Stepparent adoption - anyone been in the situation?

Cal&Camsmom wrote: Just curious....




Jenn

Kaitlin'smom replied: my DH was adopted by his stepfather when he was I think 2 years old. Unfortunally then his mom got a divorce awhen he was 14 I think so I have never met him, have his last name but never have nor will met him.

why do you ask?

mckayleesmom replied: My mom was adopted by my Grandpa Sam,,,Him and my grandma had been married since my mom was 4 and her real dad passed away when she was 8. Being the youngest and him moving far away she only remembers seeing her dad a couple times. But until I was like 12 I never knew that my Grandpa Sam wasn't my moms biological dad. She just always thought of him as her dad cause she didn't really know her real dad and because Sam raised her.

supermom replied: At one time my DH and I had discussed it for the child who doesn't want to have anything to do with her real dad, but never went thru with it....

maestra replied: I was adopted by my stepdad when I was 14. Why do you ask?

MomofTay&Sam replied: We are currently trying to do this very thing. I have not approached my sons father with this issue yet and I am sure he will be quite upset but something has to change. The fathers insurance is crappy because we are using it 1000 miles away from where it is intended to be used. My son has alot of doc appt. and they are getting very exspesive. His father sends a mere 50 bucks a week and that just doesnt cut it for a almost 11 yro that is in sports and camp and his school supplies were 70. LOL We would be doing it for insurance purposes only and the other BIG reason. The SCHOOL refuses to deal with DH in anyway shape or form. Even asked him to leave a conference because he was not anyone to him. He is the one who has been supporting him for almost 5 years! Never an easy issue but something I feel I have to tackle unless he agrees to send more $$$.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: My sister and I were raised by our step father. My mom and step dad always wanted us to be adopted by him, but they could never afford it! When my sister and I were adults we legally changed our lastnames on our Birth Ceritificates for him! It was the happiest day of his life and we all cried!

Cal&Camsmom replied: Well, my ds is 7 1/2 & has not seen his father since he was 15 mos. His bio father has hardly supported him, financially or emotionally & has finally out of the blue decided to give up his rights. WHich, I'm very happy about. Now my dh can FINALLY adopt him. I was VERY afraid of asking for his consent, thinking the worst, even though we have everything in our favor.

I was just wondering if anyone has been through it to see what we might expect.



Jenn

Mommieto2Girls replied: Here is my opinion, I was raised by my step-father since I was 5 years old. I personaly don't think you should change a childs name just to do it. You are born with one name and you should keep that name till you either get married or pass on. You last name is your bloodline. My real father was never around and never paid child suppoet, but I still wouldn't want to change my last name, cause no matter what he is still my father. You should really think about it before you do it. Hope I don't upset anyone, but that's just my opinion.

Cal&Camsmom replied: I'm not completely changing his last name, I'm just adding ours onto it. You're right, no matter what, he's his biological father. We still have a good relationship, I'm not doing anything to change that. It's just that he realized that he can't do what he should as a father.




Jenn

MommyToAshley replied:
Aweee... that brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine how wonderful that must have made your step-father feel. What a tribute to all those years of loving and caring for you and for being your Dad!

MomofTay&Sam replied: I would never change the last name either, thats not even a thought. He needs his dads last name. It can be worked around with little to no trouble.

maestra replied: My situation was a little different.

I took my stepfathers last name, because he was my TRUE father, and deserved it. I claim his bloodlines as mine (though biologically they aren't). He was the man who walked me down the isle for my wedding. When I tell my daughter about my father, it will be of my adopted father and his family, not of my biological father who hasn't cared about me ever. He only wanted my brother so he could molest him. I listened to him scream at my mother all the time, and saw and heard him beat her. He beat me a few times as well. He can rot in hell (sorry) for all I care. I never wan't my children to know that pain or feel rejected by him, so they can know when they are all grown up so that they can understand.

As for the process- The first thing was a social work visit to determine a fit home. Then my father's rights were severed. Then another social work visit, then the final adoption proceeding, where I had to tell a judge that I wanted to be adopted. That was it. My birth certificate was changed to reveal my stepdad as my father. I remember that they lawyer was costly, but other than that, it wasn't that hard. But definately worth it!

Good luck!

MomofTay&Sam replied: Just wanted to add that a "bloodline" and or name will not raise a child and give him what he needs to survive. Life is never easy and doesnt always work out peachy, but you have to go on. I would also like to add that my own birth mother hit the road when I was two so I am no stranger to mixed families. I don't want the wrong idea coming from me, I struggled as a child with just a father who worked himself to death almost. Namesake doesnt really cut it for me when I have a 10 yr old and I do it all. He will always have his father last name, but I need some help paying bills and insurance and other crap. I could go on and on and debate this until 2005 but I am done now.

Kaitlin'smom replied: when my DH was adopted they (well his stepdad) wanted to make him a JR but his mom said no way we can change his middle and last name only he knows his name and I will not change that! I am glad they did not change the first name, but I eally dunno why they needed to change the middle name. He then wanted before we got married to change to my maiden name so he could get away from the jerks name but it cost money something we did not have then, and he had wanted to take his grandparents last name they took care of him alot when he was younger, but he never did. I do wish he had done something but it was his choise.

now on another note my sister after she was divorced wanted to go back to her maiden name, I have no problem with that, or even wanting to give her kids the same last name x-real pain/jerk/does not care/no pay ect ect, what I did have a problem with was her chainging her first son's first name who was a JR! She said he wanted to change it, he was 6 or 7 years old at the time. I think she planted the idea and he went along with it, I know he remembers his dad and hates him, but he should not have been alowed to change the first name, I just think he was to young to make that choise. Oh and this was the kid she could not decide what to call him she must have called him 5 different names in the first 1 1/2 year! Once she started calling him something other than a birth name we told her you need to pick a name and stick to it so he know who he is! Just my opinion on that one. Sorry for rambling!