This is sad - Daughter kicked out for being anorexic

Iluvmyboys wrote: Ben had a friend over after dinner (I mentioned her before, shes that one eveyone calls "mom") It was freezing outside so they decided to stay in and watch tv. Ben fell asleep so me and her started chatting. I really dont know her that well, I just know her as Ben's friend who everyone calls "Mom". Up until tonight I never even knew her real name. I felt like I really got to know her and shes actually really nice. I felt like she really opened up to me. I questioned her about her current living conditions and why she keeps moving in and out of her parents home. I didnt really want to be noisy but its something Ive been wondering about. She then went on to tell me about how when she was 17 she started dieting. It soon got out of hand and she become anorexic - abusing laxatvies, diet pills, fasting, ect. She got down to her lowest of 85 lbs and her parents took notice. They took her to a doctor and she refused treatment. She said she sort of got better on her own but soon went back to her old habbits. When she turned 19 her parents noticed her weight drop again and told her to change her ways or she couldnt live there anymore. She couldnt be anorexic in there house! She told them its not her choice to be anorexic, its a disease or more like an addiction. She said they just laughted in her face and she jot so mad she moved out. I cant help but feel sorry for her. I mean shes right. Its not her choice to be anorexic. Shes not doing better on her own - I could tell even before she told me all this. When I first met her she was very skinny, I just wanted to give her some food right there. My initial thought was that she either had an eating disorder or did drugs. I mean Id be shocked if she weighed more then 85 lbs now. Why didnt her parents support her and help her beat this? I mean shes a good kid, shes going to college, has two jobs, gets good grades. I feel so bad for her. Then she went into greater detail and said she basically lives on carrot sticks, celery, gum, mints, and cigarettes. I feel so sorry for her. But I dont think I can do much

Nina J replied: How sad, I feel bad for her. Is she hoping to gain some weight or get help at the moment? If she is, you'd probably be a great support since her parents don't seem to understand how serious the disease actually is

gr33n3y3z replied:
maybe bc she doesnt want to help herself and from the sounds of things she still dont. I found if ppl. dont want to change your beating your head agaist the wall bc it wont change.

Its so sad I hope everything goes well for her I just pray she gets the help she needs to beat this before it beats her.

sparkys2boys replied: I really can't imagine turning my back on my child that was suffering through that, I am sure that it does not help her cause any to have that parents that don't understand or for that matter care. Do they not know that this can kill her.. gosh.. how sad. I think that she probaly knows that she can talk to you now and may start to turn to you for help. I would keep the door open for her and let her know that you are there if and when she wants help and that you would help her as much as you can.

lesliesmom replied: Poor thing. It's a hard fight and if she's going to school, working, etc. she probably doesn't give herself the time to eat except for her munchies. Did she say she wanted to help or imply that she wanted to fight this. Maybe she needs a little nudge from a trusting adult. I can't believe her parents kicked her out because of a disease. I'm just speechless over this. I've been there and there are many days I still don't eat... it's a constant fight. sounds like she may need to be checked into a treatment facility if it continues on however, I'm assuming she is not insured. Maybe that's why she's not getting the help she needs, she can't afford it?

lisar replied: That is sad. I dont know what to say/

Iluvmyboys replied:
No, she isnt getting any kind of help . She says theres somedays where she wants to get help, get back to normal and maybe move back in with her parents. But then theres other days where she feels she isnt ready and is still very involved in the "lifestyle" as she called it. I dont think shes insured which might be discourageing her from seeking help. At least her parents are still paying for her school - at least that shows they care alittle. She just has to pay for everything else so shes pretty short on cash. I was surprised that she was very opened about all this since people like her usually keep this a secret. I wish I could take her in or at least help her out more. But I told her if she ever wants to talk, Im there for her

C&K*s Mommie replied:

lesliesmom replied: Well, if she's referring to it as a "lifestyle" then she is aware of what she is doing. DH tells me WeightWatchers is a lifestyle - a choice to change the way you eat. I definitely would stay available for her to talk to you but I now wonder if there is maybe more to the story of Mom and Dad kicking her out. It is strange that this girl you barely know opens up to you in such a way, especially with something like this.

holley79 replied: If she will let you be a support system for her then maybe you can help her with her problem. That is just really sad. I feel sorry for her.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I commend her for making it on her own. But did they really kick her out, or did she move out voluntarily? It is a rhetorical question, neither here nor there. But if they kicked her out than I hope she can have a place to feel welcome and loved at your home, and can get any help that she can.

Iluvmyboys replied:
Well they told her she either start eating or move out because she couldnt be anorexic in their house. Her parents didnt want her in the house because they didnt want to risk her fainting somewhere or getting into some other trouble and because they might get the blame for having her in such poor health. She tried telling them its not really her choice, she cant just stop being anorexic. Since she cant change her ways she just left.

gr33n3y3z replied:
see she is wrong there she can change her ways but she needs help doing it
it sounds to me she doesnt want help of any kind and its sad
Call me rude or what not but I would have told her to crap or get off the pot
Is she 19?
I'm glad you are there for her maybe just maybe you can talk her into getting help for herself and if you cant you can not blame yourself for the out come.

Iluvmyboys replied: I know I shouldnt worry too much about her. I mean she is an adult and is able to care for herself. But its tough watching someone do that to themselves. Espically someone who is so bright and young. Ben just told me hes known all along about her but never really brought it up with her. He doesnt know what to say. I doubt she wants help, it doesnt sound like she wants to change. Its sad to watch espically since I see her just about every day. I can only wonder whats going to happen to her in the future

gr33n3y3z replied: I know its hard to see that
Just do all that you can and if she asks for help man you get the help for her ASP bc she will change her mind as fast as she asks for help.

Cece00 replied:
I agree.

Its a disease for her, but so is drug addiction. Would you have a drug addict in your house voluntarily just because they cant help it? Probably not. If her parents tried to get her some help & she refused, and it seems like she still doesnt really want the help- what else can someone do?

Its a very sad situation but SHE has to be ready to get help or its unlikely it will work.

Iluvmyboys replied:
Thats true about it being an addiction much like with drugs or alcohol. I dont know much about eating disorders and this is actually my first time dealing with someone who has one. But its still really sad and I cant help but want to help her but its been said, she has to be ready to help herself. Ive thought about if there was another hidden reason why her parents threw her out. Maybe because of drugs? alcohol? Maybe. Wish I knew. I thought it was really strange how she opened up that much to me when she barely knows me. I know Im worrying about this way too much.