What do we teach our children about - acting towards others?

coasterqueen wrote: Do you teach your children to ignore those who may say mean things to you or things that offend you or do you teach them to respond to those who may hurt their feelings?

I'm really curious. Most times if someone says something that offends me I'll walk away and ignore them. Sometimes it hits my button and I respond. BUT I always try to teach my children not to respond to people who offend them or that they do not agree with.

What is your response to your children? And do you act what you teach to them?

Crystalina replied: I guess I'll be the first.


I teach them to ignore but to stand up for what they believe. Do not beat it to death but say what you have to. Do not follow an argument. Mine are only 4 and 6 so...

I try to live by the same rules.

::ETA::
Ok I lie. Sometimes I know that I should shut up but I don't.

luvbug00 replied: Honestly i never really thought to "teach" her how to react. i dunno why but it never crossed my mind. i just let her react the way she does naturally. Mya is an ignorer. She will overall just let it roll off her shoulders. we are both pretty passive agressive unless truely threatened.

coasterqueen replied:
This might actually be a good thing to do. I often ponder this because Dh says I let things get to me and I need to let things just "roll off my shoulders" and go on -- don't let people get to you. I am trying to teach my girls that, but at the same time I am still trying to teach myself to do that. It's funny how sometimes we end up learning alongside our children.

lovemy2 replied: Hmmm - Olivia is starting kindergarten in a week - I will get back to you in about say 6 years when this is really an issue

ETA - Olivia doesn't really believe in much at this point in her life other than the fact that dessert should ALWAYS come before dinner is served

Now all this being said - I like you Tara (I am editing this after reading her response) try to teach Olivia respect at this point in her life - and if she is a wuss because of it so be it...she will at least be a nice wuss

PrairieMom replied: Ben is only 4 so I haven't really had to deal with this to much yet.

When it comes to behavior when we see another child misbehaving I try to use it as a learning situation. Like, I will say "see how that boy is screaming? I'm glad you don't behave like that" Or in a restraunt when children are running around, and he isn't I will say " I really like how you sit at the table nicely" when he asks why he has to follow rules that other children don't have to follow, I explain that different families have different rules, and this is the rule that your family has.

As far as how to treat /react to other people we try to enforce the golden rule.

When a child won't share with him I try to explain that sharing is something that is hard to learn and that it takes pratice, and that child just needs more pratice at it, and he needs to try to be patient.

OMG, maybe I am raising my child to be a total wuss.

Mommy2BAK replied: ya, I can't say Blakley has been faced with this issue yet. The only time she is really around other kids is at church, and I don't think they would chastize her about her beliefs there. Otherwise, I will teach her to ALWAYS stand up for what she believes strongly in... but on the other hand, there are some people out there that there may just be no getting through to, and in that case, move along.

coasterqueen replied: Well I'm not necessarily talking just about beliefs here.

Kylie has encountered this several times and already in school and she just started last Thursday.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Ditto, all the way! LOL!

I don't want to teach Tanner (or Aiden) to be a punching bag, but I don't want to teach him to be a bully either. I want him to feel comfortable in standing up for his beliefs and himself, but I also want him to learn to pick his battles. Same goes for Aiden...but he doesn't even talk yet!

mom21kid2dogs replied: I generally tell Olivia that she should use her words to express her feelings but not debate it/fight about it. In other words, say her peace and then walk away from it. It's pretty much been modeled for her as that is how I generally deal with meanness.

luvbug00 replied:

this is the method lars wants to use with our kids and i believe was used on him. and he is far from wussy.

I personally though would let the kids duke it out for a toy. some things i think they should figure out alone.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
I seriously hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you'll likely be dealing with it in the next 6 weeks. Shocking, she'll likely have to deal with someone mean before she gets out of Kindy.

PrairieMom replied:
I agree, but Benjamin doesn't duke. He is a total door mat and will let anyone and everyone walk all over him. he just stands back and looks at the kid like" why are you being such a jerk? "

He has a lot to learn when it comes to people skills.

lovemy2 replied:
Sometimes its the nice kids who get the last word though and I acutally think he is pretty smart - he stands back and realizes the kid is being a jerk and instead of acting like one himself by getting involved in the behavior he moves on

lovemy2 replied:
Yes - you are right - she will encounter some mean kids in school but I don't see (and who am I cause this is my first kindergartener) where she will really run into many situations where she has to debate about her beliefs so to speak KWIM? Maybe I am taking the word beliefs too literally? Behaviors - yes I think she will have to stick up for behavior she has learned to be right but beliefs - hmmm - I would love to be there though if the snack table topic turns to how they feel about the war in Iraq

PrairieMom replied:
true. It doesn't work for him a lot of times too tho. Like the other day at his first soccer game. He kicked the ball, a kid from the other team took it, then Benjamin just sat there on the field, (literally in the middle of the field) while the other kids played. The coach finally had to go over to him and walk him over to us. He wouldn't play the rest of the game after that.

lovemy2 replied:
Gotta love that little boy - he will make some woman a very wonderful husband

Calimama replied:
LOL One time DH and I were talking about the Iraqi war and my nephew said, " yeah well where's that oil buddy!".

