Update - Sorry Very Long

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: Here is an update on what's been going on. I'm depressed and tired of living in LIMBO! My parents are driving me crazy and I really don't want to live with them anymore. My psychologist is concerned that my living with my parents is causing me to regress in my therapy and is worried that I will have a relapse. I just want to get out of there. I went to sign the lease for my apartment on Wednesday, only to find out that I can't sign the lease with the building until I sign a lease with housing. I can't sign a lease with housing until I can pay my rent and I can't come pay rent until I get the start up from ODSP and I can't get the start up with ODSP until I have an apartment. So its just a vicious circle. DH gave me money to pay my rent, which I was very shocked and didn't want to take, but I don't have a choice. The program that I signed up with to help get the apartment are pushing to get the start up for me. Yesterday I talked to one of the workers and they told me that ODSP has sent my start up directly to a pawn shop (where I had gotten quotes for furniture) and I won't see any of the money and I have to buy everything I need from them. Well the furniture that I had been given quotes for (a month ago) is gone and they don't really have anything that I can use. So basically I don't really know what I'm going to do. I don't have a couch, blankets, pillows, those little odds and ends you need when you start up a house, like cleaning supplies, laundry supplie or groceries. Plus my disability won't get increase until I get an apartment. It's all so stressful.

DH is doing all the stuff that I wanted and asked him to do while I was living here. His parents are paying off our loan so he won't have to take in borders next year. He is planning to turn the basement back into a rec room for the kids. That's what it was before we had students. Finally after 2 years he is getting up with Claudia when she wakes up at 6:00 in the morning. He is managing the house pretty good, making supper and doing the housework. My CAS worker told me it's because now he has to do it. So what before, this was my house and my children? The kids seem to be doing well. He has even bought a book that my therapist, our family counsellor, our marriage counsellor and even the psychiatrist recommended he buy when I was first diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. The book is called Stop Walking on Eggshells. Why couldn't he do these things when I was still here, why couldn't he do these things for me? I'm really upset and I don't really have anyone to talk to about all of this. I really don't know what is going to happen with our relationship, I really don't know if we will ever live in the same house again. I'm just so confused.

I'm sorry to vent like this, I'm really not doing very well. I'm sure that once I get settled and some time goes bye, I can address some of my questions with DH. Maybe we can try marriage counselling again.

Boys r us replied: I'm sorry that everything is so up in the air right now..it seems like nothing is easy when you really need it to be!

Kirsten, I know how hard it is to see someone do things when they decide to do them, not when you really needed them to do them, all I can say is that AT LEAST he is doing them now..maybe he needed the wakeup call of you not being there to do them to realize that all along you DID need help with the kids and the house and as for the book...I'm so glad he's reading it..you never know what the future holds for the two of you and even if things don't work out with your marriage, the two of you still have to be able to get along and understand one another..so this is a start for him..and for a new beginning inyour relationship with him, even it in the end turns out to only be a friendship and parenting relationship. you know I'm thinking about you and praying for you!!!!! I hope the sun starts shining your way soon baby doll!!!

mummy2girls replied: oh my Hun((HUGS)))! I am sos orry you are going through all this... i dont know what you are going through and the pain your feeling because i didnt go through this ever! I just wanted to send you some hugs and tell u that even though thing slook so up in the air and out of control that it will work itself out. Do you have any friends that you can stay with if you are not weanting to stay with your parents? I wish i was there so you could stay with me and jenna:) if you need anything hun send me an email if you want..im here for you! And i am so proud of you for doing what you are doing to help yourself get through this!

amymom replied: Hugs and well wishes to you.

lisar replied: Honey I am so sorry your life isnt going well for you right now. It will get better with time. Just stick in there and try to work it all out. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

Lisa

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm really sorry for whinning yesterday! It's all just so stressful! Thank You all for your support. I know that things will calm down once I am finally in my apartment. Thank You so much for being here for me, this really means a lot to me!

gr33n3y3z replied:

It may take a little time but things will start going well for you

Mommy2BAK replied: Aww, hun. I hate that things are getting bad for you again. You seemed like you had progressed so much last time you posted. Maybe you are just having a bad few days and it makes everything seem bad. But I do believe that you are getting better. Good Luck! We are all here for you!

CCTandME replied: hang in there!

jem0622 replied: Just wanted to offer support.

JAYMESMOM replied: Hang in there. Maybe you being gone is what your husband needed to really appreciate everything you did. Maybe he will be ready to try marriage counseling down the road since he has a better understanding of what your day to day life was like.

Stay positive and take every day at a time. Don't think about tommorrow or next week. You can deal with those when they get there. Focus on you and what you need to do for you.

ediep replied: hang in there! I am so sorry things are so up on the air right now, I hope everything works out for you soon!!! (((((million hugs)))))