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What do you guys think - Serious question!


My2Beauties wrote: OK so the other day we're sitting at DF's grandma's talking to his aunt and grandma and cousin. Well they started talking about when we have another kid and immediately I said I don't think I want anymore children, I'm satisfied with just Hanna and DSD Desiree. Then they broke in saying that Hanna will be lonely because Desiree is so much older and she won't have anyone to play with and she has to have a playmate!!! Do I sound selfish? I mean I was an only child and my parents always let my friends come over (like all the time) and I never felt lonely, I guess having a bro or sis would have been ok with me but I liked the attention I received as an only child however now I can't stand to be by myself and I think that is a result of being an only child but it's not a bad thing because I can always be around people. I mean if I were to have another child I would love it all the same and would be happy and blessed, however, right at this moment I just do not think I want anymore children because having Hanna wears me out and then when DSD stays with us I'm really wore out!! I flip flop back and forth sometimes because Brian wants to try for a boy. TO be perfectly honest I just didn't like being pg, I was very uncomfortable my last trimester (I had an easy pg and labor but just very uncomfortable feeling) and then Hanna has had so many ear infections and been sick that I just don't know if I could handle another one while Hanna was still small, like a toddler!! What do you guys think about only children? Am I selfish for wanting Hanna to be an only child (only biological child of me and DF that would be by herself a lot of the time since DSD doesn't live with us)? They said the age gap between DSD and Hanna (8 yrs) is too much and Hanna can't play with her which in a sense is true!

A&A'smommy replied: NO you are NOT being selfish there is NOTHING wrong with being and "only" child she will always have her big sister too look up to when she needs her and if you don't want another that is TOTALLY YOUR decision.

My2Beauties replied: bump.gif

kimberley replied: you are not selfish at all. everyone has their limitations and if you feel you don't want another one right now, that is perfectly alright. don't let anyone else make you feel bad about your decision because it is YOUR decision!

i have a half brother who is 5mos older than me and a sister who is 8 yrs younger, yet i grew up (except for my sis' first 4yrs) as an only child. my parents split up when i was 12yo and i went with my dad and my sis stayed with my mom and my bro was always with his mom. i don't remember feeling lonely because i always had friends to play with. actually, as an adult, i am still not close to my siblings because we are so vastly different. sometimes having more kids can be "damaging" as opposed to healthy imo. depends on the situation. go with your heart and you will be doing what is right for you. thumb.gif

jcc64 replied: Hanna is still so young, I can't imagine considering another child so soon. I don't know how old you are, but I would table the decision for awhile. You may feel differently over time. I spread my kids out over 10 years. There are many benefits to siblings, and I can see why people get so passionate about them, but you need to do what's right for you. There may come a day when Hanna is in school, or not needing you so much, and you might change your mind. Or maybe you never will, and she will get all your attention to herself.
Hopefully, the right thing to do will become obvious to you over time. In the meantime, just smile and nod your head at the relatives.

ediep replied: It is completely your decision...I get annoyed when poeple pressure me saying "Jason wants a little sister". Whatever! I was a nervous wreck when I was pregnant and I also had a terrible labor. To top of that seemingly endless labor, Jason was admitted into the hospital (special care nursery) at birth and wasn't sent home with usdue to an infection. So, my first few weeks were not fun. I am absolutely not ready to do that again. I thinkm maybe next year or so I may feel differently, but for right now I just want Jason.

mama3x replied: As an only child myself, I don't think it's unreasonable or selfish for you to only want one child. I also don't think it's unreasonable for others to think you should have another HOWEVER they should not push their feelings on you. Maybe say it once and leave it.

When I was growing up, I was often lonely but the only reason I wished for a brother or sister was so that I wouldn't get blamed for everything! I had cousins and some friends but I was kind of a loner by nature anyway. I grew into being social in high school.

You do what you feel is best. Maybe in the future you may change your mind or maybe you won't! Stick to your ideals!

kit_kats_mom replied: That stinks that people are trying to push their opinions on you.

I was an only child and I think I turned out well. tongue.gif I had a step brother for about 3 years and was miserable. That may be due to the fact that we were brought together as a family when I was 10 & he was 9 but we never got along.

My DH and I really flip flopped on the decision to have another. We are both onlies and I think that the one big reason that we decided to try for another is that poor Katherine has no aunts, uncles, cousins etc. I have a large family on my moms side and I love all of the cousins. The only thing that I put my foot down on was that I wanted the babies to be no where more than 3 years apart. First because I've read that 2-3 years is ideal for sibling relationships and secondly because of my age. I didn't want to be pregnant after 35, just my personal choice. I know that the next few years will be rough with two young children but having them closer also means that they will both be out of the house within two years of each other...hopefully LOL

You are totally within your limits on your decision though. There is a lot to be said for only having one. Also, I believe that I read somewhere recently that most families are stopping at one because they can pay for better schools etc.

