Vent may be touchy sorry...

MM'sMama wrote: Hey everyone I haven't really posted in the past few days I have had a lot going through my mind. Wether or not to tell everyone about this or maybe leaving the board all together I don't know I don't want to bother everyone with my problems or bring anyone down. But here goes....

DH came to me a few nights ago and told me he just can't do it anymore. He isn't happy with his life and hates everything about it. Me, Brice Kyrah our life together EVERYTHING. He wants out and nothing to do with any of us anymore. He told me I can ether A put both kids up for adoption or B he will sign away all rights but he will have nothing to do with any of us anymore. He's flat out DONE!!! He does not now nor will he ever love any of us EVER!!!
I don't know what to do I had no inkling that this was coming or that he was at all unhappy. We get along great hardly every fight he still looks at me the way he always has with love in his eyes. He's great with Brice and seemed so happy and excited taking about Kyrah and listening to her heart beat and feeling her kick. He never missed even ONE doctors appt. and we are very stable. His job is no where near as stressful as most so I have zero idea as to what could be wrong. He wont tell me and says he will never talk to me again to just move on and forget I ever knew him. WTF?!?!?!?!
I'm not worried financially my grandparents set me up a VERY nice trust fund to be honest and I can have a really nice job anytime working for my dad. I just I don't know I never felt so alone before. How can he think I can just forget about him or that the kids can? Brice adores him so very much and has been asking me "mommy where's daddy I miss him". How I am I ever going to tell them daddy doesn't want us anymore. My babies deserve to have a father this so unfair to them.
All I keep thinking is OMG I'm really alone! I wasn't good enough! He couldn't love me because I'm worthless and a bad wife a bad person! I didn't do everything I should have done for him I couldn't make him happy!
Sorry guys I just don't know what to do. All I can do is cry and cry and cry and really hate myself!

Whitney&Candace'sMommy replied: oh my gosh, thats so terrible. I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to imagine how you would feel.
Don't hate yourself, it's not your fault at all. I was engaged when I was younger and my fiance left me suddenly. I'm not saying this is any where near as painful as what your going through, but it's the only similar experience I've had. You must be in so much more pain, and be so hurt. This is my favourite quote, I thought of it when I read about what happened.
TRUTH IS FIERCE AND UNRELENTING. We cannot change it, but we can change the way we live with it. The truth is that making mistakes, dying, and not being loved are inescapable experiences of being human; so is our fear of them. By facing those fears, we have a chance to step beyond them. When we are willing to do the best we can with what we know, to be honest with ourselves and others about who we are and what really matters to us, only then are the lives we live and the love we receive truly our own.
Right now you probably don't want to accept what's happened, I always read this quote when I miss someone who has died and when I think of my ex-fiance.
Your definatly not bringing anyone down, I havn't been here long but I know already everyone here will not be bought down by this. We're all here for you whenever you need to talk.
Remember that this isn't your fault

MM'sMama replied: Oh honey thank you so much I really needed to hear that right now and I know I have support .

That quote is so beautiful thank you so much for sharing it with me you ahve know idea how thank I am for that or how much that touched me.

I'm really trying and I guess right now that is really all I can do.

mckayleesmom replied: KARAH....Im so sorry sweetie...and don't think for 1 second that we arn't here to help and listen to you, that is what we are here for. And don't for 1 second think that you did something wrong, thats BS, there is something going on with him and it has NOTHING to do with anything you did. Shame on him. For now, just give him his space. Is there a relative you can stay with or did your husband leave the house? I wouldn't leave the house, that is your home, he can leave, and he can also start paying child support. I would look into getting a lawyer right away honey.

MM'sMama replied: Brianne sweetie thank you. You have know idea how much it means knowing I have you all to talk to and help me through this you all are ao amazing. I am at home he left no way in heck he was getting the house F#$%ing jerk!! I am going to call a lawyer on monday and go from there. I just (sigh) don't even know where to start with all of this but knowing you all are here means the world to me.

mckayleesmom replied: I just don't understand what hes thinking. How old is he? Maybe hes having a midlife jerk crisis. Either way, don't let him out of his responsibilities wether or not he wants anything to do with his kids, those cute babies were not accidental conceptions and he acts like they are pets you can just take to the pound when you can't take care of them anymore...idiot!!. Like you would seriously give Bryce up for adoption after all this time. .

gr33n3y3z replied: I'm so sorry to hear about this

Maybe he needs his space which I would give him but he is the one who should leave not you.

And if things dont work out dont you let him sign away all rights to those children
bc things can change some where down the road and the kids would hate him forever.

