So SAD and Depressed :-(

jen wrote: Okay this is such a depressing story. My sister who is 27 (my identical twin) has been dating this 56 year old man for the past 5 years. He has money and pretty much has her bought and paid for. Every year at christmas time he kicks her out..........yes just kicks her out and she moves back in with my parents starts her life over gets an apartment and a real job and then as soon as she finds someone worthy to date he works on her until he gets her back, it is really pathetic.

Anyway he owns a 104 acre ranch and is a multi-millionaire so yes my sister is a gold digger . Well I used to work for him at this ranch and was pretty much treated like their servant at times but I was a very good riding instructor and horse trainer and loved living in a house I rented from him, working with my horses and absolutely adored the kids I taught out there.

To make a very long story shorter, this scum manipulated us against eachother on a daily basis, even moved her into my house at one point. We were constantly fighting and I was beginning to be sexually harrassed by him which I told her about and she didn't believe me and ended up back in his house/bed. Well my house, job, and life were being dangled by his demented hand he took advantage of me one time unfortunately, I can't explain it, I was afraid if I told him no despite my sister I would lose everything. You see I had been beaten by my ex-boyfriend and had him removed from my life with restraining orders, I was later dating someone who turned out to be married and I was at an all time low in my life. After this happened, I quit my job immediately.

I never told my sister about this because I feared she would go back to him anyway like she had done in the past and he would further drive us apart.

So I quit my job, moved out of there in which he gave me three days! I had to find homes for my animals, a place for my horses, a job! etc etc.

So I spent the next 3 years working on my relationship with my sister, she eventually left him last christmas when he kicked her out like he always does and she was strong. We were best of friends again and it was wonderful.

In the 3 years since this all happened I have met Josh, got married, finished my degree, moved into our new house and now I am pregnant with our precious baby maddy.

Well this was too good to be true...........my sister lost her job and this man eagerly picks her up to come back and work for him, manipulate her into moving in there and then proceeds to clear his conscience about how he took advantage of me and I let him and he told her he slept with my mom..........YES MY MOM. OMG. She called me and said she will never talk to me again. So I am of course devastated but I did not deny anything, I only told her that this was a long time ago, I was used against a place I loved and torn between my job and home and manipulated daily against her. I don't have excuses other than I am not that person anymore. I also told her about other instructors that he had done this to that asked me to go to court against him and I declined at the time, he denied all of this and she believed him

My husband wasn't surprised neither was anyone else that knows this Shrewed SOB. My mom is devastated and swears this is not true. I believe my mom.

My sister is living with him full time now and tells everyone she can't be mad at him because he told the truth and he would never try to tear her away from her family! WHATEVER.

I am so mad. My sister will never have love or babies or compassion in her life with him. She is really missing out.

The point is this was almost 4 years ago. I have a loving husband and a baby on the way and I don't need this nightmare to keep happening over and over. My husband and my baby are the most important to me in my life, I would like to forget this all as I have done 4 years ago. My friends and family are telling me that I am being WAY to hard on myself and that she needs to realize what type of person this is that she is with, but if she did she would have to get a job and work hard and she wouldn't have his credit cards etc. I am just sooooooooooooo sad

Sorry this is so long and thanks for listening.

aspenblue1 replied: I am so sorry.

mummy2girls replied: I am so sorry to heart this. I dont know what to say but i am going to send you lots of hugs....

maliksmommy replied: I am so sorry this is happening. It definately sounds like this is something your sister is going to figure out for herself and no matter what anyone tells her. I know it's hard but you need to worry about yourself and your well-being. You have got a baby in you to take care of and the last thing you need now is stress. It's not healthy for you or the baby. I hope your sister can come to her senses soon so you can all be a family again. Until then big hugs to you!!!

jem0622 replied: Oh sweetie. I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds to me like you truly love her, regardless of her association with this awful man. And what is worse is that everyone takes her in every time he kicks her to the curb.

My sister FINALLY (yes, big words) divorced my ex bil almost 2 yrs ago thanks the the love and guidance of her congregation. We could not make her see the light, but they did. And I am so grateful. BUT, in spite of the divorce (after years of verbal and physical abuse) my sister is letting this idiot live with her and my nephew. She is supposed to move from FL back to MD (she has been saying this since she divorced...it takes her YEARS to make good on her words).

I love my sister. But I don't love what she decides to do at times. And that is just what I keep saying to myself. Because I would never think of shutting her out. I am so sorry that this many told her these things and she believes him over her own blood. I don't know what to tell you regarding that matter. If I saw my mother that hurt and I loved her that much then I would certainly believe my own mother before that scum!

