Suspended in Kindergarten

DillsMommy wrote: My MIL was telling me today about a lady she works with who has two daughters that go to Dylan's school. One is in kindergarten (I'll call her Sara) and the other is in 4th grade (I'll call her Mary) They were riding the bus the other day and a little boy (I'm not sure how old--I'm guessing about 4th grade also) started picking on/teasing Mary. Well Sara tried to stick up for her sister and bit the little boy. The boy didn't get in trouble at all and Sara got SUSPENDED. She's in KINDERGARTEN! I didn't think kindergartners could/would get suspended especially when she was only sticking up for her sister. I know the school is really big on being "bully free" but come on! The little boy was the one that started it.....

CantWait replied: How are bullying and biting the same things? Being bullied doesn't mean that you can resort to physical violence. How are children going to learn to resolve conflict if we can't teach them the right techniques to reslove it. They are still pretty young, so although I think bullying is wrong on ANY level, I don't think it could have been that bad to resort to hitting, punching, kicking, or biting. It really is something that the kids should have let the bus driver know about, and then the teacher the next day.

mckayleesmom replied: Most schools now have zero violence policies and even if she was being picked on...the right thing would be for her to go tell an adult or yell to the bus driver...I have drilled that into Mckaylee's head because she is one to act first and think about it later...

Plus, a 5 year old should be way beyond the biting stage...There are so many germs and infections that can come from a bite.

luvmykids replied: I think Kindy is awful young for suspension. No, physical reaction isn't the solution but especially to get suspended for a bite seems extreme, there were a few kids in the twins' class last year who bit once in awhile and most of us parents thought it was still an age kind of thing.

Either way, I think it's a sad situation, obviously she felt like she had to do something and then got in trouble for it and the bully got off scot free, like since he became the victim what he did wasn't "that" bad?

mckayleesmom replied: Oh..I forgot to add that I do think suspension is a little harsh...

My nephew bit a kid at the beginning of school and he got in way more trouble at home then he did at school. He was grounded, no tv for 2 weeks, and my mom made him write apology letters to the child and his parents.

I think the bully should have gotten into trouble too.

julesmom replied: My 5th grade ds got bitten by another 5th grader just this year. Didn't break the skin, but left marks and later a bruise.
The biter lost part of his recess for the next day. That's it! My ds was so mad that's all the punishment the other kid got.

Kindergarten is alittle young to suspend, I think.

mom21kid2dogs replied: Buses are the only situation I can think of where we put our children in a 75 (or more) to 1 ratio with the only supervising adult reponsible for driving~not babysitting. It's always amazing to me that the kids get anywhere alive! That being as it may, the bigger lesson here is that the person who "fights" back almost always gets in trouble while the perp goes free. Although suspension seems pretty steep to me (even with zero tolerance) for a first time offense, learning not to retaliate with violence is a good lesson to learn at any age.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I think that is a huge crock of crap! A 4th grade BOY is picking on a girl and her little sister (Kindy is 5 year olds). The 5 year old bites him and SHE is the only one to get in trouble? Does anyone know if he was phyiscally threatening her or her sister? If he was bullying them and he was close enough to the 5 year old to get bit I would say HE was too close! We have told Taylor that if anyone bigger than her EVER threatens her by action or word she can do WHATEVER she needs to do to keep herself safe and get out of that situation...if the brat that is bullying gets bit or kicked-so be it!

gr33n3y3z replied:
Sometimes fighting is the only way for it to stop

Look how many times people here themselves said they were bullied all through school and high school so dont tell me it stops if you teach them right.

I never was bullied bc everytime they tried with me I would just beat the crap out of them then they leave you alone

I always told my children always try and do it the right way yourself or report it if it fails then take care of business on your own.

Swood75 replied: I agree with Abby and Lisa..I have always told my kids that if someone is hitting them etc to hit them back (but only if the other kids hits 1st) and if the teacher says or does anything to them then the teacher and I will be having some words..I am not one to take crap off of anyone and I don't expect my kids to either..The way I look at it is that as long as you let kids hit on you etc and don't do anything about it they will look at you as an easy target saying oh,he/she isn't gonna do anything back so we can just keep on doing what we were doing..

stella6979 replied:
I absolutely agree!