PrairieMom replied:
yeeaaahhh... he's something else.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Sorry. I understood the original poster as asking about dealing with mean people~thus my comments. My bad. (see~ this is why I don't do debates!)

lovemy2 replied:
Could be my bad too - I think I may have lost track of the original topic as well - no debate intended my dear

Oh and can you do me a favor and let me know what other shockers I am in for with this whole kindergarten thing cause as of right now I can't even get past the issue of putting her on a bus - haven't even thought ahead to what may happen in the classroom I mean are there really mean kids in kindergarten

PrairieMom replied: I guess I didn't really answer the question as it was asked either, BUT Ben at the age of 4 doens't really have people attacking his beliefs or way of life yet. The worst thing he comes across so far is that big kid that won't share.

When the time comes I will try to teach my children tollerance and understanding, and that you don't have to agree with the way other people live their lives, just to live his the best way he can.

luvbug00 replied:

yes! and they have just about as much mercy as a cheetah has for a zebra. Mya incountered some. That's life and she could either have walked over or stand up for herself. She stood up for herself. (verbaly). i'm not advocating child violance but i do feel that if somone is cruel to mya in any situation and if she feels her person is being threatend i will not punish her if she thows a fist. Reardless if she is 4 and trying to get a toy or 16 just being bullied in the hallways.

lovemy2 replied:
With you 100% on that - and I was kidding - I know there are mean kids in kindergarten - I just hope they aren't mean to Olivia

Kaitlin'smom replied: the main thing I teach Kaitlin is to treat others as she wants to be treated and if some one is mean walk away they could be just having a bad day (or at there age just tired and need a nap), if they continue to be mean simply ask them why. So far not to many have been mean to her but I know as she grows up we will unfortunally encouter this, so we will keep talking about and work though it as it gets harder.

coasterqueen replied: FYI - my post is not just about beliefs, it's in the general-ist terms. If I stated it was about beliefs - my bad.

luvmykids replied:
It's hard for me to answer only because it varies....if it's a mean kid, ignore. If it's a friend who is being mean, tell them they're hurting your feelings. If it's something truly offensive, which I can't think of at their age, I plan on them having the skills to stand up for themselves and learn from it. As they get older, if they get made fun of for their beliefs/morals, I hope they're equipped and confidant in their beliefs/morals to take their stand graciously.

holley79 replied: We have always taught Brandon not to respond. Now that he's an adult it's totally up to him. We will do the same with Annika. For the most part I walk away but there are sometimes when a button is pushed and my redhead temper gets the best of me. Normally it is someone who has been pushing that button for a good while then I happen to snap. For the most part I'm generally laid back.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Oh Karen.

I'm just shaking my head and laughing out loud.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I know what you are getting at Karen. But to answer your question, since you asked it- I am trying to raise my girls to let the little things go. To ignore those insignificant nuisances that come from people's mouth or actions. There are far better things to be concerned with in life, than if say Kellie (our youngest) disagreed with Christian (the drama queen). She gets upset over the little things and will take offense to it. I myself, ignore things more often than not. Unless you catch me in a raw but bad mood I usually ignore and let things be. I have little time for ignorance with others actions or their words.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I will bite too

We teach Taylor right now to speak how she would like to be spoken to,to share, to try and understand that as much as you want to you won't be everyone's friend, because sadly, there are some people out there (and yes even kids) that aren't kind or that will not be a good friend to you in return....Those kind of people are not who you want around anyway. As she matures we will teach her to stand up for her beliefs. To hold her head up even when she is called out, to know what she believes and NEVER to be afraid to speak up for it. I think the best advice I will give her when she is old enough to understand it is the same thing that my parents and Grandparents told me...Don't cast your pearls before swine,lest they trample them under their feet and turn again and rend you.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
I wasn't even old enough to understand it...I had to look up what rend meant.

coasterqueen replied:
Me either.