To Work or Not To Work...

Tamatha wrote: DH and I are trying to decide what to do when we find out we are finally pg. We both work full time, but his income is significantly greater than mine. He has expressed the opinion that he wants me to stay home for the first 2-3 years of our children's lives. (We plan on having 2, no more than 2 years apart--total of maybe 5 years at home.) I have just completed my first year at my job, what I consider to be my first "real" job ever. I went back to school last year to change careers. I have a 4-yr music degree and I was teaching piano full-time. I didn't like the hours involved in that, so I went back to get a paralegal certificate. I completed 36 hours of classes last year while working the whole time. My last semester I started my current job the same day fall classes started. This was a huge career change for me. I'm not sure that I want to give that up completely.

Here's the other thing--we live approximately 3 1/2 hours from our nearest family member. If I do work after we have children, we will have to pay for daycare for them.

So I'm curious--how have all of you mommies handled this situation?

Thanks,
--Tam

MommyToAshley replied: DH and I actually work from home. I wish I didn't have to work from home and could just be a full time Mommy though. (But, this is hte next best thing) I've always had a career and never thought I would want to be a stay at home Mommy, but having a baby changes your priorities real fast. I have made some sacrifices to be able to stay home with my daughter, but it is soooo worth it! I know it isn't possible for all Moms to stay home, so I thank God for my blessings every day.

MomToMany replied: I work from home, too, but being a Mommy always comes first. I couldn't handle (or pay for) having my kids in daycare anymore. I have had the 3 oldest in daycare while I worked full-time, but I've been staying home since the birth of #4. I was working while PG with her, too.

I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Littlejojames replied: We have decided that i will take a year off work when the baby is born.

We both work full time at the minute.

After my year out im going to have a change in career anyway.

kimberley replied: i am a sahm. we could use a second income but the cost of childcare for 3 kids would never be covered with the money i could make. also, i didn't have kids for someone else to raise them. i believe the first years are the most important. where a child forms most of his/her beliefs and morals and i want to be the one who instills those, not someone else. and i would go nuts with worry since i also don't have family that could watch them. if you can do it, i would stay home.

my boys were in part time daycare just before school though. once they could talk, i worried a little less and the daycare was in my school so i could check on them every hour if i wanted to. i was also a single mom then, so it was subsidized. you could always take courses online or work part time as a paralegal after the baby is born if you miss working. i actually took the paralegal course in college too and know there is lots of work available. it was just not a career for me.

keep your options open. you may not want to part with your baby once he/she is here

Kaitlin'smom replied: Well I work full time and my daughter stays with a sitter who is as close to family as it gets (our MIL's are best friends). I would have loved to stay at home with her longer but we could not afford it, also I like having a job, altho I wish I could do it more part-time and spend more time with my daughter, I love this age and somedays I miss her so much.

coasterqueen replied: DH and I both work full-time and Kylie goes to an athome daycare provider. Her DH works with my DH . I would LOVE to SAHM or even work part-time but my income is needed as much as DH's is unfortunately to pay the bills.

AmyEFox replied: Tam,

It sounds to me like you want to work. Everybody has to decide what will make them happiest. Even if your husband makes more than you, you will most likely make more than the cost of daycare. My husband and I both made salaries int eh mid 20s when we had our first child and we were able to afford daycare and save for a house. I always hear the argument that the cost of daycare will defeat the purpose of working, but daycare for one child should be somewhat affordable if you are a paralegal. You could try going back part-time and see how that works first if you are unsure. Or you could take a little extra time off to see if you like being home, if that is possible.

With my first daughter, we selected a home-based daycare near our home and it worked out really well. With our second child, I was able to take an extra month off, so I was home for a full four months. I felt like that extra month made a huge difference because the baby was smiling and more fun, and I had a little more sleep before I went back to work. I went back part-time (Fridays off) for six months and that was nice as well. Now, I run a business from home and my 3-year old goes to pre-school/daycare three days a week.

Ask your friends in your area about their daycare providers and see if you can meet them. That might help you decide one way or the other if you think you do want to work.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Amy

paradisemommy replied: I am actually in the military part time - the Hawaii Air National Guard. I work one weekend a month and 2 weeks a year and other than that, I stay at home with our son.

We don't have any family that would be able to watch him and even if we did, I would not want to leave him all day. I had wanted a baby for a long time and so once he was here, it was never something I had to think about. As long as we could afford it, I wanted to be the one with him all day. I wanted to be the one to see all his firsts (smiles, crawling, walking, laughing). Life is so short and the time flies by so fast from the time he is born - it's already been 2 years and I swear I feel like we just brought him back from the hospital.

