ToW: Stranger danger?

PrairieMom wrote: How do you guys teach your children stranger danger? I know I need to address this with Ben, but I don't know how to do it without
a: scaring the poo out of him
and b: saying something right there in the moment, possibly offending the stranger we are dealing with at the time.

I have been trying to enforce that police men are good and firemen, and that if you need help those are people that can help him, but I don't know how to get to specific on that with out scaring him too.

holley79 replied: There is a Bearnstein Bears book on Stranger Danger. Maybe get that. Normally local LE agencies will have a Stranger Danger pamphlet.

MommyToAshley replied: The best DVD I have seen is called "On the safe side" ... but I think they have renamed the DVD Stranger Safety. It's got "Safe Side Superchick" that does a great job of describing different types of threats without scaring the kids. And, it keeps the kids interest. Ashley actually asks to watch the video.

I watched it with Ashley the first time, and I often bring up the video when real life situations come up. It's a great tool and starting point for talking to your kids about stranger safety on their level.

Here's a link to it if you want to know more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0009LS9Y...ASIN=B0009LS9Y4

boyohboyohboy replied:
ditto! we have this and watched it several times, its great. and its not scarey, but it definately gets the point across in a way that kids remember. its made by john walsh and the woman who did the disney baby einstien tapes, doesnt get better then that!
we highly recommend this.

HuskerMom replied:
I had that book! My parents told me not to talk to strangers in a way that didn't scare me but they just made it very clear. I wasn't really the kind of kid that would just talk to anybody though.

Twelve Volt Man replied: When my son is old enough, I'm just going to explain to him that if he talks to strangers, they'll kidnap him, cut him up into pieces, and feed him to a monster.

Then, I'll just say, "No, son... I'm just kidding. But seriously, don't talk to strangers."

PrairieMom replied: Thanks for the video, I will order it, although, that girl on the cover looks like someone I would teach him to avoid... I'll look for the book too, I am at Barnes and Noble all the time.

mom21kid2dogs replied: I started role playing/discussing situations with Olivia when she was about 4ish. I did it at natural and logical times and in the most non threatening way possible. We'd be at the park and I'd say "What would you do if . . . . ." We'd talk about what we'd do and practice it. When you talk about strangers, it's important NOT to give a child a big visual of a stranger. A stranger is just a person you don't know, period. Preditors rely on the fact that we prepare kids for big, bad, mean ugly convicted felons. They are only a small danger in the picture of abuse and abductions. Many preditors look like you and me, they know how to talk to kids and endear them. Most aren't mean or scary, unfortunately.

We also have a very natural and logical situation in our neighborhood in the form of a non stranger danger~a very under talked about subject yet a large number of abductions/abuse situations are by KNOWN persons to the child and not strangers. Unfortunately, many people aren't aware that those they know can be dangerous, too. In fact, I rarely used a stranger as an example because I feared she would only think that danger only comes in the form of a stranger. We have a largely unsupervised 20 year old mentally impaired adult who lives in our neighborhood. Although he has never been an *overt* threat to a child that I know of, he is large and loud. His impairments (which I explain to Olivia as a big boy with a little boy brain) make him very risky to unintentionally physically hurt another child. He doesn't manage anger well and he loves to play with anyone whose around. Of course, the same can be said for a 7 year old neighbor boy as well but the impaired young man is a true example of someone who is well known and potentailly dangerous. We have used him many times to role play what to do about feeling funny about someone you know.

I think how hard you hit it at what age really depends on two factors: level of supervision of the child and amount of time a child is out of your parental control (ie, baby sitter, preschool, children's church, etc) When you anticipate dropping down a level in supervision, or your child is spending less time within your control~it's time to hit the subject. I think the available resources out there are good, but few address known dangers, so be aware of that.

Good luck!! Olivia was not a worry wart and was never big on internalizing lots of stuff so these discussions/role plays were not very threatening to her. You'll need to know your own child and their "fear factor" and deal with it on their level.

HTH some~gotta go to PTA!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
You have to get the video from The Safe Side series! It is the BEST at explaining strangers to children!!!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
THIS IS THE ONE I WAS TALKING ABOUT! It's awesome! Tanner wanted to watch it over and over again. It puts people into category's and explains what to do in situations. I loved it. Totally recommend it!

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I was just talking to one of my best friends about this subject...Her mom has been ill and living with her and she has a brand new baby and so her sons have been walking to the bus stop on her street for the past week(about 100 yards from her house)She was stressing to them bigtime about strangers being possibly bad or scary but I think the hardest part of stranger danger comes into play when you have to try and explain that 'mean' or 'dangerous' people won't always look that way...We tend to imagine the worst of the dregs of society when we think of people who would harm our children when the truth is that they probably don't look like the monster in the closet because if they did we would all be automatically afraid

redplaydoh replied: I say get the video from John Wlash/Julie Clark too. My kids love it and want to watch "SafesideSuperChick" a lot.

