Seperate accounts

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: DH and I have two joint accounts, savings and checkings. It has always worked for us to always do it jointly. We budget, but it's their to share. Right now the same money we budget for groceries is the same money we use for going out to dinner, gifts, copays, diapers and general things we want. But of course the "things we want" goes on the back burner, there is rarely ever enough for that. I just read an article in Parents magazine about SAHMs "staying in touch" with your family's finances. My DH handles all of our finances, so it got me thinking.

One mom said that she and her DH each have seperate checking accounts for "me" things. They each get let's say $200 each pay period to put in their own account and to spend it however they want. I told DH about this and he agreed to trying it.

Does anyone do anything similar? Does it work? I'm afraid to change something that is obviously already working fine for us. Why fix what isn't broke, right? But I also feel guilty using grocery money for a new shirt, kwim? It would feel good knowing that the $200 is there for just me, DH feels the same. And it would be great having a totally seperate account for groceries so that this money is spent elsewhere.

I just worry that it will build resentment. Because I know how easy it is to say "hey, I know you still have money in YOUR account, can we go out to dinner tonight on you?". Am I making sense?

PrairieMom replied: We sort of do that. We have joint accounts, checking and savings. He is the one that makes all the $, but I am the one that controls all the $. Since I SAM, I do all the shopping, and bill paying. We both get an allowance. We do $50 every 2 weeks, and that goes to eating out lunches, and what ever little things we want. really tho, we are both welcome to use the check card when ever we want, we just communicate openly about it.

luvmykids replied: We only have joint accounts...I handle all the finances (which I hate ). I've thought about giving DH his own account, because he is TERRIBLE about budgeting AND communicating so I figured it would both teach him to handle his money, and relieve me of the constant worry that he's spent money without me knowing. I have no problem with him spending it, I just have to know, kwim?

I think the point of it for us would really only be my peace of mind in knowing the money I have planned for bills will be there regardless of what he does, the other aspects of it aren't an issue for us...we both generally buy what we want when we want/can.

boyohboyohboy replied: DH and I have only shared accounts. I do the bill paying, and money management, but i hate it, and he is terrible with making the time to do it, so i guess thats how i ended up with the job.
I think that (IMHO) seperate accounts is a bad idea for a married couple, I have just always believed that once you are married, you share everything.
I think your idea of a special account for 'me" things sounds great, but could it also be a joint account? then its just an account for spending, since you already share the money well, i am sure you would share this as well.

Cece00 replied: We only have joint accounts. I manage the $$.

stella6979 replied:
I wonder if we're married to the same guy. LOL! No matter how many times I tell DH to let me know what he spends (no matter what the amount) he just refuses to do so. He does work nights and claims he sometimes forgets to tell me in the morning, but man, I really wish I didn't have to ask him everyday if he used the card for something.

MoonMama replied: We have joint checking and saving too, while he does make the money. I handle it all (he was so bad when he tired ). And we each get a certain amount of "me" money weekly (sometime every other week just depending), we also set aside what we call "Brae bucks" money to blow on him what we get in a spoil Braedin mood, or he's really into a toy stuffed animal etc. Not all the time, and we get what he needs of course. "Brae Bucks" are just for fun things. It works for us but we have some friends who tried it and it wasn't for them. Good luck.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Hmmm, I really like what everyone is saying. We too just use the check card when we want and we're good at communicating what we each spent (plus I can see it online everyday). But sometimes it would just be nice to have that little extra stashed away, kwim? Not to hide it from each other, but just so each of us feels that we have a little something to spend independant of the typical family expenses. DH loves to play golf, but it's expensive and I feel bad for him that there is never "extra" to go and play a round of golf. Sometimes there is, but you know, never when he wants it. So I figured this way he can save up in his own seperate account and know that he can go when he wants. Same with me getting my hair done. No need to say "can't do it this week because we have a zillion other things to pay for". Of course if the "me" money is needed for an emergancy, we would use it. But it would be nice knowing it's already budgeted for - meaning bills would already be paid.

mummy2girls replied: Well right now what me and marcus agreed on when he moves in is he wants me in charge of the finances. we are at first having seperate accounts until maby we are married ..like get a joint account and then keep our own accounts as our own and give each other a certain amount each month to do what we want to do. we agreed that 200 is ok but anything over we need to consult each other first before buying it. im new at this so we will see

luvmykids replied: I really like Stacy's idea, having an account that is still for both of you but budgeted for fun stuff

Calimama replied: We have joint accounts, we only consult each other on really big purchases. I do all the bill paying and stuff so I see most of what we spent where as DH doesn't have a clue I bet.

My3LilMonkeys replied: We only have joint accounts, I do all the budgeting. If DH needs/wants something he always asks me first (even if he's just stopping at McDonalds or something, he calls me) but I'm not stingy or anything - if the money's there and not earmarked for something else, he's okay to spend it.

