Second baby shower?

youngmomofone wrote: My daughter will be 6 when this baby will be born. With moving 4 times in 4 years,taking over 4 years to conceive this baby, and having my sil and a friend of mine having baby girls within a couple years of my daughter being born, we literally have nothing.

My mil is so excited that we are "home" because she has already said that she will plan me a baby shower. I know that dh and I will get most of the big ticket items, and what we don't get my mom will. The shower will be about getting things like diapers, clothes, etc etc. I feel a little bad about having another shower, but mil had a baby shower for each of her 9 kids, and sil had a shower for both of her kids who were both girls and only a couple years apart.

Should I agree to let them throw me one? I really didn't have a shower with my first, so this would be my first shower, but I feel weird having it for my second child....

If I dont make any sense, sorry. I'm going on little sleep since dh and I are sharing a smaller bed than we are used to until we get a place and have our stuff delivered. So he is snoring in my ear and keeping me up all night.

CantWait replied: WELL....it's not for you to say "yes" or "no". If a loved one wants to throw you a shower, than they're going to throw you a shower. If people don't feel right about it than they won't attend. Don't worry about it, enjoy the attention.

amymom replied:
I agree. Sit back and enjoy!

Mommy2Isabella replied: I disagree with the previous posters.

If you don't want a baby shower. Express that to your mother.

I do not and will not have a baby shower with this baby. I just had a baby boy 17 months ago, and still some of his clothing, also DH and I planned a lot better this time around and we have had the stroller, car seat, swing, and bouncer chair since I was about 13 weeks pg. since then we have bought clothes for him. So there is no purpose to a baby shower. If people REALLY want to get you a gift they will send you gift card or something.

** I also didn't have a baby shower with Isaia either. Me and some girls had a small get together but it was a no gift event! **

luvmykids replied: Enjoy it, especially since you guys truly need baby stuff.

stella6979 replied: I agree about just enjoying it. When my SIL got pregnant with her 3rd (a girl after 2 boys), we had a party for her. We didn't call it a shower though, we called it a diaper party, so everyone brought diapers and of course outfits cause girls are so much fun to shop for.

my2monkeyboys replied: I had 2 showers with my second. They, too, were 6 years apart and we were out of most things, other than a few larger items. My family gave me one and my friends gave me one. I didn't really want them, but I have to say it did help A LOT and was fun, too. So unless you just really really don't want one, let them do it and enjoy!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I wouldn't feel bad about it! Some people have showers for their second and third babies even when they aren't so spread apart, it just depends on what people do where you live. It makes sense that your mil would want to throw you one since you don't have any of your baby stuff anymore.

Mommy2BAK replied: I can never understand the no shower thing, I guess because in Arkansas they are such a big deal, you may have 5 showers for one baby. But to us they are more-so an event to get together with friends, have some good food and cake and have some laughs, to top it off you get some good gifts.

If you don't want one then surely let them know, but why not get some good gifts and have a good time with friends?

mckayleesmom replied: I have always thought of a shower as a celebration of a new life...and each life is important...So I would let them throw you the shower.

julesmom replied: I don't agree with baby showers if the kids are close in age. But yours are 6yrs apart. Alot of things change in 6 years.
If this is making your MIL happy, let her do it. Plus if the things you'll get will really help you out bc of where you are financially, go for it!
She could always call it a "sprinkle" and not a "shower".

coasterqueen replied: I think do whatever you want. If you don't want one, just tell them. If you do, then fine too. What we do around here is a shower for the 1st baby and subsequent babies are celebrated with a celebration party after they are born.

youngmomofone replied: I think I was a little afraid because Ive known of people getting majorly criticized for having a shower for other than their first children, but I think I will let my MIL do this and will enjoy the attention like someone said.

my2monkeyboys replied: Good for you!

coasterqueen replied:
Glad you are going to do what you want.

Boo&BugsMom replied: My boys are 5 years apart. I did not have a shower with the second. Mainly because I saved as much as I could from the first one knowing we'd have more kids in the future. I think it really depends on each person's situation. I generally don't agree with having a shower with each child and around here people usually only throw a shower for the first kid. It's usually considered taboo around here to have a shower outside of your first child because it's an unspoken rule to save your baby items for more kids. However, there are certain situations where it is needed. Example: someone who is in the military and travels a lot and can't physically save everything. Or, someone who has children 10 years apart (things like car seats, etc. are outdated and don't meet safety standards more than likely after that much time). A friend of mine had a baby shower with her first and third. They went through a tough financial situation and had to sell a lot of their baby items after their second in order to make ends meet. Another friend of mine had a luncheon for her second child and requested nobody bring presents because she knew she wouldn't "need" anything, which I think is more than acceptable. Nobody says you can't celebrate the birth of a child, but it doesn't mean presents need to be involved.

