So upset with my friend

ammommy wrote: I know that everyone has different parenting styles, but I am so upset and frustrated with my friend. For those who know the background, this is the friend with the son that Alec doesn't get along with. Anyhoo...I just got off of the phone and she told me that the twins (18 months) had been in their cribs for over 4 hours. They slept for about 2 of those hours. She just keeps them in there until they start crying. They do play and "talk" to each other, but still, 4 hours???? I just get so frustrated when I hear her or see her ignore her children to let them "learn to play by themselves." It just breaks my heart to see them get the bare minimum amount of attention
Thanks for letting me vent.

mckayleesmom replied: Wow...Thats harsh of a parent....I use to feel guilty because Mckaylee would play for an hour in the morning before I went in to get her.....I just liked hearing her sing and play. 4 Hours in a crib is rediculous.

Insanemomof3 replied: I have done that. But not often, and it was when they were a little younger than 18 months. But after I had Demetri, I went through a REALLY stressful time and was not concentrating on parenting.

Now the kids are only in bed for 2 hours tops. Other than that time, they are constantly in my hair.

I hope she wises up though...4 hours is a little much, especially at that age.

A&A'smommy replied: GEEZ 4 hours!!! That is ridiculous I would never leave her in her bed (of course she sleeps on her mattress on the floor now) for that long to learn to play by herself she plays good by herself but usually she is playing with me I mean come on that is how they learn

luvbug00 replied: 4 hours is a bit much. Mya played for a good amount of time alone in her crib and she had little toys in there with her. She liked the alone time but I was up most of the time and doing chores but she was always in the same room as me and we would somtimes interact across the room while i cleaned or whatever.

MomToMany replied: That's pretty darn close to neglect in my book . Poor, poor children; they will definitely have issues growing up .

Insanemomof3 replied:
Abuse, no. Neglect yes. But you know, if they are happy and stuff then well, it is really not for anyone to complain...just a different style. I don't agree with everyone's on here with their styles, but it is just how we are different. JMO

Of course, I don't know the background on this girl, if there are worse things that she does then she is wrong. But if everything else is good then hey...

MomToMany replied:
Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'll edit that. I'm sure they play together fine because they DON'T KNOW ANY DIFFERENT. They are being denied important interaction with people and their environment.

I'd be calling CPS if I knew someone doing that to their kids.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Abuse, no. Neglect yes
its the same in the courts of law either way you look at it.

I mean if they enjoy playing in there and have toys and what not I cant see any problems with an hour but 4 hours thats a bit much.

But in your case as you explained its was best your child was in there at the time

mammag replied: IMO, neglect is just another form of abuse....that's what I think it is in this case. It breaks my heart to think of them in there for 4 hours.

kimberley replied:
18mos is far too young to be made to "amuse themselves" for that length of time. that also means none of their basic needs (like food and diaper changes) are being met in that time either.

My3LilMonkeys replied: To each his own, I guess. But I can't imagine leaving my kids in their cribs for 4 hours when they were awake, happy or not.

3xsthefun replied: I have to agree I think 4 hours is to much. I use to let Kaitlynn play in her crib for least a hour in the morning.

luvbug00 replied: I only have issue with it if she is not meeting basic needs like diper changes and stuff or if they are in another room compleately. JMO

Insanemomof3 replied: Edited because I was being dumb.

ammommy replied: Sorry, I guess what I wrote was confusing. They were in their room alone a total of 4 hours, alseep about 2 hours (probably less) of that time. I've gently mentioned that this might be too long, but she doesn't think so. If she wasn't so loving, it would be really, really close to neglect in my book, but I don't think she is there, yet. My heart just breaks because our styles are so different and I know what these kids are missing out on. ***sigh***to each their own, I suppose.

Insanemomof3 replied: If she is a loving mom then I don't see a problem...4 hours IS a bit much, but just like people out there waiting on cues for like potty training, maybe she just waits for cues for attention. Kids do need alone time...mine do. They let me know when they want to get up and then they get up. If they want to play alone for a while, then I let them.

Yes, we all have different styles of parenting...i agree, to each his/her own.

My2Beauties replied: I would never ever leave Hanna alone in her crib while awake for that amount of time. I think that is just wrong. Of course, she wouldn't have it neither, she would fuss and scream until I took her out. Once she is awake in the morning she is ready to get outta that crib. Very rarely do I wake up and hear her in her crib playing, and at the most it lasts maybe 15 minutes!

mom2tripp replied: THAT'S 1/2 THE DAY IN THEIR CRIBS!!!! I have no problem listening to Tripp play in the morning for about half an hour I think it's cute, he's amusing himself but then he's ready to get up and have other interaction!!! Even if he would stay in there that long, I would go and get him, it just doesn't seem right to me---seems selfish

my2monkeyboys replied: I guess to me the worst part would be whether they are getting enough physical activity. At that age they are probably walking and stuff and should be given freedom to do that. With there being 2 of them, no one would think anything badly if they played on the floor for 2+ hours after a nap, but have them in a safe area like their crib.... Not that I think it's exactly right, but I don't think it's horribly wrong either. I think as long as they are playing and having fun, they probably aren't concerned where they are, you know? Not something I would do, but I don't think it's neglect/abuse, especially if the mom is "up to par" otherwise. Like I said earlier, my biggest concern would be them getting enough physical activity. JMHO.
Sorry for the long post!