The longest vent ever - I am so depressed and tired of this

My2Beauties wrote: I am just in one of those nasty ruts!

Where can I start? First off, my house. I am so ready to move you guys. As if anything else couldn't go wrong with our plumbing (we just had the landlord fix our tub, the toilet, and the sink in the kitchen) the toilet handle broke this time, so you have to take the lid off the toilet, stick your hand down in that nasty water (Dh says its clean I say it's toilet water it doesn't matter) and pull the chain thingy up, make sure it goes down. So the other night, Hanna uses the potty and did #2 so I used a lot of wipes, the stupid thing overflowed EVERYWHERE. I have carpet down in my bathroom, because our tile is hideous, it's just a cheap piece of carpet we cut ourselves to fit into the bathroom and so now the floor is soaked and smells like just mildewy like! It's so gross. I have been putting Febreeze on it every 5 minutes it seems like. The bathroom is right next to our bedroom so I smelled that mildewy water smell all night long

Secondly, I didn't sleep last night worth a crap. I am so tired today.

Thirdly, the reason I didn't sleep. Hanna still had some nits (lice eggs) in her hair from last week I guess that I didn't see (those little boogers are freaking too hard to see) so I guess one hatched out or something because DH's aunt saw it hatching out and got the bug really fast. So I had to rewash her hair, I bought some better stuff this time and it took me like 30 minutes to pick through her hair, not fun with a 2 year old then I was up until 1:00 in the morning doing bedding, spraying couches, just laundry period. I'm so frantic about these dumb things. I do not want her getting them again, so hopefully this stuff got rid of all the eggs. I have checked and double checked her head.

Fourth and the worst, I have to find another DCP you guys. I can't take this anymore. Something has to give and it's not going to be me. The habits that Hanna is picking up down at DH's grandma's house are awful. She learns terrible words and phrases, she recently told me to shut her piehole. DH's cousin went over there one day and taught her that and he had the audacity to jump on me when I scolded Hanna for saying it. He told me to get over it. Everyday that she comes home you guys, her face and hands are filthy, covered in dirt, food, and snot where they won't wipe her nose His grandma says she won't LET her touch her nose, I said you're the adult, she's 2 years old, it's not about her LETTING you do anything, it's about you MAKING her do something as she is told. I go over there yesterday to pick her up and Hanna is behind the chair in the kitchen and Brian's grandma is going come here Hanna I've asked you for 30 minutes now, and Hanna is saying na na na boo boo you can't get me, she was trying to wash her face. I said you wanna see how it's done, I picked hanna up, put her on my hip, walked her little butt to the sink where the wash rag was laying that Thelma had gotten wet and cleaned her face off. She giggled and laughed and said you got me mommy! That is all it took But she wants to allow her to control their every move, she needs structure and discipline so I find myself fighting with her to do simple things such as get her dressed, brush her hair, pick up a toy or two. She tells me no constantly and says You do It, I'm not doing it. She says That she doen't like my food and wants popsicles or cereal. I recently found out that they allow her to eat 5-6 popsicles a day , cereal, cheetoh's, chocolate, and other candy all day because she won't eat other food. Excuse me! I am just appalled by this. No wonder she says she doesn't wanna eat supper and begs for cereal and stuff that is all they feed her. When I get home from work, I have to fight with her if I want to take her with me somewhere to get her dressed, fix her hair and clean her face and hands. They do not wash her hands She has crust down underneath her fingernails every single day! She has cheese from Cheetoh's on her hands and face, nearly every day! Every day I send down an outfit and a hair thing, when she goes over there in the morning she is usually asleep and they always assure me they will dress her and fix her hair, NOPE! She comes hom in her pj's filthy dirty with her hair in knots, I mean horrible tangly knots that you just have to wash with cream rinse to get out. So I asked Thelma (DH"s grandma) if I put Hanna's hair up in the morning and stuff if she would tighten her ponytail and stuff to make sure it stays up and her hair doesn't get sticky, she said No I"m not fooling with her hair, it makes her cry! I have news for ya granny, she's 2, many things you ask her to do or require her to do will make her whine and cry but oh well. She has to learn! This is just the tip of the iceberg you guys, the SMOKE, don't let me get into the SMOKING deal. She comes home smelling like an ashtray! I Hate it! I have found this place called HIghland Educational Center for Kids. The lady talked to me for nearly 20 minutes, it was a place a girl here at work that I trust very much (she is so picky about her kids) told me about and she loves them. The lady has her degree in Early Childhood Education and she explained ot me all the games and things they play with the kids to help them learn to develop socially and cognitively, she said they will get healthy nutritional snacks, breakfast and lunch, I will have a report card everyday of what she ate, when she went to the bathroom, how long she slept for, etc.. They said that there is one lady who does diaper and bathroom duty so she makes sure the kids are reminded periodically to go potty, the facility is beautiful I pass it nearly every day! They have 2 huge buildings and they have this huge park like setting in the lady's backyard, it's one of those old old houses that have like 4 stories in them, like a Victorian home. There are 2 next to each other that are sort of connected. I am going to go visit the facility soon. She was so nice.