So, I guess I teeter on the edge. It really depends on each person, but the general rule of thumb around here is you only get a shower(s) for your first child. I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with, but know that not everyone will agree with it. If you didn't have a shower with your first, I think it is more than acceptable to have one with this one. If you don't need anything, you can always tell people gifts are not mandatory.

cameragirl21 replied: I am not a big fan of rules set by society, especially ones that don't make sense. This should come as no surprise to anyone here who knows me by now.
That said, I would have a shower with each kid if someone wanted to throw me one.
I think each kid deserves to be celebrated. I don't necessarily see a shower as a venue for gifts but rather as a means of getting together and celebrating the new life about to be so if I had all I needed and didn't require anything for the new baby then I'd likely put something in the invite that says something like, "I feel very blessed and have all I need for the baby so please don't bring a gift, I just want the pleasure of your company. Anyone who insists, I'd prefer you make a donation to one of the following charities...." And list the charities that are near and dear to your heart.
I guess maybe I'm odd or just never grew up but I would never pass up a chance to have/throw a party.

lisar replied: Yes have a baby shower. I had one with each of my kids. Its all part of being pregnant

mckayleesmom replied: Another baby shower idea.....You can always do a hand me down baby shower....I saw one on A Baby Story once and the mom to be was having the same kind of situation. ALready had kids, but one arrived years later. She didn't ask for new things, they did a party where everyone gave the mom to be gifts that were used...things that helped them with their little ones. She even got a rocking horse that she had given away years before back all refinished.

Danalana replied:
I agree! They're going to set my shower table up at church on Wednesday and it will remain for 4 weeks. We will also have at least one shower at a friend's house. I say enjoy it! Every baby deserves to be celebrated! And since you need baby stuff, let them bless you. If people want to do it for you, why not? I don't understand the purpose of rejecting one, personally. What's so bad about a shower? You might get too many gifts? Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Danalana replied:
I totallyy agree, Jennifer. Where did we get these"rules" for showers anyway? I mean, I guess if you bullied people into throwing a shower for you, that would be different. But what;s wring with family and friends wanting to bless you and your new baby? I see nothing at all wrong with it. Mine will be 17 months apart, and Carter will re-use the big things (swing, bouncer, Bumbo, pack-n-play, etc...), but they will be born in completely different seasons. I'm actually glad because I LOVE to buy baby clothes. Maybe Tamara is right and the showers for every baby is a southern thing. Doggone it, we enjoy it Seriously, though...I wouldn't have been offended if I didn't have a shower for Carter, but everyone is so excited about him and just wants to celebrate his life. I can't imagine anybody not agreeing with...how in the world is it any of their business, to begin with? Ok, I'm done. I just can't stand it when something makes no sense. I'm glad you are going to have the shower!

Boo&BugsMom replied: Maybe it is more of a southern thing, I don't know. However, if each of the dozen or more pregnant people I know now had a shower this year...I'd be forking out hundreds of dollars I don't have. So, in that respect, I'm glad up here we don't throw a traditional shower for each kid. Like I said, you can still celebrate the birth of each of your children by having a gathering of friends of family (I don't think anyone is saying you can't). We still do, but it doesn't have to require a gift, is my point. If someone really "needs" things, I have no problem helping out and being charitable by buying some necessary items. However, if a person is having a shower for the sake of getting presents when they do not "need" anything, around here it's considered in poor taste and a bit greedy. That is why I suggested writing "gifts not required" if that is the case. Or, better yet, ask for donations to your favorite charity or a children's organization.

coasterqueen replied:
That's how I feel, too. Megan was celebrated, got cards, some money from very close relatives (my parents, etc), but otherwise no gifts. We did have everything from Kylie, but Megan was in preemie sizes and both girls were born in different seasons, so we still had to buy clothes, in the end.

cameragirl21 replied: I just think it's always a good time to throw a party for any reason or for no reason. It doesn't have to be about gifts but if people can't afford them or have too many showers to go to there are ways to get creative and do something inexpensive but fun and cute.
Simply put--if you ever ask me if you should have a party for any reason or occasion, my answer will always be yes. Should you have party to celebrate a new baby? Yes. Should you have a party for Halloween? Yes. Should you have a party because you have two eyes and two ears? Yes. Should you have a party because the sun came up today? Yes.
A party is never in bad taste imo. I am more into people making a donation to charity than giving me a gift anyway so for me it's never about gifts.
Don't you remember the Beastie Boys--you've got to fight for you right to party...!

