What do you feel? - *death mentioned*

sparkys2boys wrote: First off.. NO DEBATES PLEASE

I am wondering how you feel on open as opposed to a closed casket wake if the person was in an accident?
I ask because as I posted the other day a co-worker of dh was killed on his way to work in an car accident, we have found out he was killed instantly and it was BAD...

Dh went to the wake today and came out kinda shook up, the casket was open and it was not very nice I guess.. you could see stiches etc(TMI, I am sorry) and he said there is NO WAY that it should have been open. I can't imagine the family wanting to see that or the funeral home allowing it. What do you think, is it normally closed and how do you feel about seeing stuff like that if it was open?

I would personally want it closed if it was me or a loved one, I would not want to see reminders of what the person went through.. kwim I would rather make peace with the person I had always knew and not think about all the what if's.

Sorry it's a very morbid topic but it has bothered me all day and I know it upset dh more then he is letting on.

mckayleesmom replied: I think it would have been nice if they would have at least warned people.

Jackie012007 replied: well... I had a friend in school who was in a really bad car accident because he was driving drunk. Luckily, no one else was involved, but he died. The mother had an open casket and didn't let them put any makeup on him or anything - she said her reasoning was, she wanted to use this tragedy as a wake up call for other teens who drive drunk or who may drive drunk in the future.

I really admired her for that - and let me tell you, seeing him will stick in my head FOREVER.

I dunno if I would necessarily do it, but I guess some people like the open casket as a way to say goodbye to their loved ones.

A&A'smommy replied:
I think that is a VERY good idea but that is a totally different situation...

about a year and half ago a friend of mine died in a car accident on the way to work he was also killed instantly but his car burned and so did he so needless to say it was a closed casket.. I think it depends on the situation but it would be nice for those supporting the family to keep it a closed casket.

TrulyBlessed replied: Well, one of the family members usually views the body before they open the doors for the viewing. I'm thinking this was the family's wishes for the casket to be open. I approved an open casket for my dad, but he had a heart attack. If it were a car accident and he looked bad, then I would've wanted it closed. I wouldn't want that to be my last memory of him. My mom is refusing to have a funeral all together because she doesn't want us remembering her that way.

gr33n3y3z replied:
What one wants and what another one wants is two diffrent things
I guess when it comes to their Child and loved ones they get what they want reguardless of looks and how others would feel.

As for the funeral home they do what the customer wants thats their job reguardless of what their feelings could be on this issue

I've seen many ppl. many ways and nothing is worse then seeing a child

BAC'sMom replied: I am NOT a fan of an open casket EVER!

jcc64 replied: Not a big fan of the open casket, but it seems to be the norm more than the exception with the various funerals I've attended. My family's Catholic- I think it's pretty standard practice for Catholics, though we had a closed casket for my dad, as per his wishes.

lovemy2 replied: I have been to two funerals for children - neither was open - young small children - one being 5 and one being 8 mos. I am not sure if I could have gone if they weren't closed to be honest -

I think closed caskets in those situations are best with lots of pictures of the person as they should look - happy and enjoying life - but I have learned over the years that grief carries many faces and no one is to judge another on how they deal with it (not that you were - I am not implying that)

TrulyBlessed replied: I have to admit I took pictures of my dad in his casket. I really don't know why. This is something my family did in the past, so I just did it also.

kimberley replied: personally, i prefer closed casket with a photo on top. i have been to enough funerals to know i do not want people's last image of me to be a painted corpse.. but rather the person i was.. full of life. i am sorry ur husband was shook up.

msoulz replied:
ITA

luvmykids replied:
ITA

Crystalina replied: All funerals I've attended have been open caskets so that's all I have to go on. I would think whatever the family wants. If I know the person was in a horrible accident and I walk in and see an open casket from a distance then I would have to make up my own mind whether I venture further in or just pay my respects from where I stand.

redchief replied: Funerals, at least to my way of thinking, are for helping the families be at peace with their losses. I've been to many (way too many) of both open and closed viewings. My gauge of whether or not either choice is right has always been each family's demeanor afterward. I can't really recall any family not finding at least some healing in what they chose.

Should people not have an open casket when there's visible facial damage? My choice would have been closed casket, but it's not really about what is right for me if the decedent is not a member of my family.

My2Beauties replied: This is so weird because I attended the wake (viewing) last night for our friend that died in a car accident last Thursday and they had her casket opened as well. My husband and I were a little baffled about it as well because she looked pretty bad. I mean for what they had to work with they did an ok job of making her look presentable but you could tell she suffered tons of injuries. She was very swollen, her hands were bruised up very badly so she had tons of make-up on, they literally stitched limbs back on, her arm being one of them. They had a veil over her casket hanging from the top of the open part down to the bottom of the floor so no one could touch her, I don't know the reasoning behind that neither. Someone said it was because she was bruising easily and I didn't think that made sense because they had to embalm her I would think and a corpse can't bruise right without blood right??? Then someone else said they can't embalm someone if they lost a limb or were cut severely anywhere??? Don't know, but anyways, I, personally would not have had it opened. My dad's final wishes are to have a closed casket because he said regardless of how he goes, corpses do not look the same even if they went of natural causes and he doesn't want everyone's last memory of him to look that way. I have never really seen a corpse look natural and I've seen my fair share lately. I saw a few that looked at peace maybe but still not necessarily natural. The more and more I attend them I'm opting to probably have mine closed. I can also see though how a family would want to "see" their loved one one last time to sort of say goodbye but that picture would be in my mind forever. I'd respect their wishes regardless if it was ever brought up and I knew what they wanted. I guess I'm on the fence about people dying of natural causes or who aren't banged up being open or closed, but in the case of someone who was in a terrible accident, I honestly think they need to be closed.

DillsMommy replied: This is a tough question and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. When my grandpa passed away a few weeks ago, he had an open casket. I'm not sure if it was his wishes or not. My dad insisted that I go up to the casket, to say my final good-bye's. It's not that I didn't want to but I had a very, VERY hard time doing so. He looked at peace, but he just didn't look like grandpa as I remember him. It took me a couple hours to finally go up to the casket, but I think if it was closed--with a picture on top or something, it would have been a lot easier to do.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: We went to a funeral last year, dh's godmother... she had an embolism and drowned in her hot tub. Suffice it to say she was discolored and bloated... and the casket was open. I mean they did a good job with the makeup and stuff... but still. Not a pretty picture.

As gruesome as it is, I do think it serves a good example of what could happen though. Anytime, to anyone.