But here is the thing, I said something to Brian in passing and he made a comment about you can't take Hanna away from grandma she'll be devestated. He also said that him and his brother did fine in the transition from being at home straight to Kindergarten and Hanna doesn't need social skills anymore than he did I dropped it as I was at work and didn't want to go in a rage over the phone. We have to talk about this, I am going to le thim know I believe it's important that she socialize with other kids, learn to take directions well from other adults, and learns structure and has a routine. We'll see how this goes over because he thinks it'll hurt his grandma's feelings, which it may but right now it's not about her it's about Hanna. This is so hard and I also don't want to hurt her feelings. She LOVES Hanna to death, she just allows her too much freedom, she needs more structure and discipline and needs to learn hygeine skills at that

Lastly, this all goes along with the last thing - I feel awful for not being at home with her. Every day now she gets on the phone and says mommy come and get me I wanna go home. It breaks my heart. I made a comment to Brian about when we move and get things settled financially I'd like to see if it's possible for me to drop some horus here at work so I can be home more with Hanna, he said that was lazy I said so being a SAHM is lazy, he said yeah it is when you have your degree and education Excuse me jerk off! I was livid at this point. Not only am I NOT asking to stay home all day just drop hours, but how dare he even say it makes me lazy to want ot be with my child. Let me tell him what lazy is, he freaking worked 2nd shift yesterday so he got home around midnight last night. Slept until Hanna wakes up at 8:20 this morning. I have to be at work at 8:30 aqnd it's 8:22 already, he said are you taking her down Grandma's? Huh? I said Brian you didn't see her all day yesterday, you slept unil noon from working 3rd shift, you went to help your dad take his TV back then ydo uwent straight to work, you came home she was in bed, spend some time with her already! I called back at 9:15 and he is acting all proud of himself, he said I just now took Hanna down grandma's Do what? 45 minutes later you couldn't take it anymore. So then he sits up there until nearly 1:00 at which time he gets called back into work so he goes down to his grandma's house and sits there with her for an hour, goes home and gets ready for work Now who's lazy???? Can you tell this is another problem??

I am at my wits end, I am so sorry this got so long guys! I need HELP! WWYD in my situation?

moped replied: Oh hun!
I am sorry, when it rains it pours!
Email me anytime

And I do think you are right to find other arrangements for Hannah, you don't want her getting out of control!

My2Beauties replied: And I want to add I don't want to make my DH sound like he doesn't do anything for Hanna, I know he's tired and works a lot, I feel bad for saying those things because he's a good dad, it's just when he does those little things sometimes it gets on my nerves. I wanted to re-iterate that. I feel bad now for calling him a jerk

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Oh girl. I'm so sorry. What a frustrating situation for you.

If I were in your shoes I'd pull Hanna from granny and send her somewhere with discipline and structure. The sad thing about the whole situation is that she's with granny more than she is with you and she needs a good influence. I'm not so sure she's getting what she needs over there. Love is another issue and has nothing to do with the other.

I hope you and Brian can have a pow wow tonight. He needs to be straightened out. Tell him YOU will make the decisions regarding Hanna's care as long as YOU are working full time and can't be home with her. Lazy??? Lazy??? Humph. How dare he say that!!

moped replied:
I agree with Aimee 100%

Edward's Mommy replied:
I agree with this 100%! Plus, if he think that being a stay at home mom is being lazy...then I want to see him do what I have to do. I have to HAND CLEAN ALL OUR CLOTHES!!! Tell me I'm lazy!!!! I want to see him deal with a screaming child like mine and hand wash clothes and find somewhere to hang them to dry.