Danalana replied: I understand what yall are saying, but my point is that the pregnant woman doesn't usually throw her own shower. It's usually because friends/family WANT to throw the shower for her. That's why i don't understand how it could be in poor taste. Also, the difference here might be that we don't send out actual invitations. It is announced at church or whatever, but nobody is obligated in any way. We had a house-warming party yesterday, given by family and friends. I had a couple of them apologize for not getting a gift, and you know what? I honestly didn't notice at all. I didn't think a thing of it. We all had so much fun grilling out and just spending time together. I think that's what I enjoy about showers, anyway. I'm not offended if people come to my shower without presents at all. Anyway, I can see where it would be in poorer taste to send out invitations, thereby making people feel obligated to do/give SOMETHING. Maybe the fact that we just do it on an informal level is why I didn't share the same opinion.

Danalana replied: Ooooooh, but I don't share Jennifer's feeling about gifts...I LOVE them! The reason for that is that I just love surprises. If my husband goes into a convenience store while we are on the road, he now comes out with something for me, even if it's as simple as some skittles. At the house-warming, I actually said "I love parties! Expecially the kind where I get presents!"
People have asked what I need for the baby, and I have told most of them that we don't need much of anything. We are going to get him a new infant carrier and a double stroller--actually, the church will give most of what it will cost for both of those. We'll also get him a new bassinet. The one we used for Kade was a friend's and it is DONE. I don't expect anything like that from anybody. I figure we will get clothes and diapers, and that is A-OK with me!

coasterqueen replied:
Dana, I totally see your point to and think it's fine. I think it's just maybe geography? It seems around here that friends/family think it's inappropriate to have a 2nd shower, kwim? So they don't WANT to give one because of the inappropriateness, I guess.

This isn't directed to you Dana, or anyone for that matter, but I remember it mentioned that a 2nd baby shower is a celebration of life -- the baby's life. How is that? I've never understood that for any baby shower, actually. The first shower to me is to celebrate the pregnant mother and to give gifts for the baby, but how are you celebrating the baby when it's not really even here yet? Maybe I think too far on that one. And really there is no need to celebrate the mother a second time, at least to me. Yes, I see celebrating the baby, which is what we do....after the baby is born. I get confused on how people word things and their definitions for them, I think.

Danalana replied: Hmmmm...I don't really understand what you don't understand, so I can't answer I guess family and friends already feel bonded with the new baby, as he/she (usually) already has a name and has been referred to by that name for a while. I don't know. And I might be wrong about it being a geographical thing...it might just be my particular community. They just love to give around here Including me! I spend money and buy things that I probably really shouldn't, and am not obligated to...but I just love it! I think, around here, the shower is as much for the ones hosting it as for the mother/baby. Kinda like first birthday parties...the baby will never remember, but we still spend money and decorate, etc...I don't know if the earlier part of what I said explained it any better.

cameragirl21 replied: Karen, I think it's a celebration of the baby's life because the get together is only happening because of the baby and there is usually chatter about the baby, games about the baby, blue or pink cake, etc.
If you are getting together to throw a party for a preggo mama who is about to have a baby and the whole party is for that purpose then to me it is a celebration of the baby. Once the baby is born, mama is usually tired and so is the family and I'd be less inclined to have a party then because I'd be less in the mood although I think I could probably still swing it if someone wanted to throw another celebration of the baby.

cameragirl21 replied: I should add that for me this is really not about baby showers at all but rather about my love for throwing parties.
Some years back I took care of two children for a couple of weeks while their parents were in Europe and it was in October so I decided to throw them a Halloween party that was a partial slumber party in that some kids stayed to spend the night. The kids had a blast and I had a blast with them and their mother told me that the party I threw was the talk of the town and that a year later people were still talking about it.
I'm not sure who had more fun with it, me or the kids.
So to me, a shower is just another party to throw and plan, I have planned them for my friends and they were fun. I never thought of them as being about gifts and in all fairness, I can always come up with an inexpensive but fun gift if I had to.

coasterqueen replied: I see your points, Dana and Jennifer. Thanks

mckayleesmom replied: Some people do throw baby showers after the birth..I have been to some and loved those even more because you get to hold the new baby...

youngmomofone replied: Well, a baby shower is a HUGE deal in DH's family. They make one of those things you wear at homecomings? A mum I think??? Anyway, they make it pink, blue, or yellow and have the baby's name on it (if you know their name, or if you are sharing the name) and other things that are cute. My DH and I have been keeping our distance from his family, so I was not only uncomfortable about have a shower for a 2nd kid, but also because I didn't want to be with his family. I realized that I was being selfish in thinking that, so I will just let MIL have her fun. I like the idea of a diaper party since you can never have too much of that, instead of having them buy other things.

My mom is already going crazy so I'm sure that between dh, me, and my mom, most things will be taken care of.

Btw, I love the baby shower after birth thing. My good friend had one, and it was such a blast really celebrating a new life, so I may suggest something like that to Dh to see what he thinks first, then mention it to MIL.