Thoughts on trying for baby #2

amynicole21 wrote: My original plan, ever since I could remember, was to have 3 kids, each 2.5 - 3 years apart. In order to stick to this plan, I will need to become pregnant this summer. Most days, there is nothing I want more in the world than to have a house full of little ones. I can't wait to get pregnant and start the whole process again.

But, there are other days when I am so exhausted from caring for Sophia all day. After days like this, I can't even imagine why I would want to add a helpless newborn to the mix?? Do I want to wait until Sophia is a bit older so that she doesn't require my undivided attention all day long?

I'm 28 and DH is 35, not too old by any means. But, if we do decide to go for #3, I really don't want him to be over 40 when that baby is born. This puts some time constraints on us. Either wait a bit and have our next 2 kids back-to-back, or have one now and still be able to put some time between #2 and #3.

I realize that caring for a toddler is not going to get any less tiring as I age and that getting it all over with while I'm still relatively spry might be the best bet. Ugh.

Anyone else having this internal debate? And Moms with 2 or more kids, how do you manage in the beginning??

DansMom replied: I'll be 40 this year, and I'm definitely exhausted from the mommy and full-time work combination. I've been fantasizing about being pregnant and all that excitement and anticipation, watching the baby grow, hearing the heartbeat, etc., and realize that if I do want another I have to do it right now; but imagining having a newborn around while caring for Daniel does seem daunting when I consider the details---getting Daniel into his own bed to make room for the new baby is a big one (and DH won't let me have them both, I already know!), but there is so much more as you know, like night-weaning (which you've already got underway).

If I could win the lottery and not work, I would be trying right now. I just can't do it again at my age without the ability to be home with my kids. But you've got plenty of time I think! It's nice to have them close together so that they can play together when the younger one reaches a certain age. Keep us posted!

kimberley replied: i say go for it now. Jacob and James are 18 mos apart and it was a lot easier managing with those two than it is with Jade. with the boys, i just adjusted our schedules to the youngest. with Jade, i can't do that because the boys have school and other activities that requires them to be there at a certain time so there is NEVER anytime to sleep. i pretty much did it all on my own with the boys in the beginning. i was deliriously tired but after that 6wk mark the baby (james) started a more regular schedule and we just napped when he did some of the time and played and cleaned the other times. it really wasn't that hard... just a lot of diapers lol.

just make sure you are completely ready for baby. have lots of frozen meals, get your mom or someone to come help with cleaning and laundry, if Sophia has any classes/activities maybe cancel them for the first few weeks baby will be here. she needs to bond with the baby too and toddlers are suprisingly flexible with their schedule. having them close together gives them a best friend for life too. let us know what u decide.

~CrazieMama~ replied: I say go fo it. I wish I could have a house full of kids. I just love kids and babies. I want 4 more and know that if I don't find a man soon, Imay not get that chance to have my 6 six kids. Being 25, I figure I have 10 years left to have 4 kids....lol I personally don't want any after 35....just my prefference. So, I know how you feel about wanting a bunch of kids. Since you have a stable marriage, I say go for it!!! The more the merrier...right?

kit_kats_mom replied: That's so funny that you posted that. I wasn't able to sleep last night because I was doing all of the calculations on when I would need to get preggo etc to have a baby when K was between 2.5-3 & I was trying to imagine what a day with Katherine and a newborn would be like. Also, DH and I are both only children and I would really like K to have a sister or brother. Of course, neither of us has any idea what having a brother or sister is like so that will be all new to us, sibling rivalry etc. We will probably start trying again soon...but I'm a little scared. I'm already exhausted by this one!

chloe&tysmommy replied: I say..do what you feel is right for you. I know for me I wanted my kids to be close in age, I hear a lot of great things about that. I wanted my kids to grow up together and not be too spaced apart. I know it's going to be a lot harder now (with the kids being so close in age) but I think it'll be worth it later on.
I have nieces that are 3.5 yrs apart and I feel so bad for the older one b/c there are a lot of things she can't do with the little one around-- like-- she's into making necklaces w/beads and she can't do that b/c of the little one.
I feel if they are closer in age they are into the same things at the same time

Good Luck with whatever you decide on

5littleladies replied: I say go for it too. My oldest 2 girls are very close and age and I love it!! They play well together and are interested in the same things. I found it very easy to adapt when my 2nd and 3rd daughters were born-when Brianna was born I barely noticed a difference from having 2. I really want to have another one soon but we've we should wait another year so we can get some things taken care of. So yeah, if you feel like you are ready go for it! I'm sure you and Sophia would adapt very well to another baby.

