Secretary's perfume - DH question

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: My DH was complaining about his secretary's perfume the other day and asked if I thought it was okay he told her to stop wearing it in the office. My answer was "no, you can't ask her that", but I'm curious what you all think. He said it gives him a headache because it's way too strong and it leaves the scent in his office when she comes in, but I had to tell him this in order for him to understand..."sweetie, you often have bad breath, which I'm sure she isn't too fond of, so how would it make you feel if she told you straight out that you needed breath mints?" It's sorta the same thing, right???

What do you think? Do you think it's okay or rude?

moped replied: Gee I don't know.................depends how close of a freindship they have I think. I need to think on this one

fashionmumofboys replied: Personally, I wouldn't, as she may take it the wrong way.

C&K*s Mommie replied: If the place of business is open for others to come in often, I would mention that her perfume may be offensive to others. People that have asthma or sensitve air passages (like my mother and FIL) can have coughing fits triggered by strong smells.

Bottom line: I do think it would not be rude, at all. As a rule of thumb for her, if she can smell her own perfume, then she has too much on.

mom2three replied: i Think if he says, "hun, i might be allergic to that perfume, if you can tone it down for me, i'd really appreciate it." that way he can show her he doesn't Hate it, or her, just has issues beyond his control.
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coasterqueen replied:
ITA if it comes to allergy issues. I know in my allergist office you CAN NOT come in to get your shots or anything if you have perfume on because of those who have strong allergies to it. I can't wear it around DH because he has an allergy to it.

But I could see her side too, if I were told not to wear it anymore.

Tough one.

luvbug00 replied:



ITA I get physically Ill with perfumes that are too strong. we always enter department store on the level with out the perfume and I will leave a place if somone has too much on.

Kaitlin'smom replied: guess the question is whats there relationship? I know if I wore perfume to stong and my boss told me I would not be offened, just like after I had lost weight I was wearing tops that were getting baggie. i did not realize they looked frumpy until he told me looks like some one needs to go shopping, do you need some extra time at lunch, sems your clothes are getting to big. All I am saying is if they can 'talk' about things like that then say something but dont be rude about it. Bottem line if he is getting headachs he does need to say something

jcc64 replied: I would think you can say just about anything if it is done diplomatically. Something along the lines of, "Your perfume is quite lovely- I wish I could enjoy it, but sometimes strong smells bother my allergies." or- he could try the indirect approach, as in, "I was just in the elevator with someone who had wayyyyyyyy too much perfume on, I almost passed out- that kind of thing really gets to me."
It's his right to work in a comfortable environment- I think he should speak up. Too much perfume is kind of obnoxious.

kimberley replied:
ITA too! allergies are a big issue and when working with others that has to be considered. i would definitely say something but present it to her as a company policy.. not just something that annoys him, kwim?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Well to answer some of the questions, it's not a business where it's open to the public. They probably have outsiders come for meetings, but that's all. But it's a big big office, lots of employees. I wonder if it bothers anyone else! Also, she just started working for DH about two months ago, so I don't think he has a close relationship to her yet, although my DH makes friends easily. He says she's great about everything else, so I told him you have to choose your battles. He doesn't have allergies, he just doesn't like strong perfumes.

Thanks for your opinions. I suppose it's totally his call because I'm not in his shoes, but I personally wouldn't say anything. There was a woman in my office who smoked, which is fine, but she would go on smoking breaks every hour or so and stunk up our little office when she walked back in. I always wanted to say something to her, especially when I was PG, but she has every right to smoke, right?

Office etiquette is a tough one! We all know about those who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom and then touch the Xerox machine! Ewwwwwwwww.

DansMom replied: We have a no-perfume policy in our office, to accomodate three employees who suffer from allergies or environmental illnesses. Not always easy to enforce, but at least if there's a policy people who used to wear a lot wear less. I would see if he could get the ball rolling for an office-wide policy by talking to HR. Sometimes having a policy on something like this, just like with dress codes, can make it feel less personal to an individual who has to change a lifelong habit.

I know with some of our staff, the older editors are losing their sense of smell and apply way too much cologne or aftershave. Non-essential products that men use should be included in a policy---it will seem more fair that way.

OTOH, personal care products like shampoo, hair oils, hair sprays and deodorants and lotions can't be included. With all of these products, they can have a strong fragrance, but it would be too personal to ask someone to change how they manage their hairstyling, dry skin or body odor, KWIM? I only mention this because, believe it or not, I have been asked by my sensitive employees to ban these things too!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Ditto. Having worked in the goernment for years, I've seen "posters" all over the place about "Scents Sense".

PhiMuMommy replied: i'm allergic to a lot of perfumes and get HORRIBLE headaches.. so if that is his case.. i would simply and politly mention to her (and he may want to grab a mint first..lol)

"i would really appreciate it if you could choose a softer perfume because i think i may be getting headaches due to allergies to the one you are wearing. i'm not telling you to stop but could you please put it on after work?"

i could never deal with cetain scents.. i dont think that he should have to. i dont' think he should TELL her to stop ..but explain himself and ask politly wouldn't be bad. how can she help it if she doesn't even know..

and in response to your comment.. i doubt his breath is giving her headaches.. but who knows.. it might be that bad..

just my opinion

A&A'smommy replied: I"m not sure! When is her birthday coming up? he could buy her a better smelling (or something not so strong) for her birthday

PhiMuMommy replied: ok i just finished reading ALL of the posts.. if he doesn't have allergies but still gets headaches it could be a trigger. so i would still say something.. just very nicely. or even anon ... leave a note on her desk saying that there has been some people concerned about how strong her perfume is and it would be appreciated if she woud obstain from wearing that particular scent in the office.
that way if she does take offense to it he isn't to blame..lol

holley79 replied: Well if it is rude then that makes me rude. I work in a small area with other women. If someone is wearing perfume that is too strong then normally someone says something. They normally don't like it but when you are in close quarters it is only considerate to think of other people.

The secretary may have been wearing the same scent for so long that she is immune to it and does not realize how strong it is. There has got to be a way for your DH to say something without hurting her feelings. Especially when it's giving him a headache.

JMO

CantWait replied: Well I have the same problem with a lady in my office, her perfume is very strong and always leaves me with an upset stomach and a wicked headache. I don't think it's rude at all if he can find a tactful way of bringing it up. Where I live, many companies have a "no scent" policy because of allergies and because people don't know how to use it sparingly. Good Luck to your dh.

MamaJAM replied: I had to ask a teacher once (when I was in 9th grade) to please stop wearing her perfume...the smell made me feel so sick. It's not like I had a choice being in her class. I'm sure it was a bit rude asking her...but, honestly, I couldn't take the headaches or upset stomachs anymore. The teacher was very understanding...I don't think she ever wore perfume again.

redchief replied: Perhaps an anonymous note on her desk asking that she tone down the 'fume.

CosmetologyMommy replied: from the point of view of the secretary, if someone told me my perfume was bad, I think I would want to quit! That is just how I am. I am very thin-skinned.