Tell me if I'm crazy...

andie4music wrote: Ok, this takes a lot of guts for me to admit, but I just had my first baby 23 days ago, so I'm extremely inexpirienced and I just need to get my bearings I think.

I've been wondering if maybe I'm suffering from PPD or something, I've only had two full nights of sleep since we left the hospital, so I'm completely exhausted... First off, here is my honey bunny...

She's soooo fussy and in need of constant attention (blame grandma!) I think she eats too much, but I'll let her cry for 10 minutes sometimes if nothing will suffice for her other than a bottle... She fights sleep, she'll cry and cry until she's down to whimpers and sighs. I knew I was in for some hard work, but I never anticipated having this much trouble, and lately I've found myself frustrated to tears when I can't do anything to make her stop crying. Makes me think 'am I doing something wrong?' or 'Am I not doing enough???'

Just for reference, I follow the golden rule of 2.5 oz per lb that the baby weighs, I hear that's the general rule. And I allow about 2 oz. leeway just because I know she's a growing baby...

And I've tried everything, after a clean diaper, the bottle, the burping, the binkie, the swing, the bouncy seat, singing to her, talking to her, playing other music, dimming the lights to lower stimulus, walking the floor, rocking her, and even though she screams through baths, once I tried to give her one just so that she'll calm down afterwards and yes, eventually fall asleep, but that's a far fetched last resort.

Any tips, tricks?

1lilpeanut2love replied: Lots of hugs to you first! I would try some mylicon(sp)-it's for gas! Lots of babies have gas... You are first time mommie so it is hard. You may have PPD so go to your doc! Good Luck!

luvmykids replied: A new baby is overwhelming if it's your first or your fifth. As for when she's fighting sleep, maybe try getting her to sleep before she gets to that stage? I know all three of mine could fight it for many miserable hours if I didn't get them down before that stage, do you have a swing or a bouncy chair or anything?

As for how much she's eating, I wouldn't necessarily follow any rules, new babies have ups and downs and she needs to be able to eat what she needs when she needs it at this age IMHO.

Are you sleeping when she does sleep? That's the only way I got semi caught up on sleep. Is there anyone to relieve you sometimes, so you can get an undisturbed nap?

Hang in there, it's rough but it does get better!

A&A'smommy replied: First off there are NO such things as rules when you have a newborn JMO but I agree with luvmykids let her eat what she wants/needs.

Also maybe try some mylicon drops cause she might have some gas... anyway new babies are wonderful but they are also exhausting!!! If you get to the point where you can't handle it put her down and walk away she will fine long enough for you to calm down, and maybe get someone to help you if you can.

andie4music replied: I've been thinking about getting her those gas drops...
but yes, as I said before I have tried everything to get her to go to sleep... bouncy seat etc included.
when she does sleep, she only sleeps for about an hour to an hour and a half, and it takes me a good 45 minutes just to get to sleep... And I can't nap during the day, because of my SAHM duties, really, and the fact that I'm going to college online.
when I do get help on watching her, etc, that's usually the only time I have to run to the grocery or take a shower...
I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle... but I will try the gas relief drops... I've been hesitant because of how new she is.
Thanks all for the advice...

1lilpeanut2love replied: I am SO sorry. I hope the gas drops work.
WE used to run the vacuum when my daughter was that young. The loud noise would put her straight to sleep. No lie it REALLY works.
Also, playing music is a good idea. Good Luck again. Hang in there!!

holley79 replied: You are only 23 days post partum. She is almost a month old and could possibly going through a growth spurt. I would get her some little tummy's gas drops or something. Maybe try and set up a routine for her. Try to be in the rocker in the quiet by the same time every night. There were nights when I would have to sit in that rocker for about 2 hours just getting her to come down off the days activities. Everything is new to your little one. There is so much to explore and if she's anything like my daughter was she doesn't want to miss a thing.

ETA: I am so rude these days, Welcome to PC.