If you ever need to talk I'm around

((((Hugs))))

punkeemunkee'smom replied: OMG!!! I am so sorry! First of all do NOT let him sign rights away to the kids,unless you are concerned for their safety. Signing away his rights excempts him from paying child support. Secondly, You are not a bad wife,mother,person! This is something WRONG with him! I am so sorry! I would be so hurt and lost if this happened to me! DO NOT let him use whatever is going on in his mind right now steal your joy waiting for Kyrah! As far as Brice goes I would just tell him daddy is working very hard right now and he won't be home for a while!

Change the locks on your home if he wants to be gone let him be but don't give him easy access to your home in the meantime! I'm here if you ever need to talk-We all are! Sorry-You will make it through this!

moped replied: Oh I am sooo sorry to hear this ishappening. Can I ask if Brice is his child?

It sounds like there is something going on that he isn't ready to talk about but that sure doesn't comfort youin the meantime does it? I am sorry.

I wish there was more I could say - we are always here to listen.

HUGS TO YOU

luvbug00 replied: OMG is he serious? You are the sweetest kindest person and your little boy is a sweetheart. WTH is he thinking??? I'm going to hurt him!!! ITA with everyone above and I'm sooo sorry that you have to deal with this and especially since your pregnant. I'm totally here if you need to talk all day, everyday!! Everyone here is!!



WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

kit_kats_mom replied: Holy moly! I am stunned that someone could act like that out of nowhere. Is he seeing someone else? Has he joined a cult that has brainwashed him? Is he on drugs? Does he have a history of mental illness? Has he been hit on the head really hard recently? That's honestly the most bizarre behavior...there has to be some explination. I do not even know what to say to comfort you. You must be a wreck. I know I would be.
It's not your fault that he refuses to communicate though. What a fundamentally wrong thing to do. Please, feel free to come here and vent. That's what we are here for hon.

kayla's mama replied: Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you To me it truely sounds like he is going through a mid life issue. In all honesty, your post sound like my mom about a year ago. My dad was going to do the same thing. He was seeing someone else and also severely depressed. He's on meds now and they are working things out. I know that you will pull through this as a stronger person. Like everyone else said, DO NOT let him just walk away from your kids. We are here for you

~KARA~ replied:
sending lots of hugs your way!!


Im so sorry your going through this, we are all here for you!!

Mommy2BAK replied: Oh my. I am just sort of shocked, as are you I'm sure. Just don't leave here. We all love you and are here for you no matter what. (((hugs)))

moxee24 replied: It makes me so angry that men feel that they can treat us this way. I am so sorry that you are going through this, please know that I am here if you need to talk and that I totally understand what you are going through. You can either PM me or email me @ moxee24@yahoo.com.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: OHMYGOD!!! I can't even believe someone would behave that way!!! That is CRAZY behavior! I can't even wrap my brain around my DH doing something like that to me...I'm sure you felt the same way. I am so sorry. You must just be devastated. How can he just walk away?

If he won't go to counseling, you need to go so you know how to handle questions and emotions from the kids.

Insanemomof3 replied: OMG I am in shock! How can a person do that? How can he just all of a sudden with no warning decide he doesn't love you and your KIDS? Honey, I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please don't leave the board. You need support, and we are here for that.

I don't know what else to say but I am thinking of you, if you need anything let me know.

A&A'smommy replied: OMG Karah I'm was incredibly SHOCKED when I read this I'm SOO SOO sorry!! If you need ANYTHING please don't hesitate to ask we are here for you!! I can't believe he just came out of no where and did this!! Do you think he is panicked about having another baby? or maybe he is just feeling like he has to much responibilities and that panicked him!?! Sometimes i know I have bad thoughts about being married and having a kid but most of the good stuff ALWAYS outweighs the little hard things that get in the way!!! I wish he would come to his senses he has no idea how bad he is about to screw up. And your such a wonderful person I can't believe he is doing this!!

SOUTHERN MOMMY replied: Oh Karah i am so sorry. As you may know i have just gone through almost the same thing. But, all i can say is hold your head high and stay strong for yourself and the kids. And stay here to be honest with you the people here are what has got me theough this. Please don't blame yourself you did nothing wrong. You are a wonderful person and you will make it just fine but you have to know that it was not you it was him and he will have to live with that. once again i am so sorry and if we can do anything just ler us know.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I am soo sorry. I can't imagine the pain and hurt.

You can do this.. and if that is truly the way he is.. better to know now. If he doesn't have a heart big enough for your children.. then screw him.!!!!

