Spanking - For or against?

CAMSMOM1 wrote: I grew up with spankings, not regularly, but when I was in deep trouble, I got a spanking on the butt only with the hand.

My son doesn't seem to be responding when I tell him no, like most toddlers. I have spanked his hand before, and that doesn't seem to work.

Are you for or against spankings?


Ann

5littleladies replied: Oohhh touchy subject!!

I am for spanking. I rarely do it, but I do believe there is a time and a place for it. And that's (hopefully) all I'm going to say.

ediep replied: against

PrairieMom replied: We do it, but not all the time. We also do time outs and he gets a slap on the hand for repeatedly doing things he shouldn't be doing. The main punishment we use is time outs.

and before anything gets started... please, lets not let this topic get ugly...

moped replied: I am not sur eyet - will let you know when Jack starts to act up...........I got spankings.......

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: I believe there is a definate time for spankings. We try time outs and loss of privledges but there are times when the spanking is needed to stop the behaviors.

jcc64 replied: Against.

3_call_me_mama replied: It's not somethign that i choose to practice with my children

amynicole21 replied: Against. We did it once or twice with Sophia and it just didn't sit right with me. I won't do it again.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I agree with Jennifer, there is a time and a place for it, if it becomes too regular then the effectiveness will not work. I never really knew what spankings were, because we had whoopins (sp?) with a belt, when we were older. Trust me that was effective!!

Chris on the other hand had paddlins with a real paddle! He get threatened with it often, still. And I do too!! Most recently, we both got threatened (long distance mind you!) because we had not purchased a Christmas tree for the girls, yet. There are meaningless threats, but we love his mother, and one day she might actually pull the paddle out. So watch out!!

The new age mentality may be to "talk", to your child, and this is okay, but I believe to be really effective it has to be a controlled combination of things:
Spankings-- depending on the age-- but not all the time & not more than one or two pops.
Time outs-- depending on the age
Talking-- explaining why some things are not appropiate
Taking possessions away-- again depending on the age
Discipline--- but only when they are old enough to comprehend

Never hollering, or random spanking, which gets you no where.

It is a touchy subject. But these are only my opinions... most importantly what ever you do, explain to your child why he is in trouble & give lots of love afterwards.

kit_kats_mom replied: against. Not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind lately with little miss willful K. But when it comes down to it, I just cant ever imaging hitting her for any reason.

MamaJAM replied: We have given the occasional smack on the butt (or hand) when needed. We don't make a huge deal of it....like making the kids lean across our laps, etc....if a smack on the tushie is needed they get it standing (as soon as we can be in private...not in the middle of a store or crowded room).

booey2 replied: We use it as a very last resort and use other forms of punishment. The boys know that if they get to the point that they are given a spanking that they have done something terribly wrong. We (DH & I) were both spanked, (DH more then me) as children and we feel we turned out pretty good.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I'm with Jen, not quite sure yet. I was spanked and see nothing wrong with it as long as it's not used all the time and done with an object such as a belt. There is a time and place for it IMO. And I believe a child should get several warnings or options on how to improve the behavior before taking that approach.

coasterqueen replied: No way, no how. Totally against. I was spanked so many times as a kid and as I got older it went from belts to whatever was there including spatulas, etc.

Dh swatted Kylie (very lightly) on the tush once and I tore into him. He knew better too because we both are very strongly against it. She thought he was joking though so it didn't do any harm.

I joke around with Kylie that I'm going to silly spank her though. Probably an awful term to use but when she's blue or acting just really down I tell her I'm gonna give her tons of slobbery kisses. If that doesn't make her cheer up then I tell her I'm gonna silly spank her til she smiles. That always gets her giggling and I don't know why. She doesn't feel forced to do it, I know that. She has had me silly spank her a few times just for fun. I can't explain what I do when I silly spank her but she thinks it's hilarious. Yeah I know I'm a dork.

Again, I was spanked as a child and found it very demeaning so we won't do it. I have thought about spanking, though, just because I can't seem to control my monster, but it just means I need to find a more effective way of communicating with her.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: As hard as it is to imagine that my sweet innocent little baby will ever act up, I do believe in spanking. Not for everything ~ like Jennifer said there is a time and place for it.

My mom spanked me but only when she had a pretty darn good reason and I knew it. It never made me afraid of her or anything like that - I don't even remember it really hurting - but it was very effective.

kimberley replied: against. violence begets violence imho.

mom2tripp replied: against

coasterqueen replied:
Ahh now with a face like that he could NEVER be nothing but an angel.

aspenblue1 replied: against

moxee24 replied:

Insanemomof3 replied: We spank. Although Tristan thinks I am playing when I do it. I am a softie. I was beat up (literally) when I was a kid, so spanking intimidates me. But we do time-outs a lot and I take toys away.

