What Would You do? - Problem With Emily DH and I don't agree!

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: Here's the situation. We have to go grocery shopping and then we have an Open House at the School that our borders attend. Emily doesn't want to go grocery shopping or to the Open House tonight, I know what kid does want to go grocery shopping. Emily wants to stay home and watch a program on TV that comes on at 7:00. They only get an hour of TV and she watches this program everyday from 7-8. I don't drive so we all have to go, or I have to stay home with her. We arranged to go shopping as soon as DH gets home from work, so roughly 5:15. The plan was to go shopping and then take the kids to McDonalds for supper tonight as a treat, because they have to come grocery shopping. Emily still does not want to go, even with McDonalds for supper. So I said "FINE! We'll stay home!" The "WE" being Emily and I. So I told her that she wasn't getting McDonalds for supper, she said that was fine. Now DH is saying that I should make her come with us and if she doesn't come and we stay home she doesn't get to watch the TV program. I think this is a little harsh and I understand why she doesn't want to go, she hates shopping and she doesn't want to miss her TV program. Emily thinks we shoud ask my mom to babysit for us (she has cable, so she could watch the show at her house), I don't want to rely on my mom, because I don't think we need a babysitter so we can go grocery shopping. I'm really not upset with Emily, more so at DH right now. So What would you do?

Josie83 replied: Is it a big deal for you to stay at home with her, or would that mean you or the other kids missing out? Is there anyway that you could tape the show for her? I really don't know what you could do, although I don't think the idea of your mum babysitting is a bad one? xx

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
No it's really not a big deal for me to stay home with her. This just means that Emily and I don't get McDonalds for supper. I don't like the idea of having my mom babysit because she already babysits for us every Thursday after school, because the class I'm taking doesn't end until 4:00.

MomofJandB replied: I didn't vote because I don't know how Emily would behave if you made her come. I feel with my kids that they have to learn to do things that they don't want to because it's necessary in life. If it were my kids, I would make them come. I've done that before and sometimes they behave fine, other times they've made me miserable. I would have consequences if she gets to stay home. Good luck!

Boys r us replied: Hmm, I honestly don't see what all the fuss is about!
She's a kid!!

If you would rather go help DH with the show, I also don't see it as imposing on your mom for her grandchild to come spend a couple of hours with her! She would probably be more than happy to have her over! Have Emily call her and ask!

ctymom replied: If you can tape the show, that could be an option. Then she can come with you and not miss her show. And unless you have issues with your mom... I wouldnt think she would mind watching her. Whether it's for shopping or not.

Good luck
Pamela

kimberley replied: honestly, i wouldn't force her to come. Jacob is like this too sometimes and i only make him come if i have no other choice. if there is an alternative... i won't.

i remember as far back as i can, being dragged to the malls every saturday with my mom and grandma. i hated it and they didn't care how i felt. especially around 8-9yo when you start to seek some independence, it really hurt that they continually discounted my feelings about everything! that was also the age i told my mom what she could do with the 5 million pairs of coruroy pants she bought me (even matching ones too hers ). i think it is important to validate your daughter's feelings and let her win once in a while. her request is not unreasonable and you want a happy family, not a dictatorship. just my

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Thanks everyone. I'm still torn on this. I just don't think any kids should be forced to do something.

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
Thanks Kimberley, I know the feeling. I just wrote my DH an email telling him pretty much the same thing you just wrote. I hated shopping when I was a kid and I always HAD to go. I just didn't understand my mothers logic, she would let us stay home in the evening until 1 or 2 in the morning with my sister only a year older than us, but we couldn't stay home in the afternoon with her. I know Emily won't be happy if she has to come shopping with us. I told her I understood how she felt and that I understood why she didn't want to come and that even though I was not happy with that I would stay home with her. I mean she's giving up McDonalds, which I was really surprised about. So she obvioulsy feels strongly about this.

coasterqueen replied: I don't know because I have mixed feelings about this. For one I do agree kids shouldn't be forced to do things they don't want...but aren't we all? I don't want to do the dishes but I have to. Yes you could stay home but you are the parent and if you don't want to then she needs to understand she has to go. If you go with the argument that they shouldn't be forced to do things that's just saying well they shouldn't be forced to take out the garbage or do their homework etc. I see it as the same thing. It sends mixed signals to your DH as well as to your child.

I don't particularly like to make Kylie pick up her toys or go to bed when she doesn't want to but sometimes there are things they have to learn that they have to do. I know it may seem different because this is a different situation but it still sends the same signals IMO.

You can take my advice for what it's worth..I'm just learning to be a parent .

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I have to agree with Karen, here. She is still the child and you are the adult. Shopping or not she needs to go with you b/c it is causing a dilemma and coming between you and your DH. Your DH should come first (seeming it is a reasonable situation). If he wants you both to go shopping then you both need to go.

ediep replied: I don't really know, but I am leaning towards agreeing with Kimberely on this matter. If it were a really important outing, like a doctor appointment, then I would force her to go, but food shopping isn't worth the arguement. She is in school all day right?...I think she needs her own down time after school.