Spoiling your kids

MoonMama wrote: Do you think a bad habbit of being over spoild can start at Braedin age? I was talking to me mom a while ago about te fact that, Braedin doesn't go anywhere with anyone without getting something. Wether it be something the wants (well reaches/grabs at) or something we see that we think he "needs" (not actually needs of course). Everyone is guilty of this (myself included ), Daddy, Grandma, Pop-Pop, Nana, Papa, Uncle Brandon, everyone. Even when he's not there he usually get something. Nana, Grandma, Brandon and I are the worst about that. I was telling my mom I think it needs to stop or we are going to have a HUGE problem on our hands sooner then later. My mom pretty much wrote it off and went on the say I pretty much raised you that way (I was the only girl till they adopted my little sister) and you are just fine. Yes and I also got MAD and huffy when I didn't get my way or what I wanted, which wasn't othen and I REALLY wish they had made me work harder for things, I had a hard time when I got older because of it. KWIM? What do you think am I right it needs to stop now?

ZandersMama replied: I'm not sure, but I know my oldest son is the same way.....always gets something every time we go out. Especially now, with his new brother, his dad not around........I feel bad so I try to make up for all he has to go through.

CantWait replied: He's 5 months, I don't think Brae has grasped that concept yet.....he's still way to small, and still young enough to spoil. I'd say when he's 1 or closer to 2, then yes that'll be a good time to teach that lesson.

Kentuckychick replied: I think that it CAN start at his age... BUT not in his mind. In other words, HE of course isn't aware that he's being spoiled and doesn't know how to manipulate you into buying a toy for him or getting exactly what he wants yet, but as adults it's important to recognize when a bad pattern is being set.

I've found that when we as parents/caregivers/aunts/uncles/etc... start out in a pattern of spoiling and buying everything for the kids during their early lives, as difficult as it is not to, it becomes even more difficult to stop doing it when they get older and eventually, enevitably they someday do learn how to manipulate and often times thats when the spoiling begins.

I think the best you can do is to learn from what you didn't like about how you were raised. You say you wished you had had to work harder for things when you were younger, make this your first step to making your child's life different. Since you know you don't want to spoil him, make the best effort not to.

I've seen both extremes (the horribly spoiled child and the child who never gets anything) and a child doesn't benefit at all from either one.

Breadin seems so loved already it will be hard I'm sure for everyone to stop spoiling him. You may suggest to family members and friends that birthdays and holidays are to be the special gift occasions, or try what my friend does and as he gets older donate the toys/items that aren't very used everytime he gets new ones and explain what your doing (even starting now when he doesn't understand that you are going to give the other toys to other kids) that way never has an overabundance of toys and he understands the value of passing them along.

Just an idea.

Of course, to end... I'm a firm believer that every child needs a little spoiling and pampering at some points

MoonMama replied:
Hehe I know that at this age no harm. What I mean is if we get way into the habbit then at 3 or 4 it will be out of control. KWIM?

Brias3 replied: It's probably best to break the habit now. Even though at his age, he probably doesn't realize he's being spoiled, he will soon enough and that's when it will become a problem to deal with.

It's hard to do, I know, but necessary in the long run, I think!

MoonMama replied:
Glad someone is with me on this.

MoonMama replied:
I couldn't agree more!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree!

He isn't old enough to appreciate material items, but the sooner you stop the better so he wont learn that whenever you go somewhere that he should expect something. He will appreciate gifts and such more later if he knows not to expect them.

lisar replied: I think there is way to spoil your children and still teach them the values of everything else. I think alot of it depends on how they are raised. Dont ask me though I havent made it that far yet with my kids.

HuskerMom replied: Let the grandparents spoil him! That's their job!

holley79 replied: You have to do what you feel is right for your child. My mom was a single mom raising three kids so we learned early on the value of the almighty She never told us she couldn't afford something but she did tell us we couldn't have things. I think it made me the person that I am and I know what's it's like to work hard to have the important things and not the frivulous (sp?) things. I hope that I can pass this trait on to Annika.

hopefulmomtobe replied: You can never spoil them with too much love, but with "things" I think you can.

C&K*s Mommie replied: At his age? imo, no he cannot be spoiled with material things.

Stopping? imo, that is strictly up to you.
Coming from someone who spoils our girls, I say go for it! As long as he knows that "no means no" and that throwing tantrums in order to get a toy/thing is not accepted- if that is your intention. Our girls are spoiled to an extent but they also are grateful, and know that we (as parents) have the final say in if something will be purchased. If they are with their grandparents then that is a different story.... but grands have that one exception of spoiling them as much as possible.

I agree you cannot over-indulge your child/ren with too much love. Material things put aside, it is the love that they will remember the most.

redchief replied: I believe you can't love a child so much as to spoil him. I do believe that the expectation of getting everything he desires can start at a really young age, though. I don't think it's going to be easy to get your 'rents into line on this, though! Good luck!

MoonMama replied:
Those are my thoughts on the matter exactly Nicole! Spoiling him isn't going to stop we all know this. But I want him to be appreciative of things too. KWIM?

Cece00 replied: At his age, no he can not be spoiled.

The problem is, as he gets older, he will get to understand what is going on, and it will get tougher and tougher and tougher to STOP spoiling him, and then it could be an actual problem.

IMO, there is never any good reason to spoil your children. There is a fine line between giving them what they need and some of what they want, and all out getting almost everything (or even every little thing) they could want. It would be much better to teach him responsibility and how to EARN 'extras' then to just give him anything & everything he sets his eye on.

I grew up spoiled (not overly, but more than I should've been) and it was hard for me to transition in life. I was successful, because I certainly do not spoil myself too much or demand that my husband do it, either, but not everyone is so lucky to be able to easily get over the 'spoiled child attitude'.

You can never give your child too much love, but its easy to give them too much STUFF.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
This is a great point. I am this way with Tanner too. I can't help but pick up things for him while I am out, even though it's not all the time, it's often enough even if they are small things. He always appreciates the things he gets and when he is told no that he can't have something he never throws a fit over it. He'll try to negotiate ...but he doesn't get upset.