Teens and Drinking - it scares me to no end

Bee_Kay wrote: As much as I hope and pray that my children will have more common sense than I did as a teenager, I still get so scared.

We tell our children: If you're out, and you happen to drink (or are with someone that is drinking, and ESPECIALLY driving...never ever ever get into a vehicle with someone that has had any alcohol whatsoever), CALL HOME, we'll come and get you, no questions asked.

While I was growing up, my parents were bigtime alcoholics and they would sit there with their beer in their hands, spouting off to us "We better not ever catch you girls drinking".

HELLO??? That's like telling a teen to go out and drink So, I learned and got d*mn good at not getting caught.

So, my DH and I explained the fine-line to our children between "we aren't giving you permission to drink" and "if you do, call home".

How do you all with teens (and those with future teens) plan on dealing teens and drinking??

1lilpeanut2love replied: I DO NOT look forward to those days. I hope she has common sense to do the right thing.

1lilpeanut2love replied: I know that when people drink they DO dumb stuff. Take the keys away is what I say.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I have no idea... I still have no idea how I am going to deal with kindergarten, and their first day of school.

Look forward to hearing from others about their plans.

1lilpeanut2love replied:
awwh!! !!!!!

Bee_Kay replied: LOL! I forgot to mention WHY I posted this.

Last night Ashley was out with a friend of hers.
They ended up going to another friends house, who also had a couple friends there.

When I picked her up last night, I asked her if she was drinking at all. She said that some of the kids were drinking a couple beers, but she didn't.

I asked her why she chose not to.

Her response (not exactly word for word)
"Mom, you and dad told me that it isn't unusual for kids to at least try it out. You told me that if I am ever in a situation where there is drinking, that I am supposed to call home and let you know. (we've drilled in her head how some boys take advantage of intoxicated girls) I just didn't want to. Some of the kids were acting all stupid and I didn't want to be like that"

redchief replied: So far we've only had one problem, and the perpetrator is very sensitive about it.

We grounded severely. We always meet our kids coming home, so they can't sneak past us and sleep it off. The last infraction cost the deed-doer a month in house grounding, loss of cell phone privledges and loss of computer chat privledges. Some have said here they thought that was severe, but I've seen the results of underage drinking, and I believe that leads to other social problems both present and future. We teach our kids responsible social behaviors and expect them to practice what we've taught.

Bee_Kay replied: Oh yes..... we've had one situation here also.

Ash was on the school bus and a couple other girls were in the backseat drinking something and talked Ash into "trying it". Stupidly, she did take a sip.

The girl who had the alcohol (stupidly) threw the bottle in the wastebasket on the back of the bus.
The bus driver reported it to the principal and the 2 girls ratted on Ashley.

I got a phone call, raced out there (trying to control my temper, to no avail) and b****ed at her up and down the hallways in school.
She was suspended for 5 days and had to do 24 community hours.

She also recieved a 2 month grounding, no cellphone, no leaving the house and no talking on the telephone and no computer unless it was for homework purposes ONLY (which we watched her like a hawk).

VERY severe grounding. Hopefully, we can chalk it up as a lesson learned for her.

CantWait replied: Same thing as yourself. We'll probably have a 24 hour rule, or at least not till the next morning rule. Call us, and we won't ask, at least not till morning.

Nina J replied: I don't have a problem with drinking at a party, not excessivly, but it's part of the teenage years for alot of people. I drank when I was a teen, not young like 13, but I started to drink when I was nearly 17. I have some great memories of parties where everyone had fun, no one except for a scant few people got completly drunk, most people just drink to the happy stage. I won't mind if Emily and Odessa want to have some alcohol at a party, as long as they don't get smashed.

But, my children will not be driving themselves, or anyone else, to any party. I will, or DH will, and we'll pick them up any time of the night or day. I don't mind drinking, in moderation, but I would be putting lives at risk by letting them drive to a party. Alcohol can affect judgement, and if they say I won't drive until I'm sober, I won't care. Alcohol can make the smartest people make the stupidest choices.

But, I've got another 14 years...please go slowly

JP&KJMOM replied:
Sounds to me like somewhere you and your DH have done something right Barb. Smart kid if ya ask me!

luvbug00 replied: I was party child so i know all the tricks to avoid parental detection. So getting by me drunk is vertually impossible.
secound I take the teen drinking like this i catch you drunk, your drinking a six pack. enjoy your hangover and tell me you want to drink again. just like I'd do with smoking I catch you smoking enjoy the headach after smoking a pack. This applies until they are 18.

once they are 18 My kids can drink wine at christmas and champange at new years, beer durring a cheifs game I don't care really as long as they are home with me. If they do go out and get drunk and get caught i ain't bailing you out. and NO i will not buy you & your homies beer and NO your friends can not drink at my house.

redchief replied:
I'm really glad you added that, because we, too have a "call anytime, any place" rule. They also know that any punishment meted will be much decreased if they exercise the option to leave a place they realize they shouldn't be in.

redchief replied:
I would have caught you.