I do sometimes feel a bit guilty about it because I know exactly how much he spends whereas he has no clue what I'm spending - even though I always spend less than him on 'fun' things it seems unfair.

luvmykids replied:
I've felt that way at times, but he really doesn't want to be involved so as long as the bills are paid and his golf money is there, I'm in the clear

msoulz replied:
ITA with this. Financial decisions should be made together, and little stuff should be treated as such, not a big deal. There shouldn't be arguments over who is going to pay for the pizza out of his/her money. JMHO.

NaturalMom replied: i agree all the way. We have a joint account for bills and entertainment and then our separate for us. We each get some each pay period. We feel just cuz we are together does not mean we cant still be idividuals. I dont want to know how much he spends on something when he shops for me and vice versa. if we used our joing account for that, we would know. Plus he spends money on things i would not and vice versa. then we would just argue cuz the other would want the money for something else. This way we can shop for ourselves and each other with out all the whining! I learned this from my grandmother when i was little. THey never had a money issue and it worked perfect. I will encourage my kids to do the same. Too many problems can come up from doing it all jointly IMO. I do handle all the bills tho. I think its better when one person is focusing on bills so that no mistakes happen.

gr33n3y3z replied: We only have joint accounts its always been 50/50

Hillbilly Housewife replied: We had our own accounts for the first little bit. Then we moved on to haing our own accounts, and having a joint account where we paid all the household\child related stuff with. Now, we only have joint accounts.

We set aside 75$ each to spend every week. If we spend it, then fine...if we don't, we put it into our savings. 150$ a week seems maybe like much to spend.... but just dinner out will cost about 40 - 70$, and we have to pay the sitter 32$ if we're out for about 4 hours... the rest of the $ is either usually not spent, or some is spent on junk food, movie rentals, quick mcdonals lunch for dh, takeout for dinner... it adds up pretty quick in the savings.

Our Lil' Family replied: We had separate accounts when we first got married and it was good in that he couldn't complain if I bought "another pair of shoes" because I had already paid for my half of the bills. Then that part got old, paying him every month for the bills, so we combined when we built our house. It took some getting used to, especially since he used his credit card for everything other than bills, and paid it off at the end of the month. I did finally get used to that and that is still how we do it now. I buy 95% of the household items like groceries, diapers, cleaning products, birthday gifts, etc... so my CC is always higher than his. He usually only has gas and dining out on his CC. We (I) keep track of our spending online and with our receipts and we know when we really have to stop spending. It works for us, plus we get dividends on what we spend...that helps out at Christmas time!!

My2Beauties replied: We have a joint savings and checking. Everything we both make goes into the checking and we just talk to each other before making big purchases. Like DH just recently bought a new bowling ball that costs $200 so he asked me how our finances were looking before he did so. I manage the checkbook, balancing it letting him know what we have in the bank etc... We just tell each other before we're gonna do something or if he buys gas or something he tells me that he got gas that day for $50 or whatever. It works for us. We go out to dinner or out places and just use our money. I get my hair done every 6-8 weeks and use our checking account, we just talk about it. It's really no different, that money is there in the joint account anyways, makes no sense to open up another account to me.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: We have joint accounts. We were giving ourselves an allowance of $200/month, but the past couple of months have just been a free for all. It worked out really well with the allowance. I know I spent a lot less. I think we need to go back to doing that again.

Mommy2Isabella replied: We have a joint checking/savings! I guess I am the odd one out, DH does all the budgeting and pill paying. We have money set aside for spending but I have NO CLUE how much it is. LOL I don't care really.

We use envelopes as far as grocery and gas go, if you run out, you run out. I am in charge of the grocery budget and my gas!

wcs40110 replied: Ever since we met we've had a joint checking, and a joint savings. After Dakota was born I opened a savings with me and her on it only because she needed a big person. Dh doesnt care. I never heard that spending idea but thats a really good idea. NO WAY could we afford $200 but something like that...

punkeemunkee'smom replied: We only have a joint account. I am in charge of the bills and fun money. It has never been an issue. I do feel bad sometimes when I spend a little too much on something but he always says that is what he works so hard for.

holley79 replied: Shawn has his account and I have mine. The only reason we never went joint was because of my direct deposit and I'm too lazy to change it. We have access to each others acocunts though via ATM/ Debit cards.

I also have a little stash of money in my savings account. I guess I always have this fear of beign screwed over like my mom was when we were kids. My mom's ex left her with three kids and drained the account to null. My sister just had the same happen to her by her ex. So I have a little nest egg.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Oh that's so sad Holley, I'm sorry.

Well I think we're going to try it. I like the idea of having some money when I need to buy a birthday gift for DH. This way he won't know...(He ALWAYS knows). I bought myself a new jacket at Target yesterday with the "me" money and it was great knowing that groceries and bills and everything else has already been paid for, so the money is there. No guilt. And when I say money, I mean strictly using cash ONLY...Nothing goes on the CC in this case.