Unexpected Company! - Am I just being mean?

Crystalina wrote: Am I the only one who thinks it's terribly rude for people to come over without calling first? I live in the country and we don't get alot of company because it's a about a 15 minute drive from the nearest town to our house but it seems like when people do come over they don't call first. My husbands many, many friends, my in-laws... it's a list. My side of the family doesn't because I don't really care what they think and I just tell them, "please call first." I've told my in-laws before but they just don't care or they call from my driveway and say " we're here!". I think that is just so rude. I have 2 small kids, and 4 Yorkies and between the 6 of them they can make the house a disaster area I don't care how much you keep after them. I always tell my husband when one of his friends show up out of the blue to tell them to call next time. I think he doesn't want to be rude to them but I think they are the ones being rude. Am I alone in this? What would you do?

kayla's mama replied: We have that rule too but we ask for an hour before they show up. That gives us time to throw everything in the bedroom and vacuum our floor.

I don't like it when people just pop in on me. I feel like they are imposing, KWIM.

Crystalina replied: How do you impose that rule without seeming like a B%tch? I need to know.

My3LilMonkeys replied: We don't worry about it really. The only ppl who really show up unexpectedly are family, and we show up at their house without calling too.

However, in your case maybe tell them that you need a call beforehand to make sure you are home, not in the middle of dinner, kids not asleep, etc? Or tell them that one of your dogs has developed anxiety around company and needs to be put in another room?

Sorry, I guess I'm not much help.

kayla's mama replied:

jacobsmama replied: I also live in the country about 15 minutes from town and we get alot of ppl who just drop in. It use to bother me because sometime I would be in PJs or busy or house dirty. But anymore I just run and get changed or pick up a few things.

I guess it is like my mom told me when she stops over it is because for some reason or another she is in that area when she usually isn't and I will take the visit of being able to see her or whoever even though my house is dirty. I think when ppl just stop in they don't expect your house to be clean and a meal for them.

But I do know what you mean about not being prepared but I think it is hard to ask ppl to call before coming over without being rude, but that is just me. I mean if someone said that to me I might take offense and not stop over thinking I would be inconvienecing them, Just my opinion though.

luvmykids replied: I really like that people are comfortable enough to drop in on us, and b/c they are, I'm comfortable letting them see the house in whatever state it's in. Actually it's kept me motivated to keep up with it a little better. We just moved from waaaay out in the country, like 45 minutes out of town, and NO ONE would come see us then, so I guess I'm just reveling in it.

The moral of the story is, don't worry about your house and take it as a compliment, they've been there and seen it before and still come back!

A&A'smommy replied: you know I use to worry about that too BUT recently I have tried not too usually when people just stop by it usually Jeremiahs friends.. only one of my friends lives in town.. and most of the guys feel like family anyway so I just let them deal with it and there house is usually messier than mine Sorry I know i'm not much help

Mom2BNTN replied: I don't think you are being rude at all!! My Dh and I cannot stand it when someone shows up unannounced. Thank goodness that hasn't happened alot. Most of our family and friends do call us first. I would kindly remind them all again that you would really appreciate it if they would give some notice when they are planning on coming over.

3xsthefun replied: It use to bother me too. But I have gotten use to it.

My grandma or one of my aunts will come over without calling. I guess my house is not bad as I think it is. Because everytime my grandma comes over she says it looks fine.

Of course my grandma lives right across from us, and my aunts only live about 2 minutes away.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well if my company doens't call..then I just keep on doign what I am doing. If they don't call me..and I am doing dishes.. I say sit in the kitchen and talk to me while I do these dishes or make supper.

I figure we have to be close to for no call..lol

My dad never calls..but its okay. Except I have taken to wearing sports bra's and shorts lately..and he got me .. he said my lord these poor kids..lol

And I ran to the bedroom...cause I still haven't told him I got a tatoo..

Jecka replied: I hate that with a passion!!!!

My ex-inlaws were the WORST about it, and they knew how I felt, but did it anyway. They lived an hour away, so it's not like they were just "in the neighborhood" you know? The sad thing is, we got along pretty decent, except when it came to this point.

So one day I decided the heck with being nice about it, and opening my door and inviting them in no matter what I was in the middle of, or how bad the house looked. I stopped answering the door. Car's in the driveway, tv is blaring, Andrew's hollering "MOMMY! SOMEBODY'S HERE!!!!" and I just hid out. LOL! If they would mention coming by later on the phone, I'd say I must have been in the shower, or taking a nap or something, and "IF YOU'D CALL FIRST, I'd know to expect you and be awake or whatever." So then they'd just ring the doorbell five or six times in a row before giving up and leaving.

It got a little better, and I DID answer the door more than I didn't, but it took divorce to get calls before they stopped just showing up at my door most of the time. LOL! One time my MIL said "I don't call first, because I think you won't be home when I get there." Yeah, that makes sense.

Now I try really hard to just recite in my head "They came to see me, not my house," when I get people dropping in.

Why is it no one ever drops in when I've just finished making sure the house is spotless and sparkling, and I'm looking great?

kimberley replied: i am the same way. my home is my sanctuary and no one dare enter without permission! lol guess i am only social outside when i feel like it

ilovemybaby replied: I feel the same way. Unfortunately I don't get any backing up from my husband.
His best friend and g/f are the worst for this. They turn up when we are having dinner or when we are watching a DVD together (having alone time KWIM). It's really rude. I know that they can tell I am not happy when they just turn up and yet they keep doing it. One day I'm probably going to say something. GRRR
Last time his g/f text my husband and asked "feel like a visitor?" and he text her back that it wasn't a good time. But she still came over.

There is no excuse IMO Unless it's a life and death situation/emergency.

Chiflata2003 replied: We are Army and live in base housing, and I have to make sure the house is spotless at all times because they can come do an inspection at any time to make sure we aren't living like pigs. I hate that so much, because one time his friend came over without calling at 7am and the house was so trashed that I was crying saying sorry.

I havent been home in a week (staying with family right now) so I know that it is trashed LOL.

Kated replied: OMG I hate it when People just show up with out calling and then they want to just stay for dinner.

That is so............ annoying. Esp. when you have a really long or bad day and you want to relax.

Brias3 replied: Oh I agree with you... I hate it! I think its just common courtesy to provide some notice first.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I used to have a little poem on my door that I don't have anymore (lost??) and it was something along the lines of - my house isn't perfect, nor is it clean..but i have little fingers anmd toes running around - and if you come over without calling, don't expect to stay if you;re not expected...

I'd have to find it again.

I don't mind drop ins... it's not like i have a life - but i do apprciate a call first. It's good though - where we lived before, our friends would call, see if we felt up to something - and they'd come over, or not. They understood that we have kids and aren't as available as the rest of our friends.. ands so they'd suggest coming to see us with some board games or movies rather than us pay for a sitter to go out. I always thought that very considerat... and so if someone dropped in unnanounced, either their relationship wasn't going so well and they needed an ear - or they really were there only for a minute.

ETA - I too did not answer my door when it was the outlaws. I'd go as far as keep the blinds and curtains drawn on the main floor so that when she'd go around the house to look in the patio dorrs, she wouldn't see me. That, or we'd go play in the basement.