Well.. I have a story..and it's a long one - And I am surprised at a lot in it

TANNER'S MOM wrote: Well, Tanner has a friend named Payton. They went to kindergarten together. Payton started out in a wheel chair, the braces and a walker. He would come and spend the night with us then.. At first I was kinda freaky and protective. But I got used to not worrying so much, and let him be a boy.

Well last year he had a major "miracle" surgery. And it worked well. He can walk unassisted. He goes to therapy to work on his muscle tone etc. BUT from where he was at when Tanner first met him it brings a tear to my eye. He has Cerabel Palsy.. CP dont know if I spelled that right or not. Well even though he can walk alot better and stuff. He still needs assistance like on rough ground and he falls alot.

We took him to a rodeo last night. He was suppose to come and see Tanner ride this weekend..BUT since he broke his arm ..we decided to take both boys to just watch. They were good and everything was fun for them.

Some boys were playing beside us and they joined. I kinda mentioned to be careful with the rough housing..sometimes Payton legs hurt. And Tanners arm is broke to everyone...And that went on great. They played nicely.

Then Tyler came. Tyler is one of best friends sons. He is ADD and he is a handful. I mention to him to be careful the same as the other. They played for along time. And then I looked over and I was in shock at what I saw.

Tanner who is the biggest boy.. He is as broad as he is tall now. Was chest up to Tyler in the "in your face" postition that grown mean get in. Letting him have it for something?? I don't know? First I was in shock to see this aggressiveness from Tanner. I mean he had Tyler cowarding to him. I didn't like that side of Tanner at all. I don't want him to be a big bully.

So, I go over and I say what is going on. Tanner has one tear down his check. He says Momma I am gonna beat Tyler up.. He wont stop making fun of Payton. SO then.. I hear that Tyler has been saying that Payton is a retard.. He can't even walk etc etc..

I guess Tanner told him that Payton was hurt? over and over until he lost it and it really hurt his feelings/ He said Payton just sat down and wouldnt saying thing.

Well I told Tyler, I am sorry but that is not nice. He has had to have surgurys and used to not be able to walk etc.. He said Sorry and walked off.

Now here is the delima..do I tell his Mother? How he acted? Or just let it go.

I think it was awful? ANd what about Tanner should I be proud or ashamed?

I am lost!

amymom replied: Oh Gosh I only have a minute then have to run.....


IMO
Yes, tell his mother, 'retard is a word not tolerated around here.
And Tanner, you should be awful proud. Awful proud....!!

Tanner is a good kid and he wouldn't fight for no reason. You can tell him that fighting is wrong but you know his heart was right and that you are proud of him.

(Sorry if some of this makes no sense I'm in a hurry)

But I had to respond.

A&A'smommy replied: I would tell him momma so she can explain to him why that was wrong!! Kids can be SO mean!!

As for Tanner what a WONDERFUL child!! You have done well!

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Tell his momma. She needs to know and also, she will probably get a somewhat skewed view of the standoff from her son. And you should be very proud of your son. It takes a huge heart and a lot of courage to stand up for a friend who is different. You have done a great job raising him. Congratulations, Mel.

kimberley replied: omg! i would definitely tell his mom so she can talk with him. What a wonderful boy you have raised defending his friend that way

party-of-six replied: At the risk of sounding like a broken record....
Yes, tell his mother. That behavior is disgusting and needs to be nipped in the bud.

As for your Tanner....You should be BEAMING with pride. It takes a LOT for a kid to stand up against other's in defense of a friend. You have a wonderful boy there.

boobies4virtue replied: Tell his mother and give your son a pat on the back. He didn't jump on the bandwagon. However I guess the responsible thing to would would be to remind him that he can't beat people up, come to you so you can handle it, etc...
Then give him a big slice of cake!
Good Job Tanner!

gr33n3y3z replied: Tanner did a great job and I feel he would never start a fight unless provoked and to me that seems a good reason. I would be very proud of your son for sticking up for his friend.

My2Beauties replied: You know what - you should be proud of Tanner. He stood up for his friend when his friend couldn't and didn't tolerate the nasty name calling coming out of that boy's mouth! I would also tell that boy's mom how he acted. She probably will be in shock, I wouldn't do it rudely but just let her know what you saw happen.

Mommy2BAK replied: I would definately tell that boy's mother! That was wrong,and mean amoung other things.

As for Tanner, he didn't actually fight, so I would say be proud of him, but you may want to get a man's view point on this, us women need to realize that men are quite different than us women when it comes to things like this. Let your DH handle it with Tanner.

jdkjd replied: Ditto everyone. I am incredibly impressed with your son defending someone that could defend himself.

I would commend his taking up for his friend and leave out the actual almost fighting. Let DH handle that.

And the mother of the other boy should know.

coasterqueen replied: I'm not sure how I would handle it. Tanner did a great job mom! As a mother I would like to know if my child was being mean like that because it means I didn't teach her properly, but sometimes kids just have to figure these things out on their own. But I would have probably wanted someone to tell me I guess.

3xsthefun replied: Yes, I would tell the boys mother. You should be very proud of Tanner, for standing up for his friend.

MomToMany replied: Double ditto what everyone has said. Tell the boy's mother; I know I would want to know if my kids said anything like that.

And be PROUD of Tanner. What a wonderful boy!! He didn't use his fists or any bad language, so he did a wonderful thing standing up for his friend .

luvbug00 replied: ITA with everyone. I lothe that word!! I think it is as evil as any other discrimitory word. I really wish people would stop using it so loosely!!

ps. Go Tanner to stand up for his friends!!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Thank you guys so much. I let DH handle it. And maybe he didn't handle it the way I would have said it. But he told Tanner that just fighting was WRONG..but every now and then there were a few things a MAN should fight for. His family and close Friends and God. He told Tanner that he was a step closer to being a good man, because he stood up for a cause.

I guess Randy told Tanner that he was proud of him for standing up to Tyler. And was glad it didn't come to blows.

Now on Monday I have to tell his Mom.. I will find a gentle but nice way to say it. I don't want to be the bad messenger.

Thanks guys. I know I am crazy. But I am just not used to seeing that aggresion from Tanner.

redchief replied: I don't think you have to worry about Tanner being a bully at all. His reaction to Tyler's hurtful words seems quite normal to me for someone with a caring, nurturing personality. I'd be proud of him. It obviously hurt him to have one friend place him in such an awkward and defensive position.

As far as telling Tyler's mom goes; I think it's not only proper, but necessary. Tyler seems to be the one doing the bullying. The word "retard" isn't acceptable, period. The fact that the young man was so callous and cruel has little to do with ADD. From your description of the "apology," it wasn't sincere. I'd definitely speak with his mother about this. I only hope the mother isn't where Tyler learned such behavior.

Again, WTG Tanner!