Here's the internet link to it. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0009LS9Y...ASIN=B0009LS9Y4

MommyToAshley replied:
Let me know what you think of the video. I haven't met a person yet that didn't like it.

kit_kats_mom replied: We read the bearenstein bear book to K. Usually I just take the opportunities when they arise to use as learning opportunities. When we are out, sometimes I'll quiz Katherine on who she would talk to if she got lost (someone in Target clothes, someone in a uniform or another mom with kids). That's how we point out who's stranger and who's not.

As far as other dangers, I try to teach my girls to be confident enough to say "NO" when they are uncomfortable in any situation. They also know that no one besides mom and dad are to touch them anywhere that their panties cover. They are both old enough now that even mom and dad are usually not allowed there. IMO that's fine.

MotherForever2043 replied:
Right to the point!

A&A'smommy replied: Wow lots of great information I have been needing to work on this with Alyssa but didn't really know where to start

indywndy_04 replied: Personally, and this again...is just personally how I have approached the situation...I am not telling anyone that they should do what I feel is the right thing to do. With that being said...I do not tiptoe around the situation!!!! I would rather them have the poo scared out of them then to be without my child!!! Did I feel this way always? No. BUT - the day my 2 year old son went missing in Walmart when I let go of his hand for only a second and then to have him found outside with a man taking him away is the day that I decided that it is very important to always keep an eye on your children....dont look away, not even for a second...take them into the gas station when you pay for your gas...I used to leave my children in the car and run in for just a second...not anymore. So, with that being said, I would rather them have the poo scared out of them... That is the way I feel about it. It scares me to death to think that someone in a second could take my baby away from me.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I never really had a problem with Strangers with Emily and Spencer. They were both so shy that they wouldn't talk to anyone. Claudia on the other hand talks to everyone, introduces herself and all of us. She even shares the colour of her underwear. DH and I just tell her it's not polite to talk to people she doesn't know.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Wendy, I more or less am the same way myself.

indywndy_04 replied:
Yea, I just think you should be straight with your kids. Now adays, you cant take any chances. There are so many freaks out there.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: When strangers talk to me when I'm with my kids (people I've noticed are more likely to stop me for directions when I'm with my kids... ) I respond to them then when they're leaving, I talk to the kids about how when people you don't know talk to you, you can answer them, but you don't go anywhere with them.

I also have lots of real life friends who I've had try to talk to my children and take them somewhere. The kids know them, and so I've taught the kids that even if mommy or daddy know the friend, that they still shouldn't go anywhere with them unless I told them to.

We just...do it. I don't know, nothing in particular. Even inline at the back or the store, strangers wlil talk to the kids... and I tell the kids, whether the people are there or not, that it's ok to talk, but that they are to never ever leave with someone other than mommy or daddy. Most strangers, especially older people (who tend to be the ones to annoy me in line) will understand and will not be offended.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
We just got that book and I think it has a great explanation.
Its hard to explain strangers without over explaining or scaring them. We are teaching our three year old about strangers too.

lisar replied:
Thats what I was gona reccomend.

MommyToAshley replied: Do you all have and use a password? We decided not to do that becuase I am afraid at this age that she would tell the password to a friend or be tricked into saying what it is. Instead, we have told her that there are only two other people besides myself and daddy that will ever pick her up without us telling her first... and we've told her who those two people are. She is not to get in the car or leave with anyone else...ever. If someone else says" I will take you to your Mommy" or "Your mommy or daddy told me to pick you up", then she is NOT to go with them.

MommyToAshley replied:
OMG... that must have been so scary for you. I am glad you got to him in time. Did anything happen to the guy that was walkign away with him?

I agree with you... we do need to frighten them to a certain extent. I let Ashley watch a Family movie where a 3 year old boy was lost and they didn't find him (until about 10 years later). I wanted her to see what COULD happen if she lets go of my hand in a store. She was restless that night, so I felt bad about that. But, hopefully it helped to get the point across.

A&A'smommy replied: I have never heard of having a password, but that could be a good thing!!

noimthesister replied: I had a school pick-up password as a kid, but mostly I walked to my daycare provider's house with a group of other kids who also went there after school. And I wasn't raised in the fifties, this was 13-20 years ago. I was a latchkey kid at 10. Now I'm scared poo-less at what could have happened to me!

E is almost 3 and is both a wander-off-er and talks to everyone when we go out. He knows lots of grown-ups and assumes strangers are friendly. I'm just terrified for him. Obviously we keep an eye on him but if he wanders off for a second and gets nabbed--he probably won't even scream, and if he does, nobody thinks twice about a screaming 3-year-old being hauled out of a store.

Are the Stranger Danger videos mentioned appropriate for 3's in your opinion? How do you teach the fearless? I don't want him to lose his outgoing nature or his love of new people and experiences, but should I keep him locked in a box at home?