A&A'smommy replied:
as far as "SAHM Duties" which sounds terrible BTW knock them out the window until you start getting some sleep what good are you if your completly exhausted then try working on your homework and then when she is up and maybe while your feeding her or rocking her. You can't NOT sleep because then you could get a REALLY bad case of ppd or be too exhausted to take care of your precious one. All I'm saying is SLEEP when you can!!!

as far as calming the fussiness, do you swaddle her? Have you tried taking a bath with her sometimes that is calming! The gas drops won't hurt a new baby... there are these things that you can buy to put in the crib with them that sound like that womb that might be something that would comfort her.

DillsMommy replied: Being a first time mom can be frustrating and stressful at times, but hang in there.. it will get better. I would try the gas drops, some doctors swear they don't work, but i swear they do. I used them for my son. Hope things get easier for you. And if you think you should go to the doctors for PPD, deffinitly go. By the way... your little one is just BEAUTIFUL! That makes it all worth it.

C&K*s Mommie replied: to the other ladies above. Great advice. But also about not following a rule for feedings. Newborns know only two things for certain, they are tired & they are hungry. Beyond that routines may be useless depending on how well they can adapt. All children are different, and as Monica (luvmykids) said "newborns can be overwhelming, whether it is your first or your fifth" . My two girls are and were different as night and day that like when they came into this world. Newborns will let you know in both cases if they are more hungry or overly tired. You are not a bad mother by any means, PPD is a possibility I would seek counsel from a trusted doctor about it. Maybe he/she can give you a referral.

Your child is adorable, btw.

Take it easy the best that you can.

to Parenting Club the ladies (and gents) here always have sage advice to share, that is why I trust asking them questions or seeking advice.

Boo&BugsMom replied: My question is what kind of formula is she on? My Tanner was an EXTREMELY colicy baby. We had to put him on Alimentum formula which is a corn based formula that digests easily and doesn't upset their tummys. It was a miracle, to say the least. Have you tried anything like that. Nothing else worked for us until we switched him to that formula. Your baby sounds exactly how Tanner was...TO A TEE!

Also, not to offend anyone on here, but don't confuse PPD with just being stressed as a new mother. If it's much more than that, please seek help, but some people think because there are issues with their newborn and they are losing sleep and being stressed, that it's PPD. That's just motherhood, and reality. It is a life changing experience. I just like to mention that to people because too many times I've met people who think any bit of stress is PPD, which it's not. Perhaps if you can take care of her fussiness, your stress level will go down...I know mine did for sure! Make sure you take care of yourself too, or else you will develop PPD!

Good luck, and if you haven't tried the formula, I would recommend trying it. It worked great for us!

Simplebeliever replied: First off, congratulations on your daughter. Next my advice is to go with the flow and start figuring out just what your own mommy-intution says. If your baby is hungry, feed her. You can not over feed a newborn. My daughter was only 4 pounds when she was born, but she never ate according to how the books said she should. She's a very healthy size now & I believe that's because I didn't fuss and follow a feeding schedule.

You mentioned that you suspect you have ppd. If you think you might, go see your doctor as soon as you can and explain to them how you have been feeling. You also mentioned lack of sleep. Is that because the baby is keeping you up or are you just not able to sleep? It sounds to me like you could use a little break. Do you have anyone who could watch the baby for a few hours so you can get a little r & r (whether it be going out for a meal w/ a friend or something as simple as a worry-free bubble bath).

I swear some times babies can pick up on our tension. My little girl always seems to act up whenever I'm stressed out. My suggestion is to follow your daughter's cues. If she's hungry, feed her. Watch out for signs of sleepiness. Some babies need to be put down before they get over tired otherwise they're just a cranky mess. So even if your daughter seems to be awake, if she's been up for a few hours, try putting her down for a nap.

Things that helped me: 1.) Gripe water and gas drops - great for gas 2.) Running the vacuum - it can actually help sooth a colicky baby 3.) Car rides. Yes they're a pain, but when it's 1 am and my daughter is wailing some times a quick drive around the block is the quickest way to get her to fall asleep.