We also allow our kids to drink lightly, at home, with family in a healthy social setting. We think it shows them that you don't need to get rip-roaring drunk to have a good time. That's part of what we're supposed to be doing as parents; teaching them to be responsible and act like adults. I'll add that when that happens, they know they are not going anywhere after our home social.

luvbug00 replied:

LOL I bet you would! I have passed the sobrity test drunk before though and I kept a mini bottle of listerine in my car to get rid of the alcohal breth and at our local GNC they have stuff ( in the back ) that makes you flush out toxins faster. ( they have it for the illigal stuff too ) I always had a stash of that. OOhh the stories i could tell.

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: I don't have to deal wih that yet. Hopefully when she reaches that age, I will have her so busy with dance, soccer, chorus ect.......................... that she won't have time for bad stuff like that.

TheOaf66 replied: I agree w/ your method, when I was a teen in a small town, we didn't have much else to do so we drank. Teens are probably going to drink so the best thing is not to forbid it but to educate about it...I would bet money that my son will drink in his teen years but I agree with the don't ever drive or get into a car with someone who has and call us.

kersteegirl620 replied:
My kids will grow up hearing what happened to me first hand. Me, my best friend, my sister and another friend were on our way back from a church get together and we were hit by a drunk driver head on who was on the wrong side of the road. My best friend was killed, I broke both of my femur bones which broke through the skin and I injured my neck which I had to have surgery on, our friend broke his hip and my sister injured her back. It took over an hour to get all of us out of the car. Having had this happen to me, I am going to be a nervous wreck whenever my kids are out at night, but hopefully they will know that it happened to their mom and it could happen to them so they will make good choices.

Lizzie replied: I have three children, all whom have come home after a night of drinking with friends. Me and my husband always made it a point to tell them that they were always welcome to call home at anytime, if they called, their punishment would be less. My oldest was quite the partier in high school, every weekend she drank. Not a lot, but as a mother I could tell. She never drove tho, and she never got into a car with someone who was drinking, so I was never that worried about her. My son on the other hand, drank a few times in high school, badly, got caught each time. If he had drank less with each time, he wouldnt have been in so much trouble his junior year. Now my baby who is just 15 this year, welll shes a completely different story. She has been caught by us drinking once, in our own backyard. We were at a dinner function for her school, and she was allowed to have a friend over, no big deal, her older brother and sister were home. But in the woods in our backyard.. people just started showing up. She went into her sisters car and good beer and other sorts of drinks, and basically threw her own little party outside by the pool. She was caught, grounded for almost two weeks. With aboustly nothing, and it taught her she wasnt allowed to do things like that. Her sister also got into trouble, becuase the deal was when Kate turned about 14 and started high school I didnt want beer avaiable to her, none in the house, unless its locked up downstairs, and none in the rooms or anyways cars.

If you are smart about it, and you kids trust you, they will tell you. All three of mine told me the first time they drank,a nd they were not punished at all for that.

They learned, so will yours

redchief replied: While I'm under no delusions about what kids do when away from mom and dad, I'm also a firm believer that drinking in that environment is dangerous. Alcohol is at least a contributing factor in many more than half of all motor vehicle crashes where teens are killed. Every year in our county there are at least ten teens killed as a result of drinking. I personally have been present for the deaths of kids embedded in the twisted metal and plastic that is left of the cars they were riding in. I was also there for the deaths of two other teens who drank themselves toxic, suffered seizures and died. In one case, her buddies, with whom she was partying, didn't even realize she wasn't breathing until the next morning. Therefore, I am NEVER okay with teen partying.

Besides, what do we teach our kids growing up? We teach them to obey the law. It's against the LAW for kids to drink. So, now that they're all grown up do we pass off breaking the law as teenaged fun seeking? Not me! As I said, if my kids find themselves in an uncomfortable situation they are always encouraged to call me. Further, if they find themselves in an uncomfortable situation and they DON'T call me, God help them when I find out (and I will find out). My kids know right from wrong and know there are consequences to face if they make a poor choice. It makes them think about the choices they're making. It also makes them constantly assess the wisdom of their current choice of locale, and they know that the sooner they come to their senses, the better it will come out for them.

One came to me and said, "But you said you allow them to drink at home. Isn't that contradictory?" The answer is no it isn't. Lawmakers will tell you that the intent of the underaged drinking laws is to discourage immature teens from drinking and driving, and to discourage teens from experimenting with other drugs. They were never intended to include social family gatherings and religious events (in this state exceptions are written into the laws). Further, if my kids have underaged friends over they are not permitted to drink alcohol.

Bee_Kay replied: I'd like to comment on what Ed wrote about.

It IS illegal for minors to consume alcohol....

BUT.....

I believe (and correct me if I am wrong) that a minor CAN consume alcohol with parental permission.

I'll c/p something I found below:

Additionally, the law says that underage people can drink with parental permission, but it doesn't require parental attendance, meaning that parents do not have to monitor their children's conduct with alcohol.