Set up for an Eating disorder?

Banana07 wrote: Hello, I don't post here that often but a few months back I posted about my friends younger sister (Now 4 years old) who I spend a LOT of time with. Im almost like her mom at times. She doesnt really have much of a mother figure at all. I mentioned how she caught me purging in the bathroom and since then would go to the toilet and pretend to purge. Shes stopped that (Thank God) But she still does somethings that are VERY disturbing for her age. She goes around asking if she looks fat, says "I cant eat that or ill get fat" or "Im on a diet", only eats "lite" icecream (although I trick her for regular icecream), knows more about calories then most kids her age and sometimes chews and spits out her food before swallowing. Shes even asked to get an "ana bracelet" (basically a red beaded bracelet thats woren by non recovering anorexics) so she could be just like me. Ive tried my hardest to teacher her to have a "normal" relationship with food unllike the one I have. I dont know where I went wrong. I tried to hide all my habbits from her but she still somehow seemed to catch on. Is it possible that she will be eating disordered as well or will she forget this? I really dont want her to grow up having an eating disorder. I dont want her to live the same life I have.

redchief replied: At age four there's no way a little girl should know any of the things you describe, let alone apply them to herself. I'm going to give you the same advice I gave you before. Get help and learn how to live with your disorder before you totally destroy your life, and maybe an innocent little girl's.

Danalana replied: I also have an eating disorder, but I haven't had many kids in my life. I would say that she is definitely picking it up from you or her older sister...or somebody. Although ED's surface in kids, 4 is a little young for it to manifest on its own. It's gonna be hard for you to hide that part of your life from her, especially if you spend a lot of time with her. I would suggest getting help for yourself, if you seriously wanna help steer her away from it. Hopefully, at her age, she can still develop healthy eating habits. I've had some counseling because I don't want my child to have disordered eating...other than that, I don't really have much advice. I hope she doesn't develop a full-blown ED, though. It's not a good life, as you know.

grandma replied: She's doing what you have taught her. She souldn't know about all that stuff, but since you spend so much time with her, she's picked it up from you. Does her mother has an eating disorder also?
Kids, even at four are a lot smarter than ppl think.
I hope you get help for yourself and for the little girls sake.

Calimama replied: I would stop spending time with her until she can be influenced in a positive way by you, just IMO though.

stella6979 replied:
I couldn't agree more.
I mean, you say you're like a Mother figure to her, but Mother's don't or at least shouldn't be doing the things you're doing around her.

Banana07 replied: I didn't mean for her to pick up on all these things. I cant imagine how in the world she figured it out. I try my darnest to hide it from her but thinking about it now I think I wasnt as careful as I should have been. I do spend a lot of time with this little girl, I drop her off at daycare, run errands with her, take her shopping you know everything a parent would do. No one else around her has an eating disorder that I know of. Her mother is a "recovering" alcoholic. I say "recovering" because I really dont think shes recovered at all.

MyBabeMaddie replied: I'm trying not to totally sound like a jerk but seriously the best thing you can do for that girl is to STAY AWAY, stay FAR FAR AWAY! That is a very sad situation, and with first hand experience in what you are talking about I would be totally devastated if my daughter EVER had that behavior, let alone at the age of FOUR.

sparkys2boys replied: I have to agree here, you need to put some distance between you and the child until you can get yourself some serious help. She is learning the behaviour that yor are teaching her. And in the end by not getting help for you, it is telling her its ok.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I have a hard time believing that a girl would have picked up "I cant eat that or ill get fat" or "Im on a diet" from anywhere else if you are around her that often. You need to the VERY careful of what you say around youngsters, or else it is very irresponsible to think that she wouldn't pick up on it. I agree with the others.

Calimama replied:
Well no offense, but it's obviously not working. I'm sure you have the girls best interests at heart, if that's the case, step back until you can get help and teach her positive things. It's extremely selfish to continue down the path you're going with a child right there watching every step.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I wouldn't completely step out of this girls life like the others have suggested, JMHO. Sounds like she needs someone and I have to say I applaud you for stepping in where her mother can't. That's no easy task. And even if you have an ED, it doesn't make you a bad influence, just someone who needs to take care of herself FIRST if she wants to continue helping someone else. Kids are like little sponges so just remember that every time you feel the urge to b/p. I am a recovered anoretic and bulimic and I know what a struggle it is, but I knew that if I was going to be a good mother for my children, I had to be good to MYSELF first. Please get help immediately.