I have been divorced before, and I remember all the feelings. I read a book one time and I can't remember the name of it..
But there are stages to divorce the same as death.. the first is Denial, how could he.. he didn't mean it.. oh he'll be back.. and then you get angry.. angry is the fun stage actually thats where you get to call the shoots and tell him to kiss your butt.. you don't have to take his crap anymore!!!!!!!!
And then healing and acceptance..

I had two small children when I divorced and it was hard. The best thing to do is be honest with your children, And I mean on there level. Like when he asks where Daddy is. Don't say he will be home after while, and we do that because we don't want our kids to hurt. It is better to say.. I am not sure when we will see him again.. but Mommie is here and she always will be. You have to make them feel secure that YOU aren't going anyway. It does hurt.. and it is hard. But the kids can feel your pain and they know when you are upset, be honest them on there level... and be there for each other.. Talk to a pastor or counsler... at least a friend. Talk and write out all your feelings..

None of this is about you.. what you did right or wrong. It seems to be about HIM.. everything about HIM.. sounds very selfish to me.

And Know that a new day is coming. You will be loved and happy. Just wait on the new day.. when the sun comes up it's time to start again.. Be thankful for the little things.. you have more than some woman who are left.. use that to your best ability and don't let him get you down girl

Praying for you and your family!

ions_momma replied: I am sooo sorry that this is happening to you! I just cant believe that someone could suddenly change like that, especially towards his wife and his two children. I hope things work out for the best! We are all here for you if you need to talk!

MM'sMama replied: Thank you so much for all of your support and I am so glad to hear you all don't want me to leave and that its ok for me to vert here you all are so wonderful!

I hope I am remembering to answer everyones question if not i am really sorry .

How old is he? Maybe he's having a midlife jerk crisis. He's 20 will be 21 soon so I guess its a pre-pre-pre midlife JERK crisis I have no idea.

Maybe he needs his space which I would give him but he is the one who should leave not you. I agree and he has left and he knows full well he is not coming back into this house. I had the locks changed and the alarm code changed.

OMG!!! I am so sorry! First of all do NOT let him sign rights away to the kids,unless you are concerned for their safety. Signing away his rights excempts him from paying child support. No way he gonna pay child support no matter what there is no way I will let that not happen.

It sounds like there is something going on that he isn't ready to talk about but that sure doesn't comfort you in the meantime does it? I am seriously wondering the same thing but I really with he would just be honest and tell me GRR!

OMG is he serious? You are the sweetest kindest person and your little boy is a sweetheart. WTH is he thinking??? I'm going to hurt him!!! ITA with everyone above and I'm sooo sorry that you have to deal with this and especially since your pregnant. I'm totally here if you need to talk all day, everyday!! Everyone here is!!



WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

Nadia honey I SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOO needed to hear that know that I have people who are there for me and love honestly I do feel unloved right now. THANK YOU!!!

I am stunned that someone could act like that out of nowhere. Is he seeing someone else? Has he joined a cult that has brainwashed him? Is he on drugs? Does he have a history of mental illness? Has he been hit on the head really hard recently? That's honestly the most bizarre behavior...there has to be some explanation. I wondered if there could be someone else but I highly doubt it and as far as the rest of it goes no idea I am be far beyond confused I can't think straight.

I know that you will pull through this as a stronger person.Honey thank you.

Just don't leave here. We all love you and are here for you no matter what. (((hugs))) Thank you so much honey I didn't think anyone could love me at this point!

moxee24 thank you I will most likely take you up on that.

If he won't go to counseling, you need to go so you know how to handle questions and emotions from the kids. Your right good idea I do need to look into that.

Do you think he is panicked about having another baby? or maybe he is just feeling like he has to much responsibilities and that panicked him!?! Honestly I have no idea but to honest I really do hope that all it is and he will come to his scenes.

Oh Karah i am so sorry. As you may know i have just gone through almost the same thing. But, all i can say is hold your head high and stay strong for yourself and the kids. And stay here to be honest with you the people here are what has got me though this. Please don't blame yourself you did nothing wrong. You are a wonderful person and you will make it just fine but you have to know that it was not you it was him and he will have to live with that. once again i am so sorry and if we can do anything just let us know. thank you honey you are all just so wonderful and sweet.


I am not sure when we will see him again.. but Mommie is here and she always will be. Thank you for that advice this is what I told him and I think he really did understand it I really do.

Guy I cannot tell you all how thankful I am to have you all in my life. Honestly word cannot say what you all mean to me and how mush your love and support means to me. Thank you for everything from the bottom of my heart.