I hope some of these suggestions help you. Congratulations!

Boo&BugsMom replied: http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/growing/colic.html

Here is some information on colic. I would recommend reading up on any information about colic that you can. Many babies are colicky. It does go away if she is. Also, I want to mention the reason why I brought up the formula is because sometimes colic appears due to being allergic to the milk/formula the child is currently on. It's VERY important to examine that and try different brands if you haven't already. What she is on now could be upsetting her tummy, and when they are upset, the only thing they know to do is cry.

Kaitlin'smom replied: welcome to PC and motherhood. the first month is stressful. It does take tiem to get things together. a few things that helped when kait was cranky

she LOVED to be swaddled
she loved the sound of the ocean (probably cause I used it to fall asleep when I was PG)
she also love a particular cd (i listened to one cd in the car for months while pg it soother her in the car 98% of the time)

if there is anythign you did constantly while pg, a certain sound or motion try it. some babies love the motion of the washer or dryer. just strap them in the car seat and put them ontop, then you can get a load done while soothing the baby.

also try different formula if you have not it coudl judt be that particula formula upset her tummy.

also your 23 days in to a whole new adventure and you sound like most mom stressed and tired, but if you get stronger feeling go to the doc before your 6 week, other wise make sure you at least mention it to then when you get the 6 week check.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: First off...forget rules and guildelines. If you're feeding your baby formula, then obviously it's from a bottle...and milk from bottles flow faster than from human nipples, it's suck and flow thing... anyways. Try to offer your baby a bottle BEFORE she starts crying and fussing too much.

Just FYI - by the time your baby is crying and screaming, she's REALLY hungry. Think about when you're a little bit hungry, you make yourself food... and by the time it's ready, you're hungrier, right? But you won't say "Oooooooh I'm Staaaaaarving!!" until your stomach is starting to hurt form hunger, right? Same with your baby... by the time she's wailing, she's starving!! lol Offer her some every 2 hours about...

and also, remember that guides are just that...guides. You don't have to follow them to the letter... they're only guides.

Babies are extremely sensitive to you... if you're stressed, anxious, irritated... the baby will be too. Relaaaaax... no baby has ever suffered from being cuddles too much. Your baby is only this tiny once... grab a drink, settle down with some nice music or some tv, a book... and just relax with your baby. Forget about everything else that needs to be done like laundry, dishes etc... and just focus on relaxing with your baby. If you're relaxed, the baby will be too, and that will help with the gas.

Of course... you need to remember that babies also cry for NO REASON. If she's been all around taken care of and not needing something, look at how you're dressed... if you're warm, likely she is too...same with cold. Maybe the diaper's on too tight. But if all else fails... let her cry... babies cry. If you can't stand it, put her in her crib or bassinette, and walk away for a few minutes to regroup your emotions... and don't hesitate to talk to your doctor if you feel you need to... PPD is nothing to be ashamed about. Better to be seen by a doctor and givven meds than going psycho and hurting your baby.

I have 3 children, my youngest is a year old. And I do have some Post-Partum depression, I am taking meds for it.

andie4music replied: yeah you guys(I mean girls!) all have really cute kids too, by the way

lol ok this is pretty trivial too, but other problems I've had with her are trying to clip her little itty bitty nails (I got one finger pretty good, I felt soooooo bad...) and when she's hungry (and this is one reason I couldn't breast feed) she sometimes flails her arms out violently, and shakes her head back and forth like she can't get a latch on the bottle, the longer this goes on the more frustrated and upset she gets... we've tried all sorts of nipples, doesn't seem to make a difference what shape, size, length, flow, etc they are...

boyohboyohboy replied: hi, I think it sounds like you are doing a great job. I am on my second child and I still have a horrible time with the nails...i only do them when he is asleep.

I also believe there is never a question that you should be to shy to ask about, these babies are full of fun experiences, just kinda have to go with the flow, and usually thats on less sleep then any human being should function on.