MomToMany replied: I think it's better to have them closer in age than further apart. They won't get as resentful to the new baby as much, and it's all they will remember. It will be hard having them so close in age, but it's worth it! They will play good together growing up, and they also have an instant playmate. My 2 older boys are 22 months apart, and they are inseparable! The new baby and Hannah will be 23 months apart (give or take some), and I'm hoping they will be good friends, too.

There will be lots of sleepless nights in the beginning no matter what. You will be very exhausted also. I don't worry about the housework as much; the kids are more important. I had a talk with the older boys and told them that I would really need their help after the baby comes. They understood that, so they hopefully won't get too jealous. I told them it's their way of making things easier on me, which would also make me very happy. You will have to make some compromises and determine what your priorities are. Go with your heart, and if it says now's the time, then go for it!! You won't regret whatever decision you make.

DansMom replied:
Some parents I know said the opposite---that the time comes when the kids realize there are more of them than there are of you! Then you're in trouble LOL!

Seriously though, I agree that it's wonderful being close in age with my sister. She resented me some when I was born, and had some acting out and all, but now we are so very close. We even live next door to each other on purpose. When we were kids we played a lot together, UNLESS her school friends were over---then forget it. But overall it was great.

5littleladies replied:
Lol! I know a couple that said that. They said all of a sudden they had 3 kids and only 2 sets of arms. I think I will get worried if it gets to the point that I have more kids than DH and I have hands.

paradisemommy replied: lol..i think about all of that on a daily basis. i think a lot of it is just anxiety though and once the baby comes, everything will fall into place. i am 32 and dh is 26 so i feel like my time is ticking away but dh has lots of time lol. our plan is to have them spread out 3 years too - so we would start trying nov./dec. of next year..we'll probably stick to that plan - we want to have 3 at the most...but may stop at 2 if #2 is a girl..don't know..we are just gonna play it by ear and see when we get there.

i say go for it. i think you would do wonderfully. i think my anxiety comes from all of my family being on the mainland and only having dh's family over here and his mom and dad both work so we wouldn't get much help from them..but you go girl!!

jcc64 replied: I'm not gonna lie and tell you that 3 kids is easy- it's not. I watch the only children around me, and there is no doubt that their parents are much, much more involved with them than parents with more than 1 child. You just can't be in 2 places at once. Sometimes when I'm trying to oversee the older kids homework and the baby is being overly cranky or demanding, or when I try to watch their sports events while simultaneously preventing the baby from running into the middle of the game, I really feel torn and inadequate. I feel like no one is getting the right amount of attention. But then I realize that the idea that the world doesn't always revolve around you, or that you can't always get what you want, is a valuable one to learn early on. Siblings are a gift, even if they don't always see it that way. So, Amy, if you want 3, I'd say you still have a little time (I had my 1st at 27, 2nd at 30, and 3rd at 37). Maybe wait till you feel a little more secure about your situation. But, keep in mind that no one is ever completely "ready". Somehow you always work it out in the end.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: My first 2 are 23ths apart. It's a lot of work at first, but it is worth it. They both have a friend, share the same intrests and for the most part really enjoy each other. When we had Claudia it felt like I was starting over. Spencer and Claudia are 5 1/2 years apart. Sometimes it feels like our house has been overrun by the baby! It's a bit overwhelming. I feel badly for Claudia because she won't have that companion that Emily and Spencer have with each other. They will be teenagers and she will still be a little girl. If I could have done it over I would have had Claudia a lot sooner!

Schnoogly replied: Cary, I so know what you mean!! How would I carry around a 25lb toddler and a newborn?? The thought that the next one would be high needs too scares me more than the idea of another heart defect.