A&A'smommy replied:

CantWait replied: I think everyone here has said it. I'm so sorry your dh has done this too you. What a jerk, sorry...Hugs to you. You can get through this Please don't leave the board because of this. That is why we're here, to talk and be there for eachother in times of need.

3xsthefun replied: I'm so sorry you are going through this, Hon We are here if you ever need to vent or talk.

MommyToAshley replied:
I think this is a very important thing for you to remember!!

What a cowardly and selfish thing to do! I agree with Cary too, it's really bizzare behavior. There has to be something going on. But, whatever it is, you talk about it and deal with it, you don't just abandon your family. If he's not happy, why didn't he even give a hint that something was wrong and try to work through it? Sometimes people can't work it out, and you have to move on... but there is no excuse for what he did! Especially to his children! What kind of man can just abandon his children?

Please don't leave or feel bad for venting, that's what we are here for. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Emeraldsmom replied: I am so so sorry to hear this. I can not even imagine. I don't really know what to say, I just wanted to say you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

luvbug00 replied: Kara,
For your little ones sake you need to vent. We want to be here for you and weather or not anyone is on we want you to type your fustrations so when we are on we can write and help you up. You are loved and You have a beautiful son who needs you and worships you. That little sweetpea needs you to be strong, She feels your pain. We just want to help doing what we can for you. Just let us know and we are here!!

jcc64 replied: Huh- that is a very strange, puzzling, and sad chain of events for you. I am very very sorry, Karah.
I can't help but think there must have been some clues somewhere in his behavior to indicate he wasn't happy. Or maybe he was trying to convince himself that he was, and just couldn't anymore. Off the top of my head, I'd guess either he just bucked under the responsibilities of fatherhood at a pretty young age. Or he's seeing someone else. Either way, it is in no way a reflection of your self worth, and while it's impossible not to take it personally, it's all about him. His lack of maturity, his lack of responsibility, his lack of empathy, his utter confusion about what he is and what he wants.
You hold your head up as best you can and understand that this crisis is bourne of his weakness, not yours. Treat yourself and that new little life inside you with love and care. Gather your resources- your friends, your family, circle the wagons, and gain strength from those who TRULY love you. In the meantime, we're here as always. Good luck.

MM'sMama replied: THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! I don't evne know what to say you all ahve made me feel so much better and have warmed my heart so much I don't know what I would do without you all

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I am so sorry, Karah. I am glad you said something instead of leaving. Hugs to you. That is truly bizarre behavior and he really needs to step back and see how much of a putz he is being. You and your adorable son deserve better. And I can't wait to see Kyrah. I am sure she will be gorgeous. You will be okay, and Brice will and does love you. You are a terrific mom and nothing is going to change that. Good luck to you and thanks for staying.

kimberley replied: i am so sorry hon. i agree it is strange behavior but maybe he is just overwhelmed with all the responsibilities that come with being a dad and husband. i went through the same thing with DH not long ago (who is 27yo!) and felt like *i* failed.. but i didn't. some men suffer in silence and then just blow one day. he was so overwhelmed by everything, and felt like he failed at everything, he just gave up and left. i was devastated. i had no idea what had been going on in his head for months because he doesn't talk. he needed to really see the value of this family because that single party guy life was appealing during our separation but at the end of the day, you got a hangover and emptiness. it took a while to sink in and there are still relapses but things have gotten better. i will pray for you and your family that things work out . we are always here for you!

coasterqueen replied: Karah. I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what to say. Please know that I'm thinking about you and your children and know that I am here for you anytime.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I can't believe he came out and just said that to you especially now you being pg with his 2nd child. I am actually so speechless right now I couldn't believe what I read. Just want to let you know I am here for you!!

elvisfan replied: OMGosh! I am so sorry he's being the biggest jerk. It worse than that but I can't think of a worse word right now. My ex did something similar but he wanted our son. I almost wish he would've left without wanting him. Hang in there.

Boys r us replied: OMG honey, I'm so sorry! I don't have any idea what to say! Except that honestly, it doesn't sound like you or the kids are hte problem, it sounds like he's in trouble of some sort, something has caused him to think that you and the kids are better off without him. Like he's done something to really be ashamed of and make him think he doesn't deserve ya'll.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!!!! Stay strong hun!

mom21kid2dogs replied: I was thinking the same way as Jeanne on this one! Many to you and your little ones. FWIW, I believe most states are like Ohio in that you simply don't get the "luxury" of financially walking away from your children so that should be a nice rude awakening for him. It will likely be his obligation to financially support his children until age 18 unless someone else adopts them (including a future step parent). Walking away isn't as easy as it once was.