I also wasnt sure if you tried napping together? I mean do you hold her when you nap? I found thats the only way that my youngest will nap for long periods at a time, we sleep on the couch with him towards the back of the couch on my chest. now i dont know if thats a habit you would want to start, but i do it just for some rest so i can be functional..

good luck
welcome

andie4music replied: ok I just read through some more replies...

I do want to say that the reason I think I may have PPD is because I've been pre-diagnosed with a panic disorder and to be completely clear, aside from letting my baby cry for too long maybe, I would NEVER hurt her, but I have had a tendancy to take things out on myself. A lot of my emotions I focus inward, so yeah, no chance of taking it out on the baby... I can't even fathom that.

I have her on similac advance, and changing her formula would mean an extenuating appointment with WIC at this point...

And, I do get out to the grocery every so often, and I get to take showers (uhm, thank god...) but outside of that, I don't have any friends around here, and while I'm living with the father of the baby, we're having some issues ourselves, so taking a night out with him wouldn't exactly be concieved as stress-relieving. He also stays up one night a week with her, his day off... outside of that, I'm with her all the time.

Also, I can't nap with her or my mom would get really mad at me lol... not to mention, the couch has been my bed for the last month. I let her fall asleep on my chest sometimes when I'm laying down watching TV, but that's mostly because when she's quiet and angel-like like that, I just want to be close to her lol....

Showing off........

CantWait replied: Everyones had great advice so far. I'll just say from experience with PPD to go see your doctor if even just to talk, get some advice, and be assured that you're doing everything right.

I agree with grabbing sleep whenever baby does. Also get fresh air everyday, go for a walk. It'll help with your mood.

I've had 2 babies and my second was harder then my first, so it really doesn't matter if you're a first time mommy or not, you're doing great.

Welcome to PC and congrats on your new baby girl She's precious

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I think you should make the appointment then and see what you can do. If you have to get a doctor to sign off on it so be it then. The formula could be hurting her tummy. If you want it to get better, I'd go for it and do whatever you have to do. It couldn't hurt, but it may make a world of difference.

stella6979 replied: I agree that everyone has given some great advice!
As for the nail clipping, just don't clip. When Avery was that small I took a nail file and just filed them down. It takes a little longer, but it was pain free.

redplaydoh replied: Welcome to PC! Your baby is precious!! Everyone has given wonderful advice. Gripe water also helped with my second one a lot. My second baby was a lot fussier than my first!!
As a new mom you MUST MUST MUST nap when the baby naps or you'll wear yourself out and that won't be good for either of you. Soon the baby will be on a better schedule and you'll adjust too.
As for the SAHM duties... I posted this on my fridge with a picture of my baby and learned to live by it until we all became adjusted.

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, I've learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

I also filed nails too after clipping a big hunk of skin off the finger of my first baby.

PrairieMom replied: Having a new baby means a HUGE life adjustment. It took me 6 months to figure that out with my first, and my DH still hasn't figured it out. you are really early into this, don't be so hard on your self.
I scanned the other replies, and I didn't see if anyone mentioned swaddling yet. that has helped SSSSSSOOOOOOO much with my 2 children.
There is this book "The happiest baby on the block" which also comes in DVD
http://www.babyslumber.com/happiestbabyontheblock.html
It has helpful hints. The 5 S's really worked for us. Swaddling, side lying, sucking and shushing, and what ever they call the 5th one, which is basically gently jiggling the baby back and forth. It TOTALLY works. You have to swaddle tightly tho, and shush loudly right in her ear.