Nina J replied: Personally, both should be punished. Suspension is a little to far, but you don't bully and you do not bite.

Bullying is a disgusting action, and biting is disgusting. Neither should have gotton away scott free; that boy was bullying, but is bullying any excuse for biting? No. As far as I can tell, this 5 year old was not physically threatened, therefore why is there any excuse for her to physically respond with an action that can spread germs and disease? I am sure she isn't diseased or germ ridden, but biting is still something that should not be condoned.

Bullying should also not be condoned. Yes, this little girl was being bullied, but that does not excuse her behaviour. Both should have been punished in some fitting way.

DillsMommy replied: I agree Marie. Biting and bullying are not exactly the same thing. There are signs everywhere in the school that say "bully free zone" or something along those lines. When really they mean "lets just be nice to each other" zone.

It just really frustrates me that the girl in kindergarten got in so much trouble and the boy got away with nothing. As far as I know she was probably just doing what she thought she should do--which is--stick up for her sister.I 'm sure their parents tell them to watch out for each other. I know I'm always telling Dylan that he needs to watch out for/protect Peyton and Peyton will do the same (once he's a little older of course) Suspension just seems so extreme, when IMO, she should have gotten a warning the first time.

jcc64 replied: There may be more to the story than you know. Perhaps they felt the little girl's reaction was out of proportion to whatever triggered it. Perhaps they have a zero-tolerance policy for biting (b/c of AIDS and other blood-born diseases), and a different policy regarding verbal insults. Yes, bullying is wrong and it needs to be addressed, but the school has to look at the big picture, and has to stick to its own code of conduct, whatever that may be.

My2Beauties replied: I'm with Abbie I guess the way I was raised and the way we raise our kids...if someone is picking on you or threatening u - well do whatever you need to do to get them to leave you alone If that means beating the crap outta someone to teach them a lesson - well I'm sorry but so be it. My kids will not be doormats for anyone. I guess I side with the little girl on this one, he was bullying her sister and probably saying some awful things to the both of them and he deserved it. If my own kids started crap with someone and that other person retaliated by biting or pinching or hitting or something, I'd say well did you learn not to pick on people then? My kids will be taught to never ever make fun of or start anything with anyone but I won't tolerate anyone picking on them either. If they are the bullies then I will definitely deal with them and put a stop to that as well.

CantWait replied:
Absolutely Lisa if that was the case, but we unfortunetly don't know the whole story. I'm in total agreement to go the right route until the right route no longer works.

And I didn't say if you teach them right that they wouldn't get bullied, but rather wouldn't bully.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree with both of you. Tanner recently was slapped by another boy, so he went and hit the boy in the arm. The kid hasn't touched him since. We teach Tanner to defend and stick up for himself. It doesn't have to be an all out brawl, but if they don't stand up for themselves the picking on will not stop. It's one thing to beat someone up, but clearly another to do something slightly physical to make someone leave you alone.

About the biting...I think suspension is a little harsh, but biting is something you do when you're 2 years old, not 5, IMO. Unless someone has a hand on your mouth and you bite the other one in defense to get them off of you, I can't see any reason for someone to bite one another.

I think both the girl and the boy should have gotten in trouble. The boy because bullying should NOT be tolerated AT ALL, and the girl because she did bite, which is a no-no even though she had good reasons for doing so. In a situation like this, if Tanner would have been the biter, even if he would have gotten in trouble at school, we would not have gotten upset at him at home for defending himself or someone else. I would understand the school had to punish accordingly, but at home, we teach to defend and not be a walking doormat.

I think it's a crock the boy didn't get anything though. HE should have gotten suspended, being his age and the fact he was not being a gentleman by picking on a girl!!!

BAC'sMom replied: That seems a little harsh for kindergarten. It smells like crapola to me