CAMSMOM1 replied: I think I should answer my own post!

Yes, I believe in spanking. As many of you said, there is a time and place for it. I remember when I was 4 years old, that I tried to run in the street and was almost hit by a car, and my Mom pulled me back and spanked my bottom. I realized right then and there, that I made a big mistake and never did it again. It worked on me because my Mom only did it when it was nessassary, and I never remembering it hurting me. It just got the point across better than saying to me, "look sweetie, we don't run in the street because you can get an ouchie." That spank was suffiecent for that situation. And on normal behavior problems and things you can handle with your words, or with a timeout, then spanking should be last on your list to use.
But when my son was reaching for the hot stove, I spaked his hand hard and said "No it's hot!" And everytime he sees the stove he points to it and says, "no, no, hot!" Thing it worked that time! I rather have him with a slap on the hand then a 3rd degree burn!

JMO!

Ann

My3LilMonkeys replied: We do slap hands on occasion when Brooke won't listen. She is a very willful child.

As of yet, we have not spanked. I can't say for sure that I will never but I was spanked as a child and it was a bad experience for me so I would want to exhaust every other option possible before choosing it.

A&A'smommy replied: I was spanked as a child and it NEVER scarred me and let me tell you I was spanked with a belt now I NEVER plan on using a belt because its the belts that made me hate my dad (among other things) as a teenager (I got my last spanking at the tender age of 16 ) NOT the spankings!! Now Alyssa has been spanked, and popped (not hard) on the hand and we have used time outs we like to use time outs first and ALWAYS a warning and a no no (and even explaining) we use whatever works for that situation and let me tell you she is the sweetest most loving child I have EVER met and VERY polite so I seriously doubt she will be scarred by getting spankings

That is MY personal experience with spankings!!!

PhiMuMommy replied: i am for.. as a last resort.. it worked on me. and it is working on my son.. i haven't had to do it much but once i did all i had to say was do you want a butt whoppin? and he straightens up.. so it's more of a threat than me doing it now..

MyLuvBugs replied: I'm definately for spankings, but with moderation. No beatings like the ones I used to get with a belt or back hands and stuff. UGH. But a swat on the butt and a slap on the hand every once in a while with a firm no I think is good. JMO.

I do understand others opinions about not wanting to do it though. It's hard to justify when your kid is hitting another kid to spank them and say "we don't hit". It's like "Here's my sign!" But for something I feel is it VERY necessary. Like Ann said, I'd rather give my kid a quick slap on the hand then have her end up with a 3rd degree burn on her hand.

Also, you should mix your punishments or have different degrees of punishment. Take things away, time out, and talking should be done first and Spank at the end if the kid still won't listen. (Just no belts or spatulas or any weapons please!) lol

CAMSMOM1 replied: Wow, this has been a very interesting discussion! It's good to hear both sides of it, and get different insights. I guess what it boils down to is that every parent has a different style of parenting and discipline. And we do what is right for our children, and we do it out of love.

Thank you all again for being open and honest about this.

Ann

Jamison'smama replied: Against! Not for me---my daughter has given me reason to think that it was the only option on MANY occasions but I go with my gut and realize there is always another option for me--I haven't always figured out the other option but somehow we make it through.

mummy2girls replied: Im agaisnt it. And this is why...

You are trying to teach your kids that hitting is not right so if you hit as punishment then what is that teaching them? Nothing. It send major mixed messages. i know you can get instant reaction from it and they usually dont do it again.. but i think there is a better way to discipline.

ian'smommy replied: I only use it as a last resort. Most times if he is misbehaving I only have to tell him I will take something away that he is using at that time and the behavior changes. Most times. Sometimes I just have to say, "do you need a spanking?" and he of course says no. So then I tell him that he needs to listen then and he usually changes his behavior. I can't remember the last time he got spanked because he is usually good at changing his behavior when I say I'll take something away. When he does smething dangerous such as running into the street, he does get a spanking. That is serious business and the spanking hurts less than getting hit by a car would. He is pretty good about looking before scrossing unless he is running after a ball. We are still working on that.

My2Beauties replied: I am for spanking but in moderation and only as a very LAST resort. If nothing else works and I am repeatedly having to tell her to stop doing something, then I'll swat her butt. It doesn't phase her though - believe me She just looks at me and is like whatever woman! I think once the diaper is off though, they mind spankings more. I won't spank for very long, I believe that is for very young children, up to the age of 5 or 6, and then talking to is better because they can understand more, and then as they get older taking away privileges and grounding is a better form of discipline, I don't beleive people should give their kids whooping or spankings past a certain age!