What do you think....

MyLuvBugs wrote: So....My SIL said this to me a couple months ago, and I'd like to know what you think of this statement:

"We're going to wait until we're financially ready before we start having kids."


I guess it's b/c I'm preggos that I've been thinking about this statement a lot lately. Does the above statement bother any of you? It makes me feel like she's taking pregnancy for granted. And it's not just her. Others have said this to me before, but it makes mefeel like they think having a child will follow THIER time table. And that getting pregnant will be a piece of cake.....I don't now what I'm trying to say......

luvmykids replied: I've heard a lot of people say things like that, I think partly they're worried about providing X,Y and Z, and partly "baby planning" is a trend where people want to have certain things in certain order (marriage, career, kids). None of ours were planned and at times I do wish we'd "planned" them, we would have liked more newlywed alone time, but I'm pretty much a go with the flow girl so it doesn't really bother me.

Depending on your relationship with your SIL, can you ask her what she meant by that? Are you feeling like it was directed at you, like she thinks you aren't financially ok?

Family dynamics can be very strange!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I've heard this a lot, too. And, my husband is famous for saying it. I told him that if we wait til we are financially ready to have kids that we will never have them. We would always find something to spend our money on, kwim? I'm glad he listened to me.

Of course we WERE financially stable in that we were/are able to provide for our children without government assistance. I realize not everyone has that luxury and I'm glad government assistance is available to those who need it. If your SIL is in limbo for this reason I think she is wise to make that choice. JMHO

MyLuvBugs replied:
Well, it's an interesting relationship. I didn't type the quote exactly the way she said it. The second "WE" was VERY much emphasized. So, I know it was directed at me and my DH. My DH's side of the family is fairly well off, and his sister has become quite the snob b/c of it.

Neither of our kids have come according to a schedule. In fact, I was told that I probably wouldn't be able to have kids ever. So, when we got PG with Lorelei without really trying, it was a miracle to me. She's such a blessing, and Like you...I do wish we'd had a little more newlywed time, but I wouldn't change things.

I guess....I've always been taught that babies will come when they want to, and it's in God's hands as to when and where we have babies. KWIM?

MyLuvBugs replied:
Nope. She and her finance have good well paying jobs. In fact they just bought a house, so that they will have one when they get married in March. And DH and I aren't in poverty ourselves. Money is tight sometimes, but we make ends meet and have EXCELLENT credit. But she looks down on us for some reason.

I'm really not sure why she said that comment. I totally agree with you. By the time your "Financially ready" you're retired and too old to have kids. Gotta have'em when you can.

A&A'smommy replied: Um well Alyssa was conceived when I was 17, had no job my husband (fiancee at the time) was working part time and was a full time student and living with his parents so yeah it wasn't the perfect timing for us and certantly wasn't planned. I hope that next time I get pregnant that it wont be a "surprised" and that we will be able to afford it... i'm not sure if that comment would offend me or not.. maybe depends on the way it was said...

Our Lil' Family replied: For us "financially ready" meant that we were able to live on my DH's income only so that I could stay home with the baby.....do you think she meant it that way?

C&K*s Mommie replied: I fully agree with that now. But years ago when I had no clue, I would say things like that. My plan growing up was to graduate college at 22, get married at 25, and have kids by 27. Got the kids here at the age of 27, will graduate college next yr at the age of 29, and I was married at the age of 24. I think people say that not really knowing what it all means.

CosmetologyMommy replied: Maybe she is a little jealous.....That is how I interpret it.

PrairieMom replied: We are big time planners. i wanted to make sure that I was ready for children before I had them, which means that if I wanted to be a SAHM, I had the means to do it. I also understand that some things are out of my hands, and that it could take years to get prego, but I was ready before we started trying and I just ended up lucky. Children are a big deal and can totally change your life. I personally have a hard time "just letting things happen " . but thats just me.

MyLuvBugs replied: I totally agree with you Nicole. I think people say things like that when they have no clue about it. I too had a plan like yours, but things don't always go to our plan or specifications. KWIM? But I wouldn't change things. I'm sure none of you would either.

Also, I didn't mean before that one should "just let it happen" whenever. But more that there isn't a perfect time to have a kid.

I guess I got the feeling from the statement that the person saying it assumes they will get PG on their schedule and there won't be any problems, and that to me is a very niave and presumptious way of looking at it. The percentages of actually getting pregnant and then staying pregnant are a lot slimmer than you'd think. Pregnancy is complicated and conception is almost impossible. Yet it happens. That's the miracle to me.

I guess the best example is: Both my DH's parents and my parents were married in November of 1971 (a week apart very scary). They both have toldus that they waited 18 months before starting to try for a baby. After 6 years of trying they both finally got PG. Things don't always work out the way we plan, and the statement to me.....well, I guess is comes across as presumptious. I think that's the right word for it.

coasterqueen replied:
ITA!

coasterqueen replied:
maybe for her in her family they get pregnant easily? I know everyone in Dh's family are that way. Dh and his father, both, they look at you, you get pregnant. Same in my family.

I don't know, I'm just being silly now.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think I understand what you're saying Erika. My best friend says things like this all the time and although it doesn't offend me, it does make me wonder, so I do kwym. She's been using the "we plan on having kids in five years" for years now and sometimes I just want to say "what are you waiting for? Having children is GREAT!" But truthfully, if my friend feels she isn't ready, than I think she's better off waiting then. I too said things like that all the time before having kids. I am such a planner myself and a lot of it just came from being downright scared. Now I know better, but I didn't get it until I had my first child. We all have a vision of what our lives will be like when starting a family. I think maybe that's all your SIL was saying, but sorry if it seems like she's directing it towards you. I personally wouldn't ask her what she meant. SIL's will say silly things all the time!