You can never take those years back when they are small and you can always go back to work when they are in school (just my opinion) but at the same time being a stay at home mom definitely is not for everyone and you have to figure out what YOU want to do and what would make YOU happy. Everyone is different so what's good for me, won't necessarily be good for you. If you are someone that won't be happy at home all day long then it will reflect in your attitude and your child/ren will see it and know you are not happy. just my

Tamatha replied:
Amy,

We aren't actually pregnant yet, just TTC. We had a few days last week where we were very hopeful, but they turned out to be nothing. DH and I are just talking about the possibilities when we do finally get pg.

I'm not sure if I still want to work. I know there are so many advantages to staying at home, but I just don't know if I can handle it! I'm afraid I might go a little crazy!! I'm a very social person, and I crave interaction with people. But I have friends here now (I relocated 4 years ago when I got married and didn't know anyone here then!) so that might make a difference. I just wondered about the mom's on this site and how you all handled this age-old issue in your own families.

Thank you all for your input! I still have plenty of time to work this all out, and you have each given me something to think about in the meantime!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I went back to work when my DD was 6 weeks old. I wanted to go back to work. I really missed my job. (I needed the income, too) When she was 6 months old I quit and haven't gone back since. That was 4 years ago! Now we have another baby (4 years later) and I can't imagine being anything other than a SAHM. I don't see how WOHM do it. It is certainly a personal decision between you and your DH. Good luck deciding!

kit_kats_mom replied: I work from home part time and my DD started daycare 3 days per week when she was about 1. I felt it was important to be able to be at home with her for the first year but then I realized that I am not cut out to be a full time sahm...just not enough patience and I personally need the social aspect of a job to feel like I am still an adult...being around K all day, 7 days a week is fun but I seriously lose verbal skills and a large portion of my mind when I am home with her a lot. LOL

I think it all depends on you and you may not know for sure until the time comes.

Schnoogly replied: I, like you, have spent a lot of money and time on my education and career, and I NEED to work. I meant to go back to work when DS was 3 months old but due to his medical problems I wasn't able to go back until 9 months, and that was part time. That didn't work out (medical probs again) and I quit my jobs, and have been home since. And it is really, really hard. The hardest thing I've ever done. I am not good as a SAHM. I really think staying at home for 3-6 months is important for the baby, for BF and everything, but I think you might work out a compromise where you maybe work part time for a while and then full time later. There are lots of options for daycare--it doesn't have to be family vs. big daycare center.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: I voted earlier, but didn't get to post. I'm a SAHM. That was the choice I made. That is what my Mom was until we were all school age. It really is rewarding to be able to stay at home. If I wanted to work I would have to put Jade in childcare because I am 5000 miles away from my family. We are military and still have another year where we are at. I am a social person myself, but know enough people around here to be able to take care of that. Plus having a baby kind of puts the social thing on hold for a while. Now that my daughter is 2 I am actually thinking of becoming a WAHM. I too have a Bachlor's in music. I am looking into becoming certified to teach Kindermusik. I can do this online and then work from home. It's that or in-home childcare. If I am going to work it is going to be from the home. I really want to be here for Jade. Then again if you feel like you are going to go crazy staying at home then by all means go to work. Maybe try the SAHM thing and see how it goes. You can always go back to work if you feel the need. Good Luck on ttc!

A&A'smommy replied: I'm 18 and I'm a SAHM I LOVE it, sometimes its difficult but totally worth it!

maestra replied: My dh and I were able to structure our hours so that I work during the day, and he works in the evening. We don't see each other too much during the week, but being there for our child (soon to be children) is worth it. We couldn't afford for one of us to stay home, because as a teacher I don't make that much, and dh makes less than I do. But we really need his income as well.

Dh is a regular Mr.Mom though, but I organize things to make that easier for him (coordinating outfits hung in a certain part of her closet so that he won't dress her in green striped pants and a purple dotted shirt anymore!).

Tamatha replied:
Kindermusik is a GREAT program! I worked with it in college some and actually contemplated starting up a program here before I went back to school to become a paralegal. I hope that works out for you!!

I've been thinking long and hard about this since DH and I talked, and I think that I will probably do as many of you are suggesting and try to stay at home for a while. See if I can take it! If not, there are options here as far as child care--one of my good friends works in a daycare in the area, and there are several good, reputable daycares around here. But DH feels very strongly that the first 2-3 years of a child's life are so very important--we don't want to miss out on anything!

So thanks to all of you for your input. I do appreciate it! Now that he and I pretty much have that settled, its all about getting pg now! Wish we could hurry up with THAT! lol

--Tam

Sunflower04 replied: I work fulltime and my DS goes to daycare. At times I wish I could stay home, mostly during the winter months when the weather is bad. But we depend on my income and DH's. Maybe when I have my next kid I will be able to be a SAHM. Good luck in your decision and know that there is no bad decision.