Tips on comforting kids - when mom goes back to work

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: I started my new job this week and Wil had his official first FULL day of preschool today. I got a call from his teacher mid-afternoon saying he was very disruptive at naptime and was misbehaving most of the day. DH picked the boys up because I wasn't home until about 6:40pm...it was a long day for all of us. I put both boys to bed and had a little talk with Wil and he said he missed me and was scared that I wasn't there. I am the one that typically picks him up at 12:30pm and we go do something fun in the afternoons, so attending a full day is very different for him. Wesley has been juggled around between my parents and inlaws, so the full day without me is new for him too. He will start school in about two weeks with his brother.

Anyhow, anyone have advice on how to help my boys with this transition? Do I send them to school with something of mine? If so, what? They both have been excited about more school and taking naps at school, but I don't think they realized what it really meant. I know I made the right choice to go back to work, but it's hard to hear them say "I don't want you to go to work". Ugh.

Tips? I know it will get better in time, but please help now...suggestions?

luvmykids replied: Well, I was going to say just give it time, but since you want tips for now I'm stuck I honestly think it's one of those things that as it becomes routine will get better and better but in the mean time it's just a matter of reassuring them that all the important things are still the same....we all get to see each other and talk about our day, we all go to sleep under the same roof, we all have breakfast together.

It might help to add a note with their snack, even just a drawing of a heart with their name in it, or a "Mommy loves you, see you soon!" type of thing.

It wouldn't hurt to ask their teachers for some advice. It will get better soon, until then, hang in there!

bluebear replied: What my cousin does with his son is he gives him his money clip to hold onto when he goes away for the afternoon at his inlaws. You could give him one of your pins to put on his shirt to make him feel more comfortable at school

MommyToAshley replied: Ashley went through a little bit of separation anxiety at the end of her 4yr preschool and at the beginning of kindergarten. We decorated a special magical rock together and I wrote "I love you" and then DH and I both wrote "Mommy" and "Daddy" on it. Ashely carried it in her pocket and would pull it out when she missed us... she said it helped. It wasn't long before she didn't need it anymore.

amymom replied: I have seen parents try this:

draw a heart or place a tattoo on the palm of his hand. Then place a kiss there. Tell him whenever he feels he needs a special kiss from you, all he has to do is place his hand to his cheek or look at it or whatever routine you come up with. He won't lose the kiss on the palm of his hand. You can tell him the kisses go on forever. He can kiss your palm too so you have his kisses with you all day too. Younger kids seem to like 'seeing' the kisses ... thus the drawing on the palm, but some older kids do without the drawing on the palm.

jakesmommy08 replied: well im not sure how old you kids are but my son is 3 and has a very busy schedule. On mondays he goes to daycare n daddy picks him up, on tue. he goes to daycare and I pick him up. On wed. He goes to daycare and Grandma Retta picks him up, on thur. daycare, I pick up, and fri daycare then daddy picks up. Sorry im sure u didnt care! lol but what helped us was at bedtime, i explain to him what the next days schedule will be. I will tell him that when he wakes up it will be "tuesday" and were gonna wake up and go to daycare, then afternap time, mommy will be there to pick him up. Just explaining to him so he knows what to expect helped us sooooo much! and then maybe the next morning i will remind him that today is mommys day to pick him up. I dont know if it could work for you but it definately worked for us.

Momof3inMe replied: When I worked in preschool we use to let the kids bring in a family picture. When the kids first started we would let them take the pic to nap with them. After a while they didn't need it anymore.

I also liked the idea of the kiss on the hand or cheek.

Good luck!

momofone replied: The reward system works well (if you behave at school you can have ice cream or a toy at the end of the week)

boyohboyohboy replied: Rae, congrats on starting the new job! I hope you like it!
I am wondering why the teacher was so quick to call you when it was his first full day and she knew he was going to be going thru a transition period.

I usually send a pic in the kids lunch them.

what about if for a while you could call him on your break?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks you guys! I liked all your ideas! Tomorrow is my official first day of starting f/t. The boys are off school this week because the teachers are prepping for the fall session (go figure), but at least it gives me some time to transition myself. Fortunately we have A LOT of help from family (why we moved back to CA), but it is a lot of juggling around between houses. I think the kids miss me already just from the few days I've already put in with paperwork, etc. Today I had the boys to myself (DH had to work), so we did something special (park, then pizza and games). They are acting out a lot, but it's expected I guess. Hopefully we will fall into a routine and things will work out.

Stacy, I'm not sure why they were so quick to call me. Wil has been going to this preschool since January, so he isn't "new" there. But it was his first full day and I guess he was REALLY misbehaving for them. It was the first time they called ever. And I hope it's our last.

Anyhow, I'll keep you all posted when I can. By the way...On another note...Wesley is potty trained!! Woo hoo! And we had another assessment for Wil at the UCSB Autism Center. I guess I didn't tell you all, but the last assessment confirmed that he is on the autism spectrum. Not classic autistic, but in their words "fully functioning autistic spectrum disorder". Not a formal diagnosis though. Assessment. Two different words. So we are waiting for results from the second assess. Then it's back to County to try and reopen his IEP. Long story...But we're doing good!!

Woo hoo...I'm a working mama!!

ETA: My siggy is so old...forgive me. Wesley is 3 and Wil turns 5 in a couple weeks! And I am officially no longer a SAHM.

coasterqueen replied: Good luck with everything. After you get everything situated with Wil's autism issues, make sure you find a good support group. With Megan being on the spectrum I've really found comfort in another lady at the girls' school. Her son (who was in Kylie's class last year) is severely autistic and her and I have really hit it off and when you need someone to talk to, they will understand.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Thanks Karen!!