ETA: And I have to say, please throw that bracelet away. What's the purpose? IMO, it's like saying recovery isn't possible.

Banana07 replied: Just living with her and seeing her repeating what I do is very sad... I cant imagine how she caught on to all this. I mean I was real careful. Most days I just dont eat at all and some how she caught on to that. I cant imagine not having this little girl in my life (her names Isabelle BTW) shes probably the only reason why Im still here. So I cant just leave her. Im hope that maybe she will out grow this behavior? Maybe figure it out herself that this is NOT the way to live? I was so careful

mom2my2cuties replied: I have a 4 year old of my own, and she now has step sisters who are in thier teens and so she is learning very early about self image and will occasionally ask if she looks fat or will say something will make her fat. And we have to reitterate to her, that she is beautiful over and over and over. And mind you this is from a little girl who is tall and skinny as can be.

That being said, I think that you really do need to get help for yourself before you can try to "correct" the way Isabella's behavior. Because until you can set a postive and healthy role model for her, you aren't doing her any good at all.

I hope you can get the help you need before you lead this little girl down such a destructive path.

A&A'smommy replied:
go back when you get your problem under control!!!

Do you know what your really doing to yourself? do you know how easily someone with an ED can have a heart attack? among all the other things... sweetheart I don't mean to be mean but your killing yourself.. if you truly want to be there for her then you need to get help!!!

Nina J replied: You need to get yourself some help, not just for you but for the little girl who you are influencing. Children are easily influenced and pick up on there surrounding. Plus, it doesn't help that the media puts so much importance on being thin and all that

A 4 year old should not be concerned about dieting or body image. The only reason a 4 year old should concentrate on dieting is if that 4 year old is overweight, and even then it should be the parent or responsible adult's responsibility. Children need to recieve the correct amount of nutrients daily or else there bodies will not grow to their full potential, and it could cause problem's later on. Not just with body function, but with her mind. You are only setting her up to have a warped self image and a dysfunctional attitude towards food.

Get yourself some help. Don't purge anymore, don't go the whole day without food. That is not helping, she needs to see you eat so she knows it is okay.

If you continue on this self-destructive path of purging and not eating, you will kill yourself. Look at this blog, this is the consequences of anorexia and bulimia. This lady has a few months to live: http://www.xanga.com/Nancybratt and she is not dying a quick death.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
If you were so careful, I still do not understand where else she would have gotten the words "that will make me fat". or "I'm on a diet". You would have had to say those things to her because kids don't just make that stuff up or even know what a "diet" is at this age. That's not being careful.

Bamamom replied: I know you say you love this child but if you truly love her then do what is best FOR HER and get away from her until you can get your act together. It doesn't sound to me like you want to get better - I've seen nothing in any of your post that indicate that you are trying at all. That bracelet thing is unexcusable - how does she even know what it means unless you told her - and you could have just told her it was a bracelet and let it go at that. You really need to question your motives here and do what is best for that child.

Anthony275 replied:
exactly

stella6979 replied:
So very true. And now, I'm going to step away from this thread, cause it's really starting to make me angry.

Banana07 replied:
Thinking about it more now I think I;ve figured out where she got to saying, "Im fat" or "Im on a diet". Every night after I put her to bed I usually talk on the phone with friends and often catch myself saying things like that as well as going into detail about dieting, fasting and what I am actually eating. Maybe she overheard me?

As for the bracelet, her 13 year old brother (who Im also very close with, hes like a brother) told her about it Says when she asked he explained it to her.

Also we're often on the go alot and often get takeout I order for everyone (her and her brother) They sit and eat while I never get anything for myself besides a diet coke once in a while. This happens everytime. Maybe she picks up on that as well?

As for myself, I have been to a Dr. roughly 2 1/2 years ago when this was at it's worse. Other than that I havent recieved any treatment. Just feel like I dont deserve it. But thats a long story.

ISorry if this all souunds horribly stupid. I just didnt know kids pick up on even the smallest things you know? Im 20 so this is really my first time being around little kids all the time

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

You're so young. I hope you get the help you need. You DO deserve it.

A&A'smommy replied:
I completely agree!!!!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Ditto. Please do not think you are not worth it. You have a whole life ahead of you that you could do amazings things with.