Temper tantrums - Help!

natjasem wrote: Okay, Emma is the sweetest baby most of the time, but occasionally when she doesn't get something she wants and I'm holding her at the time, she will grab my face and squeeze as hard as she can or even try to dig her little nails into my neck (which I trimmed yesterday). Where in the world did she learn this????? It happened again yesterday, and I was so shocked I didn't know what to do- -I just yelled in pain. I absolutely do not want this to get any worse, but how do you discipline an 11 month old? I sat her down immediately and said "NO" pretty loudly, but I didn't get much response from her- she just crawled away.
She has such a mind of her own, but she needs to learn that this is unacceptable behavior. If she's intentionally trying to hurt me, when is it okay to smack her hand? They have no concept of time-out at this age, so I know that won't work. Any opinions out there?

jcc64 replied: I think it is never ok to smack a baby or child's hand, period. There are other ways to get your message across. If you don't want your child to express her anger in a physical way, then why would you model the very same behavior in response?
Saying NO in a very firm, loud voice, and then putting the child down on the floor to cool off for a few moments will get her attention.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

I have to agree. If you express frustration or anger then they will do the same. They tend to model after their mommies and daddies.

Maddie does the same thing as Emma. She gets frustrated and grits her teeth and slaps. We don't know where she got this. She is a very strong willed child and it is her personality. Of course she is at the age for time out now, but before I would very calmly explain to her that it is inappropriate behavior and walk away to let her cool off and for me to cool off. Some days get very long around here, being a SAHM. It is so much easier if you handle them with care! Her teachers at school have encountered this where she grits her teeth and clinches her fists. She never hits anyone (thank goodness) But, they usually just tell her to express her frustration in words and make her sit out of activities for a couple of minutes.

HTH! I know there is a big age difference in Emma and Maddie, but maybe if you practice some of these techniques now it will help in the future.

aspenblue1 replied: My ped told me to try this. When Isabella hits me or bits me I tell her that is hurts Mommy then I sit her down and walk away for about minute then I pick her up and tell her That I love her but she can't hurt me. Or I try to give her something else to do when she throws a fit over something I take away from her.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Zach threw a couple of tantrums in the past couple months too.... I just say *NO* very firmly, and put him down, or if he hits me I grab his hand and say *NO*. At least he might get the message that whatever he just did with his hand is a no no.

He hasn't thrown a big tantrum in about 2 weeks (knock on wood) so I wonder if he's over it?

lol

amynicole21 replied: Honestly, I think (hope?) it's just a phase for Emma. Sophia used to bite us, but hasn't in a few months (knock wood!!) I think it's a matter of her not being able to express her needs and wants at that age. Still, she needs to learn that she won't get away with it. I believe that telling her "no" very firmly and walking away is your best bet at this age, even if it doesn't always sink in with Emma.

Jamison'smama replied: Jamison did the same thing a couple of months ago--she would grab my face, neck or whatever was close and would just dig in. I would take her hands and say--"that hurts mommy" then show her how to use soft or gentle touches on my face and her face. --She still throws tantrums but is no longer hurting me and she is learning to use gentle touches on the cats also---an added benefit.

But I agree with the others--great ideas.

MomofTay&Sam replied: Sammy is going thru this now too. I did smack him once and he smacked me back. He is at the stage where he is copying everything. So hitting is a big no no from anyone. I redirect him quickly so he will be distracted. Lots of redirection but it seems to be working. Good luck.

juliajaj replied: I agree 100% with Aspenblue. DH & I are reading a book called "How to Say No to Your Toddler" by Dr. Will Wilkoff. He describes a similar scenario in his book, and recommended strongly stating "No, don't ever do that again", putting the toddler in his/her crib, the parent leaves the room for 30-60 seconds. After this short timeout, the parent returns, picks up the child, gives him/her a big hug & kiss, tells them how much they are loved, and remind them that they should never bite/hit/etc.

At 1st I was hesitant to read this book, since I figured Olivia is too young. However, it's never to early for a little education. The book is very well written, the doctor who wrote it has been a ped. for over 30 years & focuses on gentle discipline (never striking/physical abuse or yelling/verbal abuse).

natjasem replied: Thanks for all the great advice- it all makes a lot of sense. I agree that a child will mimick their parents actions, so smacking a hand, even lightly, will create the same response. We'll see how Emma does in the future.

DansMom replied: I'm late getting in on this topic, but I am also encountering an 11-month old who gets very upset when he can't have something. What bothers me is that he won't take it out on me---he bites his own hand!! Or he bangs his head on the floor. I don't know where he gets this either, but honestly I would be less upset if he would strike out at me instead. I wonder if there is just a temperament thing, where some babies (and people) are more likely to turn anger outward while others turn it inward---hurt themselves. I don't want him to end up being someone who holds everything inside.

mummy2girls replied:
I agree. I have learned for many years in childcare that this way is not the right way to do it. Because if you are disiplining a child by hitting because they hit nothing qwill come out of it. This one boy that got spanked from his mom when he is bad hit someone at scholl. His mom asked why he did that. and he replied well when you get mad at me you hit me so thats what i did. i got mad at him so i hit him. THat opened up her eyes and she stopped hitting him.

i know she may be to young for this method but ive tried the 1 2 3 warning method to toddlers and older kids and it worked (most of the time). You tell them that they have 3 strikes and if you hit number 3 you get a toy taken away or they have to sit in a chair away from everyone for a minute. and so on. it took about a week for one little boy i took care of to start listening to me...