I have career timing to think about too. Once I finish my dissertation I will basically be on the job market until I get a job, it might be years, and no one is going to hire me if I'm pregnant. Now would be a good time to have another, but I am pretty sure I couldn't handle being pregnant with Iain sleeping so badly and needing so much attention, let alone dealing with him as a 2 year old and a newborn!!

Although I know someone who had a very HN first child, and her second is just the sweetest, easiest baby. The baby sleeps in a bassinet while her older brother (2.5 when sister was born) still nurses all night long!

jen replied: I say go for it!!! I have no credentials or experience at this point! LOL! Just go for it!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Amy-
I think you should go for it. If you are feeling that nudge then now is the time. DH and I always wanted 2 kids and we wanted them 4 years apart in school. It worked out perfectly for us with Maddie's personality and all. She was 3 when we got pg and will be 3 mos shy of 4 when Ethan is born. They will be 4 years apart in school. Since I have been so sick with this pg she was a great help to me b/c she is so independent. So, if Sophia is 3 when the baby is born she will probably be a big help and more independent than what you realize.

We weren't so sure of when we should start trying, but it all worked out. We never considered trying sooner than 3 years. We just weren't ready....Maddie was too much to handle at the time.

No matter what you decide, it will work out. You are still really young. DH's age doesn't matter as much as yours since you will be carrying the baby. It's funny, I wanted my 2 kids before my DH was 30. He will be 30 in June.

kit_kats_mom replied:
ITA! My thoughts exactly! I do think (at least I've convinced myself) that the second one can't possibly be has difficult as K is. I think I've learned a few things that I will definatly do diffently with a second that will probably make my life easier. For example, start the second on a bottle so that DH can help feed, get him/her used to sleeping in his/her crib (even if just for naps) and be much more stict about a schedule.

ediep replied: I am having the same thoughts. My dh wants more kids, but I am not sure yet. I really want to go back to work for a few more years. I was thinking of asking my principal for a part time schedule starting in september. I would have to put Jason in daycare or preschool. Ideally, I would like to work the entire school year part time, return the following year full time, then get pregnant during that year. I think I would have to resign after the second baby since I am a teacher.....2 kids in daycare is probabaly most of my salary. I could always get a job later when they are old enough for school.

jem0622 replied: We will probaby wait until the Fall/Winter to try again. I don't want them too far apart. And on another message board a mother suggested not spacing them too much b/c then it interferes with extra curriculars and other things. Nathan was 2 yrs 9 mos when Gabe came along and that was good for us. Nathan will start kindergarten next Fall, so I would think that we'd want for the baby to come before that or after that. Not sure. A lot to think about.

Once you do get to three there is more to juggle for sure...but I am already finding that Nathan can be very independent and even a helper. He and Gabe have a share of fun and happy moments and then moments where Nathan just wants to be a big boy. But as Gabe nears age 2 some of this will diminish b/c they can do more together.

I honestly feel that a third would be good for Nathan b/c right now he can behave like it is him against his brother. So there would be less of that (I hope).

Julie

kimberley replied:
that is the case for me. Jacob and James fought a lot more than they do now since their sister is here. i think her being a girl helped to. they are both in awe of her and focus more energy on her than fighting with each other

~*~*~*~*Baby dust*~*~*~*~ to all those who want it!

natjasem replied: We're planning on trying to get pregnant so that Baby will come when Emma is almost 3. I'm thinking long-term when college comes around we have a 3 year break in between, so we don't go broke! Is that silly?
My sister and I were 3 years apart, and sure, we hated each other growing up, but we're best friends now.
I just think it will be easier having Emma potty trained and more independent when next baby comes.

amynicole21 replied:
Or, you'll be paying college tuition for 7 years straight!!!! Yikes - I'm trying NOT to think that long term for that very reason

Maddie&EthansMom replied: TeeHee! That is why we spaced ours 4 years apart. We plan on paying for college. Then again, not every parent does pay for college and you don't have to. DH and I would just like to. Don't let that stop you by any means.