My sister-in-law decided that she had an unhealthy relationship/life with my MIL and FIL and pretty much excommunicated herself (and her husband and kids) a few years ago. I emailed her and asked for her reasons and I do respect her. There are some long, deep issues there that she'd frankly have to work on in counseling with her parents. And they don't think that they've done anything wrong. It is really sad. Because now we don't see her and her family. And the boys at least should know their cousins. :-(

Lots of hugs. I can understand your sadness. Just pray for her and stay strong and love your family. You have come a long way.

Julie

DansMom replied: He is a professional manipulator/abuser. Yuck. Whenever you have a secret or a huge mistake like that in your past, and you don't want people to know about it, because you're not the same person and you want to put it behind you and not have to defend yourself NOW when things are going so well for you, it gives another person who is part of that secret so much power over you and over your peace of mind. Especially when you are happy, full of joy, faithful and domestic in your family life and your marriage. I'm sorry this is happening to you right now. Uggh. He's a total PIG and you don't deserve this just because you made the mistake of being controlled by him before!

Take deep breaths. I wonder if there is some way to rescue your sister from this man. He sounds truly dangerous.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: My heart goes out to you. This must all be so difficult. I don't know what to say. Eventually your sister will see him for who he really is and she will need you then. For now as difficult as it is do not have any contact with her. It will only cause you stress and that is the last thing you need right now. Be strong and hopefully some day soon you will get your sister back.

jen replied: Thank you so much everyone for your support. I feel much better. But I am still so hurt by all of this. My sister is lost for now because he won't allow her to talk to me. because when this all came out I told her of all the others and he says I am trying to sabatage their relationship! OK YES, why wouldn't I.

I found out that she lied about getting stitches in her head saying she was in a car accident. I found out that he hit her several times and his ring cut open her forehead and she had to get plastic surgery.

She has called me and left me horrible messages and I can hear him in the background telling her what to say. I don't feel like I need to listen to this so I don't. If she can forgive someone like that she can surely forgive one of his victims.

A&A'smommy replied: im so so sorry i dont know what your going through but please dont let it stress you out to much for you and your babys sake!!! I hope things get better for you soon here are lots of ((((((BIG HUGS))))))

MommyToAshley replied:
I am so sorry! I hope your sister sees the light and gets away from this man. I don't think anything you say will change her mind... I think it will have to be her decision. The best you can do is to be there for her when she does leave him.

Please try to take care of yourself, you have a baby to think about.

CantWait replied: I'm so sorry you're going through this. Everyone is right, you are being way to hard on yourself and although it's sometimes hard to let go, you have to. Your sister has to see the mistake she's making, sooner or later she will. I just just hope it's sooner. Hugs to you

MomofTay&Sam replied: I am so sorry this is happening to you and your loved ones. I didnt read the replies so I could answer in my own words. Your sister and my sister sound like the same people. Always looking for someone to save them and actually thinking that this time will be the one. I moved on long ago, and left my sister to do her own business. I know you want to help and you want to fix it for her, make it better. But it's just there way and we can do nothing to help. Enjoy your hubby, enjoy your new bundle of joy coming, enjoy your life. Your sister has a long way to go in the family department as does mine, hope I am not to cold. Take care please...

jen replied: Thanks...My #1 concern is my baby then my husband. I am so grateful to have you all to vent to and relieve the stress I do have! I appreciate all the concern and advice. I am going to leave my sister alone completely. Let her figure things out for herself. Hopefully she will "see the light" and not lose all of her support and friends in the process!

Thanks so much!

PS: MomofTay&Sam I don't think you are being too cold at all! Our sisters do sound like they are the same person, thanks for the advice and I am doing my best to enjoy everything about my life and not worry about hers! I think when Maddy comes into this world, everything about her life and her problems will seem very minor to me despite how much I love her and wish for her. I will have much more to worry about and a lot more to do then be dragged into her DRAMA! Thank you very much!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I know how heartbroken you must feel. My brothers are identical twins and they have such a strong connection with each other and love each other like nothing I have ever witnessed. I imagine you feel like a part of you is being ripped apart. Hang in there...she needs you more than she can realize right now. As for things in your past...don't let it bog you down. You are better than that. I hope your sister spent enough time away from him to realize now that she has the strength to leave again when things get bad. You both are in my thoughts. (((HUGS)))