Kaitlin'smom replied: OKay first off

Let me ask a question does Hanna want to go to grannies? does she fight at all?

here is why I ask, Kait woudl fight most morings to get dresses, gather her things and out the door for the sitter. I kept asking her why she was this way and she would not know how to answer finally one day she told me I am board, there are no other kids there in the am. Finally I had the first pice of the puzzle. So I started looking around for pre-school for her well I was running into the problem of most of them not starting till fall. SO I kinda let it drop as she was getting a bit better, but then she said it again, then the sitter told me the class she was talking was on tues & thurs morings. great now I dont have any one to watch her, so I hunted more for pre-schools found some that were year round, talked to them toured them and now she goes 5 1/2 days.

the other thing which I will know better the end of the week, is she still was not very happy going to the sitters in the afternoon, uless we knew for sure she would see her friend Gabby. She was always upset when I droped her off but fine when I picked her up. Now this week she is with my sister, since the sitters daughter has chicken pox. She now does not fight in the am is getting really good about dressing her self, and getting everything ready to go. Her behavior so far this week has changed. Also more and more I have issues with the sitter that makes me think I need to make this permant. She LOVES going to aunties, she has 3 cousins there and they adore her. We will see how the rest of the week goes.

Sounds like she deffinaly need better structure, since Kait has been in school all of 3 full weeks she is getting much better about certain things, and she is learing soooo much.

jcc64 replied: Oh, hon, I feel for you, I really do. Sounds like there's a whole lot going wrong over there at Granny's, and it's time for you to take control. If it's something that you can swing, I would look into the center you spoke about in your post. Maybe you can do it 3 days a wk, and leave her with Granny only 2 days? I understand Brian's concern for his Grandma's feelings, but you need to attend to the needs of your child first, and there are several that are simply not being met there. I'm certain that it's not out of malice, but she sounds stuck in her ways, as many older folks can be, and she isn't making much of an effort to respect your views on parenting. Whether she's a relative or not, that's an unacceptable childcare arrangement. Hannah's diet needs to be closely controlled, you know that, all that crap is not helping her constipation issues, and it isn't good for any child, period. They aren't attending to her social development in the way that you would like, and the smoking, well, the smoking is a real deal breaker, imo. It reflects an unwillingness to put the child's needs before her own comfort. I don't want to freak you out, LeaAnn, but my non smoking boss lost a lung at 25 b/c of all the secondhand smoke her parents subjected her to as a child. Why would you subject a child to all of those unnecessary health risks?
I know it's a touchy situation, but you've got to take the reigns. I think in the end, Granny might welcome a little more freedom, and maybe do a better, more conscientious job if she only has her a few days a week. You can soften the blow by telling her you want Hannah exposed to more children, think she would benefit from a little more structure or routine, blah blah blah. And I would gently ask her to respect your wishes in the meantime, which I know you've already done several times. All the more reason to make other arrangements- if she was gonna change, she would have done so already.
Sorry LeaAnn!

BAC'sMom replied: Edward's Mommy Posted on Apr 11 2006, 02:37 PM


I agree with both of you .

Brias3 replied: I'm so sorry to hear all of this, it must be hard I would definitely recommend finding new arrangements for Hanna. Not that you want her AWAY from her grandmother, its just she is getting older and like you said, needs more structure and discipline. As it stands, it will only get harder to reform her as she gets older so might as well nip a few things in the bud now. The facility you found sounds really nice. Maybe you could even drop in unexpectedly to try and schedule a visit for both you AND Hanna, that way you can see how things are when they don't expect someone and then maybe you can bring Hanna in to see how she'll respond to the place.

Good luck in whatever you choose. No words of advice on the dealing with your husband's comment. Early on in my own marriage, I was dreading the day I'd hear a similar comment but luckily haven't yet. I don't know what I'd say or do if that were the situation, so I'll have to think on that.

Boys r us replied: Whoa..I'm sorry you've got all this drama going on girly!!!!!!!

You know, I don't know what to say, except that I would demand that Hanna go to Pre-school. I would say it isn't about her care at her grannies, but about her social development and that schools require a kindergartner to know a lot more now than even a few years ago and that she needs that preparation as well as the social interaction of being in pre-k.

As for everything else..I really hope that you get some rest tonight sweetie!!!!!
It HAS to get better!!

luvmykids replied: I can't say anything anyone else hasn't already, just

holley79 replied: Oh sweetie. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I think I would be at my wits end also if I were in your shoes. I hope that is gets better soon.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I just wanted to offer you some hugs and support! It's going to be difficult to make all of these decissions without hurting the grandmas feelings. But I think that you are doing the right thing by removing Hanna from that environment. I think that once she is with other children, playing and getting the proper care, your stress level and hers will go down a lot. Good Luck with the talk with your DH, I really hope it goes well!