My2Beauties replied: Thank you gusy for your advice, I don't feel like I am being selfish now. This is something that myself and DF need to sit down and seriously talk about, I know he wants a boy really bad, because he has two girls, but I have to tell there is always that chance another one of us women will come into your life tongue.gif !! I'm not completely opposed to the idea of having 2 children, I guess it's just that Hanna is only 10 1/2 months old and their already talking about more babies, between working full-time, going to school 3 nights a week and trying to take care of a baby, I'm pooped blink.gif So, maybe that is why the idea seems crazy to me right now! I only get baby fever when Hanna is gone but while I have her, I think no more!!! So, who knows, maybe as she gets older I'll change my mind, but for now I'll stick to my guns and not feel so selfish! Thanks guys! smile.gif

Boys r us replied: No, I don't think you're being selfish. I think it's wise to try and figure these things out though b/f you get married. I have a friend who got married to a man who LOVES kids and they always had an understanding that they would have kids...just not right away. Well, now my friend has decided she doesn't want kids at all. In my opinion this is very selfish and unfair of her..b/c he married her with the understanding and agreement that they would have children. So, perhaps this is something you and Brian should talk about in depth before you actually get married.

coasterqueen replied: I don't think you are being selfish. You need to decide if and when it is right for you..no one else should.

I personally have heard too many of my friends and family that are only children say how much they hated being an only child, though and swore they would never have just one, though. And many of their parents let them have friends over all the time, etc. I think it depends on the child whether they didn't mind growing up an only child.

I did and still think my parents were selfish, though, having my sister and I 6 years apart. My sister and I only got along when we were very little...otherwise we are basically strangers. We don't get along and quite frankly we don't even "get" each other at all. We are family though so we will always be there for each other. But I despise how my parents think we should get along when we don't even have ANYTHING in common. I mean I was out of the house before she even was in junior high.

I always thought a part of my life was missing not having a sibling closer to my age. I look at my DH who has a sister who is 3 years older than him and they were inseperable. They aren't so close right now but that's because of some choices she made he didn't like. He has younger siblings, one who is 22, 20 and another one who is 20 so they are anywhere between 10 and 8 years in differences of age between them. He is NOT close to them at all and feels like they are strangers to him. He is embarassed to even talk to them, it's weird.

So DH and I strongly agree that although we would have been just as happy with one child that we feel like we should give Kylie at least one sibling close to her age to play with. We are scared to death and don't know how in the world we will handle two especially with one of them for sure being a spirited child but parenting isn't hard so we never expected it would be easy with two.

This is just my perspective, but it's not my place to say you are being selfish because we all think differently about this subject. Based on things in my life and my DH's life we feel it is selfish for us to do that and we know we will give our second child just as much love as we do for Kylie.

Don't let anyone make your decision for you though. wink.gif

coasterqueen replied:
I TOTALLY agree with Nichole on this. I have a friend right now who has wanted a child for several years now and her DH doesn't. Apparently they didn't discuss this before hand. She's not on birth control and for the life of her she can't figure out why she isn't pg. My DH found out from her DH that he "pulls out" before she knows (which I still don't understand HOW you wouldn't know, but oh well) so that's why she isn't getting pg.

They've seperated and gotten back together so many times it's pathetic..and they love each other so much..it's just this one issue. In my gut I know they will be divorced soon. sad.gif

redchief replied: I think the first person that you have to make happy is you. If you cave in to pressure from others to have another child you may find it diffiult to show that child all the love and attention he or she might need. On the other hand your reason for not becoming "pg" again seems a little ambiguous. I'm a guy so I obviously have no idea what it's like to be pregnant, but my wife, though uncomfortable during her last trimester with all of our children, felt generally well and looked great. I'm just wondering if there are other reasons you are uncomfortable with the idea of another child at this point in your life.

We have four kids and our last (Kaitlin) is five years younger than her older sister. The other three are 2 years apart each. They're all teenagers now and Kaitlin has turned out to be the "quiet" one. She likes being alone and reading books. She doesn't have as many friends as her elder siblings, but her friendships are carefully nurtured. Kaitlin also rarely involves herself in her elder siblings spats (which can be quite colorful, if not all that common).

Long and short of it is, Kaitlin being so much younger than the others behaves much more like an "only" than the others. It has had an effect on her outlook on life, but I wouldn't call it either positive or negative. She just is who she is. I don't think that being an "only child" is all bad. As long as she has plenty of opportunity to interact with other kids, and she has a solid set of morals and boundries, she'll do fine with or without siblings.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I dont think your being selfish at all, its your life and you have to be comfortable with your choises. I to have people asking when I am having another and I tell them I am not, and I have had to repet myself to many people its frustrating. DH is an only child, I have 2 sisters, and to look at both sides I see reasons to have another and reasons not to. I may change my mind in a few years but I dought it. I love kaitlin and really want to focus on her and give her things that I never had the chance to have or do. DH and I agree if we dont feel we can afford another than we stop, he has had the bug to have another which it totaly weird to me, for many reasons. I am not locking the idea away just closing the door for now.

You have to do whats right for you and DF, I would deffinalty talk about it before marriage, so your both on the same page.

ediep replied: I just wanted to add......

My siblings are spaced 3, 4, and 5 and years apart. My oldest sister is 13 yeears older than my youngest sister. My youngest sister is 5 years younger than me. We are all best friends!!! I don't think that an age difference matters at all when it comes to siblings. My brother and I are the middle two. He is 4 years older than me and we aren't that close. In my opinion, it is just personality that makes siblings get along not age

Josie83 replied: No you're not being selfish, its completely up to you how many children you have! I'm not sure if Jason and I are going to have any more, definitely not in the near future anyway, and I am often getting comments about "when the next one's going to be" and "Cassi'es going to be spoiled etc." I know its not the same but Cassie spends a lot of time with her cousins who are around the same age and it won't be long before she starts nursery, I'm sure she will be just fine. Grr! You do what you want!! x


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