people who feel the same way your aunt does and in turn harm themself and/or the baby that they are carring.It is very sad but people have that right. Once again i am very sorry

TLCDad replied: So sorry to hear this, you and your family are in my prayers.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Sorry to hear that..... I can relate, somewhat - my grandfather just got admitted to the hospital - he's pooping all over himself, peeing on the floor, very confused.... this just months after the doctors told him he had melanoma.

He waited years and years before seeing anyone. I wish Icould take a picture of him - he's got these bandages everywhere on him bcause he's got open sores from the cancer ALL OVER.



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On another point - I read somewhere that God can't help you if you won't help yourself.

That said - there are "cures" and treatments available - why not use them, they're there. Sure, God "might" spare you.... but let's be frank - a disease is still a disease, most of them have a diagnosis and a cause, cancer is just one of God's mysterious creations.

I think that if you rely totally on God to do everything for you.... how can you really expect to be helped if you're not doing anything to help yourself?

Just my opinion. Faith is GREAT - but facts are good too - and personally, should I have cancer, I would pray like heck - but I'd get chemo too, kwim?

gr33n3y3z replied: I'm so sorry to hear that my prayers are with you and your family

I wish the medical treatments were as good 20 years ago maybe my Mom would have been spared and cured from breast cancer and it was a long road hard road for me and our family. And I will probley get some crap for this But after awhile 4 years of pain no treatments working and pain and suffering I was praying to God to take my Mom just so she could be at peace.

Its not up to us to understand why ppl. choose to do what they do but to be there for them and support them wether we like it or not.

Tamatha replied: Wow, what a difficult situation. I can somewhat relate, on a much less serious scale--my mom was diagnosed with Type II diabetes a few years ago, and she doesn't take care of herself the way I feel like she should. It is very frustrating to me to watch a woman who is known to have blood sugar issues stuff herself full of desserts and candies and such... I finally had to come to the conclusion that in the end, it is her body and her life. She is going to make choices about those things that I might not agree with, just as I probably make choices about my life that she doesn't understand. She will have to live (or die) with the consequences of her choices, with no one to blame but herself, just as we all live with the consequences of our choices.

As difficult as this is, as frustrating as it can be, I pray that you can find a place of peace and acceptance, as I've had to do with my mom. It still hurts, but nothing I do can change the facts. And once you get over the anger and frustration, it becomes much easier to show unconditional love and give comfort, even through the pain.

On a slightly different note, there's a saying I love, and I think some of you are expressing the same idea--Pray as if it all depends on God, work as if it all depends on you. But that's my personal belief, and there are people (it seems to be more prevalent in older generations) who don't trust modern medicine and would rather wait for God to work a miracle independent of medical treatment. That is their choice, and hopefully they will be rewarded greatly for their faith.

Please keep us posted on your aunt's condition.