ETA: is that 5th S maybe swaying? I don't know, but I swear by it.

sparkys2boys replied: Congrats on your bundle of joy!! Ok, i'll add my thoughts and some of it will be repeative but.... I think that you have a full schedule, new baby, college course, personal issues and then issues with you and the baby's father.Have you considered counselling? It may help to deal with some of the ongoing issues that surround you. A new baby is alot in it's self but add all the other stuff on top of that and no wonder you are exhausted. I agree, try to sleep when you can, and as for house work, shopping, etc, let it wait girl. It will all still be there later on. Get your boyfriend to help share the work load, or a family member. I thing that worked really well for me with both of my boys, was a very strict schedule. Feed, bath, cuddle, read a book, same time every night. Also, works for getting settled for naps through the day. It takes awhile and some patience, but in the end well worth it. If all else fails, talk to your ped. or family doc, for both you and your baby. Hugs to you, keep us posted. Stay strong and know that you are doing the best job that you can!!!

lisar replied: Well I would try some Mylicon drops maybe its gas. Those things were my NEW BEST FRIEND with both of my kids. I hope this helps. And just remember all the hard times you have will be SO worth it.

moped replied: Oh it is all so new at 23 days old....WOW, I can hardly remeber that far back. But I had a fussy baby as well, gas drops are good and luvmykids advice was great......
It will all come together and you should rest when she does etc. Everything everyone has told you befor eI am sure. There will be good days and bad days, but you will figure it all out.
She is perfect by the way!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Nails - bite them off after bath time. Way easier, they're nice and soft.

My son liked his water pretty warm as a baby. I thought it would be too hot... but he liked it. It was slightly warmer than lukewarm. He still likes it pretty hot.

andie4music replied: Just an update:

thanks to all for the advice btw, I did try to change her formula, I ended up picking up some Similac Isomil w/ Iron (actually the doc gave us some trial size cans) and so far it's ok. BUT, over the weekend, we went up to Russ's parents house (they smoke in the house and have a VERY hairy dog that sheds to no end.) Well........... she didn't take to it too well, to say the least (mind you it was also a 2 and a half drive both ways, we went against my better judgement... but his mom wanted desparately to see the baby so...) Anyway, she was up and fussing about every 20 mins to an hour, so finally his mom had him go to her work (the hospital pharmacy) and pick up some gas drops. We also ran out of formula because we stayed two nights and only anticipated staying one... so I picked up the liquid form instead of the powder formula, and thus the 'different' formula and gas drops were administered at the same time pretty much. She slept for like 3-4 hours after that so we thought everything was fine until later that night... when she didn't just spit up, she puked everywhere, it was so bad. We tried going back to the powder formula, but she continued getting sick, and seemed sick until just today. She's kind of back on schedule, but she's incredibly fussy and gassy, and I'm not sure what to do...

MyLuvBugs replied: Have you tried Gripe Water? Someone on here recommended that for us with our second and I was PRAISING it!! I wish I'd had it when our first was born. She was a super fussy one too. Also, babies like to swing and bounce. Do you have a bouncy ball (like an exercise ball)? if not get a cheap one at Target or Walmart and sit on it with the baby held tight to your chest and just bounce up and down Shushing in her ear.
I hope it all works. If she's still sick though, you might want to go to the Dr. to see if she's got acid reflux or a tummy bug or something. Good Luck and KUP!!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Your baby souns like my first baby! She had colic really bad and would cry and cry for hours. She was also lactose intolerant, so we had to switch to a soy formula. If it is colic a hot water bottle on her tummy will help to relieve the gas. Talk to your doctor about the formula that you are giving her. Oval drops worked well for us as well as grip water.

Now for you, you are not a bad mother! Often first time moms feel this way! Being a parent is very overwhelming! Try sleeping when you baby goes to sleep, even if it's just for a 20 minutes. Don't worry about the housework, it will get done. Ask someone if they can come over and help you so that you can get some sleep! Other than the lack of sleep are you having any other signs of depression? You mentioned that you cry because you are so frustrated.

Do you feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy?

Do you feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible?

Do you seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy?

Do you feel very anxious sometimes.

Do you find it difficult to think clearly?

Do you feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time?

You feel irritable or angry more than usual?

Do you feel you have no confidence?

Do you may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause, such as back pain?

Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling, it's perfectly natural! Sorry to overwhelm you, but I think it's important for people to recognize the symptoms of depression. Don't be ashamed